ATHENS, GEORGIA, THURSDAY MORNING. FEBRUARY 8, 18
BY JOHN H. CHRISTY,
spit or and rnoriusTOS.
Terms of Subscription.
two DOLLARS per annum, if paid ftrlctly in a«l
sttce; otherwise, THREE DOLLARS will be charged
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at the following low rates.
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_ Uates ot AilVi-fiLing.
Transient advertisements will lie inserted at One
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for e ich subsequent Insertion.
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Candidates will be charged $.1 for annnuneemehw,
anil obituary notices c.xeoening six lines in length will
be charged aa advertisements.
When the number of insertions is not marktulon and
advpniseincnr, it will be published till forbid, and
Can't do without a Paper
tV It tit, do without a paper ? uo,
I’ve tried it to tny sorrow,
So, to subscribe for one I’ll go,
Nor wait until lo-morow.
Should lovers drown or hang themselves,
Or other loolish caper,
I never get to lienr of it,
I do not take the paper.
Why, there’s my neighbor, Jothan Stout,
Fie always hears the news.
And having news to talk about
lie never gets the bines.
While others yawn in ennui,
His mind is light ns vapor;
The cause is plain to half an rye,
He alwa s takes the paper.
While neighbor Stout hears all the news,
And knows each current price,
And always minds his P's and QV t
By taking good advice.
I cannot tell the price of calves,
Or poultry, coffee, tope, or
And kind of merchandize.
Because 1 take no paper.
Though I have studiis which n quire
Much time and mi ntal labor.
Yet I can spare a little lime.
As well us Stout, my neighbor.
Though time be precious, I can use
A longer midnight taper,
And thus take ;;;ne to read the news—
Therefore I'll take n paper.
But now which one shall I select,
So many greet my vision;
One stubborn fact which I detect
Shall influence my decision.
The cheapest paper and the best.
Should be the one for me,
And —h en i bring it to tl. c test.
The Wa'chman is the one I see!
, The Sehottisch Partner,
BV MOTTK IIALL.
Oh. I danced with him the schottish!
’Twa* the first time that we met;
He was such a dashing creature,
With orbs as black as jet.
And he wore a lovely diamond;
How it flashed into my eyes!
As he drew me closer to him
I saw its wondrous size.
Oh! at ball, nnd rout, and party,
1 was his sehottisch belle;
He said I danced so charmingly,
And knew the step so well.
And we grew so very loving,
As we stood upon the floor.
That people said the scottisch step
Would lead to Hymen’s door.
But though I schottished every nigLt,
The ungrateful wicked Harry!
J heard my schotisch partner say—
“ She’J] do, hat not to marry!*
‘“She’ll do to twirl in mazy dance,
She’ll do for giddy pleasure;
She 11 do to mete our Folly's gauds
With fashion's line aud measure.
“But she’ll Not do far sacred home,
. A meek aud geutle woman,
An angel in her puiity,
Butin her love a human.”
“ VARIETY, THE HP ICE OF LIFE."
An Irishman sai l that a true gentle
man will never look at the faults of a
woman without shotting his eyes.
No men are so deep but that shallow
places can be found in them.
The Cincinnati Dispatch speaks of a
negro so dark that a candle will go out
feytv feet from his face.
As an old lady was walking through
the streets of Paris, at midnight, a pat
rol called out, ‘Who’s there ?’
“It’s only I, patrol,’she replied,‘don’t
It has just been whispered in our ear
that the juryman who stood out got wet
—it having commenced raining about
that time. We cannot vouch for this.
Our neighbor says that his Shanghai
rooster is so tall that he has to go down
upon his knees to crow!
‘Do you think you are fit to die ? said
a step mother to her neglected child.
‘I don’t know,’ said the little girl,
taking hold of her dirty dress, and in
specting it—‘I guess so, if 1 ain’t too
The ague rages so in some parts ol
Iowa, that the people are obliged to
sleep with corn cobs in their mouth, to
keep from shaking their teeth out.
A sentimental chap in Rhode Island
intends to petition Congress for an ap
propriation to improve the channels of
affection, so that henceforth the “ course
of true lore may run smooth.”
