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SAVANNAH DAILY HERALD.
VOLUME I.)
Pfo. 31. /
j||je imtmttnai)
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EVERT EVENING, SUNDAYS EXCEPTED,
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REFLECTIONS IN THE PILLORY.
BY CHARAKS LAMB.
About the year 18—, one B and, a
respectable London Merchant, (since
dead), stood in the pillory for some al
leged fraud upon the revenue. Among
his papers were found the following ‘‘Re
flections,” which we have obtained by fa
vor of our friend Elia, who knew him
well, and bad heard him describe the
train of his feelings, upon that trying
occasion, almost in words of the manu
script. Elia speaks of him as a man
(with 'the exception of the peccadillo
aforesaid) of singular integrity in all his
private dealings, possessing great suavity
of manlier, with a certain turn for hu
mor. As our object is to present human
nature under every possible circumstance
we do not think we shall sully our pages
by inserting iT. —Editor of “London M ag
azine,” 1825.
ASfcpe —Opposite the Royal Exchange.
Time —Twelve to one, noon.
Ketch, my good fellow, you have a
neat. hand. Prithee, adjust this new
collar to my neck gingerly. I am not
used to these wooden cravats. There,
softly, softly. That seems the exact
point between ornament and strangula
tion. A thought looser on this side.—<■
Now it will do. And have a care in
tnrojng me, that I present my aspect due
vertically. I now face the orient. In a
quarter of an hour I shift southward, —
do you mind ?—and so on till I face the
east again, travelling with the sun. No
half points, 1 beseech you,—N. N. by
W., or any such elaborate niceties. They
beeome the shipman’s card, but not this
mystery. Now leave 'me a little to my
own reflections.
U8 > what a company is assem
bled uj. honor of me! Row grand I
stand here! I never felt so sensibly be
lorc tu6 effect ol solitude in • a crowd.-
I muse in solemn silence upon that vast
miscellaneous rabble in the pit there
IProm iny private box, I jcontemplate
with mingled pity and wonder, the
gapipg curiosity of those underlings.
They are my Whitechapel support
ers. _ Rosemary Lane . has emptied
herself of the very flower of her
citizens to grace iny show. Duke’s
Place sits desolate. What is it in my
face, that strangers should come so iar
from the east to gaze upon it? (Here
an egg narrowly missed him.) That of
fer was well meant, but not so cleanly
executed. By the tricklings it should
not be either myrrh, or frankincense.—
Spare your presents, my friends .; I am
no ways mercenary. I desire no mis
sive tokens of your approbation. lam
past those valentines. Bestow these
coffins of uutlmely chickens upon
mouths that water for them. Comfort
your addle spouses with them at home,
and stop the mouths of your brawling
brats with such Oil a Padridas ; they
have need of them. A brick is let fly-)
Disease not, I pray you, nor dismantle
Jent and ragged tenements, to furnish
SAVANNAH, GA., WEDNESDAYS EVENING, FEB. 15, 1865.
me with architectural decorations, which
I can excuse. This fragment might have
stopped a flaw against snow comes. (A
coal fliee.) Cinders are dear, gentlemen.
This nubbling might have helped the pot
boil, when your dirty cuttings from the
shambles at three-ha’penny a pound shall
stand still at a cold simmer. Now,
Bouth about, Ketch. I would enjoy Aus
tralian popularity.
What, my mends from over the
water! Old benchera—flies of a day—
ephemeral Rom ans—welcome ! Doth the
sight of me draw souls from Umbo ? cau
it dispeople purgatory ?—Ha !
What am I, or what was my father's
house, that I should thus be set up a
spectacle to gentlemen and others ?
Why are all faces, like Persians at the
sun rise, bent singly on mine alone ? It
was wont to be esteemed an ordinary
visionmy, a quotidian merely. Doubt
less these assembled myriads discern
some traits of nobleness, gentiUty, breed
ing, which hitherto have escaped the
common observations, some intimations,
as it were, of wisdom, valor, piety, and
so forth. My sight dazzles ; and, if I
am not deceived by the too familiar pres
sure of this strange neckcloth that en
velops it, my-countenance gives ont lam
bent glories. For some painter now to
take me in the lucky point of expres
sion ! the posture so convenient! the
head never shifting, but standing quies
cent in a sort of natural frame ! But
these artisans require a Westerly aspect.
Ketch, turn me.
