Newspaper Page Text
\ u -
:h in these
[ WxsHIXoto.v, D. C., FebJith, isp* i
The question over the New York *Cus-
inAoase is past. Senator Coni:ling !»
jeteO.ind the administrations is triumph- j
K •'Jpobably the new offiffils will r.o f {
AUvTwinsiVo
Bat fltnutteh, auuUi mad tmJrihr priza it
11km wheat too early rrapcarwittiia my t
The other* psM coe by. they are ao mtroaz.
An* gather Bp the richeK ears ao last,
Tba: I, who aiowly toil belliou the toroug.
Mast com; with lightlyhands at lai
A photographer belongs to the tin-type
of humanity.—Pittsburg Telegraph. ,
to IBnsnttss Carts.
eWit Law,
ATHENS. GEORGIA,
’whtore. Ang-iQ—ty
Office over Childs A NlrksWD'
!, 9SI
agriculture,,Education and general progress.
$2.00 per Amutiu, in advance.
NUMBER 46
AY, FEBRUARY 18,1879.
SHEARS’'JOKES.
Howto be a Gentleman.
Do not bitray the confidence of any
VE8PER BELLS.
THIS
t M. fifty- cupped from the Taper* of the Old and ou «
it having j
pr«»vo hUj
tblnk you
misfortune i
Hew World.
- What «litl the billet cloux.—Pittsburg
! Telegraph.
. “and II
1 a motive j
Mumc of the future—Pri mittorr. note?
\ post-1 —Punch.
I want
ami meet
I.KAK DAI*.
sc ii. coni*,
i. Attcjj a*. Law,
iroen In t«npr«" Building.
A isoitKW j. coin*.
Attorney at Latv.
ATHENS, GA.
[Soec«*wor to Erwla 6 Coi»V]
Office formerly occupied by Judge A. H. Brwln c
of Child*. Ntakerm A Co.
Dec. t»—*n».
W B. X^OTIXIISj. /
. *TTOB.**»*T
ATTOBseriT I.AW.
. i.ffl.-,: with Emory Speer. Prompt■tteialonro
nr., gnnruibrnl. I>r '
nAH%W UHOH.
U ATOMISM AT
f*^Office over T«!m*4ir*. nodgaon Jt l'n.
K MOllY SUKKll*
A‘.tora*7-it-L»T, Athens, So.
1 JW-offlcr ou College dvetiue. decl»
I jlUWAHD R. HAIIOEX,
!l (Late Jud.’e V. H. t’.-ertw Nebraska nd Utah, and no*-
Jutlgu of Jlrook* County Court.)
Attorney at Law, Qoitau, Brooks 5o.,J5a
fllXlVD At HII.MAN,
r Attorneys at Law,
WUl practice In the ooontk* cl Waltou and Jackson.
John j. ruin', _ , *• *• ’■**-*Aa
Covington* Go. maid Jefferson, C.a.
J F.O-KKLLEY’8
. rhetopaph OaHei7,
Urrr Snrvl a Co.: shoe More, Brood wort, Athene, llror-
ICU. “V*
J AMEM It. LVLli,
Attcme; at Law,
decs, IruTKISSVILLM,OA.
r H
UN M. MATTHEWS,
Attorssj at La ?aniekvUl5, Go.
Prompt attention will 1>« given to any business entrnated to
r IVKI1Y, FVed /fc MiU«4 Mtablo,
’j CANS * I1KAVI.S. Trap's, them. Ca.
and carefal ilrtv^re.
ell cared fot
a hand lor sale at all time*.
dccta—tf
S AMUEL P. THURMOND,
Attorn*; at Law, Athena. Ca.
Office on Broad street, or**r the store of .T. M. Barry—will
give special attention to caeca In Bankruptcy. Also, to the
collection of all claim* entrusted to hi* care.
? G. THOMPSON,
• Attorney at Law,
4 ATI1KXS, OA.
Office orer the Post Office. Special attention given to crimi
nal practice. For reference, apply to Ex-Gov. Them** U.
Watt sand Hon. David Clopton, Montgomery, Alabama. fel*3
m.Ray.
w
Attorn^ and Counsellor at law,
MONROE. GEORGIA.
