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By George McManus
Daysey Mayme and Her Folks
By FRANCES L. GARSIDE. -
| I* all the fads to which humanity is
heir none is so prone to develop
a rock-crusher disposition in its
adherents as the Fresh Air fad.
With a chest bulged out like the sail
of 4 mackerel schooner, the Fresh Al
faddist goes around throwing open the
windows and doors, breathing contempl
for the members of her family who sit
with their feet in their arms trying to
keep warm. Br-r-r! fly open the win
dows to the right, back and left of
them, and icy blasts pour in, corrugat
ing their flesh till they look like so
many plucked geese in the butcher's
window, and giving to their noses all
the deep blue tones of a Dutch plate,
“You don't know what is good for
you,”' cofntinues the Fresh Air faddist,
truning off the heat. “What you need
is fresh air in your lungs!”
Daysey Mayme Appleton is a Iresh
Air faddist, apd from November until
April her ramily lead a frapped exist
ence; her mother, after the manner of
the medern American mother, meekly
and glorying in her martyrdom, and
her father and brother, with. backs
humped up against the radiator, emit
ting from time to time such tuint
squeaks of protest as are permitted from
the male members of a 4 modern family,
Daysey Mayme froze not only her
family but herself. When she dressed
for a walk in the snow she put on low
shoes, silk hese, wore her dress a little
lower in the neck, and put a warm fur
hat on her head. Rer father scolded,
begged, reasoned, and tried by bribe to
get her to look a little less like a squab
that is dressed for market; and all in
vain.
One evening a young man called
the kind of young man that looks over
his high collar like a milk-nosed calf
gazing over a high fence. It was his
second call, and Daysey Mayme hagd
already learned to Love him Madly. It
is to such as he that is granted the
power to inspire sudden and serfous |
affection at first sight. |
“You ghould dress warmer than that,"” |
he said, indifferently, 1o Duysey Mayme
when she entered the room with lu—ri
usual squablike attire,
She left the room, ard when she re
turned her feet were shod in woolen
hose, hesvy” shoes and hick arctics,
and her wraps were so cumbersome she
looked like a 4 sewed-up mumimny.
She had heard tie Voice of Lovel Oh,
lL.ove! that malies a young man's Sug
gestion a divine command, and a father's
command a silly suggestion!
Quaint Regiments.
In an interesting chapter on “Uni
forms, Old and New,” Ralph Nevill, in
FFancies, Fashions angd Fads, says that
cast-off military trappings and other
uniforms are highly valued by savage
and semi-civilized States,
“A good customer for this sort of
thing must be the Ameer of Afghanis
tan,” he sayvse, ‘who has a complete
regiment of cavalry dressed in the cast
off garb of guards of our various lines
of railway. The appearance of this
corps on parade, with its diversified
insignia, 'L B. 8 ¢’ and 'L N. W, R,
and the like, emblazoned upon various
portions of its equipment, is said to be
indesgcribably quaint,”
The value of a smart uniform as an
inducement to enlist was generally rec
ognized in the pagl, and Mr. Nevill
quotes an advertisement which appeared
more than & hundred years ago, ad
dressed to young men likely to join the
Light Dragoons. Among the attractions
gpecified were the, prospect of being
mounted “on the finest horsges in the
world, wearing superb clothing and the
richest accouterments,
“Your pay and privilege,'” ran the ap
peal, “equal two guineas a week; you
are everywhere respected, your soclety
is courted, you are admired by the
fair, which, together with the chance of
getting switched to a buxom widow or
brushing with a rich heiress, renders
the situation truly enviable and de
lightful ‘
The Manicure
Lady
By WILLIAM F. KIRK
¢é FORGE,” said t*e Manicure
T Lady, 'l had a good lesson
to-day about saving money
like o miser. 1 don't mean saving
cnough for a rainy day, but i mean
scrimping for years to get a bankroll,
“There was a old gent came in here
to-day to have his nails did. He said
that he had always took some k' nd of
care of hig own nails until he retired
from business, but that now he was
spending a little of the big fortune
that he had piled up, and took a no
tion to have a manicure with all the
(ther high life he was enjoying.
“He said ‘enjoyving’ but he wasn't
enjoying a minute tuat he was set
ting there, and I bet he hasn't had @
teally happy day since he was
younger man, slaving to get his coin
together.”
