Newspaper Page Text
November, 1918
THE ATLANTIAN
11
AN ACQUAINTED TONGUE.
Mrs. Much—What dreadful lang
uage your parrot uses!
Mrs Nothing—Yes, my husband
bought the bird one day and brought
it home in his car, and I have always
suspected (that he had engine trouble
during the journey.—'Pearson’s Week
ly. .
MISSING.
“Yes, mum, there was four pounds
of veal (here, but the cat ate it up.”
Mistress (Ruts the cat on the scales.
Find that .it weighs just four
pounds.)—Yea. Bridget, you are right.
There is the meat, but, Bdiget, where
is the cat?—Burr.
FLATLY IMPOSSIBLE.
“Yes,” said Simpkins, “I want to do
my bit, of course, so I though I’ raise
some potatoes.”
‘tWell, I thought I would do that
too," said Smith, “but when I look
ed up 'the way to do it I found that
potatoes have to be planted in hills,
and our yard is perfectly flat.”—(Pitts
burgh Chronicle-Telegraph.
1 SHOP TALK.
Wife—Did you kill that fly dear?
Aviator Husband—No, but I drove
him down in a badly damaged condi
tion.—Boston Transcript.
ONE GREAT ADVANTAGE..
"Maxine," .queried the teacher of
the head scholar, “what is the differ
ence between electricity and light
ning?”
“You don’t have to pay nothing for
lightning.” answered Maxine.—Chi
cago News.
“IWhat is on that plate?”
“That is a tumor; it is a very large
tumor; it weighs 112 pounds; the pa
tient weighed 88 pounds.”
“Was the tumor removed from the
patient?”
“No, the patient was'removed from
the tumor.’
“Did you save the patient?"
“No, we did not save 'the patient,
but we saved the tumor.’’—Doctor’s
NEVER MET ANY.
“Are you fond of dumb animals?”
‘ Never met any,” replied Mr. Grow-
cher. “All the pets my wife ever had
made some kind of a noise.”—Wash
ington Star.
HIS SUGGESTION.
Mrs. Jus'twed—You must not expect
me to give up my girlhood ways all
at once, dear.
Just wed—That’s all right; go on
taking^an allowance from your father
just as if nothing had happened.
Boston Transcript.
MISINFORMED.
“You’ve ’eard of Cleopatro, ain’t
yer, Jack?”
Jack (referring to ship of that
name)—Yes, I was out in China with
’er in ’96.
“The dooce yer was ! Then ishe
ain’t been dead so long as I thought.”
—Pearson’s Weekly.
WANTED A CHANGE.
“Why are you so gloomy?" “They
tell me I’m too old (to enlist," replied
Mr. Gumrox. “I kind of thought I’d
like to have somebody 'bossing me
around besides mother and the girls.”
—Washington Star.
MAMMA’S BOY.
The Fag—Oh, I’d go to war quick
enough, but mother wouldn’t like me
to; and I’ve never disappointed 'her
since the day I was born.
The Snag—(Well, if she was hoping
for a daughter, I’m sure you’ve done
your best to console ‘her.—Sidney
Bulletin.
LOW EBB.
“Art at a low ebb, I call it.”
“Huh?”
“The artist painted this picture as
a pot Iboiler, and the purchaser bought
it to fill a gap between two book
cases.”
A REEL HELPMEET.
“The young physician says that his
bride, although she can’t cook, is a
real (helpmeet to him.”
“Yes; il understood ithat all his
friends who dine with them become
his patients.”—(Buffalo Express.
A REGULAR BIRD MAN.
“I suppose when you have been fly
ing for ta year or so it becomes sec
ond nature?"
“Rather! iWhy, I’m getting so used
to it that I often feel a craving for
worms and bird seed.”—London Tit-
Bits.
UNIQUE.
“I hear she’s going to marry a
famous aviator.”
“eYs. First time a queen ever took
an ace.’’—Detroit Free Press.
HOW SHE ILiOVES HIM.
“She iseems interested in that aviat
or.”
“That is hardly the word for it.”
“She says she loves the very air he
flies through.”—Birmingham Age-
Herald.
SOMETHING ELSE AGAIN.
“I hear you are learning to fly.”
“No, I am merely, studying it.’’—
Parson’s Weekly.
The War is Over
And the boys will soon be returning. There
sure will be a big time then, and wont we
all be happy? One of the successes of the
veterans we will be so glad to welcome, was
that they were always on the exact minute
when they went over the top.
Won’t you feel strange if on the day they
come marching down Peachtree, you will be
ten minutes late, caused by a sick watch?
Bring it in to us and let us repair it so you
will be on the minute. Incidentally we will
this year have our usually splendid stock of
Christmas goods. Don’t forget that.
A. M. BALDING
17 Edgewood Avenue
FRUITS AND VEGETABLES,
POULTRY AND EGGS,
FRESH MEATS
FISH, OYSTERS AND GAME
15-17 W. Alabama Street
ATLANTA,