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THE ATLANTIAN
11
Great Problem Unsolved
Statesmen Fail to Decide Whether Whiskers Are a
Greater Detriment to a Man Than a Bald
Head—Eloquent Arguments Confound
Judges—Resolution Goes to House
Ways and Means Committee.
Whether whiskers are a greater
detriment to a man than a bald head
is still a mooted question. Four of
the ablest men in public life debated
the subject before the National Press
Club here last night. Speaker Champ
Clark of the House of Representa
tives, called on in the emergency, de
clared he couldn’t see any use in either
whiskers or a bald head, and referred
F. M. BULLOCH,
One of the Best-Known Dis
patchers on the Southern Rail
way, Having Been in the Serv
ice More Than Ten Years.
the whole matter to the Ways and
Means Committee of the House, which
now has the wool and hair schedule
under consideration.
The bald-headed side of the ques
tion was in the hands of Senator Rob
ert L. Taylor, of Tennessee, and Rep
resentative Nicholas Longworth, of
Ohio. The chin curtains found their
champions in former Senator Thomas
H. Carter, of Montana, and ex-Speaker
Cannon, of Illinois. Messrs. Taylor
and Longworth entered the ring amid
cheers and applause. Their hairless
domes sparkled beneath the radiance
of myriad electric lights. Senator Car
ter and Uncle Joe came with their
whiskers combed for the fray. The
shouts that greeted them were deaf
ening. Dr. “Pure Food” Wiley of the
Department of Agriculture was chosen
as timekeeper, and each exponent was
allowed ten minutes. Scott Bone rep
resented the Press Club as referee
during hostilities, but gave away to
Speaker Clark at the end. The au
dience was gathered from every part
of the country, and included most of
the prominent men of Washington.
The absence of a verdict prevented
any money from changing hands.
Representative Longworth was the
first speaker. He declared that he
did not believe that a hair on the head
was worth two on the chin. Neither
was he willing to assume that a bald
head—provided he should be consid
ered bald—was in any sense a handi
cap either in public or private life.
Mr. Longworth claimed that on his
birthday every man has a choice be
tween hair and brains. His choice,
he declared, was apparent. “The
condition of the disputants on the
other side is utterly inexcusable,” as
serted Mr. Longworth. “In olden days
whiskers were excusable—they were
sworn by—but nowadays they are only
sworn at. There is no excuse for such
whiskers as those that adorn the chin
—or chest—of the former senator
from Montana. I claim that whiskers
are unsanitary and I appeal to the
timekeeper to uphold me.” The time
keeper called time. Mr. Longworth
insisted that he had been interrupted
and that these interruptions should
not be taken from his time. Dr. Wiley
insisted that the interruptions were
the best part of the argument.
Senator Carter was introduced as
“Exhibit A” for the whiskers. “No
man," said he, “ever voluntarily wore
a hald head. A bald head is an affile
tion, a standing joke, a physical in
firmity. We pity, but do not blame
our opponents.” Senator Carter in
sisted that the beard was the real
thing. He ridiculed moustaches and
declared they first called out the name
of whiskers, as they whisked back
and forth in the breeze. “No fair
maiden," he said, “ever feared a prom
ise from a bearded man. The beard
is a badge of manhood. A bearded
man needs only opportunity. The first
man to cut off beards was Alexander
the Great. It was a brutal measure
of warfare—to prevent antagonists
from seizing the soldiers by the beard.
Let us all wear beards and there will
be no more warfare in this troubled
world of ours.”
Senator Taylor, who has a great rep
utation as a performer on the Chau
tauqua circuit, was warmly greeted
when he arose to uphold the honor of
the shining dome. He wore an air
of profound seriousness and smoothed
his hairless peak as he leaped into a
flight of oratory. “Away up among
the mountains of Tennessee,” he said,
“where bald peaks point upward to
ward the sky and where the - bald
eagles circle around them, forever
r
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C. E. CURRIER,
President
F. E. BLOCK,
Vice Pres.
J. S. FLOYD,
Vice Pres.
G. R. DONOVAN,
Cashier
J. S. KENNEDY,
Asst. Cashier
J. D. LEITNER,
Asst. Cashier
- —
J
teaching the lesson of liberty, only a
few short summers ago, I was born
bald-headed. My father before me
was extremely bald. When I opened
my eyes and looked upon his burnish
ed dome, I imagined the whole world
E. W. SWANN,
Baggage Master Charlotte Divis
ion Southern Ry., and Member
of B. of R. T., Stonewall Jack-
son Lodge, Charlotte, N. C.
was bald-headed and then when my
mother pressed her soft cheek and
chin to mine I did not dream there was
in all this earth such a thing as whis
kers. But as the years rolled on a
splendid shod, of hair sprang up on
the top of my head and waved in tri
umph above my classic brow. Curls
hung about my temples like a halo of
glory, and when I looked in a mirror I
dreamed that I was beautiful.
But alas! those raven tresses
Like autumn leaves began to fall.
They fell until my head resembled
That thing they call a billiard ball.
“Ever since I lost my hair,” Senator
Taylor concluded, “I have always had
a horror for hair and a contempt for
whiskers. I have always admired bald
heads because they are the symbols
of purity and innocence, and if I could
get the ear of the ladies I would say
to them: ‘Suffer the bald-headed men
to come unto you and forbid them not,
for of such is the kingdom of heaven.’ ”
Mr. Cannon, declaring he had never
been funny in his life—at least not
consciously so—quoted from a writer
who recently was in Turkey and who
declared the saddest man he found in
the empire had a bald head. He was
the harem guard. “He that hath a
beard,” said the former Speaker, quot
ing Shakespeare, “is more than youth
and he that hath no beard is less than
a man. Hair upon the face always
has been an evidence of manhood.”
When Speaker Clark was called up
on to settle the dispute, he said that
Uncle Joe had protested against his
presence at the party, on the ground
that he neither had whiskers nor a
bald head. Mr. Clark said he wouldn’t
have missed the debate for the world,
despite the fact that his wife didn’t