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The Realities of life in Prison
TEXT BY TYLON D. SWEET
PHOTOS BY SHAUN SPEARMON
The real
state prison
is not just
fences and
bars, bad
guys and
bad food.
No, the real
state prison
can be and
should be
compared to
existing, not
living. It is
filled with
people who
h
isolated hearts and suppressed
minds; loneliness that leaves
one with an internal and
external need for love and
affection; and ideas, desires
and feelings that one should be
doing something constructive
and positive with one's self,
existing more comfortably.
But no, in sets the growing
dreary anxiety, pushing and
swelling. Uncertainty
smothers, suffocates, until it
finally absorbs one's
imagination. Yeah, the real
prison is agonizing frustration,
fruitless despair, and
unfamiliar indifference.
I am in prison. Why does
my heart ache? It is because
everything around me is
suppressed, dead, and crushes
in on me.
The walls of my conscious
mind seem to close in on me
and make me unresilient. It all
makes life have no meaning,
life without purpose, no life at
all. My situation and I are
constantly faced with
opposition. I am guilty, but
not as charged. I am guilty of
associating with scum, guilty
of some irresponsible choices
made throughout life.
I can easily stand criticism,
correction, incarceration, even
punishment for the things I've
done. But what about for the
things I am truly innocent?
Why am I here all alone?
Because I chose to be a loyal
friend and not speak up, I am
left here to be devoured by the
system. I know I've made
some mistakes in my life, but I
don't deserve to be sitting here
with all this time, falsely
accused. The silence, the
isolation, the unforgiving of
society is debilitating. How
much longer must I wait?
How much longer must I
knock at the gates of righteous
people, before the outcasting
of hate and unworthiness
ceases and becomes an
expression of love and
affection?
The real prison is where
too many people struggle to
find the answers in their own
debilitated, enfeebled,
disillusioned self, because
there is no one else who will
listen or even try to
understand. It is a place of
endless routines and orders,
where time itself is a dreadful
task. It is the pile of
hopelessness, with no
affirmation from society or
family members.
However the most
heartbreaking, painful thing
about being in prison, besides
the loss of one's freedom and
rights, is the deprivation of
not being there for your
children, family, and that
significant other. The most
depressing and spiritually
disrupting feeling is not the
freezing winter coldness, or
the uncomfortable summer
heat and humidity, but the
waiting in anxious
anticipation for a gravely
desired letter, card, or note that
never arrives. Waiting in pure
faith for a visit from family,
who are over three thousand
miles away. But only receiving
disappointment because no
one comes...no one cares...out
of sight, out of mind.
It is not the fast ticking
seconds, but the slowly
passing hours that I spend
daily in this narrow six by
eight cell, which I must share
with a cell mate, squeezing out
the already unbearable
loneliness and depression. I
find myself hoping and
praying for guidance,
strength, inner peace, and a
solid faith and trust in God.
After listening to an old
familiar song on the radio with
great delight, I then find
myself having my heart
stabbed and my memories of
past family and good times
savagely and cruelly
brutalized. The noisiness and
frustration of the days are bad,
but the countless nights one
lies awake and very much
alone, crying in the solitude of
the soul, robs, drains, and
exhausts one's bodily energy.
Just reminiscing about the
good times shared at
Morehouse, times shared with
that special someone, time
with family and friends in
California, are all agonizing.
To watch familiar sights on the
news, in movies and videos,
and looking at pictures of
friends, family, and myself are
damn near unbearable.
Ahhhh! If only, if I would've,
I could've, I shoud've, if only....
Without the love and
support from outside sources,
a brother couldn't survive. He
couldn't maintain stability and
focus. He would break down
mentally and no longer be a
human being, rather just a
being. I've come across
brothers who have been
incarcerated and been serving
time before I was even thought
of.
That's shocking huh?
Well, their strength had a lot
to do with my support. That
seven letter word carries a lot
of weight for a person
imprisoned. Responses from
you would give me infinite,
unlimited, internal pleasure;
peace, happiness, and joy to
make it through the emptiness
of the days, and the dreadful
terrifying nights.
The United Snakes, Israel, and Foreign Policy: A Sign for Black America
By Jamarlin Muhammad
Guest Commentary
The United States of
America continues to live up
to the term "Great Shaitan"
that was coined for them by
Muslims in the Middle East. Is
there any reason why Saddam
Hussein and the innocent Iraqi
people should endure a
devastating military campaign
improperly called "Desert
Thunder"? This arbitrary
operation should be called
"Devil Thunder."
Segments of Black
America has blindly backed
United States' foreign policy
against Iraq without even
knowing the history and
current politics of the region.
While students at Ohio State
University protested against
their own country's foreign
policy, Black students from
Tennessee State University
clapped and supported the
"Wicked Witch of the West"
Madeleine Albright and
America's intention of
bombing Baghdad.
During slavery when the
white slave master was sick,
the slave would identify with
the master's cause and say,
"We sick." If the slave master
was hungry, the slave would
say, "We hungry." Centuries
later — in 1998 — when Bill
Clinton says fight, "Negroes"
will be fighting before the real
fight has begun.
We have enough problems
already: unemployment,
drugs, miseducation, self-
hatred, and the racism that we
encounter by White America
on a dayto-day basis. America
is the same nation that
distributed crack cocaine in
our communities to
perpetuate a non-visible form
of white supremacy. America
is the same nation that used
our people as human guinea
pigs in the Tuskegeee Syphilis
experiment. America is the
real biological and chemical
warfare threat!
History teaches that the
slave masters' best interest is
not in the best interest of the
slave. America's best interest
is not in the best interest of
Blacks in America.
Why doesn't America
bomb Israel? (1) Israel has one
of the largest arsenals of
nuclear, chemical and
biological weapons, yet
refuses to join the Nuclear
Non-Proliferation Treaty and
the Biological Weapons
Convention to monitor these
mass destruction weapons. (2)
Israel continues to demolish
Palestinian homes and
confiscate Arab-owned land to
make way for the illegal
expansion of additional Jewish
settlements. (3) Israel
intentionally targeted a U.N.
Refugee camp in Lebanon,
killing more than 100 innocent
victims.
Maybe America will not
bomb Israel because of their
"unholy alliance" that allows
Israel to receive $5 billion
annually via U.S. taxpayers.
The Jews' promiscuous use of
the term "anti-semitic" to
describe critics won't deter me
from telling the truth.
America's allies are not
Black America's allies. Israel
supported South Africa's
racist regime according to
U.N. voting records. Israel is
a racist nation itself; it threw
away blood from the original
Black Falasha Jews based on
an arbitrary stand that they
were HIV contaminated.
When will Black People
have our own foreign policy?
Intelligent leaders like the
Honorable Marcus Garvey
and the Most Honorable Elijah
Muhammad had a vision that
elevated Black people beyond
welfare, affirmative action,
civil rights, and status quo
"Negro" affairs. These great
leaders saw a way to
materialize our national
interest in which we could
orchestrate our own foreign
policy and not rely on another
people to tell us who to fight
and who our allies are.
Jamarlin Muhammad is a
Sophomore Political Science
major at Morehouse College.