** r WUl (he prompt attention to all business animated to
Ala earn. aagSS—tf
A. il-KR,
# r.« rrnvA i:n a so Jisrsttn,
Wert door to Reave* A Nicholson, Thomas at., ATnne. O*.
All work warranted twelve months. sept 12
B e. thrasheu,
. ATTORNEY-AT-LAW.
WATSlSsrtlLK, OCOSKK CO., CA.
A. DAVIS.
ATTORNEY-AT-LAW
MOXROIt, WALTOS CO., CA.
HMUIMr.
J. ttTCHRISTY,
(Democratic) who assisted Hr. Ha
and Secretary Sherman did what was beet
in a party view of the a flair.
Senator Morgan on Monday finished bis
speech on the Edmunds resolutions. Sena
tor Bayard spoko on the same subject yes
terday, and Senator Edmunds. To-day Sena
tor Whyte will speak. The debate, let ut
hope, will be of interest to posterity. Just
aow it seriously interferes with the public
business.
- This public business, by the way, ought
to be nearly or quite all over by this time
As it is, tbo most importaat of it yet re
mains. There is much talk oT necessity
for an extra session. There will certain
ly be prolonged discussions over the sun
dry citil appropriation bill and tbo legis
lative, executive and judicial, as both par
ties will seek to accomplish general legis
lation by means of amendments to the
bills, aud au extra session - may be a
necessity.
Various propositious have been made
for raising money to pay the litty or sixty
millions needed to carry out the “ arrears”
portion of the late pension bill. It is un
derstood that flow live to ten millions
will bo appropriated during this session
lor the purpose, aud the baiauce as it be
comes incessury. One result of the bill
is a groiuly increased number of-applica
tions fur pension under the general law.
Many are applying now that they will re
ceive pension, if at all, back to date of
discharge, who bad not thought ic worth
wnile to do so before. The first pay
ment ot any pensioner at this time can
hardly bo less than three hundred dol
lars.
A portion of tbo Potter Committee left
here last Dlght for New Tork to examine
witnesses iu connection with the celebrat
ed cipher telegrams. Mr. Tildea will be
invited to make a statement and Messrs.
Marble, Peltun and Smith Weed will testi
ly. Probably this investigation will be
closed next week.
In the House yesterday there were sev
eral suggestions made as to reduction of
the Army. Nine of them received a ma
jority ol votes. The army will remain at
about nG,000 for oue year longer.
Two reports have just been presented
to the Senato from the Committee ou elec
tions, one by the majority, which declares
Corbin entitled to a scat as Senator from
South Carolina, and the other declaring
that Gen. M. 0. Butler is entitled to the
seat lie occupies, ft is not at all likely
Gen. Butler will be interfered with.
Bex.
8TII0GK1PD1C RlfORTEK FOB TUI WESTKItf CIRCUIT.
-ITTILL Attend Coorta and trial* (othme than Superior Court!
If mad tarnish occuwU reports of evidence and report
civil cm* la ikwrior Cowta^oa reasonable term*. lv 11
VP
rpnR aadcrmtgaad tua a lot cf Cne drew Boots, which h*
hi linn III Ml Ilf in All work warranted
lit . P. WEIL.
HARMONY GROVE
SHOP.
CARRIAGE
1|d.u ot oar work anil prieML
Ids dan* sttlafactorUjr, mad at the afcon.it do*Ice.
>P*lring o' all k.ndein
^ ntwl DO*)ce.
ECKLRS Jt CROW.
Northeastern flotei,
IIA RMONT GROVE, GA.
S7 SOLOMOIT SB&AR.
priore.
aelghbortnc pbew-
C. AB,
ATTORN EYATLAW.
WATKINSVILLE, GA.
OPIUM
AKTI
After being A victim to tbs
demon Dreg OPIUM, for
_ — DOTE, three jsare, 1 discovered *»
AaHdotetaatCCKES every fo™ °< h*Wt-wdteal!y.
nalasrety, reliably. Pleasant to take, arm tolljfcf. cheap o
the drag, while It reetnree the o|da»i»ol#oasd to pHstlnr
health mad vigor. Threw to Ire boxes gnsrenteed to care
r refaoded. “ ‘ —
or aoMr refaaded. S
KIRRDOFF. CMfgo.
