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The Twenty-Sixth of April: A Day of Cheers and Tears
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VOL UME THILI
eleven
WHAT WE THINK OF WHAT WE SEE
The way the aged grandparents and uncles and
aunts of this city are passing away, the office boys
will be utterly alone in the world before the baseball
season is over.
*
The Birmingham Age-Herald says: “Just imag
ine the wife of six husbands going to Heaven and
finding the six husbands there.” We can’t imagine
that; provided they saw her coming.
An Indiana man was recently arrested for bigamy,
and all the papers of his home town charged him
with leading a “double life.” His salary was
sl6 per week. Now there is a Napoleon of finance
for you!
Frank Gould says that he and his wife could have
been happy if they hadn’t had so much money. The
other extreme seems to make people unhappy also;
why can’t we find a golden mean somewhere along
the line?
*
A Kansas man dropped dead the other day while
mowing his lawn. That was clearly a judgment
upon him for making an example of himself for his
neighbors’ wives to hold up to their husbands as
a model husband.
Statistics show that during the month of March
only one colored child was born in the city of Buf
falo, N. y. That shows how bitter the colored
population feel toward the President and the
Republican administration because of the Browns
ville incident.
•e
The police are discovering that our “Near-beer”
and other soft drink substitutes produce intoxica
tion. It won’t be long until the doctors will be an
nouncing that this kind of stuff produces fifty-seven
new varieties of spots on the stomach lining.
*
An item appearing in a late number of the Tokyo
International Review shows that the teacher prob
lem is burdening our neighbors on the other side of
the world: “In Japan, lady teachers are constantly
wanting, as the majority of the graduates of the
girls’ higher normal schools leave off the studies
before the terms expire and also as the early matri
mony compell them to forsake the studies.”
Memorial Day has revived many stories of inci
dents occurring during the beginning of the “days
that tried men’s souls.” One is related of Noble
Prentis, who was a man of small stature and who
wanted to enlist for service in the army. He was
ATLANTA, GA., APRIL 30, 1908.
Vy A. E. RAMS A UR, Managing Editor.
found to fall several inches short of the minimum
height required by army regulations, and was or
dered by the recruiting officer to step aside. This
Prentis reluctantly did, grumbling as he went: “I
suppose I’ll have to let my country go to thunder
because I’m not eight feet tall!” The recruiting
officer overheard the remark and called him back.
He got into the army.
*
Nature faking has broken out in Japan, as wit
ness the following item from a leading newspaper
of Tokyo:
“At the beginning of September a forest man
with the name of Yendo living in Kawai village,
Mimasaka province, found a monster spider with
the trunk of more than one foot in diameter and
on full extent thirty feet square. He was much
scared and resulted a fever.” There is much need
for a missionary Prohibition campaign in that far
off land. Just such spiders as that used to abound
in Georgia, but they are rarely seen now.
n
Pat was a miner and had struggled along for
years in a desolate Western mining region, barely
managing to feed'himself enough to maintain a
home for his soul. He was about to give up in de
spair and try to make his way back East, when the
long-hoped-for strike occurred and he found himself
a very rich man. He began gradually to feel his im
portance and dressed the part. One day an old
friend meeting him strutting down the street, said:
“How are you, Pat? I’d like to talk to you a
little while.” Pat stretched himself grandly. “An’
talk wid me, is nt? If ye want to talk wid me,
I’ll see ye in me office. I have an office now, and
me hours is from A. M. in the mornin’ to P. M. in
the afternoon.”
A news item from Grafton, AV. Va., is published
in the AVashington Post, containing a story from a
farmer of that place relative to a very peculiar oc
currence. The story has it that the farmer’s cows
were milked by fishes. Here it is:
“He suspected a neighbor of milking them in
the pasture, and yesterday afternoon he hid himself
behind some bushes on the bank of the river.
About 3 o’clock, when the sun was hottest, the cows
wandered into the stream to drink, standing with
their udders just touching the water. The farmer
says he was astounded to discover that large fish
were hanging to the udders of almost every cow,
and when he drove the animals out they were milked
dry. The farmer is now perfecting plans to attach
fishhooks to the udders of the cows, and go into the
fish business as a side line.”
Now if we have a fish story like this, thus early
in the season, wouldn’t the late Fall crop jar you?
The way Winter is lingering in the lap of Spring
is simply scandalous.
n
The Florida Times-Union says, “The lawn mower
brings on more talk.” And blisters, after the talk
ing has prevailed upon the man of the house to go
forth and manipulate it.
*
Among the many anecdotes credited to Abraham
Lincoln, this is not the worst:
In 1864 some gentlemen, who had just returned
from a trip through the AVest, came to Washington
and went to call on Lincoln. During their visit,
one of the men spoke of a body of water in Nebras
ka, which bore an Indian name.
“I can not recall the name now,” he said, in a
vexed tone, “but it signified ‘weeping water.’ ”
President Lincoln instantly responded: “As
‘laughing water,’ according to Longfellow, is ‘Min
nehaha,’ this evidently should be ‘Minneboohoo.’ ”
On another occasion, an Englishman, calling at
the White House, was descanting to President Lin
coln, who had never been abroad, upon the differ
ence between Englishmen and Americans.
“Great difference in some respects,” he said,
“great difference! You Americans do things that
an Englishman would never think of doing. Now,
for instance, an English gentleman would never
think of blacking his own boots.”
“Ah, indeed!” said President Lincoln, quietly.
“Whose would he black?”
There have recently been a series of revival meet
ings in Philadelphia. At the close of the services
at one church the minister walked down the aisle
according to his custom, to greet the strangers in the
congregation. Meeting one such, he said as he
warmly shook hands, “I don’t think you are a
member of our church?”
“No, sir,” replied the stranger.
“AVell, you will not think me unduly curious if
I ask to what denomination you belong?” asked the
minister.
“I suppose,” responded the other, “I am really
what you might call a submerged Presbyterian.”
“A submerged Presbyterian?” exclaimed the
minister. “I should be glad if you would explain.”
“Well, I was brought up a Presbyterian, my wife
is a Methodist, my eldest daughter -is a Baptist,
my son is the organist at a Unitarian church, my
second daughter sings in an Episcopalian choir, and
my youngest goes to a Congregational Sunday
school.”
“But,” said the minister, aghast, “you contrib
ute, doubtless, to some church?”
“Yes; I contribute to all of them,” was the ans
wer ;‘ ‘ that’s what submerges me. ’ ’
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