Southern banner. (Athens, Ga.) 1832-1872, September 13, 1872, Image 1

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Southern banner., September 13, 1872, Image 1

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Newspaper Page TextniKI-li DOLLARS PER ANNUM IN ADVANCE. ATHENS, GA. SEPTEMBER 13, 1872. VOL. XLU.—NO. i2—JNEVV SERIES VOL. 5. NO. 47. limn'. |hf Southern ||: ,-t :ii.is.ik» »<' ll, v ;. „ jjy S. A- AI KIXSON, AT THREE ROI.IARS l’Elt ANNUM, srn/rr/.y /v .iru'AXCE. a l <»:er •!. II. Huggins. 9 lie It VTMS OK \nVK«TISlX«. will In- in*i>rietl at One Dollar and ht* |,'T - ,„are ol U line*. for the fir-t, ami .fivt' i>ni- f *r each subsequent insertion, j a un |.»r*mo month. Fora longer period rarts will b** made. Athens Business Directory Miscellaneous. E.E. JONES, DEALER IX STOVES, Miscellaneous. A VM*K < <>111!. A. S. K.UWIX. HOWELL COBB COHR. ERWIN K COBB, T T O H N E Y K A T L A NV , Albums Georgia. Office in the Dcuprcc building K. I’ 1.1 MPK1N IIKNRY JACKSON. Lumpkin & Jackson, V TTOItNT.YS AT LAW. will praetiee in tlx . - <' ..f t'lark i nunty. the Kupr. nn A T . V At SAMUEL P. Till RMONO, T T ORX E Y A T L A \V entrii'te l to hi, rare. J. J. A J. I . A1.KX INDKIl. D ealers in hardware. Iron Steel, Sail,, Carriage Material, Mining mplemei AT, Whitehall <t., All a M.VAN ESTES, TTOJRNEY AT umcr, Bank. Countv, tla. L A W PITTMAN A HINTON, \ T T ORN E Y S A T L A W -X.Jefferson, Jackson county, Ga. NOTICE OF ('llANOE OF SCHEDULE GEORGIA and M AGON ami AUGUSTA 11AILRODS. JAY 0. GAILEY, pNVITES ATTENTION TO HIS EIW FAIL STDDli Fireside Miscellany. After Many Days. BY E. ANDERSON. TIN-WA 1LE, HOUSE FURNISHING GCOOS, I HAVE STILL ON HAND L the Largest Variety of Stoves -li ai the Incest Hr THE MARION, IjitrgestOt'en Step .S’, .1. of He .1/ inuf<letured ! Min Ath- O n A ‘ V J DAY, lu Superintendent's office. | Gcnrvla ami Baron .V Augusta Railroad. Augusta, G ., June f*.W2. i AND AFTER WEDNES- 5th, 1ST-, the Passenger Ttain.- ii the Georgia an 1 Macon and Augusta Railroad* fill run as follows : GEORGIA IIAI LUO A I>. I)n>l Passenger Train will Ia*ave Augusta at s ’Joa.in. Leave Atlanta at >• U> a. m. Ariiveat Atlanta at •• 4 • p.in. Arrive at Augusta at 5 :u>p. in. Xight l*a.«engcr Train. Leave Augustaat 8 15 p. ni. Alla i .it MA( OX AM) AUGUSTA 11. II. Day l B a#*rH/jrr Train. Xiyht r 45 I* 7 4** J*. Train. irion have been »n« and vicinity, and without an ex<* fiv.*n tin Founded satisfaction. To parties wishing kgood stove at a small price, I can safely say that The Marion in the Stove. THE SOUTHERN HOME, An entirely new Move in design and construction. Bv a most novel arrangement, the part of the oven directly under the tire box is prole* ted 1'r un the strong he.It of lhe tire in this particular pla-e, and a uniform heat is nhtained, in all parts of the oven, thus securing the most desirable thing in any stove, vi/: Kveii baking an J masting. This move has LEADING STOVES COUNTRY i also Ki:i:r Tin; FOREST CITY, QUEEN OF THE SOUTH. FIRESIDE, CAPITOL CITY, And Jliiny Other Leading Stoves. CHIMNEYS AND PURE KEROSENE OIL. Call and examine his stock, betore purchasing, sept 15-tf. RENOVATE YOUR CARPETS, Something New! A DISCOVERY lias recently been xTjL made by which Velvet, Brussels "and In grain r»-pe? : • an be thoroughly cleaned and ren<*» vated, without removing them from the floor. It also destroys ami prevents moths. It thoroughly cleanses all covered furniture, such as Plush Chairs, Sociables, Divans, Rockers,etc. It is the acknowl edged cleauser for clothing of all descriptions, re moving grease spots and restoring their original riblions and lace there is noth- iihout the contains no acids, and is a pure Renovating solution. This is entirely a new process, and commends itself when ever used. We will cleauyour carpets, etc., or fur nish the solution, with directions for using. Athens, April 