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Laughter A Curative. Where does water resemble a gym- oast? Where It makes a sf ring. “Misery may like company, bat I’d rador hab de rhumatls in one leg dan to hab it in bofe.”—Unde Gabe. The following ominous “Notts” is posted up in a Texas saw mill: “Don’t munky with the buz saw when in mo- shun.” The Medical Journal wants to know “What is life without health?” Pshaw, man; that’s nothing. What is health without lift ? Answer that and go up head. “Where is you hired now, Matildy?” “I’se working now for de most respec table, high toned folks in Austin. Dey am well fixed, shure.” "Has dey got silberware, audsioli!” “I should say so. Dey has eilber tin pans, and de oopperbiler am pure gold.” A rather elderly darkey was inquir ing of a policeman if he knew any thing of his son Pete. The policeman told him that there was a young darkey in the lockup for breaking up a prayer-meeting with an axe-handle. “Dat’s him !” exclaimed the overjoyed parent. “Ho told me he was gwine to 'muse hisself.” On an Opera Coupon. A bit of card that’s black and blue Remlndeth me, alas, of you I It shows me, as this cold world goes, How heaven opes, then oomes to close, Yon smiled, and I, In glanceR c&ugl-it, For thee and me two tickets bought, The opera o’er, a smile for me— This coupon’s all that's left of thee t A matter of words: “Jedge, can’t a man git a divorce from a mighty tmmodis ’oornan?” asked a oolored gentleman of the chief justice of Ar kansas. “Is your wife Immodest ?” “Yas, sir ; de unmoddis’ ’ooman ebA yerself eber seed.” “Wbat has she done to show her lack of modesty ?” “Why, salt, she stole a dollar from me yisterday.” “That wasn’t im modesty ; it was theft.” “Yas, I sees now. So dat’s what yer call it? Well, I reckon I’ll hab to come back wid anuder ’dictment.” * Religious Opinions. It is said that the International Sun day school lessons are studied by 15,- OOO.OQO children. The Kirk Street Congregational Church, of Lowell, Mass., has voted to ‘■jail the Rev. A. C. Dickinson, of Po^kland, Me., a3 pastor, at a salary of $$600, with a four weeks' vacation. The Rev. L W. Bacon, pastor of the Park Church, Norwich, ConD.,son of the late Rev. Dr. Leonard Bacon, is to tender his resignation, to devote his time to the preparation of a biography )fMs father, and oth* r library work, ini has been faring rather hardly [he Schottish pulpit, if all stories [■e true. One minister in Forfarshire reached ^war sermon in which he leelared that “if he could lay his lands on the rebel he would, with the greatest pleasure, hang Arabi over the ^centor’s pulpit.” ’clergyman wr tss to The London fandard complaining that the people 'of t he poorer London parishes have their marriages solemnized in St. George’s, St. Paul’s and other fashion able churches. He says that such a practice is revolutionary. Perhaps it is ; but It is very certain that the loss of fees is the real grievaiyje of this parson. No clergyman has ever been known to complain, if the people go elsewhere, or rather, are taken else where, to be buried. Some Ritualist wishing to throw odium upou the Low Church party, caused the following circular to be ^distributed in the town of Walditoh, England: “Christchurch, Walditoh— There will be a special thanksgiving for the complete victory of the Church Association in the reoent decided ap peals and for the continued imprison ment of the Rev. 8. F. Green. For this once only the church will be dec orated with flowers and full choral service employed. ‘Let him rot In goal.' Protestants of Brldport, oome iu your thousands; and by gifts of money, etc., support the worthy vicar In his crusade against Ritualism and all other forms of error.” The English Bishop of Exeter has recently, as the Americans would say, “ put himself on record ” On the ques tion of marriage with a deceased wife’s sister, which in England is illegal. He remarked that he had for years held back from this question in order that he might give it the fullest poasl- jle consideration; but after giving ary weight to all that had been said ~ the present movement, he it would be wrong to alter the law. Re ligiously it was wrong, because the spirit of the Bible was opposed to It; and morally it would be wrong, be cause it would withdraw a protection that now existed to the pi rtty of family life. If the relaxation of the law was allowed with regard to a de ceased wife’H sister, very soon men would be inquiring why they might not mat ry niece or stepdaughter, and the whole thing would lead to tempta tions of a serious character in relation to family life. He also objected to men being permitted to marry nearer relations than women were allowed to marry. This is the argument known as the “ entering wedge,” and as a rule is too flimsy to be used by intelligent men. Great questions of ethics are not so decided. Domestic Economies. Sidney Smith’s Winter Salad. Two large potatoes passed through kitchen sieve Unwonted softness to the salad give; Of mordant mustard add a single spoon ; Distrust the condiment which bites so soon -, But deem It not, thou man ol herbs, a fau t, To add a doable quantity of salt, Three times the spoors with oil of Luoca erown \nd once from