Newspaper Page Text
November, 1916
fHE ATLANTiAN
1
A TACTFUL GUEST.
At an evening entertainment, a late
comer greeted his hostess with an apo-
logy for his lack of punctuality.
“Awful glad to see you, Mr. Blank,”
said the lady. “So good of you to
come; but where is your brother-”
“My brother,” said he, sends his
regrets. You see, we are so busy just
now that we could not both gee away,
so we tossed up tosee which would
come.”
“How interesting! Such an original
idea! And you won?“
“No,” said the very literal young
man, “I lost!”
HIS IDEA ADOPTED.
A young wife remonstrated with her
husband, a dissipated spendthrift, on
his conduct.
“Love,” said he, “I am like the prod
igal son; I shall reform by and by.”
“I will be ilke the prodigal son,
too,” she replied, “orf I shall arise and
go to my father.”
AFTER MANY YEARS.
“Do you go in for aviation?” asked
the professor of English as he met an
alumnus. The alumnus took full ad
vantage of the situation:
“No, professor, not for aviation.
One goes in for sea bathing, but for
aviation I think one goes up, doesn’t
he?”
HER RETORT.
“People often preserve the pens with
which historic documents are signed.”
“Quite so,” said his wife. “I think
I’ll preserve the pen with which wou
signed that $5 check you gave me the
other day.”—Kansas City Journal.
VERY LIGHT WEIGHT
“Now they say they can weigh the
conscience.”
“By the ounce?”
“I imagine by the scruple.”—Kansas
City Journal.
POOR CONTROL.
“Don’t you think Miss Howler has
wonderful control of her voice?”
“No, I don’t. She sings every time
anyone asks her to.”—Boston Trans
cript.
NATURAL HISTORY.
“How do you keep moths out of
clothing?” asked the girl with a needle
and thread.
“Why,” replied the girl with the
story book, “I didn’t know they wore
any.”—Washington Star.
BETWEEN GIRLS.
“She says she wishes she could see
herself as others see her.”
“That’s just an excuse for spending
a lot of time in front of the mirror.”
—Kansas Citu Journal.
YOU CAN
Give thanks on Thanksgiving
Day, as well as all other days,
if you carry your watch to us,
when it needs repairing — be
cause we do it right
Christmas will soon be here, and
now is a good time to shop.
You’d be surprised how many
are shopping now, in order to
avoid the holiday rush. Why
not you? And where can you
select gifts of real value, with
any more satisfaction than at
the store just off Peachtree? .
A. M. BALDING
17 Edgewood Avenue
CANDY
THE CANDY BEST LOVED
BY LOVERS OF CANDY
Proton Sc JUlen
RELIABLE DRUGGISTS
EXCLUSIVE AGENTS
WOULD COUNT IN THE SCORE.
Two bitter rivals were playing in the
final round of a golf tournament and
were even on the eighteenth hole. One
of them, a garrulous old gentleman,
had talked incessantly during the
match, to the great annoyance of his
opponent.
“Look here, Logan,” burst out the
latter, “if you don’t stop your in
fernal chatter I’ll crack you over the
head with this brassie!”
“All right, Jones, swing away,” was
the calm response; “but remember this
—it’s going to cost you a stroke.”
Ichabod—What makes you so in
fernally thin?
Jacques—Worry, old chap, worry.
Ichabod—What on earth are you
worrying about?
Jacques—Getting thin.
SAVED THE ADMISSION MONEY.
Ruth came home from her first visit
to Sunday School, carrying a small
sack of candy.
“Why, Ruth, where did you gel the
candy?” asked the family, who had
gathered to hear her experiences.
Ruth looked up in surprise.
“I bought it with the nickle you
gave me,” she said; “the minister met
me at the door and got me in for
nothing.”
HE MEANT WELL AT THAT.
“But, Captain Hawley,” said the
handsome Miss Piute coquettishly, “will
you love me when I grow old and
ogly ? ”
“My dear Miss Piute,” answered the
Captain gallantly, “you may grow
)lder, but you will never grow uglier.”
And he wondered why their friend
ship ceased so suddenly.
JUST FOR A CHANGE.
“Excuse me,” said the girl to her
dancing partner, as she stooped in the
middle of the “Boston,” “don’t you
think you might introduce a little
change in your style of dancing?”
“Why certainly, most gladly. How?”
asked the young man.
“Well if you don’t mind,” sweetly
said his partner, “would you mind
dancing on my left foot for a while?
The right has about had enovgh.”
A RUDE FATHER.
“What’s the trouble girlie?
“Oh, Algenon, I’m afraid for you.
Fahtre threatens to kick you into the
middle of next week.”
“Well, my dear, if he insists, let
him do it. But hold next Wednesday
evening open for me.”—New York
Globe.