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THE SOUTHERN WORLD, SEPTEMBER 1, 1882. 16 Seals’ New Grammar. Col. John H. Seals, editor of the Sunny South, is an old school teacher. While teach ing school in Oreene county, Georgia, he used a new style grammtfr. The following is one of the chapters. Teacher—Parse man. Pupil—Man is a common noun of the fe male gender. What is that, sir? Man is a common noun of the feminine gender; common ’cause he can be bought cheap; and feminine gender because he’s al ways got woman on the brain, eighth person ’cause his wife and six children come first; is in the objective case and governed by a woman. Go to your seat and put a wet cloth on your head. Next. Parse woman. Woman i^a female noun of the masculine gender. Mercy on us I What do you say ? She’s a female noun of the masculine gen der; masculine because she wears the breech- aloons and is determined to vote, she’s com pounded of cotton, whalebone, starch, sun shine, smiles, and thunder clouds; is the first person, ’cause she's always the person speaking; plural number, ’cause’ she makes more noise than half a dozen parrots ; is in the objective case and governed by fashion. Sit down and rinse your mouth with pro phylactic fluid. Next. Parse boy. Boy is an uncommon noun, of the goslin gender and female persuasion. Thunder and bootjacks! What is that sir? Boy is an uncommon noun, of the goslin gender and female persuasion; uncommon ’cause he’s hard to find now-a-days, ’cause he soon enters the threshold of goosehood; fe male persuasion, ’cause he’s always got the heart-sick about some female; first person, big Ike! singular number, ’cause there’s no body but himself; in the objective case, and governed by an embryo mustache, Scheidam Schnapps, and the length of his daddy's purse. Go home, sir, and bathe your feet in mus tard. Next. Parse girl. Girl is an angelic noun of the Grecian bend gender, and masculine tendencies. Oh, save us from sudden death ? These boys will never be raised. Howls that sir? Girl is an angelic noun, ’cause she paints * her cheeks and loves inguns; she’s compound ed of cosmetics, flowers, fuss and feathers; is of masculine tendencies, ’cause she wears the shirt bosoms, paper collars, and always has her head full of boys; singular number, ’cause the boys are afraid of them, and mat rimony is played out; third person, ’cause she’s much spoken of; in the objective case and governed by a gypsy bonnet. Next. Parse fashion. Fashion is a tyrannical noun ’cause it must be obeyed and laughs at a poor man’s purse; common gender, ’cause all the people must bow to it; it is compounded of flounc es, flimsies, ruflles, scuffles, bubbles, rufifs, snuffs, cuffs, higgles, giggles, sniggles, curls, furls, hairs, snares, Grecian bend, fuss and feathers. It was once in the objective case, and governed by Eugenie, but is now in the nominative case independent. Go home sir, and go to bed. Next. Parse baby. Baby is an obstreperous noun of the lieu ter gender. Moses and the prophets save us from de struction! What do you say, little imp? Baby is a musical noun, 'cause it sings a soft tune between midnight and day, es pecially of a cold night; it is neuter gender ’cause it is neither male nor female till it is big enough to wear breeches. It weighs ac cording to size and measures according to proportion; is compounded of milk and lungs, and especially of lungs; grows at a rapid rate. Go home, sir, and tell your mother to rock you to sleep. Next. Parse matrimony. Matrimony is an ancient noun, defunct gender. Hear him! You little vagabond, what 'do you say ? Matrimony is of the defunct gender, ’cause its played out. Girls are as plentiful as blackberries, but they’ve got nothing. Mat rimony is compounded of the words mate and money, but when there’s a match now-a- days, its nothing without the money. Third person, ’cause its much spoken of by the girls. In the objective case and governed by the money of the girl’s daddy. ’ What in life ismore beautiful than happy human faces? Wnntc<l an Understanding. An Illinois merchant