Savannah daily herald. (Savannah, Ga.) 1865-1866, February 15, 1865, Image 1

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SAVANNAH DAILY HERALD. VOLUME I.) Pfo. 31. / j||je imtmttnai) IS PCRLISHED EVERT EVENING, SUNDAYS EXCEPTED, by 3. W. MASON & CO. A* HI Bay Strkkt, Savannas, Qboboia. ' TERMS: Per Copy Fire Cents. Per Hundred ... .$3 50. Per Year ... $lO 00. ADTKRTIII Rfi: A limited number of Advertisemeets will be re ceived at the rate of Twenty Cents .per Line for Arst insertion, and Fifteen Cents per Line for eaeh mbseqhent insertion ; invariably in advance. Ad vertisements should be banded in before noon of each day. JOB PRINTING In every style, neatly and promptly done. REFLECTIONS IN THE PILLORY. BY CHARAKS LAMB. About the year 18—, one B and, a respectable London Merchant, (since dead), stood in the pillory for some al leged fraud upon the revenue. Among his papers were found the following ‘‘Re flections,” which we have obtained by fa vor of our friend Elia, who knew him well, and bad heard him describe the train of his feelings, upon that trying occasion, almost in words of the manu script. Elia speaks of him as a man (with 'the exception of the peccadillo aforesaid) of singular integrity in all his private dealings, possessing great suavity of manlier, with a certain turn for hu mor. As our object is to present human nature under every possible circumstance we do not think we shall sully our pages by inserting iT. —Editor of “London M ag azine,” 1825. ASfcpe —Opposite the Royal Exchange. Time —Twelve to one, noon. Ketch, my good fellow, you have a neat. hand. Prithee, adjust this new collar to my neck gingerly. I am not used to these wooden cravats. There, softly, softly. That seems the exact point between ornament and strangula tion. A thought looser on this side.—<■ Now it will do. And have a care in tnrojng me, that I present my aspect due vertically. I now face the orient. In a quarter of an hour I shift southward, — do you mind ?—and so on till I face the east again, travelling with the sun. No half points, 1 beseech you,—N. N. by W., or any such elaborate niceties. They beeome the shipman’s card, but not this mystery. Now leave 'me a little to my own reflections. U8 > what a company is assem bled uj. honor of me! Row grand I stand here! I never felt so sensibly be lorc tu6 effect ol solitude in • a crowd.- I muse in solemn silence upon that vast miscellaneous rabble in the pit there IProm iny private box, I jcontemplate with mingled pity and wonder, the gapipg curiosity of those underlings. They are my Whitechapel support ers. _ Rosemary Lane . has emptied herself of the very flower of her citizens to grace iny show. Duke’s Place sits desolate. What is it in my face, that strangers should come so iar from the east to gaze upon it? (Here an egg narrowly missed him.) That of fer was well meant, but not so cleanly executed. By the tricklings it should not be either myrrh, or frankincense.— Spare your presents, my friends .; I am no ways mercenary. I desire no mis sive tokens of your approbation. lam past those valentines. Bestow these coffins of uutlmely chickens upon mouths that water for them. Comfort your addle spouses with them at home, and stop the mouths of your brawling brats with such Oil a Padridas ; they have need of them. A brick is let fly-) Disease not, I pray you, nor dismantle Jent and ragged tenements, to furnish SAVANNAH, GA., WEDNESDAYS EVENING, FEB. 15, 1865. me with architectural decorations, which I can excuse. This fragment might have stopped a flaw against snow comes. (A coal fliee.) Cinders are dear, gentlemen. This nubbling might have helped the pot boil, when your dirty cuttings from the shambles at three-ha’penny a pound shall stand still at a cold simmer. Now, Bouth about, Ketch. I would enjoy Aus tralian popularity. What, my mends from over the water! Old benchera—flies of a day— ephemeral Rom ans—welcome ! Doth the sight of me draw souls from Umbo ? cau it dispeople purgatory ?