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THE ATLANTIAN
HON. HUGH DORSEY
Solicitor General
Who so ably represented the State’s Case in the
famous Frank trial
USED TO EXCITEMENT.
(From Judge.)
lie (of the Gay Way)—“And so you
have been married seven times. Some
excitement, eh?”
She (of the Spotlight)—“Not espe
cially. My act is in the lion’s cage, you
know. ’ ’
RESPECTING THE BOARD.
“When Hemmandhaw’s children don’t
learn their lessons, he spanks them with
a paddle.”
“He does?”
“Yes; and the children call the pad
dle their ‘board of education.’ ”—
Youngston Telegram.
CURIOSITY SATISFIED.
Woodchopper—I seen a lot o’ bear
tracks 'bout a mile north o’ here—big
ones, tool
Hunter—Good! Which way is south?
—Chicago News.
Peter, Peter, Pumpkin-eater,.
Had a wife and couldn’t keep her,
Put her in a hobble skirt
And then he kept her quite inert
MARKED DOWN.
Little Lola, aged five, upon being
shown her twin brothers that had ar
rived the night before, said:
“Well, I never saw such a woman as
mamma is for hunting up bargains. ’ ’
VELOCITY.
Teacher—“What is velocity, Johnny?”
Johnny—“Velocity is what a fellow
lets go of a wasp with. ’ ’—Pathfinder.
EXACTLY.
(From Fliegende Blatter.)
“Uncle, what’s a Homan nose like?”
“Llko mine.”
‘ ‘ Oh, a red one, then. ’ ’
“Is your horse perfectly gentle, Mr.
Dabster? ’ ’
“Perfectly gentle, sir. The only fault
he has got, if that be a fault, is a pain
ful habit of extending his hinder hoofs
now and then.”
“By extending his hinder hoofs you
don’t mean kicking, I hope?”
“Some people call it kicking, Mr.
Green. But it’s only a slight reaction of
the muscles.”
CUIBONO?
Lewis Cass Ledyard said at the Knick
erbocker Club in New York:
“The old idea about the crookedness
of lawyers is dying out.”
‘ ' True, true, ’ ’ a group of lawyers cho
rused, heartily.
“Yes, the old idea about lawyers’
crookedness, as illustrated in the Win-
terson anecdote, is a thing of the past,”
resumed Mr. Ledyard.
“A book agent, you know, sought out
Winterson in his office and said:
“ ‘I ave here, sir, a book that will
show you how to be your own lawyer. ’
“‘Humph!’ sneered Winterson, “if
the book showed me how to be somebody
else’s lawyer I might take it But
what’s the good of teaching me how to
bleed myself?’ ”
“How old aro you, Tommy?” asked
a caller.
“Well, when I’m home I’in five,
when I’m in school I’m six, and when
I’m on the cars I’m four. ’ ’
Each night I set the faithful clock
And wound her spring a few notches;
But no matter how late
1 would sit up and wait,
She never hatched out any watches.
—Illinois Siren.
HIS ONLY HOPE.
‘ ‘ They are in a very ticklish position, ’ ’
said Simeon Ford, the New York humor
ist, apropos of the situation in the Bal
kans. “Their position reminds me of
Brown’s.
“A friend dropped in on Brown the
other night, to find him engaged in a
poker game with four bachelor friends.
Bottles and glasses were everywhere, and
cigar stubs littered the pale and costly
Persian rug. Mrs. Brown, of course, was
at the seashore
“ ‘Brown,’ said the visitor, severely,
‘ what would you say if your wife saw
you now?'
‘ ‘ ‘ Goodness gracious, my prayers! ’
Brown answered, in an awed voice. ’ ’
A SURE CASE.
David Belasco was talking about an
octogenarian multimillionaire who had
eloped with a ballet girl of eighteen sum
mers.
11 They ’re married now, ’ ’ he said, “ and
on a yachting cruise around the world.
This was a sure case ,truly—”
Mr. Belasco smiled.
“ — a sure case, ’ ’ he said, ‘ ‘ of gauze
and effect.”
OFTEN NOTICEABLE.
(From Judge.)
Women have no sense of humor, un
less it is in their choice of husbands.
Johuuy—Gad, but you chickens wear
your gowns low!
Chorine—Yes, I almost caught cold in
the wings last night.—Pennsylvania
Punch Bowl.
On a visit to his grandmother, Harry
examined her home furniture with inter
est and then asked: “Grandmother,
where is the miserable table that father
says you always kept?”
THE FOOT PROBLEM SOLVED
WHEN
You get your Shoes at
BLACK’S
We have in stock all the styles
and widths. “Mr. Union Man”
you can’t go wrong if you trade
here.
This is not a mere statement, it
is a guarantee.
R. C. BLACK
35 WHITEHALL
“27th Year at the Same Stand.”