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VOL UNI THREE
NU NIVER NINE
WHAT WE THINK OF
It’s a wise boy who knows where there is a knot
hole in the baseball fence.
Don’t you just know .that the fish would simply
fight to swallow your hook if you were on the bank
of the creek where you used to fish?
I?
Teacher: “Can any little boy tell me what a
‘buttress’ is?”
Small Boy: “I know; it’s a nanny goat!”
It has been discovered that flies carry millions
of dangerous germs on their feet. Why should they
not be requested to use the door-mat before
entering?
Dr. Hamilton Wright Mabie says: “We need
women to care for our souls.” Certainly; but let’s
have a small detail set apart to look after our
stomachs.
A college professor is about to start to Mindanao
to study lost races. He could have made a fine
start on the subject if he had been with ns at the
Fair last Fall.
An exchange asks “Where is the most lonesome
place on earth?” Our guess is the office boy’s
cornor on the day the home team is playing on its
own grounds.
Reference has been made by some of the papers
to “Prince de Sagan’s touching devotion to Mme.
Gould.” It certainly will be touching if she takes
him on as number two.
Chancellor Day (Yes, of Syracuse University)
has classified man into three ages, saying that they
first get rich, get dyspepsia and die. We must be a
maverick; we have done neither, ami we have
lived a long time.
It is claimed by Bishop Fallows that he has an
infallable prescription “for reuniting estranged
married couples.” He will have to apply it with
a long-range gun, for the said “couples” will be
on the look-out for him now.
*
A temperance lecturer in Indiana has asserted
that no man who drinks twenty glasses of beer a
day can live longer than eight years. We are not
familiar with the conditions and the natives of
Indiana, but insure the average Georgian twenty
glasses of beer a day and he would keep on living
until the neighbors came in and drew lots to find
who should kill him with an axe.
ATLANTA, GA., APRIL 16, 1908.
Sy A. E. 'RAMSAU'R. Managing Editor.
The postmen who live in cities where saloons
flourish may have their troubles and temptations;
but they should be thankful for one thing, they are
not having to deliver several whiskey circulars per
week to each member of every family on their
routes.
*
The Washington (Iowa) Democrat asks, “What
has become of the old-fashioned man who had to
have a feather-bed to sleep in? Doubtless many of
them are now where the last thing they yearn for is
a feather-bed. But why should this discussion be
opened?
•e
How is this for a fair sample of a conversation
between two colored brethren :
“Ain’t you got no eggs?”
“I ain’t said I ain’t!”
“I ain’t axed you is you ain’t; I axed you is
von is. Is you?
*
It is stated by .a prominent medical journal that
“The_vermiform appendix is the only tiling in na
ture, so far as is known, that is absolutely useless.”
Now that is a queer way to talk. Think of the sur
geons who have been enabled to buy an automobile
because of this same appendix!
The Florida Times-Union says it has been in
formed that it is stylish for girls to wear light
green hosiery with long, white clocks. We thought
that wearing of watches on the wrist was bad
enough; but when it comes to clocks on the well,
the girl who lives where they have a town clock
ought to feel herself fortunate.
•S
“On last Saturday evening, while the golden sun
was gently thrusting forth its soothing beams,
Squire B. F. Bushong pleasantly pronounced the
beautiful and heart-welding phrases that made Mr.
Enoch Hubbard and Miss Stella Canady man and
wife.”- —Modena Cor. Princeton (Mo.) Post. That
must have been a soothing occasion.
The people who just won’t admit the good results
of prohibition remind us of the story we have
read of the old farmer who went to his first circus.
He was especially attracted by the menagerie con
nected with the show. Among all the animals, he
stood longest before the camel. He looked at it
awhile, went away and came back. At the end of
his third term of contemplation lie turned away, a
look of disgust creeping over his features; walked
a step or two, looked over his shoulder at the camel,
ipat vigorously, and then muttered: “Huh! By
heck, there ain’t no sich animal!”
WHAT WE SEE
Mrs. Howard Gould says no woman can dress
decently on less than <520,000 per year. We intend
to announce that at home. We have long thought
our struggle for decency in dress was vain; now we
know we will never get there.
n
There is one thing to be said in favor of a
monarchical form of government: There is no talk
about electing a governor for thirteen months in
the year, mixed with the everlasting grumbling of
a lot of knockers about “refawm.”
*
A German scientist claims that nature furnishes
every man with an entirely new brain every sixty
days. We are convinced either that that scientist
is dead wrong, or else nature omits to give direc-
I ions for using in a number of cases. Yes? No?
IP
AVe have read the following account of a cruel,
heartless wrong done to a worthy young man:
“You can answer me one more question, Miss
Blank,” said Charlie after his refusal. “Is there
any other man?”
“There is every other man, sir,” she replied.
“You would be absolutely the last!”
Airs. Newlywed: “That was an awfully tough
goose you sold me the other day.”
Grocer: “Tough? Why, 1 took especial care
to pick out a young one for you, Ala’am.”
Mrs. Newlywed: “Well, just look at this coin.
It is dated 1851, and I found it in your young
goose’s stomach.”
Chancellor Day, of Syracuse University, is still
troubled because the rich men of the country are
not treated as kindly as they should be. In a re
cent speech he said, “Aly heart burns as I hear the
rich brought into contempt.” And our heart burns
under similar circumstances when we think that with
so much money it cuts mighty little ice with the
rich how much bringing into contempt comes their
way.
Here is another illustration of the wisdom of the
old saying that it is best to let well enough alone:
“What’s become of dat little chameleon Mandy
had?” inquired Rufus.
“Oh, de fool chile done lost him,” replied
Mandy’s mother. “She wuz playin wif him one
day, puttin’ him on red to see him turn red, an’
on blue to see him turn blue, an’ on green to see
him turn green, an, so on. Den de fool gal, not
satisfied wif lettin’ well enough alone, went an’
put him on a plaid, an’ de poor little thing went
an’ bust hisse’f trying to make good.’
TWO DOLLARS A YEAR.
11VE CENTS A COPY.