Bend stamp ter dredar to GKO. T.
AGENTS! READ THIS!!
Farms for Sale.
fn&SSBPBS3&&
ahawthapeopefty toaBwbomiy apptv. Four trates over
y AAottJrs^oU gwIMH
POTTERY PICTURES.
Monbroatbm
iim. t* o«t*i hi No M
PARR & BROS.,
Law’s Partiality for the Kish.
“ I’ve got a large aud interesting family,
Judge; a very interesting family, ft
would do your heart good, to see them.
I’m sure you couldu’t help liking them.
In fact you'd wish they were yours al
most.'’
The speaker was the mustiest looking
uukempt and unwashed tramp that was
ever seen.
What’s that got to do with your be.
ing drunk V’
Let mo go, my dear sir; I assure you Hi
never come before you again. Never, ’pun
my honor.”
You’ll not come before mo for one
month. Luck him up,” said Judge Otten
oourg to the officer at Jefferson Market
yesterday.
“ You are charged with being drunk,
sir,” said the same judge to another mao
in a brown surtout, shepherd’s plaid pants
and vest, with valuable watch, chain aud
studs, but blear eyes a^d haggard visage.
“ Ah, yes,” replied he.
“ What are you and what have you to
eay r
“ Ah, yes. I'm a merchant, and I drank
a bottle of wine. That’s all I nave to say.”
And he laughed behind his new silk hat.
And the judge jocularly rejoined : ■* A
bottle of wine, eh T You must pay 95."
The man did so and left.
...Everybody knows the story of the
doctor, who, on bowing to one of his cus
tomers in tbo street, charged it aa a cou-
Cats always travel in pur-cession.—
Whitehall Times.
• •
Make ice while the zero shines.—Times-
Journal.
Bat d^w andtfcru I find a golden grain,
Tbxt dare not ski-ink and wilier tn my hold,
That will sot tarn mj brightest bopre to pain.
And disappear lika a ockJng f*iiy guld.
I wonder if, amid the toiling hand*
‘ That prrew before me on the harvest plain.
There are not otcera, wbo, with eager hands.
Of; gather np tbe tarartastead ->f grain—
Wbo find that many a precious grain ol wheat,
Kali oft amid the trodden stubbie lien;
And what has seemed mo-t templing, b>:t a cheat.
That, gathered, tores to clutff before thtlr eyes.
THE RICH HUSBAND.
“ Wonders will never cease,” said Mrs.
Noakes, as she opened a letter she had
tound besido her plate at breakfast. “ Here
is cuusin Corner coming home after all
these years, and such a letter! Just lis
ten, my dear:
Dear Cousin:—I suppose you have all
made up your minds that 1 am dead ; but
I’m alive, as you see, and coming home.
I'm tired of mere money-grubbing; and
those who have made fortunes know that
they need something else in this world. I
mean to end my days among my relatives,
ind, between yon and me, I shall put them
to the test. 1 want to find out, who are
really my triends, aud who court me tor
other reasons; and what I ask you to do
is to make them all think me a very poor
man, qmto out of pocket. Bless me, I’m
laughing out loud as 1 write! You should
hear me. To make them think that I’m
poor, and that it would he acharity to ask
me to pay them visits, aud to invite-jne
now and t hen to dinner, ami all thUV
There I go again, laughing until the room
And in this way I can discover my
trae irieuds. I shall come to your house
first, dressed iu character. I know it is
au old joke, quite a thing out of the plays
aud novels; but I trust it will succeed.
-Yours, very affectionately,
Obadiah Corner.
P. S.—Expect me Thursday. 0. C.
“ If that is not tho most amusing thing,”
said Mrs. Noakes; “ coming'home so rich-
that lie is suspicious ot his relatives, aud
afraid of being courted for money. And a
bachelor, too. Dear, dear! Poor Obadiah
Corner, who used to he tho black sheep of
tbo family, aud whom we never believed
would come to aoy good! How every
thing does change about in this world !
Life is a checkerboard, to ho sure! Wil
liam, what a splendid thing it would be
ior Arabella .Muflic.”
What would be a splendid thing for
Arabella—a checkerboard I” asked Mr.
Noakes.
