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THE ATLANTA GEORGIAN AND NEWS. SATURDAY, MAY 4, 1907. MIRANDY ON GETTING INTO SOCIETY DOROTHY DIX A £ { \ WOMAN died do odder day In a lunatic asylum what jHf jrjnt crazy becase she couldn’t butt In 'mongst do fo hun dred of Joplin, Missouri,’ said Ma’y Jane to me las’ night, “’Bless Gord, L spons I. ’she didn't have far to go. Dem women whut has got de society bug runnln’ ’round loose In delr bonnets shorely am mighty close neighbors to de home for Incurable Im beciles an’ de feeble-minded.’ " ’Hits natural,' says Ma’y Jane, whut Is mighty uppity herself, ’hit Is natural for one to long to mingle wld de bes’ .people.’ " ‘Humph,’ says I, nobody ain’t layln’ awake of nights tryln’ to flggcr out how dey can git fomileries wld de bes. peo ple. Hits de wust folks dey Is pinin’ to know, an’ be seed takln’ by de button hole. “’When Sis Luclndy, whut Is a Mother In Israel, am a human angel, If dere Is slch a fowl, sends out In vitations to a pra’f mootin', dere ain't no scuffle 'monggt de community for de privilege of de front seat. But when Sally Ann Perkins, whut Is knowed to have money in de bank, an’ de habit of swappln' husbands, lets It out dat she Is gwlne to give a shindig, Cslks falls all over delrself to git a bid to it. Tit Sis I.urlndy Is de salt of do earth, an’ Sally Ann Is de scrapln's of de pot.’ “ 'There’s bound to be grades In so ciety,’ says Ma’y Jane. ’’ ’Maybe so. spons I, ‘leastways dere Is. Sis Hannah Jane, whuts got a Imi tation sealskin coat, looks down on Sis Mlnervy, whut ain’t got nothin' bet ter dan a wool Jacket, on’ Sis Mlnervy turns up her nose at Sis Salony, whut wears a shawl, an’ wheA Sis Salony passes Sis Harriet, whut ain't got noth in’ but a red flannel shirt to her back, ' she sights at de telefoam Just for fear she'll happen to notice somebody dat ain't In her social set. " ‘Den Sis Hannnh goes off by herself an’ apptnts herself a social arbiter, an* bein' sorter ’frald she'll git snubbed herself, she begins to snub odder folks fust, an' de nex' news you knows she's runnln' de upper circle, an' folks is breakln’ delr necks to git axed to her parties an' have de honor of puttin' up de money for her church fairs. ’“Dats de way dat society Is run. Across de wnter In Europe dey tells me dat de qualification an' de password to get In Ib blood, an' a fambly tree. ’Course dat wouldn’t do hero, where do blood Is red Instld of blue, nn’ mos’ of do fambly trees ain’t nothin’ but saplfns dat ain't strong enough to hang on to, but, bless de Lfcwd, hit don’t take nothing' In dls country to make you a high roller but money, an* gall nn nervo, an' we can moke de one. an’ Is born wld de odder. ’• ’De gate of hope Is open to any body wld de plunks, no rpntter how dey got ’em, but de funny part Is dat folks Is dat craxy to git Into n place dat Is all gav an’ no fun. an’ when dey knows dey Is gwlne to be kicked out de mtnnlt dey looses dey money purs’. For dere ain’t never no trouble In measurin’ yo' place In society—hits dls edzartlv ns big. nn' high, an' wldo as yo wad Is. ’• ’Tit dat knowledge don’t hold no body bark, an' de mlnnlt a man makes any. money his wife an* his daughters begin to sorter make eyes at society, an’ wonder whut Is de easiest wav to bus’ In an’ git- to know dose dat don't wart to know dem. Some do hit one way, an’ somo segasuates In by anod- der, but which ever way dey goes dey has to pass through de toll gate an' pay delr way. ‘■’Yes. I-awd. ef hit wam’t for de folks dat's willin’ to pay to know dem whut dey has always lonkejJ up to, I don’t know what would become of de chu’ch an’ de orphan asylums, an’ sech Ink. Some of us dat sets In de nmen corner would have to dig down In our pockets nn’ shell out some contrlbu tlons ourselfs. “’As hit Is, when we need some money for do good work. Sis Hannnh an’ me gits our bends togldder an’ says In one nnudder dat wo 'specs dat we belter give a Ice cream supper, an’ make dem women whut Is dyln’ to bo axed to one of Sis Hannah’s small on’ hongry parties give de Ice cream an’ de cake. . ... “’Dero's Sis I.uellen, whose husban' has des been made de foreman of de ahop whnr he works.’ says I. “Til drop In to see hen' spons Sis Hannah, nn’ tell her dat she’s ’plnted de chairman of de finance committee along wld de leaders of de mos' exclu sive set In de chu'ch. an' dat’ll fetch her for three cakes an' two gallons of Ice cream, shore.’ ’"An’ dere’s Sis Violet,’ I goes on, 'whose husban' Is a boss plasterer an’ gits live dollars a day.’ “‘J'll make her do head of do com- mltteo to borrow spoons.' says Sis Hannah, ’an’ dot’ll glvo her de chanst to go Into doors dot she Itched to en ter, an’ she’ll think hits a privilege to contribute nil de sugar an' de milk dat we needs. I tell you. Bis Mlrandy. hits our Christian duty to extend de hand of fellowship wld one hand to dese worthy an’ aspirin’ women, whilst wld de odder hand we takes away delr pocket-books for de sake of charity.’ ••■Dat’s so, Sis Hannah,’ f spons, ’an’ fu’thermo’ hit’s n savin’ to us. for I don't know nothin’ dat comes cheaper to a society woman dan to glvo a ba zaar.' But de blcssln’ of do Lawd Is upon hit. for de new rich dat Is tryln’ to git Into society Is a eraT dat never fans.’ drink dryed up. But Mlnervy Suo wouldn't believe me. She shut de kitchen do’ an’ lit de parlor lamp, an' when society f.,unil out dat dcro w.-irn't no refreshment upon Mlnervy Sue's convention dey stampeded over to whar Carllnc Jones was a-buyin’ In wld fried lstcrs an’ coffee, an’ ham sandwldgcft " ’An'-dat’s de way hit goes, an’ why anybody wants to waste delr money an' wear delrselfs to a frazzle to be no ticed by folks dat only notices dem for de way dey can wuk ’em, beats me. What makes anybody want to bo vlslt- DORO.THY DIX. “ ‘Amen,’ says Sis Hannah. “O', course, de way Into society by way of de_chu'ch—an’ hits funny how quick folks dat gits money changes from bein’ deep-water Baptists an’ shoutin' MethQdlBts to bein’ 'High Chu'ch 'Fiscopatlana nn' stiff-backed Presbyterians—Is de cheap road. Do odder road Is de feedln' road, an’ hit comes high, but ef you Is got de price lilt's de swiftest. But you got to keep a-goln'. Tou dassen't stop. "I mind when Mlnervy Sue's husban' got kilt by the cyarg, an' Mlnervy Sue came In for damages an’ Insurance mopey until she felt dat rich dat she begun to think dat Heaven hud called her to bo a high-flyer In society, Be- In’ a smart woman. Mlnervy Suo took a short cut to popularity by giving a supper ev’y Sunday night wld chicken flxln’s an' watermelons, an* beer, an’ slch lak dainties, an' hit warn't no time ontel what Sis Hannah calls do allte of de neighborhood was to bo found a-gorgln’ deyselfs ev’y Sunday night at Mlnervy Sue's. - “At last she got sort of wearied In well doln,' so to speak, nn’ felt dat she hod got dat secure In de fold of so ciety dat she could drop out de feeds. “’You better not had,' says I. ’Hits mighty risky. I ain’t see nobody ketch any mo’ Ash after dey throws away delr bait.’ "’I have you know. Sis Mlrandy,’ spons she, ’dat I’se made my callin' an’ election shore In society, an' I’ll be sought after des for myself.' " ‘Humph,’ spons I, ‘society Is on de make, uff you won’t ketch hit goln’’ when de grub’s played out, an’ de ed by Sis Hannah whut Is a fat-hatded ole woman os dull as a clam, an' dat nobody would notice cf she warn't do leader In de chu’ch? “’She represent styly society dat ev'ybody's strugglin' to git In,’ spons Ma'y Jane. “’De mo fool den, they,' sclalms I. “’All de same, goes on Ma’y June- oort pj wistful. ’I wish we had a aris tocracy In