About The Red and Black (Athens, Ga.) 1893-current | View Entire Issue (Feb. 6, 2014)
8 AMPERSAND | FEB/MAR 2014 To the Left Side of the Bed, I’m really sorry about this. Thinking back on it, I probably should’ve stayed home, in my own bed. That’s not to say I’m not interested in the frequency of your naps in PORT 2600, but I can’t shake the feeling that you’d be hap pier pretending this never happened. I’d like to think that’d be really difficult, that this would be a night to remember. I’m not boasting, here. An objective pan el of judges wouldn’t need whole stars to rate this experience. I think I cued a laugh track every time I touched your bra clasp. When you asked me to, “cum 2 9d’s” I’m not sure what you had in mind. I’m not re ally a dancer. That may not’ve come across on that ta ble at Bourbon, but, in all fairness, I’d had a few Smooths and more than a few dollar- shots by then. I drove tonight, and I really can’t have my license suspended. It doesn’t even have my picture. Honestly, I thought I would recognize you when I got to the bar. I checked some of your pictures on Facebook, but I don’t think you were wearing that dress in any of them. Plus, the lights are so dim and all of your friends have brown hair, too. I guess it’s good I recognized your voice. Well, not “recognized” per se. I recognized you were talking to me on the phone once you were two feet away. And, the only other person “by the credit card parking thing.” Some might call that destiny. I’m getting off topic here. It’s hard to focus when your foot keeps touching my foot. I probably should’ve taken my socks off. Where did I start? Apologies. Right. I’m really really sorry. I was pretty nervous, and I think you could tell. You were really nice about it, though. “Oh my god, you’re so nervous,” you said. So nice. I thought a really good kiss would ease the tension, but I didn’t expect my teeth to hit your teeth. Afterward all I could think was “play through it.” You were a really good sport about that. So nice. The few seconds I took to pull your shirt off were the only ones I think of as “easy.” Your boots took a bit more fighting, but, hey, you can’t fall off the bed twice, can you? I’m sorry, that wasn’t funny. I mean, you have a really tall bed. You could’ve hurt yourself. I’m sorry I didn’t bring a condom. You were right. I probably couldn’t have “pulled out.” That takes training. I’ll practice when I get home. Good thing your roommate had one, though. I just wish she wasn’t home at the time. I might’ve saved us both some em barrassment. Anyway, she was a real team player. Okay, I think i’m gonna go now. Not to repeat myself, but i’m really really really sorry. Okay, bye. Sorry,
