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HINTS IRON HISTORY:
Sy A. H. Ellett.
Poor Kinfolks.
LL my life I’ve had the notion that
what we call inanimate things are not
inanimate after all. They are modest
and self-contained, to be sure, but a
person should not be classed as an idiot
because he is unassuming. There
may be noisy people who are not over
wise. It occurred one night, while I
was stopping at the Waldorf-Astoria, I
A
had strolled into the ladies’ parlor. It had been a
great day at the Waldorf-Astoria. They had been
entertaining a real “Dook” from over the water.
Now, it has been a long time since the Waldorf-
Astoria was heated by means of coal-grates, but by
some chance—or mischance—an old coal Poker had
wandered into the ladies’ parlor that night, and
had taken a position right up close to a magnificent
plate-glass, French Mirror on the north side of the
room. You must have noticed how the most fash
ionable functions, and up-to-date surroundings will
sometimes be intruded upon by relicts of a pre
vious condition. Aesop’s arrogant mule, for in
stance, had it forced upon his attention that his
father was an ass.
But back to the story. The Poker was standing
there looking rather lonesome when the Mirror spied
him and began to talk. The Mirror wasn’t exactly
a Democrat, but she liked to see everything and
everybody reflected in herself. It may be there w’as
more of condescension and patronizing than of true
goodwill in her conduct, but, anyway, she began
to address herself to the old Poker. She said:
‘‘Wasn’t that a splendid assemblage here to-night?
It does one genuine good to see such an array of
gentility. Dear me, I haven’t time to speak of half
of it; but the one thing that especially attracted my
attention was the grand display of diamonds. I hope
you saw them. That one the Duke wore in his
scarf —wasn’t it a love? It was cut from the hand
of one of the Nabob’s officers after the battle of
Plassey, and that sunburst, worn by Mrs. Senator
Aureole —wasn’t that glorious? Her husband gave
her that just after the Credit Mobilier began to
build its great Pacific Railway. I just adore dia
monds. They are so elegant, and they are so val
uable. What would royalty be without diamonds?
What would the crown of England look like without
the Kohinoor? I think England was justified in
her conquest of India just to get that diamond.
What would the Czar’s scepter be without the
Arloff diamonds? I think it was so vulgar for that
ill-dressed mob to come crowding around his palace
crying for bread. Don’t you know Napoleon’s
sword hilt was superbly enriched witi the Pitt dia
mond? Why, I have no doubt it was worth more
money than the vulgar peasantry of all France had
seen in a year. Oh, I think diamonds are lovely!
Why, we couldn’t have any aristocracy without
diamonds; you couldn’t tell them from ordinary
people—at least, I couldn’t. I just worship dia
monds. I think the most distinguished compliment
ever paid to members of my own family is when
they are sometimes taken for diamonds. I just
wish I were a diamond. They have such a per
fectly lovely time —nestling in the hair and at the
throat and being caressed and exhibited on the soft,
white fingers of beautiful women, adorning the dress
of lovely men, like the Duke, for instance; just
resting serenely in the crowns and scepters and
sword-hilts of sovereignty. Then, on great days,
like today has been, to come out before admiring
and envious throngs and shine! I think it is just
delightful. Oh, I think it is so sweet, just to shine
in society; just to be envied and admired.
Why, how I’ve been running on. Why, you
grimy old Poker, I doubt whether you’d even know
a diamond if you should see one.”
“I am acquainted with some of the Diamond’s
kinfolks,” the old Poker replied.
“Oh, yes; some of its poor kinfolks I think it
just abominable for nice people to be disgraced by
poor kinfolks. Just think how lovely and aristo
cratic diamonds always are —and to think that such
a plebeian thing as coal, and all its poor relations,
The Golden Age for January 23, 1908.
would dare to claim kin with them. I don’t be
lieve there is one of the whole connection that
knows how to appear in society. They haven’t
pride enough to ride in the ladies’ coach, much
less to clasp a lady’s finger. If they travel on
the great steamers at all, it must be down in the
hold with the dagoes and coolies. lam sure I
don’t know. I know very well they are not to be
seen in the cabins or in the saloons. If they are
kin to a diamond, I am sure the diamond would
never acknowledge it.”
I had noticed that the old Poker was getting
pretty restless, and now, when he got a chance for
a word, he surprised me with his flow of language.
The truth is, the Mirror had been stepping on
his toes a little, inasmuch as he had been a close
friend and companion of the Coal family all his
life. The old fellow stepped out in front of the
Mirror, and balancing himself on his one leg, began:
“I beg your pardon, madam; but I suspect the
‘poor kinfolks,’ as you are pleased to call them,
have been too busy to be bothered much about
their standing in society, and too useful to be en
vious. This old world needs something more than
decoration. Decoration is desirable, but it is not
the only thing. People need to be warmed, for one
thing, and the Coal family do that for them. No
one would have paid much attention to the Duke’s
diamonds if the parlor had been twenty degrees
below zero. Besides, there are millions of people
who were not present at the Waldorf-Astoria to
night who nevertheless needed to be kept warm.
Moreover, the Duke’s diamonds would not be ad
mired in the dark, and you must know that the
Coal family furnished the light here to-night. Oh,
you thought it was electricity? Well, well, I
haven’t time to explain. Nor have I time to give
you statistics of the growth of cities and the de
crease of crime, the advance of democracy, and
the crumbling of despotism, since the Coal family,
three hundred years ago, began to light the cities
at night. But even in the matter of decoration—
maybe you overlooked the fact that the beautiful
colors we saw to-night were nearly all furnished by
the Coal family —I am sure it would have been a
sombre assemblage, with all the diamonds, but for
the rich colors of the costumes.
