Newspaper Page Text
November, 1917
THE ATLANTI AN
THE EFFECT OF IMAGINATION.
: Four gentlemen attending a meet
ing in the country were sleeping in
two feeds in a large room One of
them was a “fresh-air fiend.” Out
side it was freezing cold, veny dark,
and •‘he win'd blowing almost a gale.
The fresh-air fiend tossed and rolled,
A RECORD BREAKER!
Wife—“Here’s a woman who has
had the same servant for twenty
years.”
Husband—“That’s nothing. I’ve
been married to you longer than
that.”
SHE DID HER "BIT.”
First Hen—“Have you done your
‘bit?”’
Second Hen—'“Well, 1 should cluck!
Ought to see the fine trench I made
in the vegetable garden next door.”
NOT ABLE TO TELL.
Jiggs—“How does the new fire-en
gine .n your town work?”
B ggs—“Haven’t been able to prove
its efficiency yet. Every time we had
a fire the house has burned down be-
for we could get there.”
COULDN’T BE WORSE.
Mrs. A.—“I don’t think their man
ners are particularly good. I wonder
where they have been living?”
Mrs. B.—“I don’t know, but their
manners couldn’t be any worse if they
had been living at home all their
lives.”
WHAT MOTHER SAID.
Nellie was entertaining Mr. Noble,
and Title Tommy was hanging about.
At length Nell'e told him it was time
for him to retire.
“Oh, can’t I stay up a little long
er?" pleaded Tommy.
“What do you want to sit up for?”
asked Nellie.
“Why, I want to see you and Mr.
Noble play cards,” answered Tommy.
“But we are not going to play
cards,” said Nellie.
“W'hiy,” said Tommy, “mother said
you were. I heard her tell you that
everything depended on the way you
played your cards tonight.”
IMPROVING WITH AGE.
“Well, Bobbie, I’m surprised you
don’t like your baby brother.”
“It isn’t that, sir. But it makes me
hate myself to think I was once like
that.”
FISHIN’?
“Now. how do you suppose Noah
spent the time in tbe ark during the
flood?’ the Sunday School teacher
asked.
"Prayin’," suggested Willie.
“Fishin’,” ventured Dick.
“Humph," grunted Willie contempt
uously, “’twould be fine fishin’ wid
only two worms, wouldn’t it?”
WILLIE’S COMPOSITION ON SOAP
“Soap is a kind of stuff made into
nice-looking cakes that smells good
and tastes awful. Soap pieces always
taste the worst when you get it into
your aye. My father says the Eski-
rnose don’t never use soap. I wish I
was an Eskimos©. ”
WHY HE WAS EXEMPT.
“Rastus,” asked an old colored
preacher of a sturdy-looking young
negro, “how comes it dat you ain’t
done jined de a’my?”
“De doctors done turn me down,
Pahson,” replied the negro. “Dey
tells me dat I got a—a—Cadillac on
me eye.”
18
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GETTING DOWN TO FACTS.
"Mother,” she began, “what does
trans-Atlantic mean?”
1 “Across the ocean," replied her
mother. ,
Then, “Does ‘trans’. always mean
across?” ,
i “Yes, it does, always.” And the
brother added sternly, “if you ask me
another question tonight, I shall send
you to bed 1”
: The second silence lasted quite
three seconds. It was broken at last
tjy a plaintive, small voice which com
mented, “Then I suppose transparent
means a cross parent 1”
llllllllllllllillllllillllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllli^
gasping for breath. He became sc
distressed that finally one of the oth
ers vexedly told him to get up and
open a window. He got up and fum
bled around in the dark until he
found a window and opened it, the
sash being hung on hinges like a door
shutter. He went back to bed, took
a long breath, and said:
“Ah, that is so refreshing! Now I
can sleep.” So he did, but it was dis
covered next morning that he had
opened a book-case door inside the
room.
THE THREE AGES OF CHILD
HOOD.
“How"old are you, my dear?”
“Eight at home; seven and a half
when I go by train, and ®ix when I
go out with mama."—Von Vivant.
“Are iyou going to the seashore this
Rummer?”
“No,” answered the tired-looking
man. "There’s no use of my going
myself. I can send the money every
week by registered letter.”
“BUSINESS AM BUSINESS."
“Well, well!” said the planter,
meeting an old negro, “what are you
doing now, uncle?”
“I’s preachin’.”
“What! You preachin’?”
“Yessah, master, I’se a-preachin’.”
“Well, well! Do you use notes?"
“Nossuh. At the fust I used notes,
but now I demands de cash.”
AND A FEW OTHER THINGS.
Do you think a man ever loses
anything by politeness?”
“Yes, h : s seat in a street car.”
LOOK WHO'S HERE
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With a Full Line of
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We need no introduction to the public.
Our record in this line in the past is a shining
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future.
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R. G. DUNWODY
141 Peachtree Street
Phones—< Ivy 5746, Ivy 5747; Atlanta 690.