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10
THE ATL ANTI AN
July, 1916
pouch on the seat. Will you please
get up?”
No seener was Ihe seat unoccupied
than the old fellow sat down again.
“B’lieve I’ll jes keep sittin’ here, miss,”
he explained. “I’ve got a little more
more politeness than these here gen
tlemen. but I’ve found out I ain’t got
nigh so much common sense.”
WHERE HER MONEY WENT.
“Jane,’’ said the regardful banker
employer to his cook, “if you want
advice at any time about the invest
ment of your money I’ll be very glad
to help you.”
“Thank you, sir,” replied Jane, “th i-
is very good of you, sir; but you see,
sir, I send all my savings to my brother
in the West, sir, and he puts it all in
irritated lands.”
HE HAD A PRECEDENT.
“Willie, you must stop using such
dreadftd language,” said his mother.
“Where in the world did you learn
it 1”
“Why, mother,” replied the boy,
“Shakspere uses it.”
“Well, then,” said the mother, “don’t
play with him.”
A MIRACLE RE-ENACTED.
Two clorgeymen, one evidently high
ly educated and the other not so learn
ed, were discussing the value of edu
cation.
“I suppose,” said the latter, “you
have gone through college?”
“Yes, I have,*' was the medest
answer.
“Well,” declared he of the little
education, “I am thankful that the
Lord opened my mouth without an
education.”
“Yes.?” courteously assented the
other. “A similar thing, we are told,
happened in Balaam's time.”
NOT INECESSARY TO ASK.
“I hope you didn't ask for a second
piece of pie when you were over at
Johnny Smith’s to dinner," said his
mother.
“No; ma’am, I didn’t,” said Charles.
“I just asked Mrs. Smith for the
recipe so you could make some pie
like it, aud she gave me another piece
without my asking for it at all.”
THE LESSER OF TWO EVILS.
“I’ll be mighty glad when I start to
school,” announced Willie one day.
“Why will you beglad, dear?" asked
his mother in surprose.
“Well, then you an’papa will have
to cut out this spellin’ of words that
you don’t want me th hear."
The five wise virgins would have
been as foolis has their five sisters if
they hadn’t heard and heeded the oil
man’s advertisement.
HELPED BY THE SERMON.
A colored preacher was vehemently
denouncing the sins of his congrega
tion. “Bredern an’ sislern, Ah warns
yo’ ’gainst de heinous sin ob shootin’
craps! Ah charges yo’ ’gainst de
black rascality ob liftin’ pullets. But
above else, bredren an’ sistern, Ah
demolishes yo’ 'gainst de crime ob
melon stealin, ”
A brother in a back scat made an
odd sound with his lips, rose and
snupped his fingers. Then sat down
again with an abashed look.
“Whuffo, mail fren’,’’ said the par
son sternly, “does yo’ rar up an’ snap
yo’ fingers when Ah speaks ob melon
stealin’?"
“Yo’ jes renun's me, pajison,” the
man in the cack seat answered meek
ly, “wha’ Ah lef’ mah knife.”
MAKING IT PLAIN.
The government had installed a
telegraph line from Prejedor to Bi
hatch (Bosnia).
“What is the meaning of this wire?”
asked the astonished inhabitants of a
village through which the line hap
pened to pass.
“It is a telephone,” said the head
man of the village, who had been m
consultation with the officials. “One
can send a message along this wire,
straight from here to Stamboul.”
The villagers were incredulous.
“That is impossible! How can a mes
sage run along a wire*’”
The head-man thought a while;
then he hit upon the proper explana
tion. “Imagine,” he said, “a dog that
is terribly long, and whose tail is
stretched, like the wire on these
poles; imagine that his tail is so long
that he reaches from here to Stam
boul. Now, suppose we pinched his
tail here. Wouldn’t he howl in Stam
boul?”
The villegers understood.
VIEW REVISED.
A handsomely dressed damsel en
tered a crowded tram-car. A rough
looking old fellow, wearing a dilapi
dated hat and a suit of homespuu
clothes, rose to his feet.
“Miss, take my seat. I don’t look
as well as these ’ere gentlemen,” he
said, nodding to several men, “but
I’ve got more politeness.”
Without a word of thanks the young
woman sat down.
“Miss,” said the old fellow, with a
smile, “I believe I left my tobacco
COMPLIMENTS OF
Coursey & Munn
Druggists
No 29 Marietta Street
PHONES, MAIN
—ONE—THREE.