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About The Georgia bulletin (Atlanta) 1963-current | View Entire Issue (Feb. 19, 1987)
PAGE 6 — The Georgia Bulletin, February 19, 1987 Anniversary Cabaret Promises Fun Evening Final rehearsals are being held for the 50th anniversary Cabaret Theater at the Cathedral of Christ the King on Friday and Saturday, Feb. 27 and 28 at 8 p.m. in the school gym. Jim Doherty is directing the entertain ment with Mark Haas as music director. Cast members include: Wayne Baughman, Jim Houston, Ed Strougal, Helen Brown, Tom Keen, Debra Vennes, Bonnie Laney, Carol Connolly, Barbara Johansen, Jeff Rolsten and Kristy Bonner. The committee is eager to welcome former parishion ers and students to the live ly evening, one of a series of events celebrating the 50th anniversary of the Cathedral of Christ the King. WORDS AND MUSIC are coordinated by Mark Haas, music director, at piano, and Jim Doherty during rehearsal. Cast Practices for Cabaret Theater. Tickets are four dollars each and tables will hold parties of eight or ten. For reser vations make checks payable to the Cathedral of Christ the King Cabaret and mail with self- addressed, stamped envelope to Mr. and Mrs. Arnie Dill, 1304 Bohler Court, N.W., Atlanta. 30327. Weekend Program Helps "Single Again" Cope With Pain Of Loss BY RITA McINERNEY To be “all of a sudden’' single again after the heartbreak ing loss of a spouse through death, divorce or separation, is to know loneliness beyond words, a loss from which there seems to be no ease. The aching heart seeks the gloom, shunning family and friends eager to help, often rejecting the comfort of God’s grace and love. Grief is hard to measure. It is overwhelming, affecting the survivor’s ability to pray, work or relate to others. Ac cepting the stages of grief and working through them can take a year or a lifetime. Healing can be elusive, resisting the best-intentioned efforts of family, friends, neighbors and co-workers. For some moving painfully through the stages of grief to recovery, a need arises to seek out others who have ex perienced such a wrenching loss. Over the past four years, more than 200 grieving men and women have found a positive channel to healing and renewal in the Beginning Experience, a program open to Catholics and people of other faiths who have lost spouses through death, divorce or separation. Four people who found this experience to be a time of healing and renewal are eager that others discover community as they did. Carol saw a notice about Beginning Experience in The Georgia Bulletin and attended a weekend gathering about three years ago, almost a year after her husband of 30 years died of lung cancer. He was sick just two months. She was left with 10 children, the youngest 13. They were, and still are, a source of great comfort to her; nevertheless, she found it difficult to cope with “all of a sudden being single again.” Her marriage had been a good one. In fact, she said, just before her husband died they had begun planning for their “sunset years” and were in the process of moving to North Carolina. When her life was devastated she was fortunate in having “a lot of wonderful help.” She didn’t have financial problems, her late husband’s secretary helped her get all the necessary paperwork in order. She didn’t, she admitted, know anything about the financial side of her happy union. “I had taken care of the children. But women today need to know how to handle such matters." Her Beginning Experience weekend showed her there was a reason to go on with her life, that she had something to live for. Everyone, facilitators and participants, shared so much. “It was a comfort to know there are others going through the same sorrow and doubts." Like many others who make the weekend, she was frightened at the start, wondering “Why am I here? But there is so much gained, such a feeling of renewal, of understanding more about life, so much sharing of the same suffering.” Carol said she was most affected by the sacrament of Reconciliation on Saturday evening and the Mass on Sun day. It’s wonderful, she said, to come "in as strangers and leave feeling you have friends for life.” No one wants to leave, she added, but do leave, feeling “so much closer to God, so much to live for, so much to be thankful for. We’re on a journey, we’re suffering, just like Jesus did." After her weekend she was asked to join the team of volunteers who facilitate the weekend ministry designed to be a time of closure on the past and a new beginning in the present. She agreed and has worked several weekends over the past three years. Members of the team are assigned talks through which they share their own sorrows. By the end of the weekend everyone knows everyone else and realizes the others are experiencing “so much of what you've been go ing through." A friend