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PINEY WOODS SKETCHES
Sy Plargar et Seberly Upshalv.
“THE FLEA INVISIBLE.”
A paragraph in the Thomasville
Times-Enterprise a few weeks ago an
nouncing: “Convict steals dogs and
flees,” provoked an exchange to make
the following comment: “Certainly he
got the fleas along with the dogs; in
fact; more fleas than dogs.”
We do not know whether the dogs
have been recovered or not, but if the
fleas are still at large, we believe we
can give the Thomasville police a tip
that might help them locate the stolen
property. We are informed by re
liable authority that they have found
a safe (and presumably satisfactory)
hiding place, at a certain prominent
female college in Georgia. For sev
eral weeks they have greatly an
noyed the inmates of the college, es
pecially the president’s little four year
old son. On more than one occasion
he has been driven from his play by
the torturing bites of the indefatig
able little pests. A few days ago he
ran in the house to his mamma with
the same, oft repeated complaint:
“Mamma the fleas are eating me up.”
He was quickly undressed and a care
ful search made through his clothing,
but no fleas were to be found. As he
was being re-dressed, he lifted a ser
ious face to his mother, and in child
ish innocence, remarked: “I guess
fleas must be just like God, mamma,
’cause He is everywhere at once, and
you can’t see Him, and they are too.”
A Salma (Kan.) girl sent 50 cents
in answer to a Chicago advertisement
for keeping the hands soft and white,
and received this reply: “Soak them
three times a day in dish water while
your mother rests.” This is the best
advice the girl ever received, and she
got her money’s worth.
We might also add that it would
make her figure lithe and graceful, if
she would take the broom and sweep
the house every morning, and making
beds is a perfectly splendid way to
master the art of bowing prettily. If
our Kansas girl aspires to fancywork,
we know of no better method to ac
quire skill in drawn work and embroi
dery than the darning bag affords.
GETTING IT ALL.
Mr. Adolphus Busch, the famous (or
more correctly, infamous) St. Louis
millionaire brewer, published an an
nouncement in which he stated that
if the present prohibition agitation in
Missouri resulted in a State-wide pro
hibition law that he would leave the
State. It was, doubtless, somewhat of
a shock to the pompous brewer to read
the reply handed him by the National
Prohibitionist. It very pertinently
says: “Os course he will, and that is
just one of the reasons for the passage
of the law.” He will leave very prompt
ly and will be a long time gone, we
hope. If he isn’t as dense as the fel
low who had to be thrown out of the
window three times before he discov
ered he wasn’t wanted inside, he will
construe the present agitation as a
very urgent and pointed invitation to
him to leave, and take all of his be
longings with him.
With five of the Southern States al
ready dry, two others almost covered
by local option, and Missouri going
dry, we are afraid Florida, South Car
olina and Virginia will wake up to find
they have got it all. And when they
do, we have an idea they will regard
their plight as being quite as disagree
able as that of the German officer.
During the civil war some of the Fed
eral officers sought shelter for the
night in an old, tumbledown shack:
About two o’clock a polecat returning
from his nocturnal wanderings gener
ously filled the air with the unmistak
able evidences of his presence. The
German sat up and looked helplessly
around him. The others were all
sleeping peacefully.
“Mein gracious!” he exclaimed in
tones of despair, “all the resht ash
leep, und I’ve got to shmell it all.”
CRUELLY CANDID.
A few days ago a young man at Des
Moines, lowa, made one long, linger
ing, lovelorn appeal to his lady love
to change her mind and give him a
favorable answer. As a last resort, he
told her if she didn’t marry him he
would get a rope and hang himself
right in front of her home.
“Oh, please don’t do that, Joe,” she
said, with much feeling; “father thinks
you are a perfect mess anyway, and
you know he doesn’t want you hang
ing around here.”
*5
IN THE ALTOGETHER.
A litle girl, aged three, had been left
in the nursery by herself, and her
brother arrived to find the door closed,
says the Saturady Evening mail. The
following conversation took place:
“I wants to turn in, Cissie.”
“But you tan’t turn in, Tom.”
“But I want to.”
“Well, Ise in my night gown, an’
nurse says little boys mustn’t see lit
tle girls in their night gowns.”
After an astonished and reflective
silence on Tom’s side of the door, the
miniature Eve announced triumphant
ly, “You tan turn in now, Tom; I took
ed it off!”
NOT A CENTIPEDE.
The Motorist (who had run over a
stone-breaker’s toe) —What! You want
£SOO for a crushed foot? Nonsense!
I’m not a millionaire.
The Pessimistic Stone-Breaker —No,
an’ I ain’t no bloomin’ centipede,
either. —The Sketch.
*
HE FOUND OUT.
And thus spoke Sewell Ford, says
Life:
It was a dark night. A man was
riding a bicycle with no lamp. He
came to a crossroad and did not know
which way to turn. He felt in his
pocket for a match. He found but one.
