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8
IOKELETS
FAMOUS “BULLS.”
Tfle house of commons, as might
have been expected, has contributed a
fair share to a very amusing collec
tion of “bulls,” says the Windsor Mag
azine. It was in one of the debates of
luat body that the late Col. Saunder
son described Eastern Roumelia as
“man enough to take her stand in de
fense of a certain threatened right.”
An Irisa M. P. once declared that of
the outrages reported from Ireland
three-quarters were exaggerated and
half had no foundation in sact —a sta
tistical computation that reminds one
of another Irish M. P., who declared
excitedly to a group of fellow mem
bers: “I want to convince you that
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The Golden Aqe for Marsh 31,1910.
there isn’t any truth in half the lies
they are telling about Ireland.”
The biography of Dean Hook recalls
a certain minor canon, who used to
preach at the cathedral when Hook
was a boy at Westminster school. In
one of his sermons there occurred the
striking reflection that “what is im
possible can never be and very seldom
comes to pass.”
Another discourse was long remem
bered for its pathetic lamentations on
the degeneracy of the age: “O tem
poral O mores! What times we live
in! Little boys and girls run about
the streets cursing and swearing be
fore they can either talk or walk!”
But the Church of England has no
monopoly of these violent contrasts,
for it was at a city temple meeting
not many years ago a speaker ex
claimed: “I find my time is already
gone. Therefore I will keep within
it.” —New Orleans Picayune.
HE KNEW.
A teacher in a Birmingham school
was endeavoring to explain the term
“booking,” as applies to our railway
system, says London Tit-Bits.
“Now,” he was saying, “can any of
you tell me the name of the office at
which railway tickets are sold?”
“The booking office,” replied one of
the lads.
“Right,” responded the teacher.
At this moment his eye fell on a
small boy at the end of the class who
was evidently paying very little atten
tion to what was said.
“Did you hear that, Spry?” he de
manded.
“Wot, sir?” asked that youth, inno.
cently.
“As I thought, you were not listen
ing. We will suppose your father de
cided to have a day’s holiday and visit
the seaside what would he have to do
before he could take his seat in the
train?”
Without a moment’s thought, the
youngster electrfied his teacher by re
plying:
“Pawn his tools!” —Birmingham
Age-Herald.
H
SHE WASN’T AFRAID.
A crowd gathered at Tenth and Bar
ton streets to watch a handsome fox
terrier that was running about, nose
in the air, while froth was running
from the dog’s mouth.
“He’s mad!” yelled a fat man, says
the St. Louis Post-Dispatch.
The fox terrier stood in the centre
of the group, with wide-open eyes
either too mad or too frightened to
ipove.
At this juncture the policeman ar
rived. A dozen voices began to tell
him that the dog was mad; that 11
must be killed; that it had been snap
ping at the children; that it began to
froth when it passed a pool of water,
and how best to shoot.
A tall, quiet-looking woman pushed
through the crowd and started toward
the dog. A dozen men yelled at her;
two or three men grabbed at her.
She picked the dog up and started
out of the crowd. The policeman
stopped her with:
“Madam, that dog is mad. He must
be shot. Look at the foam coming out
of his mouth.”
“Foam,” she said, contemptuously,
“that’s a cream puff he’s eating.”
*
THE SUPREME TEST.
An Indianapolis toy dealer tells an
amusing story about Booth Tarking
ton, says the Philadelphia Ledger.
“Mr. Tarkington,” he begins, “came
into my shop one day at Christmas
time, and said:
“‘I want a Noah’s ark, if you
please. Not one of your modern
Noah’s arks, but a good, old-fashion
ed one —one wherein Noah is the
same size as the elephant.’
“ ‘I think I’ve got what you want,
sir,’ I answered, ‘up in the attic.’
“And I soon brought down to him a
dusty old Noah’s ark of the kind that
I had sold when he was a little boy in
a bib.
“Mr. Tarkington opened the lid,
peered in, and said:
“ ‘Aha, this is the ticket. There they
all are. There is Noah, the same size
as the dove, and the dove is the same
size as the elephant. But to make sure
that this is a genuine old-fashioned
Noah’s ark I will apply one last test
I will, sir, with your permission, taste
Noah’s head.’
“And Mr Tarkington laughed, pre
tended to taste the bright paint on the
head of the patriarch, and, paying his
bill, walked out with the old-fashioned
Noah’s ark under his arm.”
*
WARM-HEARTED WINONA.
(Continued from Page 5.)
this great, true man of God, during
these weeks of physical trial and
spiritual joy.
And last, but not least, I charge
you (I have turned off my amanuen
sis and am writing this paragraph
with my own hand, lying on my
back), I could never think in a thou
sand years of a fairer, sweeter, more
faithful nurse than the bride of ten
short months, who has watched me
day and night. Another thing is cer
tain —if I ever get crippled again, I
want the same wife at my bedside in
winsome Winona —or anywhere, and