17, 1872. This certifies that Mr. Max M. Myerson has cleansed for me a very much soiled carpet, remov ing all grease spot* and, where not too much worn, restoring the original colors. I cheerfully recom mend him to the citizens of Athens w ho may need his skillful service. II. HULL. The undersigned has purchased the receipt for the al»ove solution from Mr. Max M. Myerson. and will promptly attend to ail orders left at his Paint Simp, on Jackson street, near the National Bank, april 19-tf JOHN POTTS. Wm. A. Taimadgc, OP. POST OFFICE, COL. AYF.NlF, ATHENS i ingthat equals it, and can be Used wii ! slightest injury to the finest fabric. It co r'lniriitat'.Tiiai-iiiauttnr.Rntnin.TttcaBn^sDMgaa Dealer in Watches, Cl«»eks, Jewelry, .Silver-plated Ware, Musical Instruments, Spectacles, truus, Pistols. Sporting Equipments, Ac., Ac. A Select Stock of American and lui- ported Watches, DoutdeGuns with 40 inch barrel, excellent for long fnye. Pistols ot all kinds. Penetration of bull <**.•£ inches into wood. With a desire to please all, will sell tho'abovegood at very reasonable prices. IRE FA. I RING. Watche promptly Call and s Cl.v'ks, Jo (ended to i id. In Tra» i will i i f.r Mi Classi i.uk with the Train pallia m - I- ii Night Passong -r Tr.i an l First-' las- -loepi the Macon and Augu S. K. JOHNSON, Su)tl. i.n all NightTra *’ on hand at all times a large stock of j 1 tn Ware of (til Kinds \ Tim •‘lien-* that ./O.V/LV TJX HM U/: has met J with since it- introduction, i>a suilic.eut guarantee i or its oxc, II, me. ROOFING, GUTTERING, AND JOB WORK. OF ALL KINDS, »/ i* O J / / >/ '/) s/ )fSs attended !•> promptly. The manufactory i: L. !»>»>///A/ / »f //. l.fld, . hjrgoof Ml. W. ll. JCStS.*lu>wiU to leased X) ESIGNE Ft, jngraver and printer, ELECTROTYPI INTO, dllVK" UntUTII ANDWaLMI SlRl.l Cincinnati, Ohio. l.<M-k ltox 22fi. Fall and Winter Clothing. J. E. lUTC ’Ll I NVITES the attention ' . ami the public to his large ami > fed stuck of old friends ami < •rs from the country io vith prompt attention. E. E. JONES, >t' liis friemls rarcf.iUy .Ready Made Clothimg (ient's Funiisliiag (loixls. Ve»ii»K», Ac- My »r Turni.liin^ U.> «!■-fin- .Shirln, Collar*, Tien, Snnpenderii, Under- Shirt* and Drawern, Half-IIo<e. Glove* in great variety, rtr. S^ le - J. E. RITCH. A THE NS. R. T. BRUMBY & CO., Druggists and Pharmacists And l)i*)>en.<er* of Emnily Medicine* W OULD re>i>ectfully <-:tlI att<-ntii>i t - tlieir <ut [ir. ii.ir.'iti.niol't-Tcrx'-.-in X, W* TEACHER OF MUSIC. ( NFFICE corner of Lumpkin ami e Clayton streets, near trie Upis|MH*al Church. Pupils living out of town can take their lessons an*l practice at the office. Pianos, Organs & Sheet Music for sale, on th** most reasonable torms. All instru ments of the best makers and fully warranted.— Persons dedring to purcha-e can have an instru ment p!ae«‘l in th'ur house, which, if not satisfac tory atter fair trial, can lie returned or exchanged. Pian is an 1 Organs sold on Monthly Pay- instruments taken in part pavmeut. i*l it i< ct 27-If CU ate of M tgnr* Aperient Salt*, itlidz Roll'd’ Orchard FREE! FREE!! FREE!!! MNiil.K tUl‘IKS OK flOLMAN’S RURAL WORLD, A WEEKLY Agricultural Journal -1. that has been published twenty-three years U' St. Ixuis, having the Largest (^rciilation ami f he best C-orps of contributors of any agricultural frfQier published in the valley* of the Mississippi, will be sent free to all applicants. Send for a copy, erii*-—$2 per annum. Aihlress Norman J. Col- «.*; Publisher, sl.oiijSt. , Mo. dee 2911 Thi- article cclchrited - complete sii lute f.*r tathartic IMN Sails. raters of the . .. and is a Lpsuiii Salt, urn smBBiBa. ORCESTERJ DICTIONARIES. S BY ROSE TOOTH POWDER A superior ami well selected stock ol PERFUMERY, FANCY ARTICLES. FINE SOAPS, FINE SPONGES, And PliarnniTiiliral Spccinllies. R. T. BRUMBY <(■ CO. Druggists and Phannaeisls. * A Southern Novel. LMTZ HUGH SINCLAIR-the ■ South Carolina Iteliel Bov ; or, !