“Again, one main difference between, the Duke
and his ancestors is, that the Duke eats his food
cooked. His ancestors didn’t. The Coal family
cooked it for him. And dirty as they themselves
may seem, the Coal family are the greatest cleaners
in the world. They do the work successfully after
the Soap family have given it up. They not only
cook man’s food for him, but they actually fer
tilize the soil from which he grows it. Then they
haul it, and him, and everything else he wishes to
move, including the coal itself. Why, the Coal that
did this work last year was enough to load a train
160,000 miles long, allowing twenty tons to the car,
and letting each car occupy forty feet on the track.
The value of this was three times as great as that
of all the gold and silver together taken from the
mines that year. This, the Coal, alone, to say noth
ing of the 90,000,000 barrels of Uncle John D.
Rockefeller’s petroleum, is worth $540,000,000. Not
only do they haul everything, they also lubricate
the machinery with which it is hauled.
“Why, my dear madam, the Coal family not only
supply these physical needs, but they go a step
higher and actually educate mankind. They fur
nish every pencil that writes a word, and every
drop of ink that prints a paper. From ‘Mother
Goose’ to the Word of God, they are all the prod
uct of what you are pleased to call the ‘poor kin
folks’ of the Diamond. Why, madam, it’s the
Coal family that cools the fires of the burning
fevers in the human veins, and even furnished the
smelling salts carried to-night by your fine ladies.
“You will excuse me, madam, but it seems
to me a question of indolence as against useful
ness —a question of show, as against service—and
with all deference to you, and the Diamond, and the
Duke, it seems to me — ’ ’
But just at that moment the ebony porter, whose
ancestors came over from Africa in the Mayflower,
or some other good boat built by the pilgrim fa
thers, happened into the parlor, and seeing the old
Poker standing out on the carpet, hurried up to
him and rudely seized him by the head, exclaiming:
“Whut you doin’ in huh, you old black devil?”
I could Pot hear what reply the Poker made.
M *
The Associated Prohibition Press furnishes us
with a well-written article by Dr. J. B. Cranfell,
analyzing the prohibition force which is now mov
ing in line of battle order against the entrench
ments of the liquor power. Dr. Cranfell is a party
prohibitionist. He contends earnestly that every
other school of prohibitionists must ultimately, by
force of inexorable logic, graduate into party pro
hibitionism. He is therefore disposed not to find
fault with his undergraduate brethren, but rather
does he seek to fraternalize and encourage them.
This has been the position of The Golden Age all
along. This paper is the organ of no section of this
army, but it is the friend and helper of all.
Whether or not Dr. Cranfell is right in his conten
tion that all prohibitionists must become party pro
hibitionists, we need not say. But one thing seems
certain; either the prohibition sentiment in one or
both of the old parties will dictate a platform and
approve the candidate, or it will revolt and throw
its power where its votes will count for something
that is of value.
H *
The Christian Nurse.
(Continued from Page Six.)
militia and the firemen, and all the orders, followed
her to her resting-place, and the city has erected a
monument to her memory in the center of Margaret
Place, which is named for her. The monument rep
resents the honest, homely old woman seated in
her cane chair with her arms around an orphan
child. She neither cared for nor sought fame, but
no one visits the Crescent City without hearing her
story and looking upon her monument. So live
that when the end comes io you those standing
about your silent form will be constrained to say,
“Blessed are the dead who die in the Lord.” Bet
ter than all human plaudits will be the “Well done”
of the Master, whom you have learned to serve.
In 1855 a great audience gathered in London.
Queen Victoria, both Houses of Parliament, and
all the nobility had assembled to welcome the re
turning veterans of the Crimean war. Into the
presence of this great audience came these battle
scarred veterans —some on crutches, one officer who
had lost both feet, was wheeled in a rolling chair.
The queen had ordered medals to commemorate
their valor, and as her gracious majesty, with fitting
words, bestowed these trophies of honor, the air
was rent with shouts, all the orchestras poured
forth the national anthem. Men went wild with
enthusiasm, and women wept for sympathy and joy.
It was a great day for the old soldiers, but a great
er, a better, a brighter day is coming to those who
have faithfully served our Lord and humanity.
Christ shall rise, and in the presence of the re
deemed and glorified of heaven will say to all who
have been faithful, “Come, ye blessed of my Father,
inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the
foundation of the world; for I was sick and ye
visited me. Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one
of the least of these, ye have done it unto me.”
” * *
Esther Ferr all's Experiment.
(Continued from Page Two.)
have miscarried. Don’t you cross the bridge, ma
ter, until you get to it.”
Mrs. Ferrall stood up, and looking out of the
window, gave a sudden exclamation of delight:
“There’s the Hill carriage, and that means that
Mrs. Hill and Edith have come to call.”
“Rah! Rah! What’s the matter with Edith?
She’s all right. Who’s all right? Edith!”
“Why, Lane, you make more fuss than a wild
Indian.”
“Edith will stay all night with you, mater. She
shall sing on the ‘Duchess platform.’ Even a coon
song shall she sing. It will vivify our drooping
spirits. Selah.”
(To be Continued.)
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