Newspaper Page Text
20
THE ATLANTIAN
r JONES 6 PHILLIPS
Christmas Jewelry and Diamonds
Give for Christmas this year the best
of all gifts,—a diamond, a locket, a
watch, or a lavalier. Nothing could
please wife or sweetheart better. Our
line is complete.
If you buy our goods you will always
be one of our customers. Our line
of high-class jewelry is
Bigger and Better Than Ever.
No store has bigger or better bargains,
and the only jewelry store in Atlanta
selling goods on the installment plan
at cash prices.
OUR SPECIALTY IS RAILROAD WATCH REPAIRING.
ALL WORK GUARANTEED
JONES & PHILLIPS
251 Marietta Street
SOMEWHAT PUZZLING.
“Um, yes! Ah Um! remarked the
doctor in his bedside manner to his
patient, as they stood in tho consulting
room. “I’ll give you the following
prescription. ’ ’ And he handed him the
small packages.
Tho patient opened them, and read tho
directions.
* ‘ A powder for my headache, ’ ’ he said
aloud, “a pellet for my liver,’’ he con
tinued, “and a capsule for my gouty
foot.”
Then ho stopped, and pondered deeply
for a moment.
“I say, doctor,’’ he queried, “how’ll
the little beggars know the right place
to go when they get inside!’’
TAKING A MEAN ADVAN
TAGE.
‘ ‘ Father, ’ ’ said Johnny Ironside,
“how big a fish did you ever catch!”
“I caught a fish once, Johnny,” re
plied Deacon Ironside, “that weigh
ed— >> The good man stopped short,
looked fixedly at his younger son, and re
sumed in an altered tone, “Johnny, this
is Sunday.”
HONESTY IS POLICY.
Fond Parent: “Bobby, did you pick
all the while meat otf this chicken!”
Bobby: “Well pop, to make a clean
breast of it I did. ’ ’
IF
If a Holtentot taught a Hottentot tot
To talk ere tho tot could totter,
Ought tho Hottentot tot
To be taught to say “aught”
Or “naught,” or .what ought to be
taught her!
If to hoot and toot a Hottentot tot
Be taught by a Hottentot tooier,
Should the too ter get hot if the Hotten
tot tot
Hoot and toot at the Hottentot tutor?
WHERE HE WAS.
“The trnin struck the man, did it
not!” asked the lawyer of the engineer
at tho trial.
‘ ‘ It did, sir, ’ ’ said tho engineer.
“Was tho man on the trnek, sir!”
thundered tho lawyer.
“On the track!” asked tho engineer.
“Of course he was. No engineer worthy
of his job would run his train into the
woods after a man, sir.”
KEEPING INFORMED.
(From The Detroit Free Press.)
“Two years ago you told me the
Woggs car was the best automobile in
the world. ’ ’
“Yes.”
“And now you say the Boggs is the
only one worth having. ’ ’
“I get my information direct. The
salesman who sold me the Woggs car
has gone to work for the Boggs peo
ple. ’ ’
IT HAS REACHED LONDON.
(Why should you swear at golf!
—Office Window.)
Do I employ golf language! No!
In difficulties still I show
Restraint, both due and seemly though
No game for hasty man it is:
I take, tho proudest man alive,
My stance, address, and then contrive
With one wild swoop to miss my dive,
Yet I avoid profanities.
There’s nothing like my putting, but
Suppose I miss a one-foot putt,
To know that I but say ‘ ‘ Tut-tut! ”
Is precious as a caranet.
Then when I use the lofter, which
Should send the ball at high, far pitch,
And yet that trickles to the ditch,
‘ * Dear met” is my remark on it.
But -when you ’vc bunkered, miss the ball,
Break all your dashed clubs, one and all,
To reach it, in the dashed clubs, one and
all,
To reach it, in the bushes fall.
(You will, my certain knowledge is!)
Then, as it seems, with eager zest
Sit down, where it is gorsiest,
Tell me—this is my one request—
Would you but chant doxologies?
M. S., in London Chronicle.
WHAT IS WORSE?
(From Judge.)
“Oh, dear,” pouted the pretty girl in
irritation, as the trolley car came to a
standstill, “what is worse than waiting
on a switch!”
‘ ‘ Trying to pass on the same rail,
madam,” responded a gentleman beside
her.
PLAIN FACTS.
(From The Pittsburg Post)
“Washington threw a dollar across
tho Potomac.”
“That feat was overrated.’
“Who ever excelled it!”
“Washington himself, the time he
threw 3,000 troops across the Dela
ware. ’ ’
THE QUEER SEX.
“I always knew women were inconsis
tent, but I heard of one to-day that takes
tho cup-cake.”
“What did she do!”
“Chased her husband out of the house
with a stove-lifter and then cried because
he left her without kissing her good-bye. ’
—Boston Transcript.
BRIEF DECISIONS.
The man who doesn’t sow a few wild
oats in the spring is apt to put in quite a
crop in the fall.
A consular report says that more than
two hundred American windmills are in
operation in Smyrna, Asiatic Turkey.
And yet no windmills seem to be missing
from dominant politics.
They say Satan never takes a vacation.
Then in one thing he is never disap
pointed. The smile on the outgoing va
cationist’s face too often is missing on
his return.
No matter how high some men may
climb, there always will be found others
down the ladder who knew’ and expatiate
upon their poor beginnings.
The roller-skating bumps of childhood
prepare the bumped for more serious mis
haps in after years.
It’s all right to go well dressed, but
you can’t disguise inefficiency.
Some men look clever until they begin
to talk.
AN APPRECIATION OF
FASHIONS.
Not too quiet',
Not too loud,
Not loud enough,
To draw a crowd.
Not too somber,
Not too gay,
Not gay enough
To spread dismay.
Not too costly,
Not loo cheap,
Not cheap enough
For mimic sheep.
Not too simple,
Not too frilled,
Just frill enough
To show your skill.
Not too forward,
Not too shy,
Not shy enough
To bo passed by.
Alluring, mystic,
Full of wiles—
Such are the latest
Women’s styles.
MOTHERS! THE AXE!
I keep six honest serving men;
They taught me all I knew.
Their names are What and Wry and
When
And Where and How and Who.
—Michigan Gargoyle.
ABBOTT’S
i 241 MARIETTA STREET ji
We guarantee that our prices are lower and our
stock more COMPLETE than any store in
Atlanta.
Selling goods on the INSTALLMENT PLAN.
Abbott Furniture Co.
The Nemesis of the coal man ap
parently is the weather man.