“ Oh, Mr. Noakes!” cried his wife; “ don’t
pretend to be stupid, because you are not,
my dear, and you don't do yourself justice.
I mean cousin Obadiah.”
“ Cousin Obadiah would be a good thing
for Arabella. Oh—yes—yes—y-e-e-a !”said
Mr. Noakes. “ »)h! I see—you moan a
good match for her. But Arabella Mutfit,
though a most excellent person, is no long
er young, aud she's never been handsome,
my dear.”
“ That’s so ridiculous!” said Mrs. Noakes.
Arabella is much youuger than Ooadiab,
and by no means so plain as he is. But
ibat is the way with you men. The older
' and uglier they get, the younger and pret
tier thoff think their wives should be. Boys
of tweoiy sometimes fall in love with wo
men of thirty; but mon of sixty never
think of any age beyond sixteen when
they choose wives.”
“ Very true, indeed,” said Mr. Noakes.
“ And very ridiculous,” said Mrs. Noakes.
At all events, Tve an affection for Ara
bella, aud I’ll do all I can to further her
interest; and don’t forget that we must
keep tiliadiah’s secret from tbo rest of the
rives. I shall give Arabella a hint of the
real state of the case, but not another soul-
shall know a word beyond what Obadiah
has told mo to toil them.”
“ Well, women must be match-makers,
I suppose,” stud Mr.. Jfoakes, as be swal
lowed his lost cup of coffee and giaaced at
the clock; “ but don’t calculate too much
on success in this affair, my dear.”
Then be took his hat and coat and de
parted tor those regions colloquially known
as “ town,” where men of business hide
themselves the best part of the day, and
shortly alter Mrs. Noakes, having arrayed
herself for the promenade, went out also,
ho nsed *to -do*
and what he had done, and. found the sub
ject so interesting that they kept it up
over the cold cbioken,i sponge-cake, etc.,
that composed their lunch.
When Thursday evening arrived it found
little Miss Mufflt in Mrs. Noakes’ parlor,
sitting opposite a bnrly-looking man, whose
nose was rather red and whose ey< s were
not honest, candid eyes by *Dy means. He
was dressed very shabbily, to say the
least, and had whispered to Mrs. Noakes
in the hall, “Take notice of this coat: it
carries out the character, doesn’t itt I
look like a seedy old fellow who has had
ill-luck, don’t It” And he nudged Mr.
Noakes with one elbow and Mrs. Noakes
with the other, while they mentally agreed
that he certainly did look the character
most thoroughly.
On the whole, it was rather a pleasant
evening, and Arabella and Obadiah got on
finely. He promised to lake toa at her
bouse in a few days and saw her home at
ton o’clock.
The rest, of the connections, not having
read Obadiali's letter, were not delighted
at his return. They saw him shabbier
than ever, and they were very careful to
keep him at a distance.
Mrs. Noakes oltea smiled to herself to
think what a difference that letter would
have made iu their conduct had they
known of it: but she wisely held her tongue
and left a fair field to Arabella. In a lit-
tlo while, to her joy and tho great surprise
of Mr. Noakes, Obadiah Corner actually
proposed to tittle Miss Mutiit, ami was ac
cepted by her.
Such a splendid thing!” said Mrs.
Noakes. “Such a wonderful tiling fur
Arabella, and it shall come out n..f!”
Thereupun Mrs. Noakes went calling
among the relatives, showing Obadiah's
letter everywhere, aud creating great ex
citement.
“ And what can lie see in little Miss Mut
fit f” said one mother of many daughters
And, though I say it—who, perhaps,
should not—theru’s my Marguerite—such
a beauty.”
In fair weather, when umbrellas cau he
borrowed, every man should think to lay
up one for a raiuy day .—Buffalo Express.
She was boss of a charity committee,
and naturally touk a caiiou quilt aud a
second-hand sauce pan to a family that
hadn’t tasted food for three days.—Xeu;
York Sues.
“ It’s all very well,” said a henpecked
husband, when told to •* look atier tuo
children”—“ it's all very well to tell mo to
mind ^be youngsters; but it would a lit me
Iwtter if tbe youngsters would imud me.”
