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WEDNESDAY, FEBRUARY 10, 2016
BARROW JOURNAL
PAGE 5A
What is a true friend?
Internet dating tips for seniors
On Valentine’s Day I will take my boys
to a small party where they will exchange
valentines with their friends. Watching
them form their very first friend
ships, I reflect on what I have
learned about friendship these
past forty years.
A wise person once told me
that she would not know who her
best friend was until she became
an old woman. Only at that time,
she asserted, could she look back
on her life and say, “You have
been my best friend.”
Young people throw the terms
“best friend,” “best friend for
ever,” “BFF,” or “bestie” around
like balls, hoping the person they
throw it to will toss it back at
them. I have no doubt that for
some people, the friends they make in their
youth stick with them for a lifetime. But as
we grow older, we realize that true friends
are rare.
Some friends are here for only an era of
our life — school days, college, married
with children, a summer vacation — and
then when the ties that bind them loosen,
they slowly (or quickly) exit our lives. I
don’t think this lessens the value of the
relationship. We need various people to
learn from and lean on during the different
seasons of our lives.
What can weaken a friendship? Two
friends may mature at a different pace, or
sometimes interests change. Distance can
have a huge impact, if someone moves,
or perhaps there’s a complete change in
lifestyle. Are there friendships that can
withstand any or all of these conditions?
True friendships withstand the test of
time and the changes that can put obsta
cles in the way of a stress-free relation
ship. That is, it’s easy to be friends with
someone who is available, who you have
much in common with, and who you agree
with on most issues. Fve learned that true
friendship does not have much to do with
what you have in common, though, of
course, commonalities are needed, espe
cially since they bring you together. What
holds your friendship together is a deep
love and concern for the other person’s
well being. You care, so you continue to be
there for that person.
Friends show up in times of trouble.
When I lived in Japan, I had a friend at
home who died of cancer, and I'll never
forget the e-mails she wrote to me before
she died. In one of them she said that once
she was bound to a wheelchair, she learned
who her true friends were. I wonder if I
had been at home, would I have been one
of them?
True friends give each other space to
grow and change though maybe not in the
way you would choose for them. As long
as your friend is happy, healthy, and living
in harmony with the people around them,
you cheer them on.
True friends are honest with
each other, and they accept the
other person's honesty. They
don’t let petty arguments come
between them. They forgive each
other. They realize that they don't
always have to agree.
True friends give you the
freedom to have other friends.
They are secure enough to know
that if you are a worthy friend,
they don't have to do anything
to persuade you to spend time
with them. They know you have
enough love in your heart for all
your friendships.
True friends aren’t difficult to
meet up with, and they aren’t hard to
keep in touch with, if they live far away.
While we all get busy at times, true friends
inform each other that their friendship is
still important, and both of them make an
effort. In the past I had a friend who pulled
out a calendar and listed a handful of dates
over the next three months that she could
schedule a time to see me. Hmm, I thought,
I'm busy too, but it shouldn’t be that dif
ficult to find time to spend together (this
was before we were married with children,
of course).
In contrast, I have a friend in Australia
who I have been e-mailing for 13 years.
Our correspondence has ebbed and flowed
depending on the demands of our lives, but
both of us keep it up and neither of us wait
for the other to write first.
True friendships are those that bring out
the best in you. Your friend should give you
energy — not drain it. How many times
have we stayed in relationships simply
because the person was present, but deep
down we know they aren’t good for us?
When possible we should clear our lives
of people who drain us and leave space to
foster relationships that fill our wells.
A friend of mine told me she believed
the mark of a true friendship was inti
macy — your friend knows and wants to
know what is happening in your life. On
some level, they stay involved in your life.
Indeed, that's the mark of a true friend.
It goes without saying that to have true
friends, we must work at being a good
friend. Even after forty years, I'm still
learning how to be a better friend. I hope
that I can guide my boys at fostering mean
ingful relationships that can last or at least
serve a good purpose in their lives.
Winder resident Shelli Bond Pabis is
a contributing columnist for the Barrow
Journal. You can reach her at writeto-
spabis@gmail.com or visit her blog at
www.mamaofletters.com.
letter to the editor...
Your second amendment rights
Dear Editor:
One of the top subjects of discussion in
the 2016 presidential race, for both Demo
crats and Republicans, is your 2nd Amend
ment rights, an amendment that was intend
ed to protect the citizens from tyranny and
invasion from foreign nations.
