Newspaper Page Text
July, 1916
THE ATLANTIAN
.7
HOW DO YOU STAND
ON
PREPAREDNESS?
Would you have peace and prosperity? Then pre
pare for it!
Our idea of genuine peace and prosperity is when
your watch begins to run slow or fast — there’s
danger ahead; and the best way to insure peace to
your troubled mind and prosperity to your bank
roll, is to bring that watch to us, and we will put
it in first-class condition This will keep you from
mlissing important engagements and probable loss
of money
And we certainly repair them right. ?
Sure, we have everything you might wish from 1 a
first-class jewelry store.
A. M. BALDING
17 Edgewood Avenue
"Just a step off Peachtree”
HAD BEEN TESTED.
Carrie—See the diamond ring Ar
thur gave me. Isn’t it a beauty?
Bessie—Indeed it is. Do you think
it is genuine?
Carrie—Genuine? Why, it cut an
other fellow out of me.
SAVED TIME FOR NORAH.
Mrs. Jones rushed into her hus
band’s office, wild with excitement.
“Oh, John!” she cried. “Norah
made a mistake and tried to start the
fire with gasoline 1”
“Gasoline, eh?” said John calmly.
“Did she get it started?”
“Get it started!’’ cried Mrs. Jones.
“Why, it blew her out of the win
dow 1”
“Oh, well,” remarked the philoso
phic John, “it was her afternoon out
anyhow.”
A REFORMER.
Small Rachel had been in the coun
try for the first time and for only a
few days. In the yard she saw one
evening a hen gathering her chick
ens under her wings for the night.
Flourishing her apron the girl ran
at the hen, exclaiming:
“Shoo, shoo! you naughty thing!—
you mustn’t sit down on those pretty
little birds.”
THE MARRIAGE YOKE.
The dull boy in the class unexpect
edly distinguished himself in a recent
history examination. The question
ran, “How and when was slavery in
troduced into America?" To this
he replied:
"No women had come over to the
early Virginia colony. The planters
wanted wives to help with the work.
In 1610 the London Company sent
over' a shipload of girls. The plant
ers gladly married them, and slavery
was introduced into America”
HIS MEED.
When James G. Blaine was a young
lawyer he defended a tramp accused
of stealing a watch. So sure was he
of the hobo’s innocence that he put
up an eloquent, pathetic plea. The
audience wept, he wept himself. Even
the tramp wept. When the pedes
trian was acquitted he tok his coun
cil aside and addressed him,
“Sir, never have I heard so grand
a plea. I have no money to reward
you, but,” drawing aside his tatters,
“here’s the watch. Take it."
TOO SOON TO TELL.
Tommy had been playing truant
from school, and had spent a long,
beautiful day fishing. On his way
back he met one of his young cron
ies, who accosted him with the usual
question,
“Catch anything?”
At this Tommy, in all the conscious
ness of guilt, quickly responded.
“Ain’t been home yet.”
i A SHIRKING ATMOSPHERE.
! It was a pair of New Yorkers down
peeing the scenery to be found in
the Land of the Sky. They had rest
ed at the summit of Mount Mitchell,
ivhich is the highest point east of
the Rockies.
“Isn’t this wonderful!” said one.
“Isn’t this grand! But it don’t seem
fhat you can see as far in the distance
as you should. It’s the—Oh, hang it,
what do you call that which the lack
of enables you to see farther on some
days than on others?"
“The timidity,” replied his friend.
NO ENJOYMENT.
He was an old Scotchman, renown
ed for his closeness. His smoking
was generally accompanied by grunts
of disapproval.
“Don’t you like to smoke, uncle?”
his nephew asked him one day.
“I like to smoke weel enough,” re
turned the old man, “but there’s no
enjoyment to it, for when I use my
own terbaccer I think how much it’
costs, and when I use my friends’ my
pipe is so full it won’t draw.”
HEARD IN BOSTON. ’
At dinner one evening recently a
little girl surprised her mother by
saying, “I’m not stuck on that bread.”
“Margie,” said her mother reprov
ingly, “you want to cut that slang
out.”
“That’.s a peach of a, way of cor
recting the child,” remarked the
father.
“I know/’ replied the mother, “but
I just wanted to put her wise.”
Passenger: Steward, are we near
ing port?
Boat Steward: Yes, suhl Certinly,
suh! It am only about three tips
away now.
Howard: I wonder what Tennyson
would write if he were alive today?
Coward: He’d have to alter that
line of his, “Better fifty years of Eu
rope than a cycle of Cathay.”
“Hell,” said the minister, “is not a
place; it’s a state.”
“Must be Massachusetts,” murmur
ed a member who had spent his last
summer’s vacation trying to find his
way about the streets of Boston.
DISTRACTIONS.
The World has been running two ex
tra features; an aeroplane contest and
a scheme for lighting the statue of
Liberty.
Both have been interesting, but why
these enterprises in a time crowded
with important news and with both the
nominating conventions intruding 7
Is there something from which the
World thinks the public mind ought to
be distracted?
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