who was taking baking powder in bulk from a Chicago firm called at headquarters the other day to say that there was something wrong with the goods. “I don’t think so,” was the reply; “we make the best article sold in the West.” “I think we ought to have a more perfect understanding,” continued the dealer. “Now, then, you adulterate before you send to me, then I adulterate before I ship, then the retailer adulterates'before ho sells, and the consumer can’t be blamed for growling. I want to see if we couldn't agree on some schedule to be followed." "What do you mean ? ” “Why, suppose you put in ten per cent, of chalk, then I put in 20 percent, of whit ing, then the retailer puts in thirty per cent, of flour; that gives the consumer forty per cent, of baking powder, and unless he’s a born hog he'll be perfectly satisfied. You see, if you adulterate 50 per cent, on the start, and I adulterate as much more and the retailer adulterates as much as both to gether, its mighty hard for the consumer to tell whether he's investing in baking pow der or putty, we must give him something for his money, if its only chalk.” GOOD TIME-KEEPER FOR $3.50 FOR $4 OT A HANDSOME STEM WINDING WATCH, CAT ARR Hj pxma, Hql* WmuM g** Brass, SCALDS, BKUISES, TILES, INSECT BITES, FEMALE COMPLAINTS, Ac. P. C.jmmmTOS, Chicago.—" I have received permanent roller from me of the Extract." (Inflammatory dlseass.) BAXCXL It. UIXS. Schonoctadr, N. T.—"A household necessity In my family." * nsris D. mt/nm, D. Dm Brooklyn, H. Y.—"Proving Itself to ho a necosslty In my horns." Caution.— POND'S EXTRACT is sold only In bottles with the name blown In the glass. . W It is unsafe to use other articles with onr directions. Insist on haring POND'S EXTRACT. Refnse all imitations and substitutes. QUALITYUNIFOHM. I»rloes, BOo., 81-00, 81.75 at all respectable Druggists. Prepared by POND’S EXTRACT CO., 14 Tfcit Fourteenth Street, New York. A SPLENDID BARGAIN. VIOLIN BOW, BOOK OF INSTRUCTION AND VIOLIN CASE, who send subscribers' names to us, we have Just made arrangements for a valuable arti cle that will Induce many new workers to become our » ents. This desirable premium consists ot a Violin, [low, a nook nr Instruction',, and a case to bold the violin. The violin Is handsome, flnely finished, ol excellent tone, and Imitation ebony trimmings. The top and back ol these violins are worked out Just the same as the best that are made, and are also ol the same model. Theyprodu and brilliant. Tune one « strung up—the string bri * -J ' du . they are trimmed and Inga, finger-boards, tall Pieces, pegs. ; these are all good, well made and ......... .tillable, Just aa they are received to be tuned up and played upon any occasion. This Is a great bargain. GIVEN AN A PREMIUM FOR 13 NUB- HURIREHN. We Offer it for Sale for $:i.50. PRICE, Including one year's subscription to South f.U!* Wimt.n,(.1.75. Muslbcscntby express,receive to psy charges, R. & J. BECK, MANUFACTURING OPTICIANS, Philadelphia. Microscopes, Telescopes, Spectacles. Eye Glasses. Thermometers, Barometers, Opera-Glasses, Field-Glasses, Photographers Outfits (or Amateurs, Send (or Illustrated Price Catalogue, which will be mailed ran, and mention this paper. MANY ADVERTISERN HAVE DIF- FERENT ARTICLES ADVERTISED IN DIFFERENT PAPERS, AND TO GET A PROPER ANSWER TO YOUR LETTERS, IN WRITING BE SURE TO SAY THAT YOU SAW TnE ADVERTISEMENT IN THE SOUTHERN WORLD. BY SO DO ING, YOU FREQUENTLY BENEFIT YOURSELVES AND OUR PAPER. SOUTHDOWN SHEEP. CANNIUN M. CLAY, breeder ol .pure SOUTH- DOWN SHEEP, White Hall, Kentucky. SUB- FINELY FINISHED. Ws know this Stem-winding Watch sill meet with and K w In favor as Its peculiar merits and good qualities become >wn. There Is now a growing demand lor Just such a Watch, and we believe that the vast army ol professional men, clerks, mechanics, farmers and laborers, will appreciate aoooD Watch ata low price which they can rely upon for accurate time. THE WATCH IS A GOOD TIME-KEEPER. We are now, for the first time In the world's history, able to furnish a low-priced, reliable watch, suitable for use