Some want to abolish your rights and oth
ers want to remove all restrictions. No one
is forced to practice their right to own a fire
arm. Those who don’t can leave their safety
and well-being to other means or persons.
That’s their choice. The ideal solution is
probably somewhere between the extremes
of the two.
With Sandy Hook, North Charleston, San
Bernardino, Columbine and other banners
waving, there are many who wish to make
you and me as vulnerable as they. The fol
lowing headline from The Brooklyn Daily
Eagle, is just one of the paths to making all
of us defenseless, even without amending
the US Constitution’s Second Amendment.
There is other legislation in other states
that is intended to restrict ownership of
firearms. Legislation directed at persons
who have filed for a divorce or applied to
become foster parents. But let’s look at this
newspaper article.
From the article: “Bill would limit bullet
purchases to twice the gun’s capacity...” by
Mary Frost.
The New York Senate and Assembly bills
would place a strict limit on the number of
bullets a gun owner could purchase over a
90-day time period and would prevent gun
dealers from selling ammunition for a fire
arm that a person doesn’t own. Nothing here
that would take away your 2nd Amendment
Rights. But let’s delve a little deeper.
The Bill would allow only 14 rounds to
be purchased every 90 days, or a maximum
of twice the gun's capacity, whichever is
less. A semi-automatic hand gun might be
able to hold a maximum of 14 rounds. A
revolver commonly holds six rounds, there
fore its owner would be limited to 12 rounds
each three months. A pump shotgun with
a capacity of 5 rounds would be limited to
10 rounds each three months. A single shot
shotgun or .22 caliber rifle just two rounds?
A three-month allocation could be expended
just sighting a semi-automatic weapon at the
gun range.
To purchase ammunition, the buyer must
provide proof that they own a firearm capa
ble of firing that ammunition. This is to
prevent friends and relatives from purchas
ing for someone else. Any dealer or person
violating the law would be charged with a
felony. Other stated purposes of The Bill is
to prevent terrorists from stockpiling ammu
nition in preparation for attacks (on schools,
shopping malls and other public places).
Now, if an ammo buyer must provide
proof that they own a firearm capable of
using the ammo, that means that all firearms
would need to be registered. Furthermore,
this would identify the person and where the
firearm is located. A database. Any person
convicted of violating the law becomes a
felon. Gun Confiscation. Loss of Second
Amendment Rights. The underlying purpose
of The Bill.
Once the citizenry is limited to 14 rounds
per registered firearm owned, we would be
defenseless against any assault, whether it
be a home invader, a tyrannical government,
or a foreign threat. Who will protect us,
then? Certainly not the government who
wants to limit your ability to defend your
self. Certainly not your neighbor who might
otherwise come to your defense. Certainly
not the law abiding citizen who is at the gun-
free zone mall with you when a deranged
shooter opens fire. The policeman who may
be 10 minutes away? I would prefer to have
someone close by with a full ammo clip
and extra clips in their pocket as opposed
to someone videotaping the whole massacre
with a cell phone.
If this should manage to become law in
New York State, I can see the possibility of it
eventually spreading across the country. New
York’s former Mayor Michael Bloomberg is
actively working to restrict gun ownership
in Georgia and other states. Young people,
think about this. You are never going to live
in a Utopia. Someone will be in charge and
that leaves the possibility of tyranny. Slav
ery. Take from you and give to others. This
nation and this world will be left to you.
You have the opportunity to save or destroy
it. Register. Vote to preserve the Second
Amendment.
Sincerely,
Charles Sewell
Auburn
son someone would want to date, and
even marry. Embellishing the
truth appears to be a fairly com
mon practice in the marketing
process.
For those of us who have been
around the block a time or two,
I submit that we cut the crap,
and get right to the point. There
is no time to separate the wheat
from the chaff here. The clock
is ticking, and the undertaker
has a box with our name on it.
Just be honest up front, and it
will make the choosing a lot
better. The truth will come out
sooner or later anyhow, so just
lay it all out there. You never
know... there may be someone
perfectly fine with our lack of
awesomeness.
If I were creating a dating profile for
senior dating, it would look something
like this: Iloveromanticwalksonthe-
beachandsunsetsoverthemountainsan-
dromanticdinnersfortwo. (Yeah. Let’s
just go ahead and get that out of the
way.)