—Ha ! What am I, or what was my father's house, that I should thus be set up a spectacle to gentlemen and others ? Why are all faces, like Persians at the sun rise, bent singly on mine alone ? It was wont to be esteemed an ordinary visionmy, a quotidian merely. Doubt less these assembled myriads discern some traits of nobleness, gentiUty, breed ing, which hitherto have escaped the common observations, some intimations, as it were, of wisdom, valor, piety, and so forth. My sight dazzles ; and, if I am not deceived by the too familiar pres sure of this strange neckcloth that en velops it, my-countenance gives ont lam bent glories. For some painter now to take me in the lucky point of expres sion ! the posture so convenient! the head never shifting, but standing quies cent in a sort of natural frame ! But these artisans require a Westerly aspect. Ketch, turn me. Something of St. James’ air in these of my new friends. How my prospects shift and brighten ! Now, if Sir Thomas,, Lawrence be anywhere in that groups his fortune is made forever. I think i| see someone taking out a crayon, t; will compose my whole face to a smile, which yet shall not predominate but that* gravity and gayety shall contend, ask wefre, you understand me ? I will work up:my thoughts to some mild rapture;, a gentle enthusiasm, which the artist; may transfer, in a manner, warm to the canvas. I will inwardly apostrophisA! my tabernacle. Delectable mansion, hail! House not made of every wood! Lodging that pays no rent; airy and commodious ; which, owing no window-tax, is yet all case- out of which men have such plea sure in peering and overlooking, that they will sometimes stand an hour together to enjoy thy prospects ! Cell, recluse from the vulgar! Quiet retire ment from the great Babel, yet affording sufßcient glimpses into it! Pulpit, that instructs without note or sermon-book ; into which the preacher is inducted with out tenth or first fruit! Throne, unshar ed and single, that disdainest a Brentford competitor! Honor, without co-rival! Or hearest thou, rather, magnificent theatre, in which the spectator comes to seej and to be seen ? From tby giddy heights I look down npon the common hefrl, who stand with eyes upturned, as if a winged messenger hovered over them and. mouths open, as it'they expect ed manna. I feel the true episco pal yearnings. Behold in me, my flock, your true overseer 1 What though I can not lay hands, because my own are laid^; yet! I can mutter benedictions. True, otium cum diynitate / Proud Pisgah emi nence ! pinnacle sublime I O Pillory I ’tis thee I sing! Thou younger brother to the gallows, without his rough and Esau palms, that with ineffable contempt sur veyest beneath thee the grovelling stocks, which claims presumptuously to be of thy great race ! Let that low wood know that thou art far higher born ! Let that domicile for grounding rogues and base earth-kissing varlets envy thy perfer-. ment, not seldom fated to be the wanton baiting-house, the temporaiy retreat, of poet and of patriot. Shades of Bastwick ? n^°^P r ynne hover over thee, —Defoe jaspere. and more greatly daring Sheb oeare, —from their (little more elevated) stati® they look down with recogni * ionßiKetch, turn me. I®r veer to the North. Open your widiljgates, thou proud Exchange of Lohdia, that I may look as proudly ! Gresiam’s wonder; hail! I stand upon a lev&with all your kings. They and I, from lqual heights, with equal supercil iousness, o’erlook the plodding money hunting tribes below, who, busied in thqfrjordid speculations, scarce elevate theiy lyes to notice your ancient or my antfcjjt grandeur. The second Charles smiL. on me from three pedestals! He closes the Exchequer, I cheated the Ex cise.! Equal our darings, equal be our lotpf! - Are those the quarters ? ’tis their fatal chime. That the ever-winged hours would but stand still! but I must de scend— descend from this dream of great nesj*. Stay, stay, a little while importh nafjb hour-hand! A moment or two,and I shall walk on foot with the undistin guished many. The clock speaks One. Twturn to common life. Ketch, let me a |emoir of rostopchine. J|| BY HIMSELF. Tw|b elated from the French. The following Memoirs, a witty con cGa, humorous, yet refined, were written by I the famous personage who ordered tko burning of Moscow in 1812 : My Memoirs of What I Really ' Am, Written in Ten Minutes. .jj CONTENTS. J|My Birth.— 2. My Education.—3. My jgjfSufferings.—^.Privations.—s. Memora- BRrable Epochs.— G. Moral Portrait.—7. Plmportant Resolution.—B. What I m Was and What I Might Have Been.— g 9. Respectable Principle?.— 10. My Tastes.—ll. My Aversions.—l 2. An |j alysis of My Life.—l3. Recompense of C! Heaven.