* »s no Crime V., Hvru a tientleinan. By Mr-. Sal lie F. Cha rleston, S. C. Elegantly illustrated.— II ft? BURKE’S BOOKSTORE. The Savannah Republican. Entablinhrd in BY HAitBKV: & s. tl AUDKK. SCUDDER. It. w. Sl l DliEK. 'Urnu: One Year Six M«ttithit, Monthly The Wkkki.v Ri Saturday, at $2a v for three months - liiMrWrf, Adranre: Rate* of Adr-rti. CORN FLOOR PEARL (SKITS and At June 14-: BIG HOMINY, ENGLAND & ORR’S. "J OB PRINTING neatly and quickly executed at the Banner Office. 5 Libel for Divorce, in Franklin Sup’r Court, MARY A. EDWARD. . . _ inkli HENRY EDWARDS. J April Term, 1H72 It aptiearing to the Court that the IVIendant, Henry Velwarils, cannot he found in this county, and it further appearing that hi* residence is un known, it is ordered bv the Court that service of this I.iliel be perfected by publication of this order once a month for four months previous to the next term of this Court in the Southern Banner, a pa per published in A then: ct from the minutes June 11, l s 72. TIIOS. A >f Franklin Sn- perior Court. Juu. 11,1*72-^ j. 1TTLE . cl „ rk . Picture Frames, M ADE TO ORDER, of any size, and in various-t vies of moulding, at r;'rki:> rlhik.^toke. H ave been adopted the State Boards of Education of Virginia, North Carolina, Alabama, and Arkansn*. In use in the cities of Richmond, Ui., Norfolk, I Mobile, Ala., Savannah, Ga., Atlanta, Ga., dr. The standard in Orthography and Pronunciation in Washington and Lee University, The University of Virginia, Die College of William and Mary, 'Ihe University of Georgia, The Wesleyan University, Alabama, dr., dr. BREWER & TILESTON, 17 Milk Street, BOSTON. BLACKSMITIIING. “AmI to understand, Herbert, that you wish me not to dance again to-night?” “ Yes, Adela—and certainly, not with that stranger. It is late, too, and 1 promised your father I would bring you home in good time.” “ Are you going to dictate at what hour I should leave, as well friendship as with whom I should dance?*’'* “ Dictate ? No, Adela; I merely advise you. But you have already danced the entire evening, and several of the ladies have re tired.’’ Herbert was slightly annoyed by the giddy manner of the spoilt beauty, and, possibly, dwelt on the word ‘‘ladies.” “ Then I am no lady. I thank you, Mr. Herbert Lester. Do not trouble yourself to wait I shall return home when it is agreeable to me.” And the handsome stranger com ing up at that moment, Adela took his offered arm, and the next time Herbert beheld her, she was fly ing past him in the mazy waltz. “ An encouraging prospect of domestic bliss, truly’ I” said Herbert to himself. At length it was agreeable to Adela to return home, and she signitied her pleasuie to her es cort. '• It is rather late to-night, Adela, to enter into an explanation, but to morrow morning I will call upon you.” And the following morning Herbert did call, and how did be lind Adela occupied? Seated at her piano, running over the iden tical waltz which had been the sub ject of contention. “ Heartless, cruel girl !” thought Herbert. “ Adela,” in as severe a tone as iie could assume “you are aware' it is arranged that our marriage tak s >':ie ; in three months from tin- I presume that entitles nit- ;.> J jinand some justification ol your conduct.” •* I deny your right to use such language, or such- a -lone in addres sing’ me, Mr. Lester,’ and it is quite unnecessary to remind me that I am about to exchange freedom ai d sing’e-blessedness, for the fetters ol matrimony.” “ Is it possible, Adela, that we arc ciisuited tosach other?” “ C'est vrai, Monsieur.' 1 ' (“ i’ll bring him to ask my pardon,” said she to herself). “ I fear that is so. Thank Hev- en, it is not too late! Adela, I absolve you from every promise. Here is your portrait, which I re turn.” One glance at those sweet eyes might have unmanned him, so he laid it in its little velvet case, upon the table. Adela was startled.