vinegar procured from town. True flavor i, c ecis it, and your poet begs The pounded ye.low of two well-boiled eggs. Let onion atoms lurk within the bowl, And, scarce suspected, animate the whole ; And lastly, on the flavored compound toss A magic teaspoon of anohovy sauce. Then, though green turtle fall, though venl- son’s tough, And ham and turkey are not boiled enongh Serenely fall, the epicure may say, ‘•Fate cannot barm me, I have dined to-day.” Soapsuds from the laundry is the best thing f r house plants, as it fertil izes as well moistens. Copperas mixed with whitewash, or pulverized and sprinkled about cel lars, barns and places Infested with rats will banish them. A dressing for salad made of the yolks of raw eggs, stirred with oil, musttrd and vinegar, until it becomes of creamy smoothness and rlohnega, is much belter than using hard boiled eggs. Add salt, black, and just a dash of red pepp. r. An acid that will brigh ten tarnished brass by simply dipping the brass into the Tquidand then rinsing it in water is made as follows : A bath composed of nitric acid mixed with an equal volume of water is used. The brass must not remain more than a few moments in the dip, and should be well rinsed in running water immed * diately after removing from the aoid liquid. The lovers of good coffee can have a delicious beverage by using Maracaibo and Java, equal parts of each, finely ground. One large cup of ci flee, one cup of cold water, one well beaten egg, mix thoroughly, add four cups of cold water and place over the fire. After it reaches the boiling point, allow five minutes to finish the process ; strain and s irve immediately. This seems a very simple process, but in the hands of a sei vant,if allowed to boil too long, would be easily spoiled. Many ladies buy the fine damask towels which are imported and have a design outlined across the ends, to he worked in overcast stitch in coarse red thread, and when completed the stuff is cut away so that an elabu; ate open work embroidery is the result. Or a style of work.knowu as the “Holl ein” is introduced. This is simply touohed over the woof^f the damask iu cross- stich, and the pattern is made by intro ducing different colors and working them into a definite design, which can be varied to suit individual taste. Furniture Polish, A. Messer, of Berlin, claims to have prepared the best furniture polish in use. He dissolves three kilos of shel lac In from fifteen to twenty litres of alcohol, mixes this with 100 grams of of gun cotton dissolved in as many grams of high grade sulphuric ether, to which he adds fifty grams of cam phor and enougli 90 per cent, alcohol to d-ssolvs the mass. This polish is fineiy rubbed up with linseed oil. To 100 parts of it, five parts of a saturated solution of camphor in oil of rosemary are then added. Aviry dilute solution of benzole is used for polishing off. The Turk and the man wWc ^teps on a banana skin nave muoh In common. For instance, they both sit down with out calling for a chair. The motions of the Turk, however, l»ok energy and enterprise as oompared with those le mi Field and Farm, Itsmloal. A Massachusetts firm convert- 8000 bushels of apples into cider daily. The aggregate corn crop, it is esti mated, is 1,800,000,000 bushels. A single pea bean planted in Har mony, Me., produced 657 beans. Every portion of the oleander bush —leaf, flower, bark and root—is deadly poison. The annual cheese product is about 400.000. 000 pounds, and the butter pro duct 1 200,000,000 pounds. The London News says that Europe must buy 793,000 tons of meat, and 345.000. 000 bushels of grain abroad this year. A Missouri sheep-grower advises breeding from polled rams. The ani mals, he says, fight less, are never fly blown around the horns, are more con veniently sheared, keep easier and grow larger. This is his opinion after nine years experience. Geraniums of the Zonale section may be kept through the winti r in a dormant state by hanging them up in a dry, cool cellar, free from frost. It is a better plan, however, to bury the roots In sand or common garden soil. They need not be watered. An experienced pear-grower prefers Bartletts for profit. Their only draw back is a tendency to blight, but they pay for themselves and for new trees to put in their places. The Bartlett is not the highest flavored pear, but good enough to be always profitable. Open ditches era a relic of the past. Drain ti’e not only carries of the water effectually but enables the fields to be cultivated without the necessity of building crossings over ditches. Ditch es get filled up, and become the harbor for weeds, insects, mice and other vermin. A successful amateur says : I trans plant pansy plants early in October in a small bed, and cover them with a frame and two old window sashes. Here I can otherwise protect them and get a supply of flowers nearly all win ter. The sashes are always opened on mild days to give air. Nitrates are largely produced in soils by theaotion of a living ferment, says Sir J. B. Lawes, on the nitrogenous organic matter and ammonia; nitrifi cation takes place chiefly in the upper layer of soil, and is greatly favored by the presence of water and by summer temperate re. An eminent