Four boxes are said to govern the
world. The cartridge box, the ballot
box, the jury box and the band box.—
Wonder if the snuff box possesses any
‘ What is the meaning of a backbiter?’
said a reverend gentleman during an
examination at a parochial school. This
was a puzzle. It went down the class
until it came to a simple litt'e -urchin,
who said, * P’rhaps it be a flea.”
A short man became attached to a
very tall woman, and somebody said
that he had fallen in love with her.
‘Do you call that falling in love V said
an old bachelor, ‘it is more like climb
ing up to it.’
A Rare Chance.—The St. Paul
(Minnesota) Pioneer contains the fol
lowing advertisement :
“One hundred able bodied lawyers
are wanted in Minnesota to break prairie
land, split rails, and cord wood. Eas
tern and southern papers please copy.”
For Sore Throat.—Take a tea
cup full of sweet oil, and half as much
spirits of turpentine; unite them, and
with the mixture rub the throat, and
wear a flannel around it.
There is a man in Tiffin with so out
landish.a name that it takes two French
men and a big Indian to pronounce it.
It has never yet been spelled, but a ma
chine is about to be imported from Hol
land for that purpose.
Advice.—Be sure to marry a woman
(hat will help you, instead of being a
burden. In mercantile phrase, get a
piece of calico that will wash.
A True Saying.—According to
Lncon, men will wrangle for religion ;
write for it; fight for it; die for it: any-
but—live for it.
A Rose and its Thorns.—When
Milton was blind he married a shrew.
The Duke of Buckingham called her a
rose. ** I am no judge of colors,” re
plied Milton, “ but it may be so, for I
feel the thorns daily.”
Be slow to choose a friend, and slow
er to change him; courteous to all.
Scorn no man for his poverty ; honor
no man for his wealth.
Poor Fellow! A western editor
thus delivers himself:
“We would say to the individual who
stole our snirtoffthe pole,while we were
lying in bed waiting for it to dry, that
we sincerely hope the collar may cut
A clergyman was once sent for in the
middle of the night by o r<c 0 f Bis con
gregation. “ Well my good woman,”
said he, “ so you are Very ill, and re
quire the consolation of religion. What
can I 3o for you ?” “ No,” replied the
old lady, “ I am only nervous, and can’t
sleep.” “ How can I help that ?” asked
the parson. “ Oh, sir you always put
me to sleep so nicely when I go tochurch,
that I thought if you would only preach
a little for me!” They say that the
parson made tracks in less than no
Oneok tiie Tenants.—“Jemmy,
get some kindlings and make a fire.
“An,’ bejabers, how am I to do it,
Mr? Murphy used the last bannister
“ The bannisters gone ! Then, on to
the roof; and see if you can pick off any
of them shingles. The house aint mine
“ Be the gray goose o’ Moses, an
yon’re right!” Exit Jeramey.
- In n week afterwards, Mr. Teddy
O’Neil applies to the landlord for a re-
I duction of riot, bekase, the floors lake
sure. Queer people, those exotics.
“Struck.”—The Students of the
Davidson (N. C.) College have left
that institution in a body, on account of
the Professors unjustly expelling a fel
low-student. The prospects of the Col
lege are anything but flattering.
It is proposed to light the streets of a
city not a thousand miles from Syracuse
with red-headed girls. If we lived there
we'd play tipsy every night, and hug the
“Twins, by the powers!” cried the
horror struck Irishman,.^ the nurse ap
proached, bearing a new pledge of af
fection from his fruitful helpmate.
“Twins, hinny 1” cried the nurse ; “faix
Murdoch, an’ it’s the blessed whiskey
that makes ye see double this morning!”
Fiddlesticks—a word strongly ex
pressive of contempt. It crushes all re
ply. When a lady once says fiddlesticks,
he is a bold man
“Our Beckf.y Does!”—A ydung
damsel who is engaged, and will shortly
be united to a gallant son of Neptune,
lately visited the Mariner’s church.
During the sermon the parson discours
ed eloquently and with much earnest
ness of the dangers and temptations of
the sailor. He concluded by asking the
following questions : “Isphere any one
v ho thinks anything of him who wears
a tarpaulin hat and blue jacket, or a pair
of trousers made of duck ? In short, is
there one who cares aught for the poor
sailor?” A little girl, a sister of the
damsel, jumped up and looking archly
at her sister, and, in a tone loud enough
ft.r every one to hear, “ Yes, sir, our
Power, like the diamond, dazzles the
beholder, and also tho wearer; it digni
fies meanness ; it magnifies littleness ;
to what is contemptible it gives authori
ty ; to what is low, exaltation.
