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146
Near Weston, Platte co., Mo., )
Sept. 15,1860. j
Pear Brethren Beebe andPurington —1 have
a small remittance to make to you, and I have con
cluded to accompany it with a few lines, as I have
never written anything for the Southern Baptist
Messenger, which you can dispose of as you think
best, and all will be right. As an introduction I
will try to give you a synopsis of the reason of the
hope that is within me ; for in order that professors
of religion may become acquainted with each oth
er, it is indispensably necessary that they pronounce
Shibboleth , or give a relation of that internal work
of grace, in the absence of which, we are like the,
foolish virgins, who have only the lamp of profes
sion, while destitute of the oil of grace in the heart.
I feel to ask secretly in my heart, if not openly and
publicly, every one who professes the religion of
the Lord Jesus Christ, “To give a reason of the
hope that is within them, with meekness and fear.”
And if they have a good hope through graco, it
creates a hope for each other that the world knows
nothing about. I was raised up quite a moral
youth ; my mother became an Old School Baptist
before I could recollect; my Father was not a pro
fessor of religion. I did not go to that excess of
wickedness in overtacts that some young men do.
I did not use profane language, and was taught
honesty, industry and morality by my parents;
they did not try to teach tne.flsligion as the Ar
minian world are trying to teach the unregenerate.
I was very fond of what is called civil mirth. I
viewed myself a sinner, but did not think I was
a very bad one. I did not think that my sins were
very odious either \n the sight of God or man;
that they were of a trifling character; that religion
was a something that was very necessary to have
tp die upon, but it wcurtd noUdoto live hpon ; thaflf
it was very well adapted to old age, but not to
youth, and I intended to try to get it before I died,
and that I thought I could do very easy, I attend
ed at places of religious worship, mostly Baptist
and Old School Presbyterians; at that time there
was very little division among Baptists; I trie 1 to
behave myself as well as I oould when at meeting;
but I did not feel that I was personally and indi
vidually interested in any preaching that I heard ;
was disposed to give it all to others. I went to
meeting merely to see and be seen. At length
when I was in my 19th year there Was some ex
citement upon the subject of religion among the
Baptists; there was a night meeting appointed near
my father’s by the Old Baptist preacher who had
the care of a church in the neighborhood ; to this
meeting I went, in company with my oldest broth
er, and perhaps some others of the family, and I
went as careless and unconcerned as usual, with the
exception that I had a little more curiosity in go
ing than common, learning that there was some
stir upon the subject of religion. At the close of
the meeting the old preacher called upon my oldest
brother publicly to come forward and give a rela
tion of his hope in Christ; for he had conversed
with him, and believed that it was his duty to iden
tify himself with the people of God ; so soon as the
call was made upon my brother by the old Father
SOUTHERN BAPTIST MESSENGER.
| in the ministry, in a moment it seemed to me that
I felt the force of an irresistible call, not by the
old preacher, but by a higher power. I then felt
as I never felt before ; I then saw as I never saw
before; I no longer felt that I should be an idle
spectator at places of religious worship ; 1 felt then
that I was personally, individually, specially and
particularly interested. I then asked myself the
question, or it was asked by a higher power, why
should I not be concerned about my salvation as
well as my brother, that I was to be saved or lost
as well as he ; that there was not a very great con
trast in our age, and why should not the old Fath
er be concerned about me as well as him ? The
Great Shepherd of Israel calls his own sheep by
name; they hear his voice, and he gives unto them
eternal life; it is a heavenly calling; it is a high
calling; it is a holy calling and it is an effectual
calling. It then appeared to me that I was as one
that had been dreaming all my life time before,
that I had just awaked out of a deep sleep, yea a
sleep of death in trespasses aud sins; that notwith
standing I had been a moral youth, but now that
my heart was opened, and I had gotten a peep into
the dark cabinet within, it appeared like a cage of
unclean birds ; that I had a heart that was de
ceitful and desperately wicked above ail things,
who can know ii? Then I began to cry Lord what
wilt thou have me to do. 1 weut home from meet
ing that night, and before I retired for rest, but
there was very little rest for me, I went out some
distance from the house, not known to any mem
ber of the familyq and got down on my knees for
the first time, in secret, in my life to try to pray to
the Lord to have mercy on me, and all that I could
say was, Lord have mercy on me a poor, guilty,
hell-deserving sinner. But it was ‘not long befor£
the great enemy of souls began to suggest as he
had done before, that it was time enough yet for
me to seek the favor of God ; that if I were to em
brace religion then, that I would shut myself ont
from the enjoyment of the society of all my young
associates. 1 tried to banish those serious impres
sions that I had had on the subject of religion by
going into lively company, and at length they did
seem to wear off, and I became quite careless again
on the subject, but he that begius a good work in
his people will perform unto the day of Jesus Christ*
I recollect ot going to meeting one Sunday even
ing to hear an Old School Presbyterian preacher
preach, when he look this for his text, “ How shall
we escape if we neglect so great salvation ?” It
came home to me with irresistible force, that I had
been neglecting this great salvation by trying to
banish those serious impressions on the subject;
and bow shall I escape? Riding along home, the
language of the Poet bore with weight on my mind,
“ That awful day will surely come,
The appointed hour makes haste,
When I must stand before my Judge,
And pass the solemn test,” &c.
