Newspaper Page Text
,/ CJ I ■" v - / < “"^\ x ~> K S#ry
x 'W'C\
f), o'*.h( ">
VOLUME THREE
MU Jl9 ER TWENTY-SIX
WHAT WE THINK OF WHAT WE SEE
The president of the Equal Suffrage League
says, “It is better for a, man to swear in his own
home than anywhere else.” Not if mother-in-law
is making her annual visit at the time.
We note in a correspondent’s letter to an ex
change the statement that “the whiskers of popu
lism left their footprints in the sands of politics.”
The populists have gone to traveling on their faces,
it seems.
•5
We note that a news item has been cabled from
Paris stating that 4 4 Count Boni’s suit has been post
poned until fall.” Is that the suit he should have
had this summer? His tailor must be a hard-heart
ed thing.
The Rochester Democrat and Chronicle says that
4 ‘ Parsons is on the fence with his ear to the ground. ’ ’
A man who can pull off a stunt like that would bet
ter join a Wild West show and take up trick rid
ing instead of fooling with politics.
*
X
“And this cow,” said Farmer Corntossci, “is a
Jersey, Miss Annie.”
“A Jersey,” cried Miss Annie, “and 1 suppose
the one with the cute little pink dots is a shirt
waist. ’ ’
A Missouri man recently ate 48 bananas in ten
minutes and then ate a gallon of ice cream and
drank three quarts of water. And we are willing
to bet that he is the man whose grandmother
wouldn’t let him have the second helping of pie
when he was a child.
*
It is stated by Gen. Greely, an expert in aerial
navigation, that the great obstacle in navigating
the air is in landing. It has seemed to us that
there is no difficulty whatever about landing. Just
any old airship can be induced to land, and that
with considerable emphasis.
•J
The Barnesville News-Gazette says that “Near
beer is far from satisfactory to many leaders of the
prohibition movement.” And it won’t be long un
til some wretch will rise and insinuate that it is
because the “leaders” don’t know just the kind of
wink to give the gentleman wearing the white apron.
“And Miss Sallie,” said the fatherly old gen
tleman, who had not seen her for some time, “have
you made any provision for a rainy day now that
you have to support yourself?”
“Well, I think I have, Mr. Simpson,” replied
Miss Sallie. “I am engaged to a man named Mc-
Intosh. ’ ’
ATLANTA, GA., AUGUST 13 t 1908.
fiy A. E. 'R.HMSAU'R, Managing Editor
Little girl (just returned from Sunday school) :
Mamma, did they have very large beds in Bible
days ?
Mamma: I don’t know, dear. Why do you ask?
Little girl: Because our teacher said today that
Abraham slept with his four fathers!
A friend of ours, a minister, has sent us the an
nouncement card of his Sunday morning service
subjects. It promises “Short Sermons on Cool
Subjects.” If ia minister lets this hot weather go
by without at least one sermon on the place of fu
ture punishment he is, in our humble, judgment,
losing a glorious opportunity for drawing climatic
comparisons.
•?
Mrs. Nelson Chappelle, of Waterbury, Conn., re
ported to the police of that town that her husband had
wandered away and she was worried about the safe
ty of Fido, the family dog, who disappeared with
her spouse. Wives can’t be too particular as to
what kind of husbands their dogs wander about
with.
*
There can no longer be any question that there
is a strong Bryan sentiment both in this world and
the next. A tombstone in Montgomery, Mo., has
been erected over the grave of B. H. Norris, bear
ing, in pursuance of his instructions just before
his death, the following inscription:
“Sacred to the memory of B. H. Norris, Aged
■ 50 Years.
“Kind friends I’ve left behind,
Cast your votes for Jennings Bryan.”
We read in a scientific magazine that birds can
eat and digest from ten to thirty times as much
food in proportion to their size as men can. If a
man could eat as much in proportion to his size
as a sparrow is able to consume, he would need a
whole sheep for dinner, a couple of dozen chick
ens for breakfast, and six turkeys for his even
ing meal.
With chickens the price they are, who is it that
shouldn’t be thankful when he sits down to his
breakfast that he isn’t a bird?
*
One of the London weekly papers recently offered
a prize for the best list of strong words to the
number of ten. The offer specified that but ten
words would be considered from any one person
and that a committee of literary men would select
from the words offered the ten strongest words in
the English language.
These are the words that won: Hate, blood, hun
gry, dawn, coming, gone, love, dead, alone, forever.
An exchange asks: “Do you think of any strong
er, fuller of suggestion?” We can’t say as to ful-
ness of suggestion, but what is stronger than the
“No” of a heartless bank president when you are
trying to renew a note?
It
Mr. Taft made a speech recently at the fortieth
annual reunion of Yale’s Philadelphia alumni. Aft
er he was introduced and arose to speak, the guests
began shouting, “Taft for me!” and Mr. Taft
thereupon began his speech with this anecdote:
“I heard once of a small boy named Johnny, who
was playing in the cellar. His mother was on the
fourth floor and she wanted Johnny. So she called
over the banisters to him. No response. Then she
called again, and again, and still again, and still had
no answer. Then at last there came faintly up to
her a boyish treble: ‘ Say, Ma, do yoii really want
me, or are you only hollerin’?’ ”
The late Joseph E. Brown, father of the present
nominee for Governor of Georgia, was accustomed
to relate the following anecdote. He was once
watching an old fisherman on the bank of the creek,
who was having splendid luck, and noticed that
every now and then he would throw his catch back
into the water, although they were large, sing, fish.
After observing this procedure for a time his cu
riosity overcame him and he asked the fisherman
what was the matter with the rejected fish. The
answer was, “Oh, they are no good, they jes’ Bap
tis’ fish!” Still unenlightened, Mr. Bro vn inquired
further, “Baptist fish? 1 never heard of them:
where did they get that name?” “Well,” said
the fisherman, “I give ’em that name myself. You
see, they spoil right away after they git out of
the water.” We have found a similar story in an
exchange:
A lecturer, so the story goes, riding down *one
of the rough mountain roads of Kentucky, observed
a farmer plowing the rugged hillside with four oxen,
to which he was shouting vociferously: “Hi tliar!
you Methodis ’ —Baptis ’■—Campbellite—Presbyterian,
g’lang thar!” Much astonished, he called the moun
taineer to the fence and inquired:
“Why do you call your oxen by such peculiar
names?”
“Why, stranger,” said the mountaineer, “them
was the fittenest names I c’d git. This yer Method
is’, now, is a good.critter an’ a willin’ worker, but
ever’ oust in a while he has to jump up and down
an’ bawl. That ar Baptis’ is a pow’ful strong
beast, but whenever he comes to a pool o’ water he
a Ilers wants to lay down in it. That ar Camphell
ite is an A-number-one feller, an’ does an honest
day’s work, but he’s the stubbornest, contrariest
critter that ever lived. An’ this Presbyterian, he’s
the stiddiest one in the hull lot. I can depend on
him to keep them all together, but he’s so stuck
on hisself that all the rest of ’em jes’ naterally de
spises him.”
- • . —. —J
TWO DOLLARS A YEAR.
11VE CENTS A COPY.
