About The Red and Black (Athens, Ga.) 1893-current | View Entire Issue (Feb. 6, 2014)
AMPERSAND | FEB/MAR 2014 - 1 Dear Failed Attempt, Why thank you for asking, I’m doing just fine, despite the fact that I currently question our friendship. It’s quite a shame you couldn’t have been man enough to make the effort and apologize for treating me so disrespectfully. You think you’re all high and mighty because you’re single now, which according to you means you can sleep with whom ever you want. Well, I hate to break it to you, but you’re wrong. I am not just a pair of boobs and an ass. I’d like to think I am more than an object of your desire, which is how you cornered me to be—only a one night stand. When I pushed your aggressively clenched hands off my arms as you tried to remove my sweater, and I expressed to you that I was not an easy target to be played, you told me that I made you feel uncomfortable. Did you consider at all that perhaps you made me feel so belittled and uncomfortable in those moments? Here was who I thought was my good guy friend, wanting to come over and hang out, chat, but boy was I shockingly wrong. You came on to me and said to my face you wanted to "f***" me badly. You told me it was just sex. You said my emotions did not matter. You questioned my morals. It’s a relief my womanly intuition stopped your foul sexual hunger from succeeding. I want to share sex with someone who actually cares about me. You thought that was absurd. But let me express something to you. You do not care about me, your friend, because if you did, then in no way would you have actually granted your wish to share an intimate connection, like sex, with me. You told me I couldn’t get upset or pissed off with you when you admitted that I wouldn’t be called after sex. What are you settling for when it comes to romance? Well, I am not settling for a one night stand. You think you can get by sleeping around with vulnerable girls. I feel sorry for you. You’re only hurting yourself. You want to feel pleasure and satisfaction, anything to boost your egotistical personality, but one night stands are not a win for you nor the girl you sleep with for the night. A one night stand is your latest disgusting addiction, but give it time. Soon enough, you will begin to feel so alone and sad because you will make a name for yourself as a womanizer. No girl wants that. I am done with your twisted, misogynistic perspective. I will not play your game. Yours Truly, Dear UGA Lacrosse Bro, Maybe I should have been hesitant about hanging out with you, since we met on Tinder and you used far too many exclamation points for any serious accounting major. Then maybe I wouldn’t have met you outside of The Bury last fall, and pretended that it was cute your voice is like a surfer’s (even though you’re from Atlanta). Maybe I wouldn’t have let you pick me up at the Arch later that night and take me home. I wouldn’t have learned firsthand that you very obviously watch too much porn. I wouldn’t have had to deal with you trying to penetrate my bum without asking, and—after I wouldn’t let you—had to listen to you argue about it for 10 minutes. Maybe you wouldn’t have texted me repeatedly afterwards requesting a golden shower (of all things!). And maybe a guy you went to high school with wouldn’t have seen that request (and your name) pop up on my phone. I wouldn’t have had to find out on Facebook that you had a girlfriend, or pretend that you didn’t cheat on her after seeing you two together at the GA-FL game. I would have never noticed that your top Snapchat friend was—not your girlfriend—but another Terry student my coworker once dated. Maybe you wouldn’t have texted me again before winter break to say you were finally single, and maybe our last conversation wouldn’t have been me pointing out that you’re a jerk. But if I had been hesitant about hanging out with you, maybe I wouldn’t have been approached to write this. Stay classy, W ILLUSTRATIONS BY BETTY HUYNH