Scene in a police euurt: “Prisoner,
iow many barrels of potatoes did you say
you stole!” “Seven, yor huuor; thioe
yesterday and two to-day.” •• Well, bu.
that’s only live.” “ Cell.' suro, t’m gdiu'
lor the others whin 1 git out o' this.”
“ The times are hard, my dear,” said a
man to his better bait, “ aud 1 fiud it diffi
cult to keep rny uosu above water. “ You
could easily keep your nose above watei,”
But Marewrite *was very rude ,to you didn’c koep it so
Cousin Obadiah,”said Mrs. Noakes. ommUbWeTiWSfayr " .*•‘0-....
The idea of an old iu in like that mar
rying—with relatives he could lcave every
thing to I”
“ But mon don't leave everything to rel
atives who insult them," said Mrs Noakes
Besides, Obadiah is not very old—not.
old at all. It’s just splendid for .Yr.ihella;
and she was the only one who nas civil to
him, you know.”
Then she went away, leaving tho con
nections generally envious of Miss Muflit,
and angry with her also, as one who had
been wiser in her generation than they.
Aud Miss Mutiit, so happy that she be
gan to grow plump, was fa'ikiag up a
pearl colored silk dress, find lm<l sent
some pearls that had been left to her by
her grandfather to tbe jeweler’s to here-
set, aud sat one evening building some
middle-aged castles in tbe air, with her
feet on the tender of tho grate, whoa the
bell rang aud her elderly lover was shown
“ Cast thy bread upou the water,” said a
merry young niau at Harwintuwu, Conn.,
to a lady sitting next to him at tho table,
and he urbanely emptied a handful ol
crumbs into her goblet. "And thou shalt
find it after many days,” she tespouded,
very wittily, dashing tno cuutcnts of the
glass iuto his face.
It was a colored preacher who said to
his flock last Christmas day : “ We have
1 collection to make ibis morning, fur the
glory of Heaven, and whichever oue cl
you stole Mr. Jones’ turkey don’t put a
cent iu do hat.” Oue who was there .as:
1 Ebery blessed nigger in de church come
down wid de rocks.”
sutlatiou, one dollar. But the other day,
one of those “ dcad-nead” invalids, who
are always trying to get a prescription tor
uothing, met a doctor at the cate and gave
him a full description of his aches, pains
aud symptoms generally, and ended with:
“ What must I do for that!”
“ There’s only one thing to do,” said the
doctor, “ but it’s very simple.” 4r *
“ Ob, yes, aud you would advise mUL”
“ To go and consult a physician.”
her purpose being a 'confidential Interview
Howto Divide the Property.
He had been stiU so long that the mother
expected to find him asleep, when die
looked around and asked :
Well, Harry, what, are you thinking
ofP
Ha, are we very rich,* he solemnly
inquired by Way-of reply.
- In one way we are,” she said, “your
father says be values me at three mil
lion dollars, you at two millions, and the
baby at one.”
That cloaed tbe conversation on that
subject, but next morning as Harry was
gening on bis overcoat, he examined the
new patch which bad been added, and
coolly observed:
“ Well, I think father had better sell off
about half of you or the whole of the baby,
and get the rest of us* some decent duds
tpyutw,”
with the Arabella-of whom she had spoken
to her husband.
Arabella Muflit, known among her friends
as little Miss Muflit, was a very small black-
eyed lady, of forty-fire years old, who fired
in a tiny house principally furnished with
specimens of all the fancy work that had
beedjtasiiiouable lor the last twenty-five
She bad no neat relative*, and could re
member none but tbe grandfather who
left her the small property on which she
now lived, but she had connections wbo
took tea with her occasionally, and with
whom she dined at times t for the rest,
church-going,-needle-work and books oc
cupied her time.
She opened the door for Mrs. Koakes
herself, add, having kissed her on both
cheeks, escorted her to the bed-too in
above, where she was busy with a chair
cover.
“Now we can haves nice chat,”, said
she; “and you’ll stay to lnncb, won’t you,
HarthaP
Martha promised to stay, and, having
taken off her cloak and hat,'dropped into
a chair and produced Obadiah Corner’s
letter.
There was no light in the room but that
of tho fire ; aud, us she would have lit the
drop lump, bo stopped her.