gave Rick a brochure about the weekend shortly after his wife divorced him last spring. A non-Catholic, he couldn’t find anything at his own church to help him through the rough time. He was “devastated," had lost about 40 pounds and “my self-worth went down to nothing." He tried reading books on the subject of starting over, and thought he had dealt with his grief. But it was his Begin ning Experience weekend that proved to be “one of the greatest experiences of my life." It taught him a lot about himself and he is grateful that he experienced it early in his grieving process. B.E. doesn't have all the answers, he said, but “it gives you a place to start from, it does provide somewhat of a sup port." Through the weekend you can develop true friends, he found. “We don’t have pity parties...It's nice to know if you’re having a bad day you can pick up the phone and call someone." Such friends in turn, he said, know they can do the same thing. Rick, who recently became a facilitator, underwent train ing based on the Beginning Experience program which was begun in October, 1974 by Sister Josephine Stewart, a fami ly counselor, and Ms. Jo Lamia, a divorcee, at the Catholic Renewal Center of North Texas. Team members learn how to listen, to communicate and help the person begin to talk through their grief as a step toward getting in touch with their own feelings. “As facilitators we are wounded healers, able to tell somebody ‘it’s OK to feel this way,”’ Rick said. “I’m find ing out things about myself I’ve never known before. It of fers a beginning, then it’s what we want to do with it.” The ecumenical aspect, he admitted, made him a little uncomfortable at first because he was uncertain about what to do during the Reconciliation and the Liturgy. Now, he said, the religious services are a major part of the weekend for him because of the outpouring of love from everybody involved. Three years divorced after a marriage lasting 22 years. Sandy came to B.E. through a close friend, also divorced. She found the weekend a “tremendously reconciling ex perience with my God and my Church and myself.” She had a lot of guilt feelings in the way of starting afresh and found the weekend a beginning in the process of forgiveness. “I was ready for it, 1 knew something had to give. I felt like I was on top of the mountain, ready to step over to the sunshine side. I had worked through the initial pain and heartache. The weekend was the most wonderful ex perience I’ve ever had." Working as a team member for the past two-and-a-half years has reinforced her belief in the effectiveness of the program. She has known first hand and sees others finding the loneliness eased, an affirmation of self gained. “We look around and see others with the same pain. We look at team members and can see there is light at the end of the tunnel. We really are worthwhile." Love, sharing and trust begin to develop between Friday evening to Sunday afternoon. “It is a hardworking weekend, an exhausting weekend with personal reflection and sharing” the base for the new beginning Sandy said. Faith has been active with B.E. since she made the weekend a few years back. She had been divorced for four years and thought "she had pretty much gotten over the worst stages of grief. I had begun to move on, but hadn't ac cepted being a single person again." She learned about B.E. through Father Steve Yander, a member of the team at the time. On her weekend she began to deal with forgiveness, first “forgiving myself, then being able to forgive and let go, to accept the fact that it was over and it was time to do other things." This didn’t happen right away but came later through reflecting on the topics and emotions experienced; guilt, encountering of self, trusting God, reaching out, and beginning anew. Afterward came “peace and contentment, being able to let go, the end of bitterness, and an opening of the door to a deeper spiritual relationship with God. People carry away different things," she said, “depending on where they are when they come.” For her, “it was liberating to realize I wasn't the only one who had felt anger and some sort of bit terness. It has helped me in my life, ...with my children (she has three), and in learning to deal with pain and separation. For me it has meant being able to get over some painful memories and get on with my life. " Faith said the group is happy to send speakers to parish support groups to talk about the Beginning Experience. The next weekend is scheduled for March 20-22 at Forrest Hills Mountain Resort in Dahlonega. The setting is a tran quil one in the,north Georgia mountains, the facilities are cheerful and comfortable and the food excellent. For information on the weekend or on obtaining a Beginn ing Experience speaker, those interested can call Faith at 941-3201, A1 at 493-8761 or Sandy at 992-7897.
