Funding for the digitization of this title was provided by a grant from the National Endowment for the Humanities: National Digital Newspaper Program. Any views, findings, conclusions, or recommendations expressed in this newspaper do not necessarily represent those of the National Endowment for the Humanities.
Newspaper Page Text
„ /-> I
it ®i W IBi^^t W
li Wi^>lll| lg 1
VOLUMT. TH-REE
HUMBER SIX
WHAT WE THINK OF WHAT WE SEE
The Throbbing Question of the hour: Is it time
to “take ’em off”?
•8
“Truth crushed to earth sometimes keeps us out
of a lot of trouble.” That’s no joke.
•8
The Florida Times-Union says: “Be a bubble.
Rise in life.” But my goodness; think how easily
a bubble can be squshed froo!
•8
President Roosevelt recently announced: “I am
accustomed to weighing njy words.” And there
isn’t, so far as we know, any complaint about short
weight.
•8
We have noted this headline: “Ohio Scientist
Dies in Guatemala While Studying Flora.” Flora
must have been unwilling to be investigated so
closely. -
•8
How can the colored voter of this great land any
longer doubt that the best love ever given him is
that being lavished upon him right now by the Re
publican candidates ?
•8
A fashion note says that “the best thing about
the new spring hat for 1908 is that it can be put
on in ten seconds.” But it will take just as long as
heretofore to get the little bill for the same set
tled.
•8
“Why is it that they never exhibit any cure for
hydrophobia at a dog show?” asks the Somerville
Journal. Possibly for the same reason that they
never exhibit a cure for delirium tremens in a booze
emporium.-—Exchange.
18
A Missouri man was recently fined for snoring in
church. That doesn’t seem just to us; for no Missouri
man ever yet allowed himself in a church when he
was awake. His enemies must have drugged him
and placed him in a pew.
•8
Effie was giving a birthday party, and during the
merry games the child’s mother asked her if she
was happy. “Oh, I’ve never been so happy in my
life,” replied Effie, joyfully. “I really couldn’t
be any happier ’less I was bigger.”
•8
An exchange says, “Never spank the children be
fore your wife.” And it might have uttered a
warning against attempting to spank your wife
either before or after the children, if she happens
to weigh a little more than you do.
ATLANTA, GA., MARCH 26. 1908.
Sy A. E. HA MS A UR, Managing, Editor.
A fashion writer says that clothing should match
the hair this year. Biff what about the bald-headed
people ?
•8
Says the Los Angeles Times: “When a man
thinks of Emma Goldman he feels that he could
take a gentle old lady like Carrie Nation in his
arms and almost hug her to death.” Yes; but he
isn’t just obliged to think of Emma to that extent,
is he? There seems to be danger in even thinking
of Emma.
*8
The professor had been quizzing his psychology
class, and was evidently somewhat disappointed with
the result.
“Gentlemen,” said he, as the bell rang for dis
missal, “it has been said that fish is good for brain
food. If that statement is true, I advise some of
the men in this class to try a whale. ’ ’
•8
The following interesting item appeared recently
in the Houston (Pa.) Banner: “We are glad to
learn that the Widow Williams, who kicked a cow
in the stomach two weeks ago and broke her big toe,
is now able to limp out again. The Home-town lady
is a combination of beauty, grace and strength.”
A widow, and such a combination! Wonder if the
cow is able to be about yet?
18
A candidate for office in his announcement pub
lished in the Caruthersville (Mo.) Democrat goes
frankly into the matter thus: “Owing to the ear
nest solicitation of those to whom I owe money, I
have consented to become a candidate for the of
fice of county treasurer, subject to the usual dis
closures of character.” And the disclosures of
character in Missouri are generally pretty interest
' ing.
•8
“Susie Jenkins held the audience spellbound at
the soiree given last Tuesday night when she sang
with great emotion, ‘My Old Kentucky Home.’ It
was so vivid and realistic that we were standing in
six feet of blue grass, with a bottle of moonshine in
one hand and a long twisted cabbage leaf in the
other.” —Big Bend Cor. Riverton (Wyo.) Republi
can. Now wouldn’t that girl make a hit in Georgia
if she could produce such feelings as that?
•8
Wouldn’t you have enjoyed hearing this when it
happened? A one-armed man entered a downtown
restaurant at noon and seated himself next to a
dapper little other-people’s-business man. The lat
ter at once noticed his neighbor’s sleeve hanging
loose and kept eying it in a how-did-it-happen sort
of way. The one-armed man paid no attention to
him but kept on eating with his one hand. Finally
the inquisitive one could stand it no longer. He
changed his position a little, cleared his throat,
and said, “I beg your pardon, sir, but I see you
have lost an arm.” The one-armed man picked up
his empty sleeve and peered anxiously into it.
“Bless my soul!” he exclaimed, looking up with
great surprise, “I do believe you are right!”
•8
The acme of genuine cuteness is a great big man
—the bigger the cuter —puffing away on a little
helpless, extremely offensive cigarette. To begin
with, a cigarette smells a thousand times worse
than a weary egg and then some, and for a big
fat-head, who is supposed to have been supplied by
the Almighty with enough brains to carry him
around the block, to go around with one of these
devil chasers stuck in his face is a mystery to the
godly.—Hayworth’s Aphorisms.
•8
Senator Beveridge is credited with having told
the following little story recently at a gathering of
a small party of friends: “When I was a boy in
Adams county, Judge Blank was taken very ill.
The doctor was in close attendance, but the jud >.e
kept getting worse. Finally the crisis came. The
morning after, the doctor called. ‘I hope your
master’s temperature is lower than it was las
evening,’ he said to the butler.
“ ‘l’m not sure about that,’ replied the man, ‘he
died, sir, in the night.’ ”
•8
The following conversation is said to have taken
place in a Boston elevator:
Old Lady—“ Don’t you ever feel sick going up
and down in this elevator all day?”
Elevator Boy—“Yes’m. ”
Old Lady—“ls it the motion of the going down?”
Elevator Boy—“No’m.”
Old Lady —“The motion of going up?”
Elevator Boy—“No’m.”
Old Lady—“ The stopping?”
Elevator Boy —“No’m.”
Old Lady—“ What is it, then?”
Elevator Boy—“ The questions.”
•8
A Southern gentleman recently related this story
at a banquet in Washington City. It rings true to
the tradition attaching tor such things. It seems
that a philanthropist had heard of a negro family
that was reported in destitute circumstances, and
called at their home. He found the report true.
The family consisted of the mother, a son about
fifteen years old and three young children. After
hearing the mother’s story he gave the oldest son
a bright silver dollar, saying: “Here, my lad, take
this and get a turkey for the Christmas dinner.”
No sooner had he gone when the mother said in a
stern voice to her son: “Here, Andrew Jackson
Johnson, you done gib me dat dollar, and go git
dat turkey in de nachral way!”
TWO DOLLARS A TEAR.
TIVE CENTS A COPT.