horseman gives it as his experience, after twenty years of trial, that a tired horse can be best refreshed and strengthened by giving him a quart of oat meal stirred in a pail of water. This fits its stomach for strong er food, slakes its thirst, and is infi nitely better than pure water. The fuchsia should have a period of rest, during which time it will drop its leaves, and when at rest water sparingly. If the pot is plunged in a shaded situation it will not req uire any watering during the summer; or, if the plaut is in flower all summer, put in a warm, dry cellar until about the •st of March. The best mulch for strawberries is potato vines spread thiuly as soon as the ground is frozen. They afford suf ficient protection during the winter, but by early spring r re so rotted away that they do not interfere with plant growth. Another important considera tion is that they contain no weed teed. As a remedy for hog cholera, a cor respondent of the Journal of Agricul ture recommends a half teaspoonful of carbolio acid in a gill of milk. This remedy, he states, has be*en successful in every case, and not only cures but stops the spread of the disease. It is administered from the mouth of a long-necked b< ttle. The rows of bushes and trees whloh have grown at random and frequently line roadsides and luslde fences are rarely either useful or ornamental. Let any farmer who lias these adjoin ing any hoed crop calculate what they cost him in a year, and then decide whether he can longer afford such a feature. Poultry manure Is nearly equal to guano, an4 the value of the quantity annualiyilerived from a single fowl is about 50 lents, fully one-half Jfeeost of the lied. Five hens will make about oMe barrel of manure, and on farms \«>re large numbers of poultry are ^epRhe importance of this faot should not be overlooked. Every ounce «ould be saved. Thu Agricultural Epitomist says that nineilen out of twenty farmers In the killing,” but it should be remembered that the very best results, both as to economy and as to quality of meat, are only to be obtained by making the process as quick as possible. It is all important in this maiter to “push things.” Writing of the wonderful butter record said to have been made by “ Jersey Belle, of Scituate ”—twenty five pounds in a week—a sarcastic critic says : “ There is a good deal in knowing when to weigh. Butter can be worked just enough to make it look dry and hold together on the scales, and still be 25 per cent, watt r and but termilk. Tuat s the time to weigh for a big record.” Take any old barrels, set them in the ground, the chine just coming to the top of tue ground (no head in either end of the barrel). Into these headless barrels put beets, turnips, cabbages, etc. As the weather grows cold cover the barrels with some ioooe boards. Whenever it is cold enough to freeze hard throw over them enough hay or straw to keep out the frost.— Western Agriculturist. New England poultry shows are as common as agricultural fairs, and there should be exhibitions every where. In consequence of the inter est thus taken in poultry the annual sales of pure-bred fowls in that section amount to a large sum. Just at this season of the year the fowls are shed ding feathers, but about Christmas the shows will be in full operation. There is room here fer something of that kind. The Wichita (Kan.) Eagle says that W. L. Mullen has had on exhibition at that place a heifer which, for eize, eclipses anything yet heard of. She is creamy white, of perfect form, and weighs 3000 pounds. She measures seventeen feet from nose to tip of tail, ten feet in girth and stands seventeen hands high. She is simply a magnifi cent beauty. She was raised in Cow ley county, that State, and is four yet.rs old. A correspondent of the Country Gen tleman takes a sensible view of the value of large or small potatoes for seed. Hia opinion is that there is no differ ence in any respect,except the fact that the large potatoes furnish more nour ishment to the young plants at the beginning. For sandy soils he recom mends the planting of whole tubers without cutting, afterward thinning out all the plants in the hill to a single one. HAlways select good ears of corn for seed—the best you can find. Take them from stalks bearing two or more ears. “ A perfect ear,” Bays the Ameri can agriculturist,“ has all rows perfect, a small butt end, the cob well tipped out with grain and covered with husks, the kernel uniform and well ripened.” The careful selection of ear3 is one of the ways of improving the quality and Increasing the quantity of future crops. Dr. F. D. Curtis says American farmers do not resize the possibili ties of turnips, and says they make flesh and promote growth to a much greater extent than chemists’ tables would teach us. He says they came in excellently as a supplementary crop, and that a patch of turnips to turn into in October, when stock is frequently allowed to roam over the fields and pick up a scanty substance, would be a boon to both farmer and animals. soon will find ton Where Smoking is Always Allowed. It is s range that a people so scrupu lously polite and so thoroughly con trolled in all their movements by the iron hand of etiquette sbould not only tolerate but encourage some of the very things which the laws of English and American society positively prohibit, nays a # 8axony correspondent of the Chicago News. But it is custom which determines what etiquette is and is not. In Saxony it is not impolite to smoke In the society of ladles; not any more than it is to carry a cane or wear a watch. 