A patty had climbed a considerable
way up the usual track on the side of
Skiddaw, when a gentleman (a stranger
to the company,)who had giveu frequent
broad hints of his being a man of supe
rior knowledge said to his guide. ‘Pray
what is the highest part of the moun
tain V ‘The top, sir,’ replied the guide.
A western editor, in speaking of a
concert singer, says her voice is deli
cious—pure as the moonlight, and as
tender as a three-shilling shirt!
A Yankee editor out west says, “The
march of civilization is onward, onward,
like the slow but intrepid tread of a
jackass towards a peck of oats?”
The washerwoman who attempted to
hang her clothes on Mason & Dixon’s
line, has been prosecuted for a violation’
of the last compromise.
A man commiserated with on account
of his wife running away, said, ‘Don’t
piry me till she comes back again.’
The man who checked his rage, cov
ered it with gingham.
There is an odious spirit in many
persons, who are better pleased to detect
a fault than to commend ^ virtue.
The judicial blindness of pride is
seen in this, that those are the proudest
who have nothing to be prciud of. Such
pride is the manifestation of essential
self-love—of that love of self which ex
ists where self is most vile apd unlovely.
Neatness, and its reveise, among
the poor, are almost a certain test of their
VIOLETTA AND ALLENDORF.
A ONE HORSE NOVEL.
Violetta started convulsively, and
turned her tear-drenched eyes wildly
upon the speaker, for to her there seem
ed something strangely familiar in those
low rich -tones. Their eyes met; his
From Life Illustrvted.
' HINTS FOR HUSBANDS.
There is ft article afloat in the pa
pers entitled “Golden Rules for Wives’ . - .... , . -, ,
which enjoins upon the ladies a rather beam **JS«'. th joy and tenderness; her
abject submission to their. husbands’, ^“-^earning with uncertainty,
will and whims. Iron rules, not golden
ones, we should call them. But the'
1- ■ „ _ • , • i And the beautiful girl sank, from ex-
very difficult art; and, instead of confut- J^ 8 "P on h snob, o heart throb-
ing th. positions of the_ author of the 5^*^ A&rf’ bent tender?/
Rules a!oresa.d,we offer the following, as over her , and bathed her pure, white
the substance of what a wife likes in a tem le3 with the 2Ushi of de
Never give a boy a shilling to hold
your shadow while you climb a tree and
look into the middle of next week—it is
money thrown away.
Give a man brains and riches, and he
is a king Give a man brains without
riches, and he is a slave. Give a man
riches without brains, and he is a fool.
A man called upon an unfortunate
tradesman to pay a demand.
*T can never pay it,’ said lie. “I am
not worth a farthing, but I will give you
my note. I am not so poor but that I
can sign a note.”
‘T am a great friend to decency, for
decency is n manly virtue ; and to deli
cacy, for delicacy is a feminine virtue;
but as for squeamishness, rat me! if it
don’t make me sick.”
‘•Squeamishness and indelicacy are
often found united ; in short, in manners,
as in ot.her things, extremes meet.”
Our principles are the springs of our
actions—and our actions are the spring
of our happiness or misery.
—So your mother is very poor ? She
is that. She used to keep a pea-nut
stand once, but she took a counterfeit
one dollar bill and failed..
who utters another
The man who run up a column of
figures, tumbled down and was hurt
Every man is occasionally what he
should be perpetually.
The Chinese are a queer people to go
to market. A friend at Canton, writes
“Kemlich Van Tassell,” that a neigh
bor ofhis had just laid in his winter’s
provisions—a hind quarter of horse and
two barrels of bull-dogs. The latter
salted to keep.
If the owner of a wherry should hap
pen to ruu his boat aground, could he
be called a landed preprietor ?
A secret is like silence—you cannot
talk about it and keep it. It is like
money—when once you know there is
any concealed, it is half discovered.
