Newspaper Page Text
THE AT LANTI AN
If It 9 s Kept in a
DRUG STORE
Phone Us
HEMLOCK 188-189
We Manufacture Our Ice
Cream Fresh Every Hour
Taylor Brothers Drug Store
Peachtree and Tenth St.
A VISIT TO THE DELPHIC
ORACLE.
O mighty oracle, many a time and
oft have I heard tales of thy unerring
wisdom set forth in the pages of my
thology; oft have I heard that there
is no problem too subtle no riddle too
enigmatic no puzzle too baffling for
thy matchless wit; oft have I been
told that, as a fathomer of mystery,
thou art e’en more infallible than the
vaunted Board of Ouija.
Therefore, O Oracle, have I jour
neyed acrss countless leagues of briny
expanse ,to make all due obeisance
before the majesty of thy might and
to ask of thee many grievous ques
tions which have sorely troubled my
poor intellect, and which I would
fain have thee answer.
First and foremost, O Oracle, wilt
thou tell me when, if ever, shall the
high cost of living cease to be quite
so high?
How many home runs will Babe
Ruth make?
Will the thrice-accursed Eighteenth
Amendment be amended?
And if not what is a god recipe for
home brew?
Who invented campaign oratory?
When shall we have peace?
Why is it that when the mercury
September, 1920
doth soar tp dizzy altitudes, the fair
ladies do persist in wearing furs?
And above all things ,tell me which
horse is to win the fourth race at Sar
atoga; for I have wagered many gold
en drachmae not to mention several
oboli on the filly, Mary Rose and I am
much distraught at the thought that
she will be left unattended at the post
Enlighten me O Oracle, and
straightway shall I prostrate myself
within thy temple, and I shall offer
up the symbol of my devotion upon
thy altar; e’en shall I decorate thy
shrine with the Brown Derby.
What is more, O Oracle, shall I slip
theee twenty-five per cent of my
winnings on Mary Rose.
FIRST AID TO SOCIALISM.
Andre Lefevre, French minister of
war, has issued an edict withdrawing
the Cross of Chevalier of the Legion
of Honor and the Croix de Guerre
from the young French poet,
Noel Gamier, because of cer
tain socialistic tendencies which
have been evident in his verse of late.
Gamier received the medals for gal
lantry in action in the late war, hav
ing been wounded a number of times
while in service with the chasseurs.
It-^eems that France has her Speak
er Sweets and her A. Mitchell Pal
mers no less renowned than our own.
WHY LYDIA DANCED.
When Lydia danced the minuet,
A queen there was of etiquette;
And I might touch her finger tip
Or watch the flash of eey and lip
Behind her fan of lace and jet.
Ahl She was such a gay coquette 1
My heart was like her own aigrette,
! And trembled at her curtsy dip,
* When Lydia danced 1
Now, Lydia’s daughter makes me fret;
She dances like a bold grisette—
She parks and shimmies; has a grip
That holds me tight from cheek to
hip;
And makes me that sweet time regret
When Lydia danced!
-J. E. S.
MECHANICS.
Clerk (selling modern lead pencil):
Then you unscrew this cap take out
the small unused leads put new leads
in each slot, press down firmly until
they meet grip of inside thread, then
put in case, slide down flush with
point, screw on top and the pencil is
ready to write. As simple as A B Cl
Young Lady, doubtfully: Is it as
hard as learning to drive an automo
bile?
West—Experts declare that the next
war will be in the air.
North—Like the present peace?
DELETING THE DICTIONARY.
Terrain.
Co-ordinate.
Bled white.
Beastly Huns.
Heroic Belgians.
Generous Americans (no longer used
“over there”).
Somewhere in France.
Strategic retreat.
Allocate.
Camouflage.
C’est la guerre.
Whiz-bangs.
Tin hats.
Synthetic sausage (clothing, fuel,
foods, etc.)
Ersatz.
America’s debt to France.
Freedom of the seas.
Sitting on the world.
Slacker.
Buddies.
The All-Highest.
NO LAUGHING MATTER.
Browne: I witnessed a wonderful
act last night—a man juggling fifteen
silver dollars while balancing a ten-
dollar bill on the tip of his nose and
giving an impersonation at the same
time.
Towne: Marvelous I By the way,
whom did he impersonate?
“The salaried man, of course.”
Visit the
PEACHTREE CAFE
For Something Really
GOOD TO EAT
Our Watchword Is Service
Our Meats and Vegetables are the
Best We Can Buy
Delicious Salads and Desserts
Courtesy to All We Are Here to Stay
Cleanest and Most Sanitary
Place in the South
111 Peachtree St.