“ I want to talk a little," he said, “ and
I like talking iu a half-light. Arabella,
I’ve a question to ask, and I want you to
answer mo truly. I waut you to promise
solemnly that you'll tell tho truth.”
“ I will,” said littlo Miss Muflit, faintly.
“Whatever the question” is, I’ll tell the
truth, Obadiah.”
“ Well, tbeu,” said Obediah, “ did you
see tbe letter I wrote to cousin Noakes P
The blood rushed to Mias Muflli’s face
in the darkness.
' u I—I—yes, I saw it”
“ I know no 0110 else did,” said Obadi-
sb. “ B»’t you—she showed it to you !
Well, I iutended she should. I wrote it
to he seen. I never thought cousin Koakes
could keep a secret Arabella, fin a poor
man and a rascal I 1 have met with no
thing but failure. Bou are rich iu com
pari son; You’.ve a home aud 81,300 r
year. My tetter was only a trap. I want-
ed every oue to see it, aud hopc^i to settle
cotqfdrtahlydown among my frlenda with
the reputariou of being a rich bachelor,
with a fortune to leave behind. You only
saw the letter. You only were civil and
I offered myself to you, meaning to impose
oh you uniii Wo were safely married. 1
cared very little for you then, Arabella ! I
wanted a home and that was all.”
“Oh!” cried little Miss Muflit, as if
something had stung her.
“ But siuce tlieu,” said Obadiah, looking
miserably iuto the fire, “ since then I’ve
found how good you were—how nice, how
swt-et. I’ve come HfHite you, Arabella,
ami feel that I musu’t play a trick ou you.
It was normal you should like the thought-
of a rich husband—aud. then we were
great friends as boy and girl. I don’t
blame you, anil’I can’t cheat you. ' I think
it will break iuy miserable old heart. But
good-bye, good-oye. I’ve come to say
good-bye Ami beg your p inion, my dear.
They’ll say you had lucky escape. So
you have, I’m going.”
lie arose, but little Miss Kufilt arose,
too.
“O'wdiah,” she said;" I never thought
of the money. Obadiah, don’t think that
of no*. And tlo you care for me now P
The only thing, in the world I love,”
said he. ’’ >
Then she held outher trembling ltttie
band.
“ Stay, Obadiah,” said she.
Aud be caught her hand aud kissed it,
aud then iu tbe dark she heard him sob.
So they were married after all, and Oba-
did
“There,” she said, “ read that, Arabella.” dlah has turned out better than could have
Arabella read it, changing color as he been expected, apd only Mrs. Noakes
knows of the bridal eve <mn$a*sk>B, gad
■ Dear pBf ifljB aid,- "tow rrojtoHb to sto jto oojr to tojekeep* Up
Never laugh at the
others.
Never give a promise that you do not
intend to fulfill.
Never give a present hopiug for one in
return.
Never fail ■ to be punctual at the time
appointed. ,
Never make yourself the hero of your
own story. .
Never pick the teeth or clean the nails
iu compauy. , r .
Never fad to given polite answer toa
civil question.
A 810 bill is of the femiBliAgepder whoa J Never question a servant or cbild^btmt
1*^*4*%*:...
^ - Never‘present a gift saying it is' of no
use to yourself.
Never read letters which you may find
addressee to others.
Never call attention to tho features or
form ofauyone present.
Never refer to a gift you have made or s
favor you have reutiorpd.
Never associate witn bad company,
Have good company or none.
Never oppear to notice a scar, deforms
ty or defect of auy one present.
Never look over the shoulder of another
who is readiug or writing.
Never call a new acquaintance by the
fiist name, unless requested to do so.
Never answer questions in general com
pany, but have them put to others.
Never pass between two persons who
are talking together without an apology.
Never lend au article you have borrow
ed, unless you have permission to do so.
Never enter the room noisily ; never
fail to close the door after you, and uever
slum it.
Never fail to tell tho truth. If truthful,
you get your reward. You will get your
punishment if you deceive.
Never enter a room filled with people
without a slight bow co the general com
pauy, wheu nrst entering.
Never fail to answer au invitation, either
personally or by letter, wit iiu a week af
ter tno luvikttiou is received.
Never accept favors or, hospitalities
without rendering an exchange ot civ lities
wnen opportunity offers.