The wags will never let Bamum
alone. The las? story in regard to him
is, that he had picked up in his travels a
small pot of tar .supposed to have been
left where the Israelites pitched their
Why is a minister like .a locomotive r
We have to look for him \v2»u® the bell
Tq make hens lay perpetually. Hit
them on the head with a big club. Other
modes have been recommended, but t.Lis
is the only one we have found,effectual-
The centre of gravity is the middle of
a Quaker meeting.
Singular.—The body a of woman
buried twenty-four years ago was re
cently disinterred in Dayton, Ohio, and
found to be petrified, with all the parts
retaining nearly the same perfectness of
exterior as when life and animation was
Mrs. Gaines has recommenced suit
to establish herself as legatee under the
will of Daniel Clark, her father, in the
Probate Court of New Orleans.
‘ Hal, where was your minister’s text
yesterday afternoon ?’
* Oh, I don’t recollect the place, but
the words were, * sleep on now and take
* What did lie make out of that
‘ Don’t know, faith—but he was con
tinually telling us that the truth is al
ways practical!; so thinks I to myself
I’ll take you at your word once, and may
I be shot if I waked up till the Amen “
“ Sally Mander safe,’ said Mrs. Part
ington, as her eyes fell upon the adver
tisement. ‘ Do tell me, Isaac, who thi
Sally Mander is, and what she’s been
doing, that they’ve got her safe again
‘ I don’t know what she’s been doin,’ but
I guess she’s a sister to Jerry.’
‘Jerry who, Isaac?’
‘ Why, Jerry Mander,’ said Ike, as
lit? sat watching a fly dragging itself
alorig with a pin very ingeniously run
through its body.
As a proof of the hardness of the
times, there is a man in Ohio who kills
only half a pig at a time.
Something New.—The gentlemen of
Waltham, iMass., are said to be enjoy
ing the luxuries a fema'e barber. She
is yonng, pretty, smart ?ud of course has
a keen way of doing business.
Different sounds travel with different
velocity. A cull to dinner will run all
over a ten acre lot in a moment and a
half, while a summons to return to work
takes five to eight minutes.
Drunk.—Any gentleman who mis
takes his hat for the spittoon. Under
taking to write with a cork screw, is
also a slight indication of vinous halluci-
“Sal,” said one girl to another, I’m
so glad »’ve no beau, now.” “ Why
so!” asljed the other.” “Oh,’ cause, I
can eat as many onions as I please.’
Look not mournfully into the past, it
cannot return; wisely impiove the pres
ent, it is thine; go forih to meet the
thadowy future without four, and with
If parents would render their children
happy and wealthy, they should early
inculcate in them a desire for and a
knowledge of labor, both manual and
A Case of Modesty.—A newspa
per publ.sher going on a collecting ex
pedition, and leaving bis accounts at
home for fear of giving offence to his
pull out a gray hain” said a gentleman
so his daughter, “as ftvo generally come
to the funeral”-—“I don’t care how many
come to the funeral if they only come
dressed in black.” (
To remove dirt from
daudy out ofhis shirt.
‘I hate to hear.people talk behind one’s
back,’ as the robber said, when the con
stable called ‘stop thief T
‘I expect,’ said a young-physician, on
his way to New York, on hearing exag
gerated rumora of the cholera, ‘t6 wit
ness a great many death-bed scenes this
‘Doubtless,’ replied a friend, ‘if you
get much practice.’ /j?
An Indian had gone to Albany one
cold winter’s day, and got very drunk.
On his way home, he became complete
ly overcome, lay down and was frozen
to death. His tribe was at that time
much disposed to imitate the habits of
white men, and accordingly, held an in-
finally agreed to the
5 deceased came to his
l water in his
i in him and
Some ofour exchanges mention the
fact of a “ Know-Nothing” having been
turned out of the society of which he
was a member, for drinking an Irish
whiskey punch with a German silver
spoon in it.
Before the days of the teetotallers, a
neighbor of Disbee saw that gentleman
at an early hour of the day crawling slow
ly homeward on his hands and knees over
the frozen ground. Why don’t you get
up Mr.Disbce ? Why don’t you get up
and walk ?” said his neighbor, ”1 w-w-
w-would, b-b-but it‘s so almighty thin
here, that I’m a-a-afraid I shall break
through !” ’
Fidelity is her heart’s first and most
just demand. The act of infidelity a
true wife can hot forgive—it rudely
breaks the tie that bound her heart to
his, and that tie can never more exist.
