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n * X A juveiMi — I STING- 'WHT.3RE X LIGHT—X LIGHT OFTEN. VOLUME II. ATHENS, GA., JUNE 21, 1893. NUMBER I. THE BUMBLE-BEE'S GREETING I am Here at last, kiad friend, as you see, And my name, you must knov , Is The Bumble- Bee; I do not come of .en, and, indeed, I may say I come very seldom and on Commencement Day. The last time I came was four years ago, Since when the faculty have terrified so The classes that they’ve been afraid to make known The wrongs and Injustices which they have borne. If you read all the articles which this rhyme precedes, You’ll find quite an assortment of unwarranted deeds, Committed by members of that august crowd, With qualities here under mentioned endowed. As for Boggs, he's a tyrant of so frightful a mein, As to be hated need3 but to be seen; But seen too oft, familiar with his powers, A student first endures, then fears, then before him cowers. But when at last from his powers the student files, And fears no longer to brave the tyrant's eyes, He exposes unhesitatingly the hypocritical ■ nature ^ Of this the bootllck of the Georgia legislature. isp,mathema't!clan of wisdom so pro found, That his equal on earth here can scarcely be found, But In his head this wisdom’s so tightly com pressed That it’s solidified and can’t be expressed. At least that’s the reason the students ascribe For the fact that they cannot his wisdom imbibe, For. try as he will, old Dave don’t succeed In teaching the students the math that they need. Some say that Dave has a deep laid plan, Of throwing the students and then fleecing each man ' • Who cornea to his summer school and pays out the cash That fills old Dave’s coffers an , pays for Dave’s hash. In cracking vulgar jokes. I would not mention the fact so much If his jokes were not so stale; They are the same jokes cracked before the war, When he was a student at Yale. Proty is a unique specimen Of the noble gunus homo, And if put up in a county fair Would surely take the chromo. He’s a nervous, fidgety, half-crazy musician. And of a little boy the proud “papa,” But he’s a horrid infidel And worships amphibia. McPherson is a “rara avis,” For he’s a “lulu” bird; He has the most peculiar face . Which God e’er on man conferred. Coates is the most ignorant man Who In our Faculty tarries, And the reason the Trustees let him remain Is because he’s a kinsman of Harry’s. Harry is a society man, And leads society here, For he’s built on a society plan, And for nothing else does he care. He does not speak to Freshmen, And scarcely ever to Sophs; He sometimes smiles at Juniors, But to Seniors his hat he doffs. From this ’tis very easy to see That a bootllck Harry is, And the reason that he bootlicks Seniors Is with an eye to future “ biz.” Btrahan is a man—believe me or not— I know It to be the case, Although he Is a rather small Representative of his race. His ambitions are to go Into Society and of whiskers to grow a pair And take a mean delight In marking Junior and Senior absentees from prayer. Willcox is another little man, And his whiskers he constantly strokes; -.He occupies the class-room time As for.the others, there are some, no doubt, Who are tvorthy of being professors, But the rest would do for tailors’ dummies, Or, to the police force to he the successors. AN OPEN LETTER TO PROFES SOR BARROW.j Dear Dave : When the editors of The Bumble Bee requested me to write you a let ter and, in behalf of the students of the University, demand your resigna- nation, I refused ; but my great love lor my Alma Mater and my regard for the boys who are to come after me finally overcame my objections. I thought that if I could be of any serv ice to the University in disabusing your mind of the idea that you are a great mathematician, patriotism de manded me to do it. I was persuaded, moreover, that if only you could be brought to realize your woeful incom- petenev as n. teacher, your high moral sense would soon bring about your resignation, and thus the University would be rid of a useless and effete encumbrance. If, then, a constitu tional bias in favor of plain speaking seems to conceal my kind intentions, remember that they are, nevertheless, really the motive power of this letter. There are some men who have the power of mystifying people by “look ing wise.” They keep silent, assume a mysterious air and give their opin ions as if they had a source of knowl edge beyond the reach of ordinary mortals. The result is that most peo ple, not being able to discover exactly I what is in their heads, conclude that they must be chockful of wisdom. You, Dave, belong to that unfortunate class. The paucity of your speech, the numerous trips which your hand makes across your forehead, suggest ing the rubbing of Alladin’s lamp, and the continued repetitions of “I think you ought to understand that,” said in a low voice, as if some “heavenly light” had just streamed in upon you, seem to testify to the existence of a mighty something in your brain. At the first glance we take that “some thing” for wisdom, and go away im pressed with the idea “how great is the intellect of man.” But soon the conclusion forces itself upon us that we have mistaken wisdom for incom petency—that the thing really behind the aforesaid phenomena is ineorape- tency of a most violent and malignant type. The truth is, Dave, that you do not possess a single qualification for a chair in the ’Univ'crsity of Oooi* gia. It is true that you set a splen did example to those of us who look at the religious part of your life. But “that has nothing to do with the ease.” Although a belief in the 13 Articles may make you an orthodox Christian, it cannot possibly make you an effici ent professor. Faith, although it may remove mountains, has never yet been able to solve the problems of higher mathematics. The “atoning blood,” although it may blot out all your other sinS, can never wipe out the sin of in- coropetency. In a word, even though you give “your goods to the poor and your body to be burned, ” it availeth nothing unless you have the power to explain and elucidate your subject. By your own admission you “throw” more men than any one else in the Faculty. It is notorious that you always have more classes “making up” last year’s work than any other pro fessor in the University. What do these things show ? They point to something “rotten in Denmark.” To put it plainly, Dave, they confirm the fact that you are fearfully and woe fully incompetent. Indeed, this is strikingly patent to all of us who at tend your recitations. Your efforts to elucidate your subject would excite our laughter if they did not’excite our J til \ l.