Newspaper Page Text
July, 1918
THE ATL ANTI AN
19
EXCEPTION.
Christian Scientist: Nothing is
ever lost! Everything in the universe
is in its right plact at the right time!
Man from Missouri. Have you
never been seasick?
"Grashus, Ikey, vat a byootiful dia
mond !”
“Diamond! Dis ain’t no diamond.
Dis is a monument.”
“Monument?”
“Sure. De old man d'ed and left
five hundred dollars for a gravestone.
Dis is de stone.”—Pelican.
“How much income tax did Mr.
Pole Cat pay."
“One scent."
The first tommy was ruddy of coun-
ttnance, with a huge beard of the
hue politely known as auburn.
The second was smooth-shaven.
“I useter have a beard like that
till I saw meself in the glass. Then
I cut it off.”
But the bearder man was not dis
mayed.
“Much better ’ave left it on, mate,”
he returned gently. “I useter have a
face like yours till I saw it in the
glass. Then I growed this beard.”—
Everybody’s.
SOUVENIR.
Private Jenkins, home from France,
was seated in the village inn one
evening surrounded by a group of
admirers.
“I suppose," said old Farmer Wur-
zel, “ye had some narrow escapes
out yonder.”
“Well,” answered the Tommy,
“nothing to speak of much, but I re
member one night I felt like a drink,
so I goes down to the estaminet. I’d
just got me ’and on the door-nob.
when just then old Fritz sent one of
’is big ones over right on the house,
and, believe me, it knocked the ’ole
blooming show down, and left me
standing there, silly like, with the
knob of the door in me ’and."
Tit-Bits.
THIFT.
Sandy and John were sittting in a
car when a pretty girl got in and
smiled at the former. He raised his
hat.
“Do .you know her?” asked the
Englishmam.
“Oh, yes, very weel,” the Scot re
plied.
. “Well, shall we go and sit over be
side her, and then you con introduce
me?” asked him companion.
“Wait a bit,” returned the canny
Scot. “She hasna paid her fare yet.”
-—Pittsburg 'Chronicle-Telegraph.
Marshall’s Pharmacy
PHONE IVY 2147
Peachtree and Ivy Streeta
PHONE HEMLOCK 12
Peachtree and Tenth Streets
Two Stores in Atlanta
If you need anything
carried in a first-class
DRUGSTORE
Phone Us.
We Want Your Business
Atlanta Baggage & Cab Co.
ESTABLISHED 1865
Bonded Agents of All Railroads
Private Exchange - - Main 4000
Railroad, Passenger and Baggage
TRANSFER
Largest and Finest Equipment in the South
Baggage Checked Direct from your Residence to Destination
Baggage Transferred from one part of the City to another.
When ticket is purchased request ticket agent to
check your baggage from hotel or resi
dence direct to destination
Officers and Agents at both Stations. Agents on all Incoming Trains
W. C. WILSON,
President and General Manager.
TROUBLE ENOUGH.
A farmer’s wife, hurriny from
milking the cows to the kitchen, from
the kitchen to the churn, from the
churn to the woodshed, and ,back to
the kitchen stove, was asked if she
wanted to vote. “No, I certainly do
not. If there’s one little thing the
men-folks can do alone, for goodness’
sake let ’em do it.’’—The Argonaut.
THE SONG VALIANT.
Give me to sing a valiant song, l
pray,
Without a note that shall its ca
dence mar;
One that shall mount to greet the sun
by day,
By night the listening star I
A song with courage keyed in every
chord,
A flaming song to kindle and in
spire;
One that shall stir ‘the hearts,of men,
O Lord,
With patriotic fire!
One to be like a trumpet in the dawn,
Or one of sacrifice, should that
needs be,
Jf so it lift the sould, and hear it on
To heights of victory 1
MISTAKES WE MAKE.
Irate Lady: That attendant over
there doesn’t act as courteous and
obsequious as he should. I wish to
report him.
Hotel Clerk: Then you’ll have to
write his commanding oicer a letter,
madam. He’s in naval aviation.
Lawyer: Have you ever been in
jail?
Witness: Yes> sir, once.
Lawyer (triumphantly): Ah 1 For
how long?
Witness: Long enough to white
wash a cell which wat so be occupied
by a lawyer who cheated one of his
clients.
—Literary Digest.
Agent: Thra cacuum bottle will
keep anything hot or cold for seven
ty-two hours.
Mr. Tipples. Don’t want it. If I
have anything worth drinking I don’t
want to keep it seventy-two hours.
—Boston Transcript.
A GLORIOUS TRINITY.
“I am Old Glory,” says the Star
Spangled Banner.
“I am Bold Glory,” says the Service
Flag.
“I am Gold Glory,” says the Liberty
Loan Honor Flag.