The first place in her husband’s affec
tions no true wife can learn to do with
out. When she loses that, she has lost
her husband ; she is a widow ; and has
to endure the pangs of bereavement in
tensified by the presence ol what she no
longer possesses. There is a living
mummy in the house, reminding her of
her loss in the most painful manner.
A woman likes her husband to excel
in those qualities which distinguish the
masculine from the feminine being, such
as strength, courage, fortitude, and
judgement. She wants her husband to
be wholly .a Man. She can not entirely
love one whom she can not entirely re
spect, believe in, and rely on.
A wife dearly likes to have her hus
band stand high in the regard of the
community in which they reside. She
likes to be thought by her own sex a
fortunate woman in haring such a hus
band as she has. She has a taste for the
respectable, desires to have a good look
ing front door, and to keep up a good
ppearance generally. Some wives, it
is said, carry this too far; and some
husbands, we know, are dangerously
complaisant in yielding to the front door
ambition of their wives. But a good
husband will like to gratify his wife in
this respect, as far as he can, without
sacrificing more important objects
Perfect sincer ty a wife expects, or
at least has a right to expect, from her
husband. She desires to know the real
state of the case, however it may be
concealed from the world. It wrings
her heart and wounds her pride to dis
cover that her husband has not wholly
confided in her. A man may profitably
consult his wife on almost any project;
it is due to her that he should do so,
and she is glad to be consulted.
Above most other things, a wife craves
from her husband appreciation. The
great majority of wives lead lives of
severe and anxious toil. With unim
aginable anguish and peril to their own
lives they become mothers. Their
children require incessant care. “ On
ly the eye of God watches like a rnoth-
says Fanny Fern in that chapter
of “Ruth Hall” which depicts with
such power and truth a mother’s agoniz
ing anxieties. And besides her ma
ternal cares, a wife is the queen regent
of a household kingdom. She has to
think, and plan, and work for every
body. If, in all her labors, and cares,
she feels that she has her husband’s
sympathy and gratitude, if he helps her
where a man can help a woman, if he
notices her efforts, applauds her skill,
and allows for her deficiencies—all is
well.- But to endure all this, and yet
meet with no appreciating word or
glance or act from him for whom and
whose she toils and bears, is very bit
A wife likes her husband to show her
al! due respect in the presence of others;
she can not endure to be reproved or
criticised by him when others can hear
it. Indeed, it is most wrong in a hus
band thus to put his wife to shame; and
we can not help secretly admiring the
spirit c f that French woman who, when
her husband had so wronged her, re
fused ever again to utter a word, and
for twenty years lived in the house s
dumb woman. We admire her spirit
though not her mode of manifesting it,
Husbands owe the most profound re
spect to their wives, for their wives are
the mothers of their children. No man
has the slighest claim to the character
of a gentleman who is not more scrupu
lously polite to his wife than to any other
wo ,7ian. We refor here to the essen
tials or politeness, not its forms; we
ki*ndi» ess and justice in little
; though subdued joy.
' While doing this, Violetta’s father,
Rip Van Short, was seen approaching
the lovers with a flail. AHendorf saw
the aged patriarch, and with one migh
ty leap cleared the banisters and rushed
down stairs. But Van Short was not to
be thus done. He put after the flying
AHendorf, and just as he was turning
t e corner of the red barn, gave him a
lift with the flail that placed him on the
other side of Jordan. Violetta, driven
to distraction, threw herself upon the
grass, and for a long hour, was deaf to
every consolation. (To be continued.)—
N. Y. Dutchman.
Every Moment Sunday.—By dif
ferent nations every day in the week is
set apart for public worship—Sunday
by the Christians, Monday by the Gre
cians. Tuesday by the Persians, W ed-
nesday by the Assyrians, Thursday the
EevDtians, Friday the Turks, and Satur-
After a long Egyptians, Friday the '
day. by the Jews. Add to this the lact
of the diurnal revolution of the earth,
giving every variation of longitude a dit-
ferent hour, and it becomes apparent that
every moment is Sunday somewhere.
DEATH OF CROCKETT.
The following is a graphic sketch of
the last moments of a brave man.
