Newspaper Page Text
July, 1919 THE ATLANTIAN
19
LOOKING TOWARD THE FU
TURE.
“Wanted—married man to raise
hogs. Apply 701 Kohl Building.”
—San Francisco Examiner.
THE VICTIM.
By Walter G. Doty.
I’ve a mammoth admiration
For the man whose observation
Is so keen that he can tell you
with no sign of hesitation:
“ Yes, I saw the license number
On the back end of the car
Ere I passed away in slumber
From the fierceness of'the jar.
’Twas a twin-six Speederine,
An expensive, big machine.
Here’s the number in my note
book—eighty thousand, sev-
teen.”
Almost any day when strolling
I am tossed and sent’a-rolling,
But I’ve never felt the healing
touch of damages consoling.
Iv ’e been hurled in all directions
By the finest cars in town,
But my later recollections
Were of comets sweeping
down.
As to seeing whence they burst
Or their license plates accurst,
I can swear by all my fractures
that they’ve alwavs seen me
first!
WITHOUT ARGUMENT.
The wit and 'quickness of repar
tee which characterizes Sir F. E.
Smith, who is the new British 'Lord
chancellor, with a salary of 10,-
000, at the age of 46, is proverb
ial. In one of his early cases he
was opposed by an elderly, prosy,
long-winded lawyer, who spoke
for si xhours in his concluding ad
dress. Then Sir Frederick rose.
Looking at the judge and jury he
smiled slightly and said: “Your
honor, I will follow the example
of my learned friend who has just
concluded and submit the case
without argument. ’ ’—Argonaut.
BUSY EXPLAINER.
“Do your constituents want you
to explain the League of Na
tions?”
“All the time,” answered Sena
tor Sorghum; “I am sometimes
tempted to call it the league of ex
planations.”—Washington Star.
CHEEK BY GROWL.
“By taking Celo Celery each
morning you will wash all poisons
from stomach, leaving it pure and
sweet, with rosy cheeks.”—Dud
ley (Eng.) Herald.
“See these two pennies? I’m
savin ’ ’em to spend when the price
of commodities is down again.”—
Poulbot (Paris).
THE DIFFERTNCE.
By Bugler Louis White, U. S. A.
A colored soldier was asked by a
Garrison’s Pharmacy Co.
351 Peachtree Street,
ATLANTA, GA.
We carry a Complete Line of
DRUGS, TOILET ARTICLES, CIGARS,
STATIONARY and CANDIES.
Our Prescription Department is in charge
or H. G. Stanaland, formerly with Edmondson’s
Drug Store, and we deliver promptly to all parts
of the City.
Garrison Pharmacy Co.
351 PEACHTREE STREET
Telephones Ivy 2075, 2076
Prompt Delivery Courteous Service
A COFFEE THOUGHT
We have studied coffee for 20 years.
rrs OUR SPECIALTY
The benefit of these 20 years study is yours.
Just a little better
COFFEE
for the same money
Why not use what we have gained by hard experi
ence offered you FREE.
C. D. KENNY CO.
82 Whitehall Street
PHONES i—Main 200-559 Atlanta 559
TEAS, COFFEES, RICE, SUGAR, BAKING
POWDER, CHOCOLATE & COCOA
—THAT'S ALL!—
very interested old lady if he got
thirty a month as the other sol
diers did.
The c. s., who happened to be in
a guard company, said: “Well,
lady, when we is not on guard, we
gets one dollah a day, tout when
we is on guard we only gets fifty
■cents a day and fifty cents a
night.”
She stuttered, this lady of Sum-
mitt,
And could not, tho she tried, over
come it;
She’d gurgle and sputter,
Then shockingly mutter—
* * G-g-g-g-g-gosh-dummit! ’ ’
—Ted Robinson in the Cleve
land Plain Dealer.
When this ragtime discourse of
Summitt
Laniated her lingo, we vum, it
Was well shredded, Bud,
And as clear as the mud
In a trench to the cootie that swum
it.
Rody McPhee in the Spring-
field Union.
Why kid, the dear lady from Sum
mitt?
She isnt a beauty—far from it.
But she earns dough in stacks
Making rubber nick-nacks,
And her roll—it would thrill you
to thumb it!
—Kee Maxwell in Akron Times.
He—Yes, I made this rating dur
ing the last trip.
She—How interesting—I didn’t
know you embroidered.
THE LIMIT OF ENDURANCE.
By W. L. Iuppenlatz, U. S. A.
Little Virginia and Bobby were
playing in the yard with their
whirligigs when the wind sudden
ly dying out, caused the whirigigs
to stop.
Virginia—'Bobby, stand on the
fence and God will make the wind
blow your whiligigs.
Bobby (after standing on the
fence with his bare feet until the
wire cut)—Sister, if Dod tinks I’m
goin’ t’ stand here all day, he’s
mistaken.
A MISFIT.
By Lieut. J. L. Hill, U. S. A.
The “mess” had not been what
the men had been used to at home.
One day on a hike a “candi
date” was seen eating green per
simmons by the C. O., who said in
his most sarcastic voice, “Smith,
we have mess at noon today as
usual.” Private Smith saluted
stiffly.
“Yes, sir, I was just trying to
draw my stomach up to fit it.”
“Have you lived here all your
life, little iboy?”
“Not yet!”