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VOLUMT. THREE
HUMVER SEVENTEEN
WHAT WE THINK OF WHAT WE SEE
The entire Jones vote must have been given to
Little Joey.
n
New definition of the Rule of Three: That one
ought to go home.
Now, thank goodness, there is nothing to distract
our attention from the team’s batting average!
Reuben: “Which end of the car do I get off?”
Conductor: “Either you prefer; both of them
stop.”
The papers have announced the death of ‘ ‘ the
wickedest man in New York.” We wonder what his
rating is where he lias gone?
We now promise that we have perpetrated our
last near-joke about near-beer. Too many of them
produce that near-tired feeling.
*
It is said that Senator LaFollette had a tired
feeling after speaking eleven hours in the recent
Senate filibuster. His auditors must have begun to
have those symptoms much earlier in the game.
*
Male Voice: “Hello!”
Female Voice: “Hello!”
“Is this you, darling?”
“Yes; who are you?”
The Baltimore Sun says: “It’s too late to put
the muzzle on after the mad dog has bitten you.”
Well, it is hardly any use to put the muzzle on at
all, so far as we can see; for the dog rarely bites
you there, anyway.
n
“But can ye iver enforce prohybition? asked
Mr. Hennessy.
“Well,” said Mr. Dooley, “Father Kelly says
th’ best they’ve done so far is to make dhrink
wrong to take, hard to get, an’ turr’ble bad whin
ye get it.”
A suit has been filed in a Northern city by a ser
vant girl against her former mistress for forty-one
months’ salary. Her mistress charges that the
girl’s feet were so large that she woke the board
ers moving them (the feet) around, and that she
does not feel indebted at all on the salary count.
If that lady’s lawyer is any account at all be will
The Golden Age has an interesting proposition for student agents who wish to
earn money during their*vacation. \\ hy not learn what it is by writing to us now?
ATLANTA, GA., JUNE 11, 1908.
9y A. E. RAMS A UR, Managing “Editor,
drop such little defenses as that, and go boldly be
fore the court with 'the assertion that no servant
in this day and generation ever remained for forty
one months at any one place.
We know this story is not a new one; but the fact
that it is old, is evidence that it is worthy of all
acceptation:
Just about time for the Sunday school to be dis
missed the superintendent arose and announced:
“And now, children, let me introduce Mr. Smith,
who will give us a short talk.”
Mr. Smith smilingly arose and, after gazing im
pressively around the school room, began with, “I
hardly know what to say,” when a small, thin
voice, originating somewhere in the rear, lisped:
“Thay amen, and thit down!”
This little paragraph from the Washington Star
may be applicable in a number of households dur
ing the extreme warmth of the political situation:
“What’s your husband doing now?” asked the
neighbor.
“Oh, he’s sitting around telling what is going
to happen next election !’ ’
“Then he’s a prophet?”
“No, he isn’t. So far as his family is concerned
he is a dead loss.”
The fame of the Missouri mule has spread around
the world: It has been said that the mules of that
State through propinquity absorb something of the
dispositions of the people; or is it vice versa? At
any rate on a recent occasion a number of Repre
sentatives were discussing some of the resources
of the State of Missouri, Mr. McCall, of Massachu
setts, observed to Lloyd of Missouri:
“Lloyd, I am told that Missouri stands at the
head in raising mules.”
“It seems to me,” replied Lloyd, “that is the
only safe place to stand in the circumstances.”
Considerable excitement has been aroused by the
discovery of a startling crime. A royal tomb has
been rifled, the body of the king taken from its
sarcophagus, the jewels which decorated the body,
stolen, and the body left on the floor of the sepul
cher. The monarch was Haremhebi, the last king
of the Eighteenth Dynasty of Egypt, which preceded
the dynasty of Rameses. Mr. Theodore Davis, an
egyptologist, whose diggers cut through solid rock
for three months before striking the passage to the
royal tomb, discovered the crime. The robbery was
committed about 3,500 years ago, and it has been
reported to the police. No clue to the robbers has
been discovered.
*
Aunt Mirandy, an ancient Georgia darkey,
put her head in at the shop door and said to the
plumber:
“Mister Jones, when kin you come up an’ put
a buck in my spring?”
“A buck in your spring?” shouted the aston
ished plumber.
“Yes,” replied Aunt Mirandy, “my spring’s
down at the foot of the hill and they tell me to
put a buck in it to fetch the water to the house.”
“Oh, you mean a hydraulic ram?”
“Aw, maybe so. No matter. I knew it was
some kind of sheep!”
A story is being told of a certain minister of
great vigor and force who recently found himself
in an embarrassing position. He was going forward
with his Sunday morning sermon, preaching from
the text: “The righteous shall stand, but the
wicked shall fall.”
He bent forward over the pulpit, shouting out the
text with all the power of his lungs. At that mo
ment the pulpit broke from its fastenings, and he
fell out and rolled over on the floor before his con
gregation. Picking himself up, he said:
“Brethren, I am not hurt, and I don’t mind the
fall, but I do hate the connection.”
n
There are constantly new additions to the slang
of the restaurant. Here are some terms that are
new to us, at least:
Do you recognize “two cackles and the pig” as
ham and eggs? “Cunard liner with two dogs
aboard” calls for Hamburger steak with side dish
of sausages. “A bunch of slats” is an order of
spareribs. The following is given for truth in a
Buffalo paper:
“Give me two eg*gs fried on one side and three
slices of crisp broiled breakfast bacon,” ordered
the man.
“Two cackles slapped in the face and three
squeals crisp,” howled the waiter.
A colored waiter in Mississippi lost his cue be
cause a traveling man ordered two eggs, one of
them fried on one side and the other on the other
side.
TWO DOLLARS A YEAR.
11VE CENTS A COPY.