Something of St. James’ air in these
of my new friends. How my prospects
shift and brighten ! Now, if Sir Thomas,,
Lawrence be anywhere in that groups
his fortune is made forever. I think i|
see someone taking out a crayon, t;
will compose my whole face to a smile,
which yet shall not predominate but that*
gravity and gayety shall contend, ask
wefre, you understand me ? I will work
up:my thoughts to some mild rapture;,
a gentle enthusiasm, which the artist;
may transfer, in a manner, warm to the
canvas. I will inwardly apostrophisA!
my tabernacle.
Delectable mansion, hail! House not
made of every wood! Lodging that pays
no rent; airy and commodious ; which,
owing no window-tax, is yet all case-
out of which men have such plea
sure in peering and overlooking, that
they will sometimes stand an hour
together to enjoy thy prospects ! Cell,
recluse from the vulgar! Quiet retire
ment from the great Babel, yet affording
sufßcient glimpses into it! Pulpit, that
instructs without note or sermon-book ;
into which the preacher is inducted with
out tenth or first fruit! Throne, unshar
ed and single, that disdainest a Brentford
competitor! Honor, without co-rival!
Or hearest thou, rather, magnificent
theatre, in which the spectator comes to
seej and to be seen ? From tby giddy
heights I look down npon the common
hefrl, who stand with eyes upturned, as
if a winged messenger hovered over
them and. mouths open, as it'they expect
ed manna. I feel the true episco
pal yearnings. Behold in me, my flock,
your true overseer 1 What though I can
not lay hands, because my own are laid^;
yet! I can mutter benedictions. True,
otium cum diynitate / Proud Pisgah emi
nence ! pinnacle sublime I O Pillory I ’tis
thee I sing! Thou younger brother to the
gallows, without his rough and Esau
palms, that with ineffable contempt sur
veyest beneath thee the grovelling stocks,
which claims presumptuously to be of
thy great race ! Let that low wood know
that thou art far higher born ! Let that
domicile for grounding rogues and base
earth-kissing varlets envy thy perfer-.
ment, not seldom fated to be the wanton
baiting-house, the temporaiy retreat, of
poet and of patriot. Shades of Bastwick
? n^°^P r ynne hover over thee, —Defoe
jaspere. and more greatly daring Sheb
oeare, —from their (little more elevated)
stati® they look down with recogni
* ionßiKetch, turn me.
I®r veer to the North. Open your
widiljgates, thou proud Exchange of
Lohdia, that I may look as proudly !
Gresiam’s wonder; hail! I stand upon
a lev&with all your kings. They and I,
from lqual heights, with equal supercil
iousness, o’erlook the plodding money
hunting tribes below, who, busied in
thqfrjordid speculations, scarce elevate
theiy lyes to notice your ancient or my
antfcjjt grandeur. The second Charles
smiL. on me from three pedestals! He
closes the Exchequer, I cheated the Ex
cise.! Equal our darings, equal be our
lotpf! -
Are those the quarters ? ’tis their fatal
chime. That the ever-winged hours
would but stand still! but I must de
scend— descend from this dream of great
nesj*. Stay, stay, a little while importh
nafjb hour-hand! A moment or two,and
I shall walk on foot with the undistin
guished many. The clock speaks One.
Twturn to common life. Ketch, let me
a |emoir of rostopchine.
J|| BY HIMSELF.
Tw|b elated from the French.
The following Memoirs, a witty con
cGa, humorous, yet refined, were written
by I the famous personage who ordered
tko burning of Moscow in 1812 :
My Memoirs of What I Really
' Am, Written in Ten Minutes.
.jj CONTENTS.
J|My Birth.— 2. My Education.—3. My
jgjfSufferings.—^.Privations.—s. Memora-
BRrable Epochs.— G. Moral Portrait.—7.
Plmportant Resolution.—B. What I
m Was and What I Might Have Been.—
g 9. Respectable Principle?.— 10. My
Tastes.—ll. My Aversions.—l 2. An
|j alysis of My Life.—l3. Recompense of
C! Heaven.—l 4, My Epitaph.— 15. Epis-
I tie Dedicatory to the Public.
CHAPTER I.
MY BIRTH.
, In 1765, the 12th of March, I issued
from darkness to broad day. I was
measured, weighed, baptized; I was
born without knowing for what, and my
parents thanked Heaven without know
ing why.
CHAPTER 11.
MY EDUCATION.
I was taught all sorts of things, arid
every kind of language. By dint of im
pudence and quackery I passed some
times for being well informed. My head
became a library of odd volumes, of
whfch I kept the key.
