Newspaper Page Text
September, 1917
THE ATL ANTI AN
15
IT WAS APPARENT.
The governor’s wife was attempt
ing to explain to Bridget some things
about the military affairs of the
state.
“My husband,'” she said proudly to
Bridget, “is at the head of the state
militia.”
“Anybody could tell that by just
looking at him,” answered Bridget
cheerfully, “ain’t he got the fine ma
licious look, ma’am?”
VERY LATEST ANTIQUES.
“Anything new in the show?” ask
ed the local manager.
“Yes,” answered the visiting agent.
“The biggest supply of new songs,
new faces, new jokes, ever shown in
captivity. Just to show you the trou
ble we’ve taken with that show, we’ve
been collecting all that material for
the last ten years.”
CONCLUSIVE.
A lady came into the butcher shop
and asked the butcher to let her look
at some of the best butterine he had
in stock. After mashing the pack
age and smelling of it, she said to
the butcher, “I don’t believe there
is any butter in this stuff.”
“No, madam,” replied the witty
butcher, “nor is there any dog in
our dog biscuits.”
A PRACTICAL EDUCATION.
One day Mr. Smith went to buy a
bushel of buckwheat for sowing. The
man who sold the wheat was away,
but his wife undertook to wait on the
customer. She found a peck, meas
ure, and they went to the granary.
She filled the measure twice, pour
ed the contents into the bag, and
began to tie it up.
“But, Mrs. Lawson,” said the man,
“it takes four pecks to make a
bushel.”
“Oh, does it?” replied the wom
an, as she untied the bag. “Well,
you see I never had any experience in
measuring grain before I married
Mr. Lawson. I alfays taught school."
THE DIFFERENCE.
Professor—“You must not neglect
your studies for athletics, young
man.”
Student—“That’s what dad says,
ibut I’ve noticed that he never gets
up and cheers when he hears me
quoting Latin in the way he cheers
when he sees me playing football.”
A HINT OF THE FUTURE.
Sir Hubert von Herkomer, the well-
known artist, who died recently,
used to tell an amusing story of a
London art-dealer. This man had
two beautiful reproductions of the
painting, “The Approaching Storm.”
One of these pictures he placed in
the show-window, but it did not sell.
A length, in order to draw attention
to the picture, he used the words,
“‘The Approaching Storm,’ especial
ly suitable for a wedding present.”
WANTED TO BE THERE.*
Dick—“I—I can’t stay all night
with you any more, Tom.”
Tom (indignantly)—'Why can’t
you?”
Dick (with a worried look on his
face)—“Well, ma says the world is
coming to an end some of these
nights and—”
Tom—“Well, what of that? Won’t
you go to heaven anyway?”
Dick—“Me and ma would, but—but
I want to be here to tell pa good
bye.”
HE WAS ASSAULTED.
A monument mason was in the wit
ness box, describ : ng the way that
he had been assaulted by the de
fendant.
“He walked right into my yard
and slammed me up against one of
my own tombstones,” the witness
said.
“Did he hurt you?” asked the
court.
“Hurt me. Why, I’ve got ‘Sacred
to the Memory of’ stamped all down
my back."
An English militant crusader
strolled into a barn .where a young
man was milking a cow. With a
snort, she asked, “How is it that you
are not at the front, young man?”
“Because, ma’am,” answered the
milker, “there ain’t no milk at that
end.”
BOYS WILL BE BOYS I
The school boacd were discussing
the advisability of procuring a libra
ry for the school. After much dis
cussion, an old, tough-looking mem-,
ber arose and made known his opin
ion :
“I think,” said he, “that any school
needs a library, but I b’lieve we
hadn’t ort to get a encyclopedy, for
them boys would ride it or die.”
A disheveled citizen rushed into a
Boston police station Saturday after
noon and shouted for vengeance.
“The automobile that hit me five
minutes ago was No. 41144,” he sput
tered.
“I can prove that he was exceed
ing the speed limit, and I want—I
want-r”
“A warrant?” asked the officer.
“Warrant nothing I What good
would a warrant do me at the rate
be was going? I want extradition
papers.”
Gunter-Watkins Drug Co.
Cor. Peachtree and Walton St.
PRESCRIPTIONS
CAREFULLY
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and filled by experienced Licensed Pharmacists.
We Want Your Business.
Gunter-Watkins Drug Co.
Cor. Peachtree and Walton Sts.
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25 WHITEHALL ST.