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VOLUHL THEEE
TiUJYVEH EIGHTEEN
WHAT WE THINK OF WHAT WE SEE
Now we will beg'in to hear talk about a “safe and
sane” Fourth of July.
We learn from the Toledo Blade that “whisky
kills more men that rattlesnakes.” Why the rat
tlesnakes down here don’t touch a drop!
Mr. Schwab has said that all rich men are hon
est. Well, we won’t argue that point; but when are
we honest men going to be rich? What?
*
Johnson: “I made a remark to my wife last
week and she has not spoken to me since.”
Brown (eagerly): “What was it?”
We wonder what Mr. Bryan was made to think
of by the subject of a poem which appeared in The
Commoner recently: “Over and Over Again.”
*
A Butler, Pa., prophet has predicted “many dis
appointments in June.” Financial, political, base
ball or matrimonial ? We do wish these prophets
would be more explicit.
A Minnesota criminal caught in Birmingham re
cently went back without a requisition. Birming
ham must be worse to live in than it was when we
were there some years ago.
K
A news item tells of the death of an Arkansas
bartender which occurred immediately after he had
taken a drink of whisky and eaten a banana. Some
time those people out that way will learn how dan
gerous tropical fruits are.
*
A woman in Houston, Texas, has announced that
she would not many the best man living. Well, if
she doesn’t "want him, she is a mean, selfish thing
if she doesn’t tell some of those who might be inter
ested where he can be foufld.
*
A St. Louis man w 7 as discharged from a hospital
as cured and immediately committed suicide. He
had doubtless had leisure to think over the matter
in the quiet of the sick room and decided he
couldn’t bear to live in that town.
All of the young men and women who are working for us this summer are be
ginning to “make good.” It will be worth your while to learn our terms to agents
and to acquaint yourself with our remarkable clubbing offers. We wish especially to
heln college students during their vacation. Write to us.
F THE GOLDEN AGE, 510 Lowndes Bldg., Atlanta.
ATLANTA, GA., JUNE 18, 1908.
fiy A. L. 'RAMSA UR. Managing Editor.
Seventy-five women have been expelled from the
Dunkard conference in Pennsylvania because they
insisted on wearing Merry Widow hats. Well, we
always said women could be martyrs in a good cause
as well as men.
Some of the newspapers are wondering what a
man should be called who runs an aeroplane. We
are certain as to what he will be called after he
loses control of one. It will be something that
sounds like “the late lamented.”
A Lynn, Mass., man died the other day just after
eating his wife’s first beef stew. That was bad, but
then think of what would have followed: pies, bis
cuit, cake and perhaps even waffles. As well to give
up at once as to struggle against the inevitable.
I*
It is advertised that Kansas will need about 21,
140 men to help in the harvest fields this season.
And .there will be more men than that going about
over this section giving all their time to prophesy
ing how the teams will end up this fall, and not get
ting a cent for it, either.
*
It is now thought that there is in reality no North
Pole. Well, that is no reason Avhy explorers
shouldn’t keep going up that way to see why; and
also to investigate the neighborhood with a view to
have one with all modern conveniences installed.
The Rev. Billy Sunday, in preaching to the Pres
byterian ministers of Pittsburgh recently, said
among other things: “What we want to do is to
tear down the seminaries and stand the professors
on their heads in mud-puddles. A seminary and its
teachings are of no more use to preaching than a
crane’s legs are to a setting hen.” Sometimes we
cannot help wondering if the Rev. Billy really wants
to do good or if he is a notoriety expert. At any
rate, wouldn’t it be great sport to see some husky
seminary-trained minister invite the Rev. Billy out
behind.the church for a few rounds after services?
And wouldn’t the other reverends just enjoy umpir
ing the bout? No? Brotherly love? Yes?
Much attention is being given by the press and
pulpit of Atlanta, Georgia, to the “near-beer” ques
tion; how “near” it is, whether it will intoxicate,
whether its sale is a violation of the prohibition
law; whether a license should be imposed upon the
sellers of it, etc. A story is going the rounds which
just about properly describes its “nearness.” This
is it: Two negroes were discussing the topics of the
day, when one of them said to the other:
“Now, Brer Johnsin, I am hearin’ a lot about
this 1 near-beer. ’ What is it and what is it good
for?”
Brer Johnsin responded “Well, Brer Jenkins,
I tell you jes how it is. It’s lak dis: Hit looks
like beer, hit foams like beer, hit tas’ like beer,
hit cos’ like beer; but after you gits hit, hit ain’t
got no conversation in it!”
n
The editor of jhe Hometown (Pa.) Banner is rath
er offended by the remark made by his subscribers
anent the caloric quality of his recent editorial ut
terances, and replies to them thusly:
“Some of our subscribers are declaring that our
editorials are not as lurid as they used to be. When
an editor has to breakfast off of cold cabbage and
start for the office without any socks on it is hard
work to get up any luridness without burning ink
in the office stove, and that we can’t afford to do.”
Which shows that in these parlous times even the
power of the press is weakened by the sordid con
siderations of existence.
Now would you think that a gramophone could
start anything like the following which we find in
the Mount Morris (Ill.) Index?
“Prof. Blake gave a fine gramophone concert
at the home of Mr. and Mrs. John Marshall the
other night. The professor has a fine gramophone
and about 250 choice records, and the fine brass
band pieces from Prior .and Sousa, the harp and
violin melodies, and the sacred songs, make the
professor dance around in such esthetic joy that
sometimes, ’tis said, he plays till the golden sun
of morn tears the silvery veil of frost from the
jeweled brow of night, kissing the frosty frost
sparkles trembling upon every fence and tree, while
the unpurpled east blushes to behold old Sul danc
ing on his orient hills of glory.”
TWO DOLL AES A YEAH.
IIVE CENTS A COPY.