“Colonel Crockett,wounded and close
ly pursued by a number of the enemy,
retreated into the church, felling them
as they approached. He stationed him
self in a niche in the corner, determin
ed to face the foe to the last and sell his
life dearly; with his rifle and a supera
bundance of side arms, he hewed and
shot them down with the same awful
certainty that was wont to characterize
his indomitable spirit. His position
rendered access to him utterly impo-s>
ble, except by a direct and close ap-
proachi n front. After some eight or ten
of them were laid before him, a feeling
of awe seemed to seize hold of the as
sailants. One of them who could speak
a little broken English, probably pre
ferring to have the signal honor of cap
turing so noble a specimen of Ameri
can valor to present to his ‘dear master,’
said to Crockett, ‘surrender! senor.’
A flash of the most sovereign scorn
darted from his fiery eye,and as it pierc
ed that of the enemy, he seemed to
be transfixed. ' In a voice of thunder
Crockett answered, ‘surrender ! No j
am an American,* and as he spoke he
sent a ball through the heart of the par
alyzed foe. He appeared for a moment
like a wounded tiger, strengthened and
buoyed by each additional wound ; now
hewing them down with his well-tried
sword—next dealing death with his fire
arms. His person was literally drench
ed with his own blood ; his strength
must soon yield to its loss. Yet such
physical power wrought to the highest
degree of excirement can perform in
credible prodigies. This was the last
concentrated energy of a powerful man
aroused, animated, and guided by one
of the noblest attributes of man—love
of liberty. He knew for what his lite
was about to be sacrificed ; that devas
tation and butchery would follow the
footsteps ofhis heartless foes, that wo
man would be sacrificed to satiate the
desires of the conqueror, and, feeling
the holy inspiration of a dying patriot,
he fought manfully till the loss of blood
and approach of death stayed hi* up
raised arm ; his rifle was broke to pie
ces, his pistols fell to the floor, and
nothing but his faithful sword was left,
In the agony of death, with a terrible
grasp, he brought this last weapon upon
the head of the nearest assailant, nnd
fell victoriously across his body in the
arms of death. In this coiner of the
church there were twenty-six dead
Mexicans, and no other American hav
ing fought or fallen at that point, it is
considered beyond all reasonable doubt
that all of them fell by the hand of Ten
nessee’s favorite son! All were now
dead, not a man left to relate the won
derful deeds of this illustrious band of
heroes 1 Not a companion left to rear
monument to their memory ! But, a 11
no monument is required to perpetuate
their fame. So long as freedom Has an
abiding place in America, will their
heroic deeds and proud names be held
CURIOUS FACTS ABOUT THE
The^Boston Transcript presents to its
readers the following compilation of
curious coincidents in the names and
lives of the first seven Presidents of the
United States—Washington, John Ad
ams, Jefferson, Madison, Monroe, John
Quincy Adams, and Jackson :
“Four of the seven were from Vir
ginia. T wo of the same name were
Irom Massachusetts, and the seventh
was from Tennessee. All but one were
66 years old on leaving office, haring
served two terms, and one of these, who
served but one term would have been
sixty-six years of age at the end of
another. Three of the seven died on
the 4th day of July , and two of them on
the same day and year. Two of them
were on the su b-committee of three that
drafted the Declaration of Independence,
and these two died on the same day and
year, and on an anniversary of the de
claration. The names of three of the
seven end in gon, yet neither of these
transmitted his name to a son. In re
spect to the names of all, it may be said
in conclusion ; the initials of two of the
seven were the same—and of two others
that they were the same—and the ini
tials of still two others were the same.
The remaining one who stands alone in
this particular, stands alone also in the
admiration and love of his countryman
and of the civilized world—Washing
ton. Of the first five, only one had a
son and that son was also President.”
Another curious fact may be men
tioned in this connection. It is, that
neither of the Presidents who had a son
was elected for a second term.
A wife likes her husbind to be con
siderale. Unexpected kindnesses a'nd
unsolicited favors touch her heart. She
appreciates the softened tread when she
is sick ; she enjoys the gift brought
from a distance, and every thing which
proves to her that her husband thinks
of her comfort and her good.
Husbands, reflect upon these things.
Your wife has confided her happiness to
you. You can make her life proudly
happy, if you are kind and wise. You
A Receipt forGetting a Husband.