I CHAPTER HI.
MY SUFFERINGS.
I have been tormented by masters,
by tailors who made my clothes too
tight, by women, by ambition, by self
love, by useless regrets, by kings, and
recollections*
’ CHAPTER IV.
PRIVA-frONS.
I have been deprived of three great
enjoyments of the "human race, theft,
gluttony, and pride.
CHAPTER V.
MEMORABLE EPOCHS.
At thirty I gave up dancing, at forty
pleasing the fair sex, at fifty public opin
ion, at sixty thinking:, and I became a
true sage, or, what is synonymous, an
egotist.
CHAPTER VI.
MORAL PORTRAIT.
I was headstrong as a mule, capricious
as a coquette, gay as a child, lazy as a
sloth, active as Bonaparte, and all at
will,
CHAPTER VII.
IMPORTANT RESOLUTION.
Having never been able to control my
features, I gave loose rein to my tongue,
and I contracted the bad habit of think-
ing aloud; and this procured me some?
enjoyments, and a great many enemies*.
CHAPTER VHI. -
WHAT I WAS, AND WHAT I MIGHT EUVk |
BEEN.
1 was very susceptible to friendship,, tc#
confidence and if I had been born d!»r- **
ring the golden age, I might, perhaps
have been quite a good man. a>
CHAPTER IX.
RESPECTABLE PRINCIPLES. )
I have never been implicated to any * ’
discussion or any gossip ; I never recom 2
mend an inefficient cook or a doctor*
consequently I never endangered any *
one’s life.
CHAPTER X. *
MY TASTES.
I liked a society composed of few per- $
sons, to stroll in the woods ; I had an in- *
voluntary veneration for the sun, and
never felt sad at his setting ;in color, 1
liked blue ; to eat, beef with horseradish;
to drink fresh water ; in sights, comedy
and farce; in men and women, open and
expressive feathres ; humpbacks of both *
sexes had for me a charm, which I never |
could define. *
CHAPTER XI
MV AVERSIONS.. #
I felt repugnance for fools and fops*
for intriguing women who feign virtue
disgust for affectation, pity for ayed men
and painted women, aversion tor rata.
liquors, metaphysics, and rhubarb, and; *
dread of justice and mad dogs. ;
CHAPTER XH. ' *
ANALYSIS OF MY LIFE. ' . r<4g
I await death without dread, as with- •**
out impatience. My life has keen a bad < #
melo-dramatic show, in which lihave *
played the hero, the tyrant, the lover., . *
but never the lackey. s
CHAPTER XIII. ‘ l
RECOMPENSE OF HEAVEN.
My greatest happiness is to be indepen- '' *
dent of three individuals wtotf rule Ilu- *
rope. *
As lam rich enough, I have- turned i
my back, on business, and am quite in- j
different to musie ; I have consequently . n
nothing to contend about with lioth
child, Metternicb, and Rossini.
CHAPTER XIY.
MV EPITAPH”. * • J
They have laid here;
■ To rest,
With a soul surfeited*
A heart exhausted,
And a body worn out,.
A poor devil,
Dead. *
Ladies and Gentlemen, pass oi*_ •*
CHAPTER XV. * ■'i
EPISTLE DEDICATORY TO THE PUBLIC . -
Dog of a public ! discordant organ «f r,
the passions ! you, who exalt to heaven
and plunge in the mud, who extol and *
culminate without knowing why. Im
age of hue and cry ! Echo of yourself t- 1
Absurd tyrant, escaped from a mad
house! Extract of poisons the mosL ■
subtle and of odors the most aromatic l
Representative of the Devil to the hu- T
man race ! Fuiy disguised in Christian
charity! v *
Pnblic! whom I feared in my youth,, £>
respected in riper years, and despised ii* ’• f ,
my old age. To you I dedicate my Me-
moirs. Kind public ! at length I am
ont of your reach ;• for lam ddeal,d l , conse- *
quently deaf, blind and dumb. May you. •'* 1
too, enjoy one day these advan tages*Jta»rnr
the sake of your own repose and. that oi a
mankind.
La Vi.—An Irishman who had just re
turned from Italy where he bad • bee* ? >
with bis master, was asked in dee
kitchen:
“Yes, then, Pat, what is the lava I
hear ydU and the master talking about ?*
“Only a drop of the crater,” was Pat’t
witty reply, ’ *■•
/PRICE
(Five Ceuta. >
