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14
THE ATLANTIAN
November, 1917
IN A PINCH. USE ALLEN’S FOOT-
EASE.
They were discussing literature and
the conversation turned to English
authors.
“Have you read Carlyle?’’ inquired
the literary connoisseur.
“No," answered the literary par
venu, ‘tout I’ve visited his Indian
school.’’—The Penn State Froth.
AN UNAPPRECIATED GIFT.
Farmer Hawbuck: I’ve bought a
barometer, Mandly, to tell when it’s
goin’ ter rain, ye know.
Mrs. Hawbuck: To tell when it’s
goin’ to rain! Why, I never heard of
such extravagance 1 What do ye
s’pose the good Lord hez give ye the
rheumatiz for?—London Opinion.
"Katharine, Queen of England,
come into court 1” called the crier.
‘There will have to be a brief de
lay,” replied the scribe, “as the
Queen is just finishing the list of per
sons to whom she wishes to send a
year’s subscription to Life as a Chrit-
mas gift.’’
THE WINNTER.
While Chopin probably did not
time his ‘Minute Waltz” to exactly
sixty seconds, some auditors insist
that it lives up to its name. Mme.
Theodora Surkow-Ryder on one of
her tours played the “Minute Waltz”
as an encore first telling her audience
what it was. Thereupon a huge man
in large riding suit took out an im
mense silver watch, held it open al
most under her nose, and gravely
proceeded to time her. The pianist's
fingers flew along the keys, and her
anxieey was rewarded when the man
closed the watch with a loud slap
and sa d in a booming voice: “Gosh!
She’s done ’t.”—Tit-Bits.
It is said to be the death penalty
in Germany to impersonate an army
officer but so far the Crown Prince
has escape.—Washington Post.
NO BRAIN TAX FOR CONGRESS.
Congressman Kitchin, in explaining
the doubled tax on professional and
business incomes of over six thousand
dollars, declares that the only objec
tors are h’gh-priced lawyers and pro
fessional men in New York, and that
these are just the men the tax ought
to hit. Kitchin holds to the belief
that a man with brains should be
taxed twice as much as a man with
out brains. Congress thinks as does
Mr. Kitchin, and exempts the con
gressman’s salary of Seven thousand
five hundred dollars.
THE PROPER BENEFICIARY.
“Since you worked jyour examples
so nicely.” sa : d the pretty teacher, “I
shall give you a kiss.”
“Teacher, I didn’t know there was
to be a reward,” responded the hon
est orchin. 'It’s only fair to tell you
that my big brother did them sums.”
SHE KNEW IT.
“Doctor,” said an old lady to her
physician, “what is a periphrasis?”
“A periphrasis, madam, is a circum
locutory cycle of oratorical sonoros-
ity, circumscribed about an atom of
ideality and lost in a verbal profun
dity.”
“La,” said the old lady, “that’s ex
actly what I told Sallie and she said
it was worms 1”
Never write love letters in which
you call the girl Ducky, Preciums,
K'ssums, Snookums, Baby Mine, etc.
If you don’t marry the girl, she’ll
probably read the letters to you after
a few years.
NOTHING BUT LEAVES.
Adam may have been a slacker, but
he wasn’t able to hide behind Eve’s
skirts.
ERRONEOUS.
Mr. Sprinky: There’s one thing I
object to in our national song.
Irascible Patriot (glaring): What,
sir?
Mr. Sprinky: Who ever heard of a
New Yorker getting up in time to see
our flag “by the dawn’s early light?”
—First Turkey: Come on, let’s go,
Billl Dont you see that pilgrim load
ing his gun to shoot us?
Second Turkey: Stick around, kid.
It’s safe. Can’t you see that that pil-
gr'm is wearing skirts?
THE STROLLING PLAYERS.
They used to play in little hillside
towns
Quaint, mirthful mummeries. Year
after year
The peasant folk would crowd them
close to hear
Each quip and jest; their mimic ups
and downs
Won them a ' clam’rous meed of
smiles and frowns,
'Since theirs the char mto touch dull
workaday
With such enchantment that both
gave and gay
Welcomed the antics of these merry
clowns.
But Pierrot fell at Mons, where sil
ver-thin
His voice rang cheer above the
clashing shot;
And in a drowsy, poplar-shaided
plot
Beside the rippling Meuse sleeps Har
lequin ;
. While, giving of 'her broken heart
no sign,
Through wards of maimed and
blind sings Columbine.
—'Charlotte Becker.
The Hearst shall be last, and the
last shall be Hearst.
Hearst in war, Hearst in peace,
Hearst in the hearts of his country
men.
Let h'm who is without sin among
you be the Hearst to cast a stone.
LOOK WHO’S
HERE
THOS. H. PITTS
THREE STORES IN ATLANTA
FIVE POINTS
CANDLER BLDG.
4th NATIONAL BANK
EVERYTHING THAT'S FIT
TO SMOKE AND CHEW
CALL US
Thos. H. Pitts Co.
Thanks for your
PAST PATRONAGE
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for your
FUTURE BUSINESS
Coursey & Munn
Druggists