—The following simple and expeditious
method of acquiring a husband, we clip
om an English paper. It is a receipt
which is said to be almost invariably
efficacious, and we recommend it to the
consideration of lady aspirants for joys
matrimonial, who are beyond a certain,
A gentleman of the bar in a neighbor
ing county, in eisy circumstances and
pretty good practice, had rendered him
self somewhat remarkable by his at
tempts in the way of matrimonial specu
lation. A maiden rather advanced in
years, residing se me miles—distant in
the neighborhood, hearing of this law
yer’s speculating propensity, that his
character was unexceptionable, and his
situation in life was tolerably good, re
solved upon making him her husbandL
She hit upon the following expedient:
She pretended suddenly to be taken
very ill, and sent for the man of the law
to prepare her will. He attended for
that purpose. By bet will she devised
$10,1100 in bank stock tJ be divided
among her three cousins,some thousands
in bonds and noles to a niece, and a
landed estate to a favorite nephew. The
will being finished, she gave hef lawyer
a very liberal fee, and enjoined secrecy
upon him for some pretended purpose#,
thus precluding him from an inquiry
into her real circumstances. Need I
mention the result ? In a fortnight the
lady thought proper to he again restored
to health. The lawyer called to con
gratulate her on her restoration—beg?
ged permission to visit hef, which was
politely given. After a short courtship,
the desired offer was made. The bar
gain was concluded and fatified by the
priest. The lawyer’s whole estate by
his wife consists of an annuity of sixty-
A Smart Dog.— A friend of ours ha#
a dog which used to be very smart. lie
SSIJ’S • . *v * ^
■ There was’nt anything in all Kentucli
tha» could begin with him. ’ct-pt one.
One day we started a bar, a regolar
snorter. He put right off, nnd the dog
after him ; an’ I brought up in the rear.
Thev were soon out ot sight, but I fol
lowed on for a mile or so, and came out
at last on a clearing, where was a log
hut, an’ a feller sitting down an’ smoking
his pipe as comfortable as possible;
* Did yon see anything of a dog aa’ iF
bar going by here 1’ sez I to ihe feller;
‘ Vest, I did,’ sez he.
‘ WhI, how was it ?’ sez I.
« Wal,’ sez he, taking his pipe out; itu*
drawing his coat sleeve across his fie«»*
•it war about nip an’ lug. though I thigh
the dog had a little the advantage.’
‘ How was that ?’ sez I.
« Wal, he was a trifle ahead !* '*
A Clergyman, who was in the habit of
preaching in different parts of the coun
try, was, not long since, at an inn, where
he observed a horse-jockey trying to
take in a simple gentleman, by impos
ing upon him a broken-winded horse
for a sound one. - -V I
The parson knew the haJ character
of the jockey, and taking the gentleman
aside, told him to be cautious of the per
son he was dealing with.
The gentleman finally declined to
purchase, and the jockey, quite nettled,
Parson, I had much rather hear you
can make pr
you ere ignoble and short-sighted. Let P - •„. man man
you ere ignoble
the contest between husbands and wives
be this: Which shall do most for the
happiness of the other.
Here is a toast which will be drank
by the whole masculine gender, bache
lors included, with a good will.
Worn .n: The last and best of the ey.
series—it we may have her for a toast, ' In the State
we wouhl’nt ask for any but her. clergyman.
•*' i ■"*■■ ■ .
fere in bargains between man and man
in this way.’
‘ Well,’ replied the parson, • if you
were where you ought to have been last
Sunday, you might have heard me
Where was that?’ inquired thejock-
Prison !’ retorted the
Printing Presses, Pulmts a.\6
Petticoats.—These are - three great
levers that govern the world. Without
them the bottom would fall out. and so^
ciety would become a chaos again. The
press making people patriotic, and pul
pit religious, but women sway all things:.
There would be no gding clmrciH if
there were no girls there, neither would
there be any going to war were the sol
diers, to meet with no applause but from
the masculines. Without the smishihd
shed by woman;, the rose of affection
would never grow nor the flowers of
eloqueuce germinate. In short, she is
the engine of life, the great power of
love, valor and civilization. In proof
of this, truth iu all history speaks trum
With love, the heart becomes a f
and fertile garden, glowing wit, sunshinO
and Warm hues, aud exhaling sweet
odors; but without it, is a bleak desert,
• parched and fruitless.