Whenever the thought would occur that it was
time enough yet, it was arrested and driven away
by this Scripture, “ Now is the accepted time : now
is the day of salvation ; to day, if ye will hear his
voice harden not your hearts.” From that time
I never found peace until, as I trust, I found it in
the peace speaking blood of Immanuel. I ofteu
tried to pray to the L jrd to have mercy upon me, but
I thought that I was such a vile sinner that He
would not hear rny prayers, and in-tead of my
burthen of sin aud guilt becoming lighter, after my
frequent attempts to try to pray, it became heavier.
I was pressed down beneath a load of sin and guilt;
though I tried to be as cheerful as I could when
I came into the presence of the family, for I did
not want anybody to know that I was concerned
on the subject of religion. k I could no find comfojt
from any thing that I could do or think of.
“ I could not satisfy the law,
Nor hope nor comfort from it draw.”
I took up the Bible one day to read, hoping that
I mio-ht find some thing there that would relieve
my mind, but the first verse that my eyes caught
upon was the language of the Prophet Jeremiah to
the children of Israel, “Therefore, I am full of thefury
Lord, I am weary with holding in, 1 wiil pour it
out on the children abroad, and upon the assembly
of young men together.” Every word and line
seemed to seal my condemnation. I felt like it
would be just in God to cut me oft and banish me
from his peaceful presence,'and from the glory of
his power forever ; but the language of my heart
was, if mercy can be vented, Lord let it flow to one
of the vilest of the vile. I concluded that I would
die a beggar at a throne of grace, even if lie should
ultimately spurn mo from his peaceful presence. —
At length, one day when l was alone, (yet not
alone, for I hope the soul-cheering presence of the
Lord was with me,) in the corn-crib, shelling corn,
I got down on my knees once more to try to beg
the Lord to have mercy on me, and just as I arose
from my knees, I heard a still small voice saying,
“ I am your Savior, come, rejoice,
I bore your sins upon the cross.”
O ! my brethren, language is too lame to express
that ecstacy with which I was then filled.
“ Tongue cannot express
The sweet comfort and peace,
Os a soul in its earliest love.”
My harp was then taken down from the willow*,
and I began at the commencement of the hyma
and sung it through. I felt like I was in anew
world. All creation looked new to me and ap
peared to please God. “ Therefore, if any man bo
in Christ, he is anew creature, old things are pass
ed away, behold all things are become new.” I
then thought that I was anew creature in body,
soul and spirit; but it was not long before I found
that I was mistaken. Dear brethren, I must close
my communication for the present, and perhaps re
sume it at some future period.
Yours in the bonds of Christian affection,
P. J. BURRUSa
Newton Cos., Ga., Sept. 15, 1860.
Brethren Editors —I again send you a few
lines to dispose of as you think best. It is declar
ed by inspiration that they that feared the Lord
spake often one to another, and that the Lord heard
them. We of modern times can speak often one
to another through the Messenger, and I sometimes
feel a desire to speak to the brethren and sisters
through this medium, and if I am not deceived in