Climbing to the top of the pole, he
lit the match carefully and in the en
suing glimmer read:
“Wet Paint.”
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The Golden Age for November 18, 1909.
PARTICULAR.
The second course of the table
d’hote was being served.
“What is this leathery stuff?” de
manded the corpulent diner.
“That, sir, is a filet of sole,” replied
the waiter.
“Take it away,” said the corpulent
diner, “and see if you can’t get me a
nice piece of the upper, with the but
tons removed.” —Exchange.
A CORRECTION.
Six-year-old Marjorie and 4-year-old
Josephine were making their first
transcontinental trip —from New York
to San Francisco—and, of course, en
counted new marvels at almost every
mile of the trip. But the crescendo of
their ecstatic outpourings was reached
when they saw their first Indian fam
ilies —braves, squaws and papooses.
“Oh-h-h!” sighed Josephine, gazing
wide-eyed at the inoccasined, gaudily
blanketed squaws, “ain’t those
squashes just splendid, though!”
Marjorie’s equally deep admiration
was momentarily quenched in her feel
ing of responsibility as elder-sister
monitor, and she eyed Josephine se
verely as she admonished:
“They ain’t squashes, Josephine;
they’re squabs.”—Philadelphia Public
Ledger.
WHAT HE MIGHT HAVE DRUNK.
A well known preacher riding in a
London omnibus was entertained by a
dialogue, which was sustained upon
the one side by the driver and upon
the other by an elderly passenger.
“I understand you’re temperance?”
began the driver.
“Yes, I’m pretty strong against li
quor,” returned the other. “I’ve been
set against it now for thirty-five
years.”
“Scared it will ruin your health?”
“Yes, but that isn’t the main thing.”
“Perhaps it don’t agree with you?”
ventured the driver.
“Well, it really don’t agree with any
body. But that ain’t it, either. The
thing that sets me against it is a hor
rible idea.”
“A horrible idea! What is it?”
“Well, thirty-five years ago I was
sitting in a hotel in America with a
friend of mine, and I says, ‘Let’s or
der a bottle of something.’ And he
says, ‘No, sir. I’m saving my money to
buy government land at 7s. and 6d.
per acre. I’m going to buy tomorrow,
and you’d better let me take the money
you would have spent for the liquor
and buy a couple of acres along with
mine.’ I say, ‘All right.’ So we didn’t
drink, and he bought me two acres.
“Well, sir, today those acres are
right in the middle of a flourishing
town, and if I’d taken that drink I’d
have swallowed a city block, a grocery
store, an apothecary’s, four lawyers’
offices, and it’s hard to say what else.”
—Exchange.
Cancer of the Breast.
The breast is the most frequent loca
tion for Cancer among women. Any
abnormal growth in the breast, regard
less of whether it causes any pain or
not, should be looked upon with suspi
cion. It is of the utmost importance
to the patient that the disease be re
cognized in its early stage and skill
fully treated. Dr. Bye, a noted Cancer-
Specialist, states that he has perfected
a Combination of Oils which are pro
ducing wonderful results in curing
Cancer, and that he has published an
illustrated book giving his views on
tne disease, which he will gladly send
free to any one interested. Address
Dr. W. O. Bye, Ninth and Broadway,
Kansas City, Mo.
Georgia, Fulton County.
To the Superior Court of said County:
The petition of the Farmers’ Gin Com
press and Cotton Company, a corporation
under the laws of said State by virtue
of a charter heretofore granted by said
Court, respectfully shows, that by virtue
of a resolution passed by the stockholders
of said company, at their annual meeting
on July 7, 1909, it now makes applica
tion for an amendment to its said charter,
as follows:
1. By adding to paragraph sixth of its
said charter, the following, towit:
“They desire the right to sell or ex
change any portion of its treasury or
capital stock, or of any increase thereof,
for any stock, shares or interests in any
other corporation, firm or business, and,
upon such terms and conditions as may
be deemed proper by the Board of Direc
tors. They also desire the right to
change their investments from time to
time; and, to use any surplus earnings or
other property in the purchase of out
standing shares of stock of this com
pany; or in acquiring any other stock
or shares which they may deem advan
tageous for the company’s interests.”
Wherefore, petitioner prays that after
the formalities required by law in refer
ence to the granting of amendments,
shall have been complied with, the above
and foregoing amendment may be al
lowed.
E. H. FRAZER,
Attorney for Petitioner.
Filed in office this November 2, 1909.
ARNOLD BROYLES,
Clerk.
STATE OF GEORGIA,
COUNTY OF FULTON.
I, Arnold Broyles, Clerk of the Superior
Court of said county, do hereby certify
that the foregoing is a true and correct
copy of the application for amendment
to charter of Farmers’ Gin Compress and
Cott on Company, as the same appears of
file in this office.
Witness my official signature and the
seal of said Court this November 2, 1909.
(Seal) ARNOLD BROYLES,
Clerk Superior Court Fulton
County, Georgia.
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