Never borrow money and neglect to
pay. If you do you will soon be kuewu as
a person of no business integrity.
Never cross tho leg or put one loot over
the other in the streetcar or places where
it will trouble others in passing by.
Never refuse to receive an apology.
You may not receive frieudsh p, but cour
tesy will require, when au apoiogy is of-
leredyou, loaciep-.
Never examine tue cards in the card
basket. 'While they may he exposed in
tbo drrwing room, you are not expec'
to turn them over uuiess invited to do
Never, when walkiug arm
Sryoaoj? ladjrj-beiag-^^ewxiwB
(l nd going round to tbe other side,
„f change of corners. It shows too much
attention.
■ ire Mttlr riBflat
On tbo quiet oreplnf olr ;
■ come awoefly ringing,
* dow to prayor.
They were punning badly, when Smitlr
said, “ Iowa a man two dollars,” and Jones
replied, “ Ohio a man too.” Funeral
aotice to-morrow.—UcraUi P. 1.
A woman in Nebraska suffocated her
baby by roiling over upon it in bed. What
is home without its smother.—Puck.
• *
Throw physic to tho dogs, il« none ot it.
And it was castor away.—Boston Tran
script. V.'dliipu’t see how the man who
made those puus cod liver day after.—
N. Y. Mail. ■
Milton was asked u he intended to ir.
struct his daughter io the different lan
guages, to which ho replied, “No, sir;
no tongue is sufficient for a woman.”
Tore, then, weary, we J-worn sinner;
See the doom ore open wide.
Ley thy garden on the altar,
ChrifTthe Saviour will decide.
Kneel and tell what memory brine* thee
CM the days and hour* gone by.
In a ccae .-toes round ol pleasure,
Till vreor.ed, thcu’rt afraid to die.
Stripped of wealth, of wife and children.
Friends fonaking-une b? one,
Life'll dead eprrowe fill the meaenre— r
Rone to help thee—all alone.' '
Not done—the Saviour calls thee;
Kneel to Uiat in f«tYenVpry$er; : }' J
TaU th»irtef» aod.UejiiU trelp ^ .
.. Ito etiUkrep the* JfcejfiU oar*, • *
Hark! thd-teepe*hellvnrc-ringing, • r «
l>o not tarry—come vrith.nic;
Angela bright In Heaven are singing •
Priioate Utm who act us free.
...The worst kind of sipping—gossip
ing. ' Dr.!'»r i ' ■ ' • V.--
..A lap of luxury—a cat eating cream.
...A regular atteudaut of the club—a
policeman.
“ A re you engaged T said a gep tlepnin to
a lady from Marysvill, at a ball the other
evening. “ I was, but if that Pete John
son thinks 1’rn going to sit herd and sen
him squeeze that freckled-faro AYiikena
girl’s baud all the evening hu'H' be mis
taken, solitaire or no aolita(M>!*’ The
gentleman explained and we lit'out to get*
air. .1
..A short-sighted man went to an op
tician's to change his glasses, which- were
net strong enough. After he hod got the
right uues, he asked:
“ Whnt number must I wear after these
c ns« to be strong enough V
“ T.iis one,” iaid the uptioia , showing
him another pair.”
“ And after that!”
“ This.”
“And alter that!”
“And after that! after that! You’ll
need a little dog and a striug.”
The Bed Wing Advance says tho follow
ing notice is posted oil the fence of a farm
er a short distance from tlmt city: •• Duok
Notio for Sail—Whereas I liaf got mi farm
sell und vaut to mov de west out I makes
offer to sell a lod of koru nail’s and bal
several dons oiler stuff. Mure also some
bull heifers tresh uiiik gows auil steers
and hogs, a pig tat sow and pigs bj^me
Johannas Scbuougie. Dorms gash iijvu
got him if not nudes secured by sutnpody.”
A Philadelphia Quaker complimented
one of his sect, » ho had joined an Episco
pal Church, oil the new'organ used there.
“ Why, I thought thee objected to church
music f ’ “ Ah, so I do,” was tile reply;
but if thee must worship God by mach
inery, I want thee to have the best.”