— She had expected a passionate ap peal to her love—to the happy, old days, when no cloud came between them. “ Do you wish your letters re turned ?’’ continued Herbert Les ter. “ No; burn them.” “ Very well; let mine have a similar doom. So perish every re cord of past foll v. Farwcll Miss Graham. I wish you all happi ness.’’ Adela as if she had been merely acting a part, and so she had—a ? part in the great drama of life. But AttCIlllOHitlld h ole I now she was alone, and the mask r PtIE UNDERSIGNED still con-1 laid aside. She went to collect linurs the above business at his old stand,' c T r \ n tin-brick shop, ou Prime Avenue, where aii j every memento of Herbert, rncle classes of Work in his line will 1h? faithfully exeett- , . . - , . . ted. I had sustained her thus far, but to* Particular attention given to liorse-shocing. Those iu want ol the genuine HSMPHILL PLOW, wliirh is now s.< ivipulsr, will <1« well lu eall an.l buv Hum Hie old man himself. His superior will also l>e kept ou band. Thankful for past patronage, he respectfully so- " ci,s a tun,i " u * uc \y HEMPHILL. dec 23 tf her iriferr-i.-. ■ nj*h anti by lei- . ' 1 *i>si—fomniercial, 1 4'GIN Potts. CALVIN w. PARR. POTTS Si> PARR. PLAIN AND ORNAMENTAL i P a I XT TFT? ft 7 ,n ‘-1-n* 1 ..-.i-Mi-iu,™,-1 -L a.\ LjJN JLJjjJlYO, mat ton as a hrst class paper in every respect. I, , , , , L ,. ~ I AticL ,* . 1st Door above ^at. hank, Sillicate Book Slates. ■nd Ladies' Wub Llsis.eb dre cents lo SI. For sale.. mar 22 tlemens’ at price* ranging from New \ LOT nt new Mo- -A |.*t reeei.ed, at bchke's book store. i J JIENS, GEORGIA. ,'o prompt attention to all r House, .Sign and Fancy painting lescription. Furniture cleaned, |tainted shell, at short notice. Orders from the country promptly filled. Mixed paints, ready for use furnished to order. iulv29tf Music. ! C ' Instrumental, I ru RKIw’s BOOKSTORE. A Second-Hand Piano Tj^OR SALE. Enquire at the oft ce 1 f^* the Southern Banner morrow would come and the day after, and a dreary round of days and weeks would follow; but he would never come again. She did not burn his letters, but sealed them all up in one large envelope, and 1 wrote upon it “ to be destroyed.” | Then Adela sent a note to a I milliner and dress-maker counter manding every preparation for the approaching marriage. And what did she next? She laid down up- XHE MODEL M.MJAZIN'E OF VJ1EKK1. The Largest in Form, the Larged in Circulation, and the only original fashion mauazinf. T XEMOREST’S ILLUSTRATED _L) MONTHLY contains original stones, new . I 1 L.,,1 „ heartV STOod music, household matters, general and artistic lit- Oil tier Deft, anti na 1 a nearly, gOOU ....ri ik.. <>nlv r»*li:ihlt* Fashions, with r ull c-rature, and the only reliable Fashions, with r ull Sire I’atterns. Yearly, only WM, with the splen did Cbromo, “ Isn't She Pretty, sire 13*1/, »«rtb Ss 00, sent post free to each subscriber, or, tbe large and elegant cbromo, after Jennings Thon p- son Hiawatha’s Wooing, sue. 15 x 35, p. ice Sh> <>•>, ifor SI 00 extra, or both chroinos with the Magazine, for *5 M P0»* % rree k Address DFM0RKSX , dec i 83S Broadway, New Y ork. L ANDRETH’S Q13I2ID8 TUST RECEIVED, a fuU supply J of Fresh Seed at tie r ,_OT>n NEW DRUfir STORE. cry. and finally fell asleep. “ Don’t disturb the poor child,” said Miss Selina Graham, her fath er’s sister, who lived with them, and did her best to spoil Adela.