8moking is allowed in many of the first-class theatres; smok ing is allowed usually after the first part of the fashionable concerts. Smok ing is allowed at the dinner-table in the fashionable cafes and clubs. The Saxon ladies are accustomed to tobacco smoke and pay no attention to it. It is not polite to smoke in a private house until you are Invited to do so, but the Invitation comes along as natu rally as the request that you be seated on a chair or sofa. At the evening re ceptions and parties no smoking is allowed—that is, not In the company rooms, but there is a smoking camber or a veraudaor balcony close by,where gen tl erne Grave of the Author of “Home.* Sweet Home.” Near Carthage, in a lonely spot rarely visited, sleeps a wandering minstrel of our times, whose one im« mortal song has been heard every where the English language is spoken. Like the roving singers oflovely Prov ence, many times he had nothing but his harp. John Howard Payne was a gay Bohemian, extravagant in taste, lavish in expenditure; living much too much “ ’mid pleasures and pal aces,” yet with a vein of sadness down deep in his heart. He died while holding the office of Consul, and a plain marble slab, sent out by the Government of the United States, marks the grave of the homeless man, sixty years a wanderer on this earth, the author of “Home, Sweet Home.” One winter be was without money or credit, and In London had not where to lay his head. He tried to quiet the pain of hunger and home lessness by looking in at wi ndows and. from the areas scenting good cheer. It was Christmas Eve, the snow fell fast, the wind was sharp and keen. At one luxurious house the hungry man stopped and watched the light ing of the Christmas tree. Its candles streamed brightly on the pavement, and among the evergreens he could see red berries of holly, the toys and garlands, and the pretty heads of chil dren. They danced and clapped their hands while the presents were dis tributed, and the air rang with shouts of laughter and screams of delight. When the merriment had spent itself a little, one young girl went to the piano and struck up “Sweet Home,” while the family joined in a rousing chorus. Was ever contrast so bitter "f 1 have this from Mrs. Consul General Heap. Payne told it to her long after those evil days were passed. A Pleasant Medieval Berough. Mr. Henry Armstrong, medical of ficer of health for the city, gave a history of Newcastle (Eng.) from a health point of view. Having regard to the many difficult sanitary problems to be dealt with, he urged that it was necessary to remember the extreme antiquity of the borough. Iu the thirteenth and fourteenth centu ries, epidemics, which lasted from one to three years, occurred In the borough. In the time of James I. so little regard was had to cleanliness, that the “dunghill” within the castle precincts “had increased to such a size and bigness that it was In length, ninety-eight yards, the depth of it was ten yards, and the breadth of it thirty-two yards,” some 27,000 tons of filth having thus been allowed to ac cumulate. In the seventeenth cen tury the great piague was one of eleven epidemics; it alone caused 7000 deaths, and it led, by the almost com* plete desertion of the town and port, to a ruined trade and wasted treasury. Even in 1853, at the date of the then prevailing cholera epidemic, it is re ported that the town so abounded In narrow yards, lanes and “entries,” that in one district alone there we r® streets exceeding a mile in length which had an average width of some four feet only. Since then rapid pro gress has been made; and although muoh remains to be done, yet the re duction of the yearly death-rate per 1000 by ten in as many years, and the diminution in the same time of ty phus to one-fifth of its prevalence in the period immediately before, are matters of congratulation and tangi ble results of good work effected. Underground Telegraphy. An underground telegraph system between Paris and Marseilles is nearly ready for use in France. From a de scription by Iron, the English Journal, it appears that the pipes are laid at a depth of more than a meter and a half, and chambers for facilitating repairs are placed at about every 500 meters; they resemble large cast-iron caldrons with covers, and have apertures receiving the ends of the two plj whioh they connect. Every 100 me ters the pipes are united by cast-lr<; couplings, which will permit of speoting and repairing the cable; _ the joint between each pipe is mi with an India-rubber washer or U collar. for In the Scherff process for preserving milk the milk while fresh is inclose in glass vessels and heated by stea for from one to two hours to a te perature of 100° to 120°. All ger fermentation are thus destroyed, caseous aibuminoida are peptonize that the gastrlo juices can easily gest the finely divided fli of disease froi i tiering