dls country wld lovely coats of arms.' '■ ■Well,' spons nJ, ’ef dey did he mos* of us would sport’s shield wld a wash- tub Couchant an’ a pick an’ spado rampant on hit.' ’’ MHMMHIMI • OMSIMMHSHtmMHMHM A FORE WARNING By CHA8. BLUNT “Listen,” snlil Ilnlelffb, nn<l suddeuly took hold of my hand. “It wu nothing but the nlarm clock In the bed room Unit went off. You uiuut have forgotten to turn It off thla morn- fie did not raem to hear wbat I said, but atlll rat listening to the noise which had made such an impression upon him. “It is itothluic at all,” I said once more, “and I do net understand what ia the matter with you. Why don’t jou tell me}" “Nothing,” ho said, and covered his face with hia ban * heard It, too. “Yea, if yc certainly did.' “Well,” he replied, “then the tlrao haa come that I have waited for for hours, days, years, and still it la hard to leave this world ao suddenly.” “I would like to know what the devil you are talking about. What has tho old alarm clock to do with your death?” “That I ahull now tell you, though I have never told anybody before. Yon-wtll remember that Lora Case died three years now.” Without understanding him, I looked at my watch. f *It la 4:40.” I raid. “Yea, and three minutes ago the clock mado that nolac. It was exactly at tho moment of her death.” I looked at him astonished. “Well, even aupposo that It was,” I said. “Whut has Lora Case's death to do know. Yon could not know. ii.ISSj knows but she and I. Lora Case was my wife." "Your wife?" "Yes; my wife," be replied, the tears rolling down Ills cheeks. ‘’You know bow her father hated mo; you also know why— but she loved mo u I loved her. Then wo were married eeeretly a few week, before she died, and I was not with her.' Would not eren have known that she was deed had not n spring broken In tbst alarm clock, Just ns It now did again, and n feel ing of something terrible came orer me, I rushed to her bouse, but they would not let mo In. I erlbd tbst she wss my wife, but tbey thought I was out of my mind snd slninmcd the door In my fsce. I knocked and knocked until I fell In a dead faint, "When I camo to, I was here In this _ stood/ next to me. “ ‘Lorn,’ I cried, but she was gone, nnd another woman, s nurse, stood sc my bed snd said: 'llo la delirious; we must renew the Ico cap.’ “Delirious! Now you have heard It Jnst ns I did. You heard tho clock tell uie thnt my time has come." "Itiit, Kalcigh,” I said. “No,’’ be replied, "do not say anything. I know It. nnd ntn ready. I have walte- 1 and waited for this. Goodhy, old friend.” Ant the strangest thing Is thnt the clock has been going Uko any other clock erer since that time. IT PAYS TO ADVERTISE. Jefferson DeAngells, who Is keeping big audiences convulsed with laughter In “The Girl nnd the Governor,” was holding forth on the value of publicity the other day, and pointed his moral with this: “When the teacher was absent from tho schoolroom. Bill, the mischievous boy of the class, wrote on the black board: “‘Billy Jones can hug the girls bet ter than any boy In school.’ "Upon her return the teacher called him up to her desk. "'William, did you write thnt?* she asked, pointing to the blackboard. " ’Yes, ma’am,' said Billy. "'Well, you may stay after school,’ said she, as ‘punishment.’ “The other pupils waited for Billy to come out, and then they began guy ing him/ " 'Got a licking, didn't you?' “ ’Nope, said Billy. "‘Got Jawed?’ ” ‘Nope.’ ‘"What did she do?* they asked. " ‘Shun't tell,' said Billy: ’but It pays to advertise.’ ”—Young’s Magazine. STILLMAN FURNITURE COMPANY 52 "XT" -SPECIAL- MONDAY and TUESDAY Rugs —SIZE 9x12— 4 AA Tapestry Brussel JL Uv Oriental Patterns ONLY $12.75 Regular $15.00 Values 500 Pairs Lace Curtains At Cost From 95 Cents Pair to $6.50 Pair STILLMAN FURNITURE COMPANY, 52 NORTH BROAD STREET.