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THE ATLANTIAN 19 fr ATLANTA BAGGAGE & CAB CO. ESTABLISHED 1865 BONDED AGENTS OF ALL RAILROADS Telephones: Main 204-205-260-1000-4500 Railroad, Passenger and Baggage Trans fer Largest and finest equip ment in the South NICE CABS ON CALL AT ALL HOURS Baggage Checked Direct from your residence to destination. Baggage Transferred from one part of the city to another. When ticket is purchased request ticket agent to check your bag gage from hotel or residence direct to destination OFFICES AND AGENTS AT BOTH STATIONS. AGENTS ON ALL INCOMING TRAINS. W. C. WILSON, President and Gen'l Mgr. A. N. COOK, Supt. Pass. Dept. 7^ CIRCULATION EVERYTHING. (From Lippincott’s.) “Aren’t you afraid you will catch cold on such a night as this, my boy!” “No, sir. Selling papers keeps up the circulation. ’ ’ SO ANNOYING, (From Sketch.) The First Chauffeur: “I ran over another baby this morning.’’ The Second Chauffeur: “Phew! That was unlucky.’’ The First Chauffeur: “Yes, rotten! Their darned feedin ’ bottles cut the tires up sol’’ GRAMMAR AND FOOD. (From the Yonkers Statesman.) I’m very fond of Boston; How much to me it means To get some real good grammar With every plate of beans! But when I’m in Milwaukee ’Tis very far from fun; The victuals and the grammar Are never quite well done. CAUGHT IT. (From Judge.) One evening last week, when 1 called on Babette, I found her with whoop ( ing cough badly upset. She said, “It’s unpleasant, now, take it from me! ” I did—and I’m whooping this morning, you see. CHANGED THE NAME. (From The Denver News.) Hilo: “Have you still got that pet cat you used to call Angora!” Bilo: “Oh, no; I had it made into this woolly hat, so now it’s a fedora. ’ ’ AS TO SPOONS. (From Judge’s Library.) “So Billie Jones and Daisy Juniper were married at last, eh!’’ “Yep. Worst case of spoons you ever saw. ’ ’ “Well, why not! That’s the‘way it ought to be. You wouldn’t have a case of knives, would you!’’ “They got seventeen dozen desserts, four dozen soups, fifteen sets of coffees, eight dozen tables and thirty-two sal ads. ’ ’ TOOTHLESS. (From the Boston Transcript.) Willie: “Pa, have you ever had a tooth out!” Father (unthougbtedly): * ‘ Hundreds of ’em, my son—hundreds!” A HUSBAND’S RIGHTS. (From the Los Angeles Examiner.) According to a Missouri court, a hus band has a perfect right to spank his wife. Sure, and he has a perfect right to pull a lion’s whiskers if he feels like it GETS IT FIRSTHAND. (From the Cleveland Plain Dealer.) “Does your course of home reading include the profane authors!” “No, I don’t, need ’em. I belong to a golf club.” • THE WRETCH. (From Tho Chicago Record-Herald.) “Now that our wedding day is draw ing near,” she said, nestling a little more closely in his arms, “I am begin ning to be awfully frightened. Some times I almost feel tempted to run away and never come back.” “I didn’t intend to tell you about it,” he replied, “but I frequently feel that way myself.” “Why, Fred! I don’t believe you really love me. You—you heartless wretch! I shall never speak to you again. ’ ’ GETTING EVEN. (From the Milwaukee Sentinel.) J. Henry Peck emerged from the vot ing booth with a triumphant smile. “This equal rights stunt is a great business,” he remarked to a friend. Then, glancing around carefully and drawing nearer, he whispered: “I voted against my wife! ’ ’ WHOA, EMMA! (From The Cleveland Plain Dealer.) Emma Calve, greatest of Carmens, is charged with saying: “An intelligent woman can’t have too much freedom, be she married or single. There is no such thing as too much freedom for her.” PREPARING ALGY. (From the Brooklyn Life.) Her Prospective: ‘‘ There are no grounds on which your father could throw me out.” His Prospective: “No, not in the front of the house, but there is a bed of gladiolas in the back yard which looks quite soft.” IN THE TRUST’S HANDS. (From the San Francisco Examiner.) “Ma, do cows and bees go to heaven!” “Mercy, child, what a question! Why!” ‘.‘ ’Cause if they don’t, the milk and honey the preacher said was up there must be all canned stuff.” THE PARABLE. (From the New York Sun.) Stella: “Did she ask for bread and get a stone!” Bella: “She asked for dough and got a solitaire.” FIGURING ON THE RETURNS. (From the Louisville Courier-Journal.) “How do you think things would go if the election were to be held today!” “ I ’ll take that matter up later. I’m busy now, figuring out what might have happened if the baseball season had lasted a little longer.” ECCENTRIC SUBURBANITE. (From Judge.) * ‘ Snaggs is a most eccentric chap! ’ ’ “Yes!” “Sure! He has named his place Pine Terrace. ’ ’ “Well, what of it!” “Why, he has pine trees and a ter race.” A DUCAL MELON LOVER. (From the Pittsburg Dispatch.) The Duke of Sutherland, at a dinner in New York, praised ardently the icy and delicious watermelon. “I better understand now,” he said, “a story that I heard on the voyage over. “This story was told me by an inter esting Southerner. Ho said a colored preacher in his town cried vehemently one August Sunday in the course of his sermon: ‘ ‘ ‘ Breddern an ’ sistern, Ah warns yo ’ against de heinous sin o’ shootin’ craps! Ah charges yo’ against de brack rascal ity o ’ liftin ’ pullets! But above all else, breddern an’ sistern, Ah demonishes yo’ at dishyer season against de crime o’ melon stealin’!’ “ ‘Ch—’ “A brother in a back seat made an odd sound with his lips, rose and snapped his fingers. Then he sat down again with an abashed look. “ ‘Whuffo, mah frien’,’ said the preacher sternly, ‘does yo’ r’ar up an’ snap yo’ fingahs when Ah speaks o’ melon stealin’!’ “ ‘Yo’ jes’ reminds me, pahson,’ tho man in the back seat answered meekly, ‘whar Ah lef’ mah knife.’” LITERATI. (From the Kansas City Journal.) “Did Algy make a hit at the literary club!” “I guess he did! He pronounced ‘Les Miserables’ in a brand-new way, and then alluded to it as Victor Her bert’s masterpiece.” ESPECIAL ADVANTAGES. (From the Philadelphia Record.) Subbubs: “I believe Swamphurst is unhealthy. Since we have lived out there my wife can scarcely speak above a whisper. ’ ’ Henpecke: “Do you suppose I could find a house there!” NO OTHER BOSS. (From the Catholic Standard and Times.) “Dubley is his own boss now.” "Indeed! I didn’t know he had been so successful.” “He isn’t. He’s looking for a job.” MAKING UP. (From the Brooklyn Life.) “Why does that old maid use so mucii paint.on her face!” “She’8 making up for lost time.” MATERNAL OPPOSITION. From the Boston Transcript.) Her Father: “My boy, I like you and I want you to marry my girl. But. have you spoken to her mother about it!” Suitor: “No, sir.” Her Father: ‘ ‘ Then to make it a Bure thing for you, I ’ll oppose the match. ’ ’ THE CHEAPEST WAY OUT. (From the Boston Transcript.) He: “I told your father I could not live without you.” She: “And what did he say!” He: “Oh, he offered to pay my funeral expenses.”