“1 would be willing to take a
chance and trade places with him,”
said the Head Barber. I guess he
could have a good time if he really
wanted to. Give me a bankroli, and
I'll show vou how to have the run
fur ot
“But you are yvounger than this old
gent,” said the Manicure Lady, “and
you was always more or less of a
sport, anyway, You see, George, it is
a whole lot: different for a sport te
Keep on being one than it is for some
old scrimper to try to make himse'f
over when he is nearly old enough to
plant.
“This old chap seemed Kind of like
a old, deserted house to me. The
frame was there, but there didn't
seem to bhe no signs of life inside,
When he talked, his eves didn’t hght
up none, and he didn't act any more
excited than a little-necked clam. He
sat there, having his nails did the
same way 1 suppose he opened hig
mai!, or washed his face, and there
wasn't no more spark to him than to
4 dead fire. What good did all that
man's money do him? What zood
will it ever do him? No good, George,
The old fellow will go along looking
after a good time like a blind Kid
looking for a toy, and after a while
be will be dead and forgotten, and
Lis money will fly this way and that
way. Gee, 1 felt sorry for him!”
“T can't see now nobody can feel
sorry for a gent with a bankroil,” in
sisted the Head Barber. I know if I
had a bankroll 1 wouldn't be around
looking for no sympathy.”
“This old gent wasn’t looking for
ro sympathy,” said the Manicure La
dy. "l didn’t say he was. 1 just said
that I fe't sorry for him, and I do. He
rever had one-tenth the good tßne in
}is jife that my father has had, and
the old gent has managed to rvaise a
biz family, besides, while he was jour
peying through life and living by the
way. If father had went along all
those years without ever taking a lit
tle nip with his old friends, or with
out seeing no shows or boxing
mwatches or races, 1 suppose that by
now he would have at least as big a
rol] as the old fellow 1 was speaking
of; but as it is, I believe that he is a
lot happier for having had some of
the good times that he has had. Wil
fred says that he is going to paltern
Lis life as near after father's as pos=
sible, but 1 am afraid tu:t he will
never have the old gent's earning ca
pacity or other capacity.”
“1 would like nothing better than
to be old now and have a nice bank
account to string along with,” said
the Head Barber. *l don’t see much
chance, the way things is now, to
cver have a real roll in my old age,
but [ am going to try.”
“No, you aint,” declared the Mani
cure Lady. *“Not while the horses
keeps running riaces.”
Doctor and Patient.
The doctor was baffled and the case
seemed almost hopeless, and after many
!.!iff»r»x.l preseriptions the patient still
said that his health was fot improving.
"l‘hs- complaint was not of a serio 8
AT...U'QI(’U‘I', and after much thought ®
happy fdea seized the doctor. e woull
try his patient's powers of imagi wation,
and approached him in this manner:
“Now, my friends, when I call upon
vou again will you say ‘I imagine 1 am
a little better to-day' when 1 inquire
after your health?”
The patient replied in the affirmative,
The doctor called in a day or two and
asked the patient as to his condition,
He replied, *'l imagine 1 am a little
hetter to-day, sir’’
“That's right,” said the doctor. “Now,
the next time 1 call will you say ‘I
limn;:im- I am a great deal better than
I was the last time you called? " which,
accordingly, the patient did
“Now,”" sald the doctor, “will you call
around at my surgery in a few days
'.n,d say ‘I imagine I am quite well
nowy
| “Yes," replied the patient, 1 will do
| 8.
A week passed and the patient pre
sented himself at the surgery as res
quested, and in reply to the usaal in
quiry, replied, 1 imagine 1| am quite
well now, sir."”
“That’s right,” returned the doctor, 1L
am 80 pleased to see that you are.
“How much is your fee?' asked the
patient
“I'wenty-five dollars,’’ said the doctor,
“Then imagine you have got it re
plied the patient, as he walked out of
the surgery.
From Sense of Duty.
Sam did not turn up at school until
the afternoon. \When, however, he did
arrive, he entered with none of the
usual signs of guilt; rather did he weap
an expression as of one who had
achieved goniething great
“Now, Sammy Johnson, what excuse
have you for being absent this morne
fng?"' demanded the teacher
“T was helping the police!” said Sam,
while a gasp of envy went round the
school,
“Now, be careful, Sam Tell the
truth!"”
"’\\'o-11. so 1 \l\'us helping the police!”
said Samgyreaglyy, “Just as | was com
ing to \";9'59 aM A\ o'nB | was cross
ins <°. °o§ I_up comes a
I b low, my little
& er,’ he says