Things you will need to know: I
love Jesus. I will love your kids and
grandkids, but I will always love mine
more. I don’t need your money to pay
my bills, but you need enough money
to pay yours. My culinary skills are
questionable, at best. Love me, love
my cats. I am not a Skinny Girl, but
I can bend over and tie my shoes. I
have stretch marks on my tummy. Her
name is Whitney. My requirements: No
lying. Ever. Either you have a job now,
or you have a retirement check from a
job you once had. No freeloaders. Like
me enough to let me be me. The good,
the bad, the ugly. Hissy fits and all.
If you can fix things, build things, and
let me borrow your power tools, that’s a
plus. If you have all your original body
parts, and they work reasonably well,
that’d be super. Not a deal breaker, but
extra bonus points, for sure!!
I think that’s enough to get the process
started. So, my single friends, (espe
cially my senior friends for whom the
clock is ticking,) if you decide to go
the way of internet dating, just skip all
the superficial crap and get right to the
important stuff.
If you need further guidance creating
your profile, feel free to check out the
archives on my blog in the February
2013 folder titled “Internet Dating” for a
more comprehensive guide to marketing
yourself out there in cyberspace. Yes,
honesty is always the best policy. But,
with all that honesty in my profile, I
suppose it’s a good thing I like being
single!
So, Happy Valentine’s Day, y’all!
And remember, those of us without
sweethearts have to buy our own choc
olate, so please leave some of the good
stuff for the clearance sale!
maybe
cathy
watkins
bennett
who is
Here he comes again. That chubby
little angel with wings, and a bow and
arrow. The Valentine Season
is upon us. Red hearts and
all that crap everywhere. It
is SAD day for sure. Singles
Awareness Day. Yeah, we know
we’re single. But thanks a lot,
Mr. Cupid, for reminding us in
such flamboyant ways. At this
stage in my life the only good
thing about SAD is the 50% off
chocolate available on the 15th.
Don’t get me wrong. I’m
perfectly fine with my single
ness. So fine, in fact, that I will
threaten to shoot that chubby
little rascal if he starts flying
in my direction. But, let’s face
it. A date every now and then would be
nice. And I do have some single friends
who really would like to find a compan
ion for the long haul. Even though, at
our age, the haul isn’t nearly as long as
it once was.
For many of us, by the time we’re
ready for Social Security, finding a
date becomes a little more challenging.
Nowadays, the best place to meet some
one in our age group seems to be the
waiting room in the orthopedic office,
the hip-replacement rehab facility, or the
funeral home.
Then there’s internet dating. I, my
ownself, tried this about 15 years ago.
I answered all the questions, took the
personality-match tests, etc. I even sub
mitted a photograph.
After a reasonable waiting period, I
was delighted when the site matched me
up with someone nearby. After chatting
through the site, e-mailing, and talking
on the phone for a few weeks, we decid
ed to meet.
He was a nice enough fella, but it
was very obvious that he was put off by
my appearance — as though I looked
completely different than he expected.
I was puzzled by this. The photo I had
posted was recent, it was not photo-
shopped, and I felt it was fairly accurate.
(In other words, I hated it, and figured
nobody would ever click on my profile.)
And because we had corresponded for
so long, and supposedly knew quite
a bit about each other, he knew that I
was not a skinny girl. So I was totally
surprised by his reaction. I mean, he
didn’t throw up or anything... but it was
obvious there were no sparks when we
met in person.
So, the date ended early, and I was
very happy to get back home to my kit
ties, who love me unconditionally. (And
though it may be unkind for me to say
so, he wasn’t ALL THAT his ownself!
That set me to thinking. You can be
anything you want to be on the internet.
Dating site profiles look pretty much the
same. Everyone loves romantic walks
on the beach, the mountains, spending
time with family and friends. Even my
own profile reflected that. In my humble
opinion, far too much time is spent on
frivolous, superficial information that
may or may not even be true. The whole
idea is to market ourselves as a per-
Cathy Watkins Bennett is a Barrow
County native and a graduate ofWBHS.
Send comments about this column to
beneath @aol. com.
AARP offers tax assistance for local citizens
Representatives from the AARP will be at the Barrow County Leisure Services
building on Tuesdays and Wednesdays from 9 a.m. until noon until April 13 to offer
assistance with 2016 tax questions.
Barrow Leisure Services is located at 80 Lee Street in Winder. Call 770-307-3025
for more information.
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Read public notices in your local newspaper or
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