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THE ATLANTTAN
December, 191!i>
•i 20
‘Tor Something Really Good to Eat”
CAFETERIA
65 NORTH FORSYTH STREET
Our IVleats and Vegetables are the
Best We Can Buy
[ •*. -n -• ' 4 '
Delicious Salads and Desserts
Courtesy to All
We Are Here to Stay
Cleanest and Most Sanitary
Place in the South
BOTH PHONES
-.Permit: me to offer you my homage,
ihadame’. . . and my excuses. . . . But
I was iij my 'tub when that aviator
surprised us.-rLc Hire (Paris).
. ‘You are bored, my dear?”, J
“Yes. When we came ty* the sea,
you proinised me divertisment.”
-• “That’s true. But am I to blame
because the fleet hasn’t come to bore
l>s?”—Numero (Turin.)
Hevident.
- ■ “Wbt do they call the chap wot cries
‘Silence in court,’ Bill?”
“Silly ass, arskin’ that; w’y, ‘the
Rusher/ of course. Hain’t it hevi-
4ent?”—London Opinion.
. A Quick Listener.
v “I really dislike to talk to: her; she
has such a habit of finishing one’s sen
tences for one. You know the’kind?”
“Yes; they listen faster than you
can talk to them.”
•K ! Just Recompense.
s' An Episcopal clergyman, rector of
,a' fashionable church in one of Bos-
ion’s most exclusive suburbs, could not
be bothered with the innumerable tele
phone calls that fall to one in his pro
fession,-so he had his name left out
Of the telephone book. A prominent
.merchant of the same name, living in
the same suburbs, was continually an
noyed by requests to officiate at funer
als and baptisms. He went to the rec
tor, * told 'his- troubles in a. kindlyi way,
and asked the parson to have his name
put in the directory, but without suc
cess.
The merchant then determined to
complain to the telephone. company.
As" he was writing the letter one Sat
urday., evening, the telephone rang,and
the timid voice of a young man asked
if the Rev. Mr. Blank would marry
him at once. A happy thought came
to the merchant:
“No, I’m too damn busy writing my
sermon,” he replied.
The Other Way About. ', ■»’
An old darkey was convinced that
a bill rendered him by his butcher was
not correct. He complained to the
butcher, who said:
“Figures don’t lie,” Sam.
“Ah knows dat,” replied Sam, “but
liars do figger.” **
No Higher.
. Wife—“Everything is getting high
er.” ,. !
Husband —“Oh, I don’t know.
There’s my opinion of--me and my
opinion of you, and the neighbors’
opinion of both of us.”
A Bug.
Clerk (assessor’s office) — Fellow
outside says you’ve assessed his real
estate too little by $20,000.
Assessor—Give him a cigar and keep
him quiet while I telephone the asy
lum {—Philadelphia ^Bulletin. • * •
Fifty-fifty. >
“I’d rather play golf than eat.”
“But..what does.your wife say to
that?”
“Oh, she doesn’t care. She’d rather
play bridge than cook.”—Detroit Free,
Press.
Wise Cat Was He. ,
Two suburban gardeners were
swearing vengeance on cats.’
“It appears to me,” one said, “that
they seem to pick out your choicest
plants to scratch out of the ground.”
“There’s a big yellow tomcat,” the
other said, “that fetches my plants out
and-then sits-and actually defies me.”
“Why don’t you hurl a brick at
him?” asked the first speaker.
“That’s what makes me mad,” was:
the reply. “I ''can’t. He gets on top
of my greenhouse to defy me.”—Kart-
$ai City Star. ,
Hopeless.
White (intending to request a loan)
—Well, Jade, old boy, how are the
family coffers today?
Jade (who knows White’s weak
ness) : Too far gone to cough up.
Storyteller—We were in the teeth
of a gale—
Heartily Indorsed.
A young reporter who took his first
check to the bank and was asked by
the ,cashier to indorse it on the back,
wrote: “I heartily indorse this check.”
—Chicago Herald.
Tim’s Industry.
“Ye have turned industrious lately,
Tim,” said one Tipperary man to an
other,
7 “That I have, bedad,” replied the
other. “I was up before the magis
trate . last week for battherin’'. Cassidy,
and the judge tould me if I came back
on the same charge he would fine me
tin dollars.”
“Did he?” said the first speaker.
“And ye’re working hard so as to kape
yer hands off Cassidy?”
“Don’t ye believe it,” said the in
dustrious man. “I’m working ha-r-r-rd
to save up the tin dollars.”—Buffalo.
Courier.
V. • s
He Just Hadn’t Heard.
“Where.is the.. Dead Sea?” asked
the teacher of Tommy.
"Don’t know, ma’am,” said Tommy.
“Don’t know where the Dead Sea
is?” inquired the teacher.
“No, ma’am,” replied Tommy. “I
didn’t even know any of ’em was sick,
ma’am.”
Mother (remarried to a teacher)—
You must be nice to Papa, Alfred.
He wants to be kind to you.
Son—‘Oh! indeed, mama, I was two
years in his school. ... I know him
better! — Fliengende Blaetter (Mun
ich.)
M. L. LIVELY " M. E. TILLY
MADE IN ATLANTA.
Why buy imported goods when you have the best
at home ? Made in the laboratory of
MATTHEWS & LIVELY
ATLANTA
Three of the leading articles,
Hair Tonic
Toilet Water
Talcum Powder
Besides we carry a full line of
,*• ’ ;
Barber Accessories
Twenty years in business handling the leading
lines for the wholesale and retail trade.
MATTHEWS & LIVELY
ATLANTA
BOTH PHONES nyrt-