— “Don’tdisturb her, for she came so late.” But even the indulgent aunt was vexed when she found that the »be had set her mind, was utterly broken off. Adel's father was rather _ apathetic in the matter, for be did not wish to part from “ his dear, little girl,” as he always called his daughter. But there was another who would never forgive Adela—her brother Walter —the old c Idas mate, the bosom fried of Herbert Lester. “■Tylades and Orestes,” “ Damon and Pyth ias,” had been the names bestowed upon them when at school; and as they grew to manhood, the firm commenced in early youth, never decreased, thougn Walter Graham bad found new ties, for he had been married three years, and possessed a sweet, young wife, and a little cherub of a child. Herbert Lester went, no one knew whither—far away out west—to turn trapper or hunt the wild buff alo—any life away from civiliza tion and laise woman’s smile. And Adela, for a few weeks, attend ed every party, and every picnic to which she was invited, and then came home and drew comparisons between her new admirers and the one whom she had lost Finally, she gave up going out, and took to a severe course of study, which, even if not better for her heart, certainly was for her head. But, oh! how frequently Adela missed hirn to whom she had turned in every difficulty. “Herbert would h ave helped me,” she just breathed to herself. “ You great, darling encyclopedia ! You know everything?’’ she had once said to him. And so the time passed away for one long year; then Mr. Graham fell sick, grievously sick. After days and weeks of “ watching, and of waiting,” of waiting,” of hoping against hope, Adela was left fath erless, and well-nigh homeless, for, instead of the rich man he was sup posed to be, Mr. Graham was ft rtr fully in debt. Waller came to settiers, from bis l home two hundred miles away, where he was a kind of gentleman’ farmer upon a little estate of his own, and well it was that it had been secured to him. Likewise had Aunt Selina’s small income to herself. So Walter, after placing her where she could board, and enjoy the comforts to which she had so long been accustomed, took his sister home with him. “ Carrie will be rejoiced to have you, dear Addie,” said he, ** only I hope the children will uot worry you too much.” And Carrie was rejoiced, and the children delighted, with Aunt Addie,” as little three-year-old Lily called her. The baby, too, (for there were now two children), soon knew and loved her. And while Carrie attended to the eggs and the cream, and the butter, and tbe rearing of the young poul try, Adela took the care of the children off her sister-in-law’s mind. She had time, also, for her studies, which she pursued earn estly ; and save one n ever to-be- tor gotten event, was happier than at any former period of her life.— She was not much interested in the nrighboring families, so, of course, was voted rather unsociable but her deep mourning, and the re cent death of her father, was ad mitted as an excuse for declining visits. A letter arrived one morning, which Walter Graham handed to his wife. “You must accompany us Adela,” said he. We are all invited to the Williamson’s.” “No, thank you, Walter; it is a long way, and you will be late.— I will remain at home and take care of the children.” It was growing dark, Adela was seated in a low chair with the baby in her arms, and little Lily stand- ieg beside her. “ One more fairy tale, aunty, plaese, and then I will go to bed with Bertie." The tale was half told. “ Auntie,” whispered the child, “ there is some one in the room." “ Excuse me, Madame; I did not like to disturb you. The wan derer had been enjoying the pies ant home picture before him. “ Can I see Mr. Graham ?’’ “ Both he and Mrs. Graham are out, sir. I do not expect them until late.” “ That is unfortunate; he could not have received my letter; but I have walked a considerable dis tance &om tbe depot, and will, if you allow me, wait his return. Then the baby woke up and I began to cry t . " Hush, Bertie, dear.” The traveler came forward. "I have never seen my little name-sake. Let me relieve you of bim—Adela Graham /” She put back the bright waves of hair from her brow and gazed upon him. “Herbert Lester!" “ The same Adela?” " No, no I not the same 1 Adela Graham has lost her vanity, her self-WiU, her love of pleasure—all she formerly posseesed.” “Not all, dear Adela!