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VOLUME TH-REE
HU MH ER TWENTY -FOUR
WHAT WE THINK OF WHAT WE SEE
Sy A. E. RI4HSAUE, Managing Editor
Dr. Chas. F. Aked says “The churches of the
country will be deserted within a hundred years.”
For the baseball park?
M
The Norfolk Landmark has expressed itself as
being- opposed to “new” snakebite cures. That is
all very well for that vicinity, but what is to be
done in Georgia?
M
Well, the chances for the young hopeful to be
President are no better than formerly, but there is
no reason why he shouldn’t be a candidate for that
office when he grows up.
“What a stately creature that tall blonde is!
She always makes me think of her as the ox-eyed
J uno. ’ ’
“Per-oxide, you mean.”
A Pennsylvania man died recently from swallow
ing a table knife. Reform is slow to take hold in
that section. The people down here have nearly
all learned to eat with a fork.
M
Mrs. Hetty Green says she doesn’t like life at a
fine hotel because “you have to keep dressed up
all the time.” Yes, it would not do to remain in
the bathtub the whole day through.
M
Lightning struck the baggage car of a moving
train in this State the other day. If it had been
the express car, we would have seen in it a solemn
warning. But as it was, what’s the answer?
M
We would not for the world hurt anybody’s feel
ings, but we want to know just why it should
make any special difference ultimately, who is nom
inated for President on the Prohibition ticket?
n
A woman in Jamestown, N. Y., recently prophe
sied she would die on a certain day, and when the
day came around,, took strychnine and died. That is
a case of “make good, if you bus’ yourself doin’
it.”
M
One of the leading magazines has an article on
the subject, “Does Prohibition Pay?” Wonder
just how it means us to consider the question? For
instance, does it mean to refer to Georgia or to
Tennessee?
M
“How to make cold meat loaf,” is a headline we
note over a paragraph in an exchange. Well, if
cold meat needs any persuasion this hot weather to
o'O to loafing, it differs from everything else in
this neighborhood.
ATLANTA, GA., JULY 30, 1908.
The Memphis News-Scimitar says that “the labor
leaders of the country are in line for Bryan and
Kern.” We know it, but we fear they are lined
up just around the corner waiting, every one of
them with a brick.
*
A New York banker says: “We are on the edge
of a period of the greatest prosperity the country
has yet enjoyed.” Well, we can testify that it is
a ragged edge, and we fear we will fall on the out
side when our hold gives out.
The Columbus Dispatch asks, “How would you
like to have a dollar for every time the name of
Taft or Bryan will be used in print during the next
three months?” We would like it very well, in
deed. Ask us something hard.
M
One of the experts of the United States Geologi
cal Survey predicts that the country’s coal supply
will be exhausted by 2055. And the people we know'
now will by that time take much more interest in
the coal supply than they do now.
M
A citizen of Braddock, Pennsylvania, committed
suicide by jumping into the Monongahela River
when the birth of his thirteenth child was an
nounced to him. It is remarkable how the thir
teen superstition fastens itself onto some people!
“Mrs. F rances Parker, author of 4 How to Keep
a Husband,’ is suing her husband for divorce. She
forgot to knock on wood.”—Macon Telegraph.
Maybe she got a notion that her husband was a
blockhead and was knocking his block. That kind
of knocking always brings bad luck.
It is estimated that in the last twelve years Mr.
Bryan has spoken and written at least 15,000,000
words. Taking that as a basis, and considering how
few words it took to get “Little Joe” the governor
ship of dearoldgeorgia, what’s the answer? Yes,
you may work it out by algebra.
How is this one for Irish?
An Irishman, resident of New Jersey, reported
to the chief of police that he had lost a gold
watch which he prized highly because it was an
heirloom. The chief, impressed with the man’s
grief over his loss, told him he would leave no
stone unturned until the watch was found. The
Irishman went home, and later found his watch
where he had mislaid it. Thinking to relieve the
police of any concern, he hurried back to the police
station. On the way he encountered a force of
men removing the cobblestone pavement between
the trolley tracks. Pat gazed at them in astonish
ment, and then he called to the foreman in charge:
“Stop pullin’ up tliim stones; I’ve found me
watch! ’ ’
M
Tired and dusty the excursion was returning from
the Bank Holiday trip, and Simkins, a little bald
man with big ears, overcome with his day of hap
piness, dropped off to sleep, says The Philadelphia.
Record. In the hat-rack above, another passenger
had deposited a ferocious crab in a bucket, and
when Simkins went to sleep the crab woke up and,
finding things dull in the bucket, started exploring
By careful navigation Mr. Crab reached the edge
of the rack, but the next moment down it fell,
alighting on Simkins’ shoulder. Not feeling quite
safe it grabbed the voluminous ear of Simkins to
steady itself, and the passengers held their breath
and waited for developments. But Simkins only
shook his head slightly.
“Let go, Eliza,” he murmured. “I tell you I hat
I have been at the office all the evening.”
Isn’t it sweet, the way some men murmur their
wives’ names, even in their sleep?
M
Mr. Bryan, now candidate for President, began
his political career in his native State making
speeches for his party nominee for Congress. He
tells a story of an introduction given him before an
audience in a town some dstance from his home.
He was to speak before a voters’ mass meeting one
night and was to be introduced by the Chairman of
the committee that had invited him. The Chairman
was a plain old farmer, who clearly lacked many
of the graces of the polished platform orator.
When he and Mr. Bryan were seated on the stage
and while the band was executing the preliminary
tune, he approached Mr. Bryan and, bending over
him, whispered: “What shall I say when I intro
duce you?” Mr. Bryan replied, with some show
of modesty, “Why, tell them that Mr. William Jen
nings Bryan, the rising young lawyer and orator,
of whom they have heard, will address them on
the issues of the campaign.” The (-hairman re
sumed his seat, but was back again, to get his in
structions repeated twice more before the music
ceased. Then he went to the front of the stage,
looked at the audience, then at Mr. Bryan, and said:
“Ladies and Gentlemen, Mr. O’Brien will now
speak!” And he did.
Senator Spooner had a similar experience. The
Mayor, an old German, was to introduce him to the
audience, ami this is how he did it: “Mine
Friends, I has asked been to introduce Senator
Spooner, who is to make a speech, yes. Veil, I has
dit so, und he vill now do so.” And Senator Spoon
er forthwith did; yes.
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