Newspaper Page Text
November, 1914
THE ATLANTIAN
13
THERE MUST HAVE BEEN
ANOTHER.
Mayor Marshall of Columbus told
this story at a Republican banquet:
“A teacher said to her class:
“ ‘Who was the first man ?’
“ ‘George Washington,’ a little boy
shouted promptly.
“ ‘How do you make out that George
Washington was the first man?’ said
the teacher, smiling indulgently.
“ ‘Because,’ said the little boy, ‘he
was first in war, first in peace and
first in the hearts of his countrymen.’
“But at this point a larger boy held
up his hand.
“ ‘Well,’’ said the teacher to him,
‘who do you think was the first man?”
“ ‘I don’t know T what his name was,’
said the large boy, ‘but I know it
wasn’t George Washington, ma’am, be
cause the history book says George
Washington married a widow'. So, of
course, there must have been a man
ahead of him.'”
HER SPECIALTY.
The mistress of the house was ex
asperated—everything was poorly done.
“Helma,” she exclaimed, “don’t you
do anything well?”
“Ya’as’m,” responded Helma tran
quilly. “Ay tank ay ban sleep well.”
M. L. LIVELY M. E. TILLY
Matthews & Lively
Twenty Years in Business
Handling all the Lead
ing Lines for the Whole
sale and Retail
BARBER TRADE
Everything that goes to make a First Class
Barber Shop.
PHONE US
MATTHEWS & LIVELY
A TLANTA
BOTH PHONES
HON. WM. SCHLEY HOWARD,
Who defeated the Bull Moose Can
didate for Congress by an over
whelming majority of about 10 to 1.
WHAT HE WANTED.
He went into a store to buy his
friend a comb for Christmas. He
was a Boston man and careful of his
grammar and of other folks’ gram
mar. He asked for a man’s comb.
“Do you want a narrow man’s
comb?” asked the clerk.
“No,” said the careful grammarian,
“I want a comb for a stout man with
rubber teeth.”
Get the Habit!
Ice Cream
Sodas
(Made from Pure Cream)
BROWN & ALLEN
Reliable Druggists.
A NERVE TONIC.
He didn’t look like a man who would
do anything wrong, although his
clothes were frazzled and his dark eyes
were deep-set like a brigand’s. As he
approached the white-aproned man at
a short order house in Macon, Mis
souri, lie rubbed his bony hands togeth
er and inquired wistfully if he could
get something to eat.
“Sure,” said the waiter. “What do
you want?”
The man timidly said he would like
a steak and some potatoes and bread
and radishes and flapjacks and mo
lasses.
As he devoured the meal with great
relish his demeanor changed; the dark,
cavernous eyes brightened, the leather
cheeks took on a reddish glow, the
lean hands moved with greater cer
tainty. Every dish was cleaned out
smooth, and the man arose, wiping his
mouth with his coat sleeve. The waiter
stood at respectful attention.
“I ain’t got no money,” confessed the
customer.
“Great day!’’ cried the waiter. “Why
didn't you say so before you ate up
all that stuff?”
“I—I didn’t have the courage then,”
the man explained.
DEAD OR ALIVE.
Two Irishmen were working on the
roof of a building one day when one
made a misstep and fell to the ground.
The other leaned over and called:
“Are yez dead or alive, Mike?”
“Oi‘m alive,” said Mike, feebly.
“Sure you’re such a liar Oi don’t
know whether to belave yez or not.”
“Well, then, Oi must be dead,” said
Mike, “for yez would never dare to
call me a liar if Oi wor alive.”
W. W. BOYD,
Proprietor and owner of the Termi
nal Cafe, who hat recently pur
chased the Terminal Cafe in Birm
ingham, Ala.