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THE atlantian;
r
ATLANTA BAGGAGE & CAB CO.
ESTABLISHED 1865
Bonded Agents of all Railroads
TELEPHONES: MAIN 204-205-260-1000-4500.
Railroad, Passenger and Baggage
Transfer Largest and finest
equipment in the South.
TAXICABS ON CALL AT ALL HOURS
Baggage Checked direct from your residence to destination.
Baggage Transferred from one part of the city to another. When
ticket is purchased request ticket agent to check your bag*
gage from hotel or residence direct to destination.
Offices and Agents at both Stations. Agents on all incoming Trains.
W. C. WILSON,
President and Gen’l Manager.
A. N. COOK,
Supt. Pass. Dept. j
THE RAGTIME MUSE.
TWO VIEWS.
EVERYBODY SATISFIED.
The west wind sang its little song
And told me, “Come away! ”
The east wind swiftly came along
And softly whispered, ‘ ‘ Stay! ’ ’
The west wind called to me again
And I could not delay;
But every time I heard it, then
The east wind would reply.
The west wind blew from reaches wide,
From sunlit ways and bare;
The east wind at a woman’s side
Did bid me linger there.
The west wind said, “Your restless feet
The open ways prefer.”
The east wind answered, “She is sweet,
And there is none like her! ”
’Twas thus I heard the two winds sing
By night and yet by day,
And so I answered murmuring,
“I hear and I’ll away.
But with me still my love will go,
Down the ways of life and fate, ’ ’
The west wind loudly laughed, “Ho,
ho!”
The east wind murmured “Great! ”
RIGHT BACK AT HIM.
•“Look at me!” exclaimed the lead
ing lawyer, warmly. “I never took a
drop of medicine in my life, and I’m
ias strong as any two of your patients
put together.”
“Well, that’s nothing,” retorted the
physician. “I never went to law in
my life, and I’m as rich as any two
dozen of your clients;put together.”—
Tit-Bits.
Knicker; “What you spend for a
hat would pay the grocer’s bill.”
Mrs. Knicker: “That just shows how
economically I market.”—Puck.
HOW IT HAPPENED.
Condescening Chappie: “I weally
can’t remember your name, but I’ve an
idea I’ve met you here before.”
Nervous Host: “Oh, yes, very likely.
It's my house.”—Sketch.
AFTER THE “PROM.”
Afflicted Stude: “Uh—ah—er—er—
er! Ha, lm!—”
Jeweler (to his assistant): “Bring
the tray of engagement rings here,
John. ’ ’—Gargoyle.
HER QUESTION.
(From Sketch.)
Molly (holiday-making in the coun-
■ try) : “I say, Mr. Hoats, do you min-l
if I ask a question!”
The Farmer: “No, my dear, what
is it!”
Molly: “What I want to know is,
when you’ve finished milking that cow.
how do you turn it off!”
PARSON WAS A BACHELOR.
“In your sermon this morning you
spoke of a baby as a new wave on the
ocean of life. ’ ’
“Quite so; a poetical figure.”
“Don’t you think ‘a fresh squall’
would have hit the mark better!”—
Boston Transcript.
IT LOOKED SO.
Freddie, accompanied by his govern
ess, was passing a street where a load
of straw had been scattered in front of
one of the houses in which there had
been a serious illness.
“Miss Manning, why did they put all
this straw here!”
“Well, Freddie,” she replied “a lit
tle baby came to Mrs. Reed last night.”
“My,” said Freddie, “but it was
well packed. ’ ’
FOOLISH, BUT CHILD-LIKE.
“Pa, do cows have souls!”
“Of course not.”
“Then what part does the sole leather
come from!”
PROOF OF IT.
Lady—What a handsome dog! He must
be valuable.
Vendor—You bet ’c is. The gentle
man wot I bought ’im of’s offerin’ $5
reward if I bring ’im back.—The Sketch.
HIS DIAGNOSIS.
Mr. Krusty: Here is a penny for you.
Beggar: Gee! Mister, you oughter see
a doctor.
Mr. Krusty: Why!
Beggar: You’re suffering from en
largement of the heart.
A SHORT SPRINT. .
Property Man: Did your company have
a long run in Squeedunk!
Comedian: No! They chased us only
two miles out.
SEVEN SENTENCE SER
MONS.
The first thing a kindness deserves is
acceptance; the next, transmission.—
George MacDonald.
Have a heart that never hardens, a
temper that never tires and a touch that
never hurts.—Dickens.
Greatly begin, though thou have time
But for a line, be that sublime—
Not failure, but low aim, is crime.
—Lowell.
The beauty of holiness can not be seen
in a mirror.—Anon.
I say the degree of vision that dwells
in a man is a correct measure of the
man.—Carlyle.
If we work upon marble it will perish;
If we work upon brass, time will efface it
If we rear temples, they will crumble
into dust.
But if we work upon immortal souls—
If we imbue them with principles,
With the just fear of God and the love
of fellow-men,
We engrave on those everlasting tablets
Something which will brighten all etern
ity. —Daniel Webster.
God loves with a great love the man
whose heart is bursting with a passion
for the impossible.—Gen. William Booth.
BRAINS.
“She will.be a clever woman that I
marry. ’ ’
“Thought you didn’t like clever wom
en!”
* 1 1 don’t, but if ever I marry it ’ll be a
clever woman who does it.”
SOME DAY.
III.
Some day a square prospectus
Will boom a silver mine;
Policemen may protect us—
And Lorimer may resign.
AT THE HENPECK CLUB.
Mr. Pewee: Do you ever quarrel with
your wife!
Mr. Homebody: It takes two to make
a quarrel, and I never have a chance.
MUST BE.
“Women are certainly the mental
superiors of us men.”
“What makes you say that!”
‘ ‘ Seeing my wife spank the baby, read
a book and carry on a conversation with
her mouth full of hairpins all at the
same time.”
THE BETTER PART.
(From Puck.)
A certain woman went down from Je
rusalem to Jericho, and it chanced that
her gown was not fully buttoned up in
the back. Now, a priest and a Levilr,
meeting the woman and perceiving her
plight, passed by on the othe: side, with
out saying a word. But a icrtain Sa
maritan, journeying that way, was
touched with compassion.
“Madam,” quoth he, “your ha-
—hum ”
“Sir!” the woman thereupon ex
claimed, and gave him a look which
froze him on the spot.
Whereupon it ’ appears that discretion
is the better part of valor.
ENLIGHTENING THE COURT.
“What is your occupation!” the jus
tice asked the witness.
“Jedge,” he replied, “ain’t you
a-gittin’ jest a leetle too pussonal! Have
I got to give my livin’ away before
this here hon’able court!”
“You heard the question,” said the
judge, “and you must answer it. What
do you do for a living!”
“Well, sir, I'll jest make bold to en
lighten you—sence you seem to need it.
In the summer, when I ain’t a-fishin,
I’m prophesyin’ weather, an’ when the
weather don’t fall right I’m either a-
killin’ of alligators an’ a-sellin' of
rattlesnake buttons, or attendin ’ cam
paign barbecues an votin’ around!”
CONDITION SERIOUS.
(From London Sketch.)
Mike: “How’s the wife, Pat! Is
she better!”
Pat: “No, she’s terrible sick.”
Mike: “Is it dangerous she is!”
Pat: “No, she’s far too bad to be
dangerous any more.”
A self-made woman never gets through
putting on the finishing touches.