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VOLUME THREE
'NUMBER SEVEN
WHAT WE THINK OF WHAT WE SEE
Uy A. E. 'RAMSAU'R, Managing. Editor.
It is now becoming fashionable to refer to a rich
undertaker as a 41 wealthy planter.”
•5
Speaking of the fitness of things, wouldn’t “Grin
and bear it” be a better motto for a dentist’s
office than “Smile”?
*
The vexing problem of the office b >y: — 4 ‘Who was
it died last Summer during the ball season, my aunt
or my grandmother?”
s*
How can a man with nine children and out of a
job obey Mr. Rockefeller’s advice to 44 be content
with what von have”?
“Billy” Sunday is credited with saying he would
rather start a revival in Hades than at Harvard.
Is it needed worse in the former locality?
*
In New Jersey a young man of twenty-three has
already married three women. He certainly is enti
tled to a quiet and peaceful old age. Yes? No?
Abe Hummel got two months oil’ of a twelve
months’ term in prison for good behavior. Pity
the good behavior plan didn't occur to him before
all this trouble started.
Some investigators have proved pretty conclusive
ly that Abraham Lincoln never took a drink of
whiskey. Well, even if that is true, lie was a really
great man anyway.
A writer in the Los Angeles Times says, 44 It is
a hard matter to guess which is the most uncer
tain-politics, juries or women.” That young man
must have been reared in a monastery.
I?
A Western 'woman says that her husband has
been drunk three thousand times in ten years. How
could she tell in the midst of such frequency, wheth
er it was “drunk again” or “yet”?
A French scientist says that the- depopulation of
the earth will be brought about through using up
the water supply. And the prohibitionists just
don’t pay any atention to his warning at all’
n
It is announced that Easter lilies will be much
cheaper this season than formerly. We have never
especially worried about the price of the lilies; what
we thirst for is a similar statement with reference
to the Easter bonnet.
TTiArr* IX a nn'ars* ''Hysterical Chastisement’’ of Railroads
* LZC*llgd3. LiquorllMen Encroaching on 'Dry” Territory
ATLANTA, GA., APRIL 2, 1908.
A certain writer says that, the question, 44 When is
a man drunk?” is not easy to answer. Well, we
have noticed that it, is much easier to create the im
pression of being drunk than of being sober—given
certain circumstances.
Since learning that two drinks of whiskey in
Denver will exhilarate a man as much as nine
drinks at the altitude of I lie average city, there
will be a large number of people who will feel able
to bear the expense of attending.
A Youngstown), Ohio, man lias brought suit to
X
recover the cost of the food ami clothing of his
seven-year-old stepdaughter. A man like that will
be refusing to pay his mother-in-law’s railroad fare
to make him a visit the next we hear.
•!
Mr. Bryan has told one of his audiences that the
Democratic, party is “the parly of hope.” If the
party expects Io get ils candidate into the White
Douse it wants to get out and roll up votes rather
than consume so much time in just plain, dry Imp
ing.
A man was arrested in St. Louis (Mo.) for giving
away money on the streets. Evidently the police
were not the recipients of his generosity. Besides,
if he hail waited, the kind hearted natives of that
town would have relieved him of the trouble of
giving it.
Out in Minnesota a man whose house was tilled
with guests who were enjoying themselves, went out
and hanged himself. Some people criticized him
ami said he was very impolite; but who knows?
His mother-in-law mav have been “among those
present. ’ ’
There were 39,645 prescriptions calling for whis
key written in Charlotte, N. ('., last year. The
Roanoke Times calls attention to the fact that this
number amounts to only 1.1 prescriptions for each
man, woman and child in the city. We doubt,
however, whether the women and children got
theirs.
A New York woman bought a husband for sl2
and now wants her money back because In* refuses
Io work. We knew when we heard of her paying
that ridiculously low figure that there was some
thing wrong with that husband; shelf-worn or off
color in some way. Good husbands run from sl-5
up as high as thirty. The de luxe kind may be
secured as high as fifty dollars.
A story is (old of a Northerner who was travel
ing - through the mountains of West Virginia,- and
overtook a mountaineer leisurely driving a herd of
pigs.
“Where are you driving the pigs Io?” he asked.
‘‘Out to pasture ’em a little,” was the reply.
“What for?”
“To fatten ’em.”
“Isn’t it pretty slow work, fattening them on
grass? I p where I come from we pen them up and
feed them on corn. It saves a lot of time.’’
“Ya’as, 1 s’pose so." drawled the mountaineer.
“But what’s time Io a hawg?”
Misfortunes are always deplorable, but there is
rarely one that could not,, given certain circum
stances, be worse. This is illustrated by a story
recently published in tin* Saturday Evening Bost;
“After the Ways and Means Committee had been
compelled to leave ils old quarters and go over to
the new House of Representatives office building
some of his friends were sympathizing with Cham])
Clark.
“ ‘lt might have been worse, ('ham]),’ they said.
‘Cheer up. Bret ty soon they will have the electric
ears running in the subway ami then you can ride
over. ’
4 4 4 Yes,’ replied ('lark, ‘it might have been worse.
Reminds me of an Irishman I knew down in St.
Louis who had both of his legs cut off by a railroad
train. “It might have been worse, Mike,” they
said. “Sure,” Mike replied, “suppose I had been
a chorus girl. ” ’ ”
In the midst of the turnmil incident to national
politics we are likely Io overlook some interest
ing facts in connect ion w ith local affairs. We have
a candidate for the Senate whose platform suits us.
Among other remarks he says:
‘‘The day is upon us when predatory wealth is
making ils bravest and strongest tight to keep the
common people where it has had them for years.
“It makes my heart sick to see the disregard of
the rights of the plain people on the part of arro
gant, domineering and predacious wealth of the
la ml.
‘‘There is some honest, wealth which lives and
acts in accord with law, and it should receive and
have that, same protection which is due any law
abiding citizen.”
We realize the truth of every word quoted—and
our heart burns within us to render unto that honest
wealth the protection to which we feel it is entitled.
No dishonest or predacious wealth need apply; but
we will furnish protection ami a comfortable home
to all the honest wealth that needs it.
TWO DOLLARS A YEAR.
TIVE CENTS A COPY.
