Newspaper Page Text
December, 1914
THE ATLANTIAN
19
The Random Shot.
I shot an arrow into the air,
It fell in the distance, I knew not
where,
Till a neighbor said that it killed his
calf
And I had to pay him $61-2.
I bought some poison to slay some
rats
And a neighbor swore it killed his
cats,
And rather than argue across the
fence
1 paid $4 and 50 cents.
One night I set sailing a toy balloon,
Hoping it would soar till it reached
the moon,
But the candle fell on a farmer’s
straw
And he said I must settle or go to law.
And that is the way with the random
shot,
Jt never hits in the proper spot,
And the joke you spring you think so
smart
May leave a wound in some fellow’s
heart.
It Would Seem So.
The lesson was in natural history,
and the new teacher had chosen the
interesting but complex subject of the
cat.
“Now, children,’* she said, “tell me
what sort of clothes pussy wears.”
No reply.
“Come, come!” said she, determined
to extract the right answer by naming
everything that pussy didn’t wear;
“does she wear feathers?”
I A pained expression crossed the face
of a little boy in the front row.
“Please, Ma’s,” he asked pityingly,
“ain’t you never seen a cat?’’
A Matter of Legal Proof.
A Georgia colonel was questioning
i an applicant as to his fitness for the
position of “hired man.’’ After all
other matters had been settled satis
factorily, the colonel turned to the ne
gro and asked:
j “And now, Sam, what references
can you give me as to honesty of char
acter, etc?”
“Honesty!” exclaimed Sam. “Why
de records ob de dislrie’ co’t prove
mail honesty. Yas endeed, I done been
’rested fo’ times fo’ chicken stealin’
| let off ebery single time, sah 1”
Wanted Something Non-
Breakable.
“Mamma,’’ said Elsie, “1 wish 1 had
a real baby to wheel in the go-cart.”
“Why?” asked the mother. “You
have your dolls, haven’t you?”
“Yes, but the dolls are always get
ting broke when it tips over.”
The Best By Test!
—Fox River and Meadow Gold
Butter has no equal. Do you use
it? Easy to keep, and ready to use.
Packed in Thoroughly Protected Packages.
Ask your grocer to order it for you.
= HOWE BETTER =====
DONOVAN PROVISION CO.
L. A. HAWKINS
67 East Ala. St. Manager
All Work Guaranteed.
“The Burnett Way is hard to heat,
He’s at Seventy-One South Pryor Street,
You ’ll find him there early and late,
And both his phones are forty-eight. ’ ’
What it Sounded Like.
Fine music and fine poultry were
two things of which little Ella’s father
was very fond. Recently he bought a
talking machine and among other rec
ords was one of a very brilliant aria
by a great coloratura soprano. The
baby listened closely to the runs of the
bewildering music until the singer
struck some high arpeggios and trill le
nt. the close, when she exclaimed:
“Daddy, listen! She’s laid an egg!”
Making a Distinction.
“What is the difference,’ ’asked the
teacher, “between caution and coward
ice?”
Johnny, who observed things care
fully for so youthful a person, an
swered :
“Caution is when you’re afraid and
cowardice is when the other fellow’s
afraid.’’
Impossible!
An extremely tall Irishman, travel
ing in the west, put up at a small hotel
in a small town, and was shown to his
room for the night. In a short time
he appeared downstairs and asked for
scissors, needle and thread. An hour
later he returned them and said sadly,
•Faith, it’s no use.”
When asked what he meant, he re
plied: “Why, the blanket wasn’t long
enough to cover me feet, so Oi cut a
piece off the top and sewed it on the
bottom, but ’tis no better now.”—J. H.
llazelton, Pennsylvania.
Lived Up to Its Name.
Mr. Harduppe had unexpectedly
come face to face with Mr*. Cutting,
from whom he had frequently bor
rowed money.
“Er—er—what was the denomination
of the bill you loaned me, Cutting?”
he asked.
“Episcopalian, I guess,” said Mr.
Cutting; “at any rate it keeps Lent
very well.”
A Warning.
“The farmer,” said the young tur
key, “seems to be very fond of me. He
throws me the choicest morsels of corn,
and in many ways shows his admiration
for me.”
“Well,” advised the old turkey, “I
wouldn’t let it go on if I were you.
You are apt to lose your head over it.”
—Ray Trum Nathan, New York.
No Such Mistake for Him.
The Stingiest Man was scoring the
hired man for his extravagance in
wanting to carry a lantern in going to
call on his best girl.
“The idea 1” he scoffed; “when I was
courtin’ I never carried no lantern; I
went in the dark.”
The hired man proceeded to fill the
Lantern.
“Yes,” he said sadly, “and look what
you got.”—L. K., New Mexico.