on imll- roads, steamers, by the farmer In the held, the mechanic at the bench, the boy attending school or working on the farm, ladles and others who make appointments and keep them. HOW THEY ARE MADE AND WHY THEY ARE SO CHEAP. This watch Is less complicated than other watches, contain ing only fifty-six separate parts, while ordinary watches con tain over one hundred. The parts are made by machinery, operated by skilled artlslsns, which give these watrhesthe THE WATCHES ARE TESTED BY THE MANUFACTURERS, Who have one ol the largest and beat watch factories In the world. Among tbe many rooms of the Immense Watcb Factory Is a “Testing Room," where the watches are taken when finished, nnd where the Inspector keeps them lor one dard are sent out. THE WATCH IS GIVEN AS A PREMIUM FOR TEN SUBSCRIBERS AT REGULAR RATES. We Guarantee the Safe Qolivery of the Watch to any Addresses, Postage Paid by ns. Address, SOUTHERN WORLD, Atlanta, Georgia. Elegant Four Blade knife. Just the THING FOR LADIES OR GENTLEMEN. This beautiful pocket knife we offer as n special Inducement for subscribers. We will send It as a premium for S subscribers. At is sn extra line knife, made of the best steel, ornamented with German silver and highly Dollshed.lt usually costs In stores IIA yet we furnish THIS HANDSOME KNIFE AND THE SOUTHERN WORLI> FOR ONE YEAR FOR <1.35. Give (he Knife ns a Premium far 3 Subscribers. Offer It for Sale at 75 cents. aWFostage prepaid by us. NEW AND liny POCKET KNIFE. aKnrltNI r t a! r *& a !mrS » •‘"'t* bofEht by u» In targe quantities, and we believe It Is tbe BEST TWO BLADE KNIFE IN THE WORLD. The blades are made ol tbe finest steel. One of them Is extra strong for heavy woric. The bandies are lined with brass, and have a handsome German silver name plate ol beautb f£lE? tlern ' e D <ta h *S e rnund corners and are Hnlshed alike with Uerman silver, highly polished, giving them a remarkable Hne and attractive appearance. ’ ‘ " '■ 1 These knives give better satisfaction, are stronger, handsomer; and better made than knives sold In many stores at JIAO each, and It to only by buying them In great quantities that we are enabled to offer them atn low a price, so I M n not , to r wear 3 the n p<K'ke'ts! rr,l,lted ,tron, luld P pr,ecl - mads ol best steel, with round corners at both ends, DT> Given on » Premium for 3 .Subscribers. We Offer It for Sale for 75 eew’r PRICh, Including I year's suhacriptlon to Bouthken Would, (1.25. Postage prepaid In each case by us. XSIiEGANTT PEARL HANDLER KNIPE. Given Al Ik Premium for 3 .Subscribers. We offer It for sale for 75 cents. i elegant knife Is a perfect gem. It to made of Ike finest steel, baa two blades and an exquisite pearl nd vrtll meet the wants of those who have been Inquiring lor tbe prettiest and handsomest knlfi ‘’use. It Is the very nicest ladles'knife In the market, and we assure yon It will pleas, all who ladles' use. It la the very nicest obtain It. Equal to those sold: In stores at (1A0 and (2.00. PRICE, Including 1 year’s subscription to Southeom knlle'for msy Wnnu. $i.2S. Postage prepaid In each case by ns. JNO. D. CUNNINGHAM, Attorney at Law, ATLANTA, - - - GEORGIA. A REMARKABLE OFFER. To introduce goods and secure future patronage. Anyone sending me IS cents and the addresses of 10 of their acquaintances, will receive by return mall an elegant gold-plated, brayed Rb* ^ Mention this paper.} Buflklo, N. Y. MnnRFs’q business JUUUlUj UNIVERSITY, Atlanta, Ga. A lire practical school. An organized business community. Circulars nulled VREg on application. WMentlon this paper ATTENTION, LUMBERMEN! Your nnccCMH in business depends upon the quality mid reliability of the machinery you use. Machinery of the Iilgliext standard in the market will consequently produce the most effective results. Therefore, aso “The Mansfield” PORTABLE AND STATIONARY STEAM ENGINES LARGE POWER DOUBLE AND SINGLE CIRCULAR SAW-MILLS, PONY CIRCULAR SAW MILLS AND MILL MACHINERY. Illustrated Catalogues and Price-Lists Free by Mall. Address MANSFIELD MACHINE WORKS, MANSFIELD, OHIO. * a«* Mention this Paper.