Newspaper Page Text
14
THE ATLANTiAN
juiy, 1916
Atlanta National Bank
Atlanta, Georgia
You will find that the service rendered the patrons
of this institution is of a high order. No detail of the
banking matters you may entrust to us is considered
too insignificant for close and courteous attention.
Accounts of individuals, as well as those of firms and
corporations, are solicited.
We have a Department for Savings in which we pay
interest, compounded semi-annually.
We have a Department Exclusively for women.
Capital . . . $1,000,000
Surplus and Profits $1,390,000
We Solicit Your Account
“Is your new motor car a good hill
climber?”
"Fine," replied Mr. Chuggins. “I
only wish it would draw the line at
hills. Sometimes it wants to try a
tree or a telegraph pole.”—Washing
ton Star.
HE DIDN'T GET THE JOB.
While Senator Mark Hanna was
Charmain of the Republican Nation
al Committee he was much annoyed
by one man who wanted a job as
messenger at the headquarters. Af
ter the sixth or seventh visit Sena
tor Hanna sent for the man who then
held the position.
“Did you see that man, just now,
who has been here so many times?"
he asked.
“Yes, sir,” said the messenger with
a grin.
“Do you know what he wants?"
“No, sir."
“Well he wants your job, and if he
gets in to ine again he will get it."
Senator Hanna never saw the ap
plicant again.
GLAD TO BE REMINDED.
“Look here!” said an excited man
to a druggist. “You gave me mor
phine for quinine this morning!”
“Is that so?” replied the druggist.
“Then you owe me twenty-five cents.”
A BIT MIXED.
The chariman of the committee was
addressing a meeting at a teachers’
institute:
“My friends, the schoolwork is the
bulhouse of civilization. I mean—
ah "
He beg|hn to feel frightened.
“The bulhouse is the schoolwork
of civ ”
A smile could be felt.
“The workhouse is the bulschool
of ”
He was evidently twisted.
“The bulschool is the housework—”
An audible snigger spread over the
audience.
“The bulschool "
He was getting wild. So were his
hearers. He mopped his perspira
tion, gritted his teeth, and made a
fresh start.
“The schoolhouse, my friends——"
A sigh went up. Hamlet was him
self again.
He gazed serenely around. The
light of triumphant self-confidence
was enthroned upon his brow.
"Is the woolbark •”
And then he lost consciousness.
GEORGE KNEW.
“George,” said the teacher, “is
there any connecting link between
the animal and the vegetable king
doms?”
“Yeth, ma’am,” said George prompt
ly. “Hash.”
THE SAME—ONLY DIFFERENT.
“How long have they been mar
ried?” asked Mr. Brown as they pass
ed the strong-minded lady and her
husband.
“About five years,” said his friend.
“Did she make him a good wife?”
‘Well," was the somewhat doubt
ful reply, “she made him an awfully
good husband.”
“Ah! A package of old love let
ters, tied round with a faded pink
ribbon. I could shed tears at the
sight of them."
“Piffle! For true pathos nothing
surpasses a bundle of cancelled
checks."—Birmingham Age-Herald.
WHEN?
“Are you of the opinion,” asked a
slim-looklng man of the druggist,
“that Doctor Smith’s medicine does
any good?”
“Not unless you follow the direc
tions.”
“What are the directions?” asked
the man.
“Keep the bottle tightly corked."
HOW COULD SHE TELL?
The telephone rang and the new
Polish maid answered it.
“Hello!” came from the receiver.
“Hello!” answered the girl, flushed
Jwith the pride of a new language.
“Who is this?” again came the
voice.
“I don’t know who it is,” said the
girl. “I can’t see you.”
SOME ACCOMPLISHED FOWLS
The following notice was recently
posted in a Minnesota village by the
up-to-date marshal:
I have been instructed by the Vil
lage Council to enforce the ordinance
against chickens running at large >
and riding bicycles on the sidewalks.
Harry Shells,
Village Marshal.
THE UNWISE MAN.
The Turks have a :fable which has
a large element of truth in it. As
a woman was walking, a man gazed
intently at her and then followed her
at a respectful distance. The woman
stopped and waited for him.
“Why," she asked, “do you follow
me?”
“Because,” he replied, “I have fal
len in love with you.”
“Why so?” returned the woman.
“My sister, who is coming after me,
is much handsomer than I. Go and
make love to her.”
The man turned back and saw a
most unattractive woman. Greatly
displeased he returned and said:
“Why did you tell me a falsehood?"
“Because you told me one,” answer
ed the woman. “For, if you were in
love with me, why did you look back
for another woman?”
Belle—Marie married a genius.
Millie—You don’t mean it?
Belle—Yes, but she has talent and
can support him.
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