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THE ATLANTIAN
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WIT AND HUMOR.
A good town clock has a regular high
old time up there.
Some school teachers seem to believe in
handcuffing mischievous pupils.
Mr. Skribbens (to new boy)—“I sup
pose you understand what your duties are
heref ”
New Boy—“Sure. The super said that
all I had to do was to hustle when old
Skribbens was looking, and it would be 1
all right.''
In hot weather the thicker a dog’s
coat the shorter his pants.
Mrs. Call—‘ ‘ It's too bad of you, Ethel,
to worry your mamma so.”
Ethel (aged five), tearfully—“Oh, well,
Mrs. Call, if you’d live with mamma as
long as I have, you’d know which of us
was to blame. ’ ’
Church music that comes high—The
steeple chimes.
“Paw,” asked the little boy, “didn’t
you say in your speech that you expected
the map of the world to be changed
soon ! ’ ’
“I think I did,” said the orator.
“Then what is the use of my studyin’
jography! ”
“What are you crying for, Bobbie!”
“Boo-hoo! Willie’s broke his arm, an
if I lick him, all the fellers will say
T’m a coward.”
“Why don’t you wait till he’s well!”
* ‘ Boo-hoo! I—I can’t lick him then. ’ ’
A FRIENDLY WORD.
(Washington Herald).
1 ‘ I have no bad habits, ’ ’ said the
young man. 1 ‘ I don’t smoke or drink. ’ ’
‘ ‘ Then I hardly think you will be
happy with my daughter,” said the old
man. ' She does both. ’ ’
HIS UROLETARIAN DIS
DAIN.
(London Punch).
Young Hopeful (who has lately started
to study mechanics). Why do you always
pull you barrow, Grubbles!
Grubbles (a pessimist). ’Cos I ’ates
the very sight of it.
DOMESTIC FARM ANIMALS.
(From Fliegende Blatter.)
“We’ve had dreadful misfortune with
our beasts this year. First, we had swine
fever, then we lost a calf and now we’ve
been fined 30 marks for watering the
milk. ’ ’
BEAUTY OF THINGS HID
DEN.
(From the Philadelphia Inquirer).
Observation of a purely impersonal
character leads us to the conclusion that
the girls with the prettiest ankles must
be those who wear the longest skirts.
TREPANNING LIKELY
NOW.
(From the Philadelphia Record.)
The trouble with Bulgaria is that the
war with Turkey left it with an enlarged
cranium.
an income tax feature being made a part of our Federal
revenue system.
If Mr. Blalock is a fair sample of the appointments
being made by the Wilson administration over the whole
country, there will be no room for criticism, and both
Mr. Wilson and his advisers are entitled to congratula
tions.
Tax Equalization
The State of Georgia has been in a bad way finan
cially for several years.
No legislature has had the nerve to fairly meet the
situation. The late session of the Legislature, after
much squabbling, made a stab at something which it is
hoped will bring betterment. The real difficulty lies in
the lack of a well-defined system.
Twenty years ago the little commonwealth of New
Zealand took the bull by the horns and met a similar
condition by an application of intelligence and justice.
The last figures we have are for 1906, and in that
year the one million people in New Zealand exported
eighty-five millions of dollars worth of products, had a
revenue vastly larger than Georgia, and a surplus above
all expenses of between three and four million dollars.
They owed $240,000,000 of public debt, owned all the
railroads, telegraphs, docks and public works of all kinds.
The public works paid all the interest on the public debt
and left a surplus. One can ride all over the country
on state-owned railroads for one cent and a quarter per
mile.
Now for taxation. New Zealand taxation is based
on land at its real value. Every citizen is entitled to
real estate exemption of $2,500 value. Let us see how
the system works out.
I have a property worth $25,000
Of which is exempt 2,500
THE FAMILY DISGRACE.
Whenever I come where the folks is,
“An, look at his neck!” says Pa.
An ’ Sis says: ‘ * My! ’ ’ though it’s none
of her biz
An’ look at his neck! ” says Pa.
“An’ look at the mud on his stockings,
too,
An’ look at his dirty face,
It isn’t a week since hifl shoes were
new! ’ ’
Oh, it’s awful tough when you know
that you
Arc the family’s one disgrace.
“Jes’ look how the seat of his pants is
worn!
Did you ever see such hair!
An’ that is Ids very best blouse that’s
torn,
An’ his coat’s got another tear.
He might be a ragpicker’s boy,” says
Ma,
“Tho alley’s about his place.”
‘ 1 He ought to be spanked—that’s
what! ’ ’ says Pa,
Oh, it’s awful tough when you know
you aro
Your family’s one disgrace.
“Now, what has he got in his pockets,
- pray!
An’ where docs he get such things!
An’ why docs he bulge out his clothes
that way
With marbles an’ tops an’ strings!
Don’t you dare to sit down till you’ve
been upstairs
An ’ scrubbed both your hands an ’
face.
My goodness! don’t handle those por
tieres!”
Oh, nobody loves an’ nobody cares
For tho family’s one disgrace.
Balance $22,500
There is a mortgage of 7,500
(Tax is paid by the holder).
Balance $15,000
Improvements 5,000
Net balance $10,000
On this balance I would pay the regular tax rate.
Here in Georgia we paralyze the man who improves
his property. New Zealand exempts his improvements.
But their system does not encourage speculation, and
hence would not be popular in Georgia, where we are
saturated with land speculation, which is, after all, but
a shade better than stock speculation.
Hon. John C. Hart has been appointed Tax Com
missioner, and is expected to work out results. Every
one who knows anything of Mr. Hart has confidence in
his good sense and integrity, but The Atlantian hazards
nothing in saying that he has the most difficult task ever
placed on any one man in Georgia, and should he work out
anything like an equitable result he will probably be one
of the most unpopular men in the State.
The Registration Law
The reactionaries in the General Assembly at the
late session again tried to destroy the usefulness of the
registration law. Fortunately they failed.
The present registration law is not only one of the
THE INFLUENCE OF HER
EDITY.
“Well, Jimpson,” said Wimpleton,
"I understand tho stork has visited
j your garage.”
I “Yes,” said Jimpson. “My chauf
feur has had a fine, bouncing baby.
• Wonderful case of heredity, too, Wimp.
I went in to see the little beggar last
night, and he honks like a horn and
spends most of his time lying on his
back blowing automobubbles. ’ ’—Har
per’s Weekly.
BUDDING GENIUS.
“Henry, tho baby shouldn’t have
been given that hard rubber ball. He
Ims just thrown it at his sister and mado
her cry.”
‘ ‘ I saw it happen. Wonderful, wasn’t
it!”
‘ ‘ What was wonderful! ’ ’
“Why, tho little fellow threw it with
a curve! ’ ’—Cleveland Plain Dealer.
A little slum child was enjoying his
first glimpse of pastoral life. The set
ting sun was gilding the grass and roses
of the old-fashioned garden, and he sat
on a little stool besides the farmer’s wife,
who was plucking a chicken.
He watched the operation gravely for
some time. Then he spoke: “Do you
take off their clothes every night lady!”