—not the love of one true heart. Ah ! how littlj I dreamed of this blessed chance I” There was bo much to ask—so much to answer—the hours passed rapidly by. Adela had slipped from the room for a few niinuts, and put her little, sleepy charges to bed, and run into the larui-house kitch en to ask Cely, the colored womau, for a cup of her best coffee, and a plate of the home made bread and butter which she arried iu herself to Herbert. At length the wheels of the re turning carriage were heard ; theu Waiter came iu, dragging along a portetnanteau, which he professed to have found on the road. They had called at the depot for it, and lie and Carrie acted the surprise they felt at beholdingtheir unexpect ed. “Oh, you two conspirators!" Adela. “ I littie thought what you were planning, this morning!” “ To make you both happy against your will. I feared Her bert might not come, if he knew you were here; and you, I was sure, would avoid him. But i see it is all right now.” “ Do you wish the portrait re turned, Herbert?" asked Adela, as, with a happy smile, sue raised her eyes to his ; “ for if you do, you will have to beg for it” “ No, dear, I don't particlarly care about it” lie put his arm— his strong, sheltering arm, around her slight form. “ You may give it to any one you please, for I shall have the original.” A colored man in Albany drop ped dead in the streets the other day. As he had never expressed any intention of voting for Greeley, the worthy coroner is unable to ac count for this sudden demise. man's leg. He woke up and cried “ snakes,” “ burglars," “ fire,” “ police,” and all that. She got up, too, in quite a hurry, and that bed was searched through and through and through about twenty-three times, but tbe snake wasn’t found. Another man woke up one night, and by the pale light of the moon saw bis wife’s switch coiled around one of the or- The woman who never owned a namental posts at the foot of the; Bible supposed she was quoting it An editor in Iowa says he has become so hollow from depending on the printing business for bread, that he proposes to sell himself for a stove pipe. bed. It looked for all the world like a snake. There was its great big 6limy coils, and its head point ed towards the head of the bed as if the snake was prepating for an attack on the party of the first part, bis wife and theii heirs and assigns. The party of the first part waked up hia wife, and she of course screamed, kicked and jumped out of bed, ritn out into another room to faint, leaving him all alone with the bloody-minded, venomously disposed sarpient. He was now in a live state of cold perspiration, but his presence of mind had not en tirely deserted him. He slowly drew up his feet and jumped out of bed, and ran to tbe kitchen and got his double-barreled shot-gun and cautiously came back. lie came in sight of the serpentine intruder, and taking as deliberate aim as his quaking knees and trembling frame would permit, blazed awa\\ The sound of the gun aroused the lady from her third swoon. They ad vanced upon the enemy with a light. The enemy was found in a limp state dangling by the bed post, and evidently dead. On hearing it, imagine his feelings when she exclaimed, “Law sakes, what have you done? Spiled my best mohair switch!" The shot holes in the stead can be filled up with putty and varnished. He can get a new when she greeted her son, who came home to keep Thanks giving, iu the following words: Here comes the fatted calf." A Scotch muse was out with :t baby in the master’s garden and the gardner inquired, “Is’t a ladJie or a lassie?’’ “A laddie,” said the maid. “ Well,” said he “ I’m glad o’ther for there’s ower money wo men in the world.” “ Hecli, mon,” says Seas, did “ did ye no ken there's ay maist sown o’ the best cap?” “ Paddy," says a joker, “ why don’t you get your ears cropped— they are entire too long fur u man !" “ And your,” replied Pat, “ought to be lengthened—they are too short for an ass.” A lady went out shopping, prom ising her little son that she would get him a cocoanut. She procured one with a husk, in which state he had never seen one. On arriving at home she gave it to the boy, who looked at it curiously, Bmiled and laid it down. Presently be said— ‘Mother, where’s my cocoanut?’ ‘I just gave it to you,* she re plied. Taking it up again, he viewed it contemptuously for a moment andi exclaimed— “That thing a cocoanut? I! thought it was a waterfall.” As four or five darkies were- passing an agricultural implement store, one of them, pointing to a cul tivator, said: “A man can jist sit on dat thing and ride while he is mirror for $7. The old tom cat! ploughing.” “Golly,” replied the [From the Ottawa, (Ill.,) Independent.] A Panic Over Snakes. A few days ago Mrs. L B. Lew-1 is, of Aurora, formerly of Ottawa, met with a terrible and, to her, also a sad adventure. They had recent ly moved into a somewhat dilapi dated frame house. Between the plastering and the walls of one room there was a vacant space, and a hole at nearly the ceiling of the room in one corner. Near this, by a window, she had hung her bird cage out of the reach of the cat— She was in an adjoining room, when she thought she heard her bird utter a peculiar cry. She came into this room, but seeing no cat, and thinking she must have been mistaken, she want back.— Scarcely had she done so when tbe strange cry was repeated. She re turned, and on looking up to the cage was almost petrified with ter ror on seeing a large snake in the cage and partly coiled around it on the outside. She ran away scream ing with fright, and a gentleman passing was called in. He soon succeeded in capturing and killing the reptile, which was found to be a “ house adder,” a snake whose bite is deadly, we are told. It was about three feet long. It bad kill ed the poor bird, and was in the act of swallowing it when the man arrived, who killed the horrid snake. It had crawled up in the wall and thence out of the hole in the plastering. It is needless to say that as snakes usually go in pairs, and as the other snake com prising that pair has not yet been killed, tbe house is now for rent. Mr. Lewis tried to sleep there that night, but sleep would not come. Toward morning, in his restlessness, he touched the bottom of his bare foot against the bed stead. He just got up and howled “ snake by John Rodgers.” He put on his boots and she put on “ here,” and they sat up the remain der of the night watching for snakes. Hunting snakes is the chief amusement of Aurora prople nowadays, and especially nights.— They tell us of a man who was asleep, and so was bis fair partuer, who has sharp toe-nails. She dreamed she was kicking the cat out of tbe buttery, and she digged her toesnails into the calf of her sitting on the fence outside in range with the window, will never squall at the rnoone as he was wont to do. Ilq lias lost his voice ; at least that’s where most of the shot took effect. “I will kiss you, Eve,’’ said the paternal ancestor of us all. to his wife. “ I don't care .4-dam if you do,” she lovingly replied. A debtor gave as an excuse for nonpayment, that “ money was very close, but not close enough yet for him to reach it.” A negro held a cow ilea crosss eyed man was to knock her on the head with an axe. The negro, ob serving the man’s eyes, in some fear inquired, ‘Yougwine to hit whar you look? -Yes. Den hold the cow yourself. I aint gwine to let you hit me. A fellow of eighteen summers in vested in a banana on the cars re cently. lie carefully removed the peel, and put it on the seat by his side; then he broke