—l 4, My Epitaph.— 15. Epis- I tie Dedicatory to the Public. CHAPTER I. MY BIRTH. , In 1765, the 12th of March, I issued from darkness to broad day. I was measured, weighed, baptized; I was born without knowing for what, and my parents thanked Heaven without know ing why. CHAPTER 11. MY EDUCATION. I was taught all sorts of things, arid every kind of language. By dint of im pudence and quackery I passed some times for being well informed. My head became a library of odd volumes, of whfch I kept the key. I CHAPTER HI. MY SUFFERINGS. I have been tormented by masters, by tailors who made my clothes too tight, by women, by ambition, by self love, by useless regrets, by kings, and recollections* ’ CHAPTER IV. PRIVA-frONS. I have been deprived of three great enjoyments of the "human race, theft, gluttony, and pride. CHAPTER V. MEMORABLE EPOCHS. At thirty I gave up dancing, at forty pleasing the fair sex, at fifty public opin ion, at sixty thinking:, and I became a true sage, or, what is synonymous, an egotist. CHAPTER VI. MORAL PORTRAIT. I was headstrong as a mule, capricious as a coquette, gay as a child, lazy as a sloth, active as Bonaparte, and all at will, CHAPTER VII. IMPORTANT RESOLUTION. Having never been able to control my features, I gave loose rein to my tongue, and I contracted the bad habit of think- ing aloud; and this procured me some? enjoyments, and a great many enemies*. CHAPTER VHI. - WHAT I WAS, AND WHAT I MIGHT EUVk | BEEN. 1 was very susceptible to friendship,, tc# confidence and if I had been born d!»r- ** ring the golden age, I might, perhaps have been quite a good man. a> CHAPTER IX. RESPECTABLE PRINCIPLES. ) I have never been implicated to any * ’ discussion or any gossip ; I never recom 2 mend an inefficient cook or a doctor* consequently I never endangered any * one’s life. CHAPTER X. * MY TASTES. I liked a society composed of few per- $ sons, to stroll in the woods ; I had an in- * voluntary veneration for the sun, and never felt sad at his setting ;in color, 1 liked blue ; to eat, beef with horseradish; to drink fresh water ; in sights, comedy and farce; in men and women, open and expressive feathres ; humpbacks of both * sexes had for me a charm, which I never | could define. * CHAPTER XI MV AVERSIONS.. # I felt repugnance for fools and fops* for intriguing women who feign virtue disgust for affectation, pity for ayed men and painted women, aversion tor rata. liquors, metaphysics, and rhubarb, and; * dread of justice and mad dogs. ; CHAPTER XH. ' * ANALYSIS OF MY LIFE. ' . r<4g I await death without dread, as with- •** out impatience. My life has keen a bad < # melo-dramatic show, in which lihave * played the hero, the tyrant, the lover., . * but never the lackey. s CHAPTER XIII. ‘ l RECOMPENSE OF HEAVEN. My greatest happiness is to be indepen- '' * dent of three individuals wtotf rule Ilu- * rope. * As lam rich enough, I have- turned i my back, on business, and am quite in- j different to musie ; I have consequently . n nothing to contend about with lioth child, Metternicb, and Rossini. CHAPTER XIY. MV EPITAPH”. * • J They have laid here; ■ To rest, With a soul surfeited* A heart exhausted, And a body worn out,. A poor devil, Dead. * Ladies and Gentlemen, pass oi*_ •* CHAPTER XV. * ■'i EPISTLE DEDICATORY TO THE PUBLIC . - Dog of a public ! discordant organ «f r, the passions ! you, who exalt to heaven and plunge in the mud, who extol and * culminate without knowing why. Im age of hue and cry ! Echo of yourself t- 1 Absurd tyrant, escaped from a mad house! Extract of poisons the mosL ■ subtle and of odors the most aromatic l Representative of the Devil to the hu- T man race ! Fuiy disguised in Christian charity! v * Pnblic! whom I feared in my youth,, £> respected in riper years, and despised ii* ’• f , my old age. To you I dedicate my Me- moirs. Kind public ! at length I am ont of your reach ;• for lam ddeal,d l , conse- * quently deaf, blind and dumb. May you. •'* 1 too, enjoy one day these advan tages*Jta»rnr the sake of your own repose and. that oi a mankind. La Vi.—An Irishman who had just re turned from Italy where he bad • bee* ? > with bis master, was asked in dee kitchen: “Yes, then, Pat, what is the lava I hear ydU and the master talking about ?* “Only a drop of the crater,” was Pat’t witty reply, ’ *■• /PRICE (Five Ceuta. >