the fruit up in small bits, eyeing it anxiously as he did so. When this was done he picked up the peel, shook it on his lap, and finally threw the pieces out of the window, remarking as he did so, “ That’s the fust of them prize packages I ever bought, and it’s tbe last one, you bet.” other, “ de rascals too sharp to tink of dat fore de nigger was free.” A clergyman, who had a large- family of unruly boys, was once unable to make one of the contest to some misdemeanor that had been committed, so he declared that he would whip them all, and then he would be sure to punish the real culprit. Jimmy, the youngest, re tired to a corner and grumbled.— “ What is that you say ?’’ asked- his father. “I tbaid,” lisped Jim my, “ tbat’tb jutht the way old Ilerod did. He killed all the child ren that he would be thurc to kill Jcthuth.” A woman applied to a magistrate the other day for a warrant against a neighbor, saying: “ She called me a thief, your hon or. Can’t I make her prove it ?" “ Perhaps you can," quietly re plied the magistrate, “ but i! I were you I wouldn’t do it” An old farmer said to his sons: “ Boys, don’t you ever specerlate, or wait for summit to turn up—you might jest as well go and sit down on a stone in the middle of the inedder with a pail betwixt your legs, and wait for a cow to back up to you to be milked.” A boy gave a good definition of a horse, in his composition, when he said, “he is an animal with four legs, one in each corner." “ Small but active bootblack to a wearer of thirteen—“ Say, boss, le' me black yer boots; do it for five cents an acre and warrant it done belore sundown.” An old lady who inquired for “ the dollar varden hat” went away sorrowing when the clerk told her they were just out. but he had plenty of “six dollar vardens.” “Where are you going so fast. Mr. Smith ?" demanded Mr. Jones. “ Home, sir home; don’t detain me; I have just bought my wife a new bonnet, and I must deliver it be fore the fashion changes.” Genuine Fools.—He who wipes his nose on a nutmeg grater, and t pick his teeth with a razor. She who says “ no’* to a proposal of a gentleman when she has reach ed the age of thirty. He who gets so drunk nt night, that he puts his clothes to bed, and bangs himself on the back of a chair. She who rubs her cheeks with brickbats in order to give them color. He who puts on his hat, and takes his cane, and starts out in pursuit of an honest and disinter ested politician. She who pinches and slaps a child to make it quit bawling. “ I say, friend, your horse is a little contrary, is he not?” “ No, sir!” “ What makes him stop then ?” “Oh, he’s afraid somebody’ll say wo! and he shan’t bear it" * Josh Billing- says: There iz ono thing about nen that looks like wisdom; they don’t knckle much until after they have laid their egg. Some pholks are alwus a bragging and a kackling what they are go ing tew do beforehand. A person was boasting that he sprung from a high family. “ Yes,” said a bystander, “ I have seen some of the same family so high that their feet could not touch the ground." A stout,jolly-looking mendicant recently entered a shop in Dublin, and asked the owner for charity.— He shook his head, and said, “ I am not able to give yon anything.”— Tho woman, in quite a cheerful tone, promptly replied, “Thank you sir; and may you long be in the same position !” A gentleman once asked a little girl, an only child how many sis ters she had, and was told “ threo or four.” Der mother asked Mary when alone what induced her tote'l such an untruth. “ Why, mamma,” said Mary, I didn’t want’him to think you were so poor that you bad but one child, Wouldn’t he think we were dreffu! poor ?” Mary, I am glad yonr heel has got well.” “ Why ?’’ said Mary, opening her eyes with astonishment. “Because,” said. Jane, quietly see it is able to get out” Perhaps Mary’s stock large bole in it. had a