A railroad company suspecting dead
heads put a detective on the track. One
day he heard a passenger remark that it
was very easy to go from B to D-
without a ticket. He watched the speak
er and was surprised to see him baud tbe
conductor a ticket Ge’ting into conver
sation with tbo passenger he said: “ I'd
like to know your plan for traveling with
out a ticket, and don’t mind giving you a
couple ot dollars for It." “ Done,” said th
man, pocketing the bill, “ when I want to
travel without a ticket I walk.”
A gentleman conductor was collecting
tickets from his passengers. All banded
over their tickets promptly except one
fat old lady who sat next tbe door; - and
who seemed to be .reaching down to get
something she had dropped on tho fiuor.
When tier time came she raised ter bead
aud thus addressed tbe blushing conduc
tor : “ I allure, wheu l travels carry my
money in my stockin', for you sees nothin’
can get at it thar, and I’d just thank you
young man, just to reach it to me, as I am
au jammed in I can’t get at it.. I forgot to
get a ticket at the depot.” The conduc
tor glanced at the other passeDgers, some
ot whom were laughing at his plight; one
or two youg ladies among them blushed
scarlet, and be beat a hasty retreat mut
tering something about not charging old
ladies, etc. His cash was short that trip
the tare uf oue passenger.
Obeying Pleasantly.
Harry had seeu some older boys flying
their kites from the tops of the house, aud
he thought that it would he nice fua if ho
could do so too. So be came to his aunt
aud said:
“ Aunt Mary, may I go up to the top ot
the house and fly my kite!”
His auut wished to do everything to
please him, but she thought that it was
very uusale; so she said:
No, Harry, my boy. I think that it is
a very dangerous sort of sp ji d. I’d rather
you wouldn’t go.”
“ All right. Then I’ll go on the bridge,”
said Harry. .
His auut smile 1, and said shb hoped
ibat he would always be as obedient as
that.
“ Harry, what aro you doing!” said his
mother one day.
“Spiutliug my uew top, met ier.”
“ Can’t you take the baby out to ride:
Get out the carriage, aud 1M bring him
town.”
“All right,” shouted tho boy, as he put
his top away iu his pocket, and hastened
to obey his mother.
Uncle William, may I go over to your
shop this morning!” said Harry oue day
at breakfast; “ 1 want to see those bas
kets agaiu tuat I was looking at yester-
dav.” ’
0 yes, Harry,” said his uncle, “I
shall be very glad to have you.
)/■ But 1 cannot spare you to-day, Harry,”
aid his mother. “ L waut you to go with
me: You shall go to tho shop another
day.”
“ All right,” said Hany, and he went on
with Lis breakfast.
No matter what Harry was asked to do,
or what refusal he met with iu asking for
anything, his constant reply was, “ All
right.” He never stopped to worry or
tease. He never asked, “ Why eau’ll!”
or “ Why musu’t I f” Harry ..bad learned
not only to obey, but he bad learned to
obey in good humor.—Carrier Dove.
Sure Signs.
To lose money is a sign of bad luck.
To meet a funeral is a sign ot death.
To dissipate to-day is a sign your hair
will pull to-morrow
To kiss a pretty girl against her will is a
sign you’ll get your face scratched.
To take home a piece of beefsteak is a
sigu there will be a broil in the family.
was once walking a short distance
behind a handsomely dressed young fatly,
and thinking! as I looked at her irothes,
“ I wonder if she Lakes ns much pains with
her heart as she docs with her body ! ’ A
poor man was comiDg np thb walk "with a
loaded wheelbarrow, and just before bo
reached ns he made, two attempts to go
into the yard of a small house, but. tbe
gate was heavy and would swing back be-
tore he could get through. “ Wait,” said
tho young girl, springing forward, “ I’ll
hold the gate open.” And she held' the
gate open till he passed in, and reerfved
his thanks with a pleasaut smile as slm
qn. “ She deservos gqod clothes,’”!
“for a beautiful spirit
Some years ago tho late Horace'
the eminent educator, delivered an address
at tbe opening ot some ref. r.natory insti
tution for boys, during which he remarked
that if only one boy was saved from ruin,
it would pay for all the cost and care and
tabor of establishing such au institution os
t i.at.
After the exeri Dies jiad closed, in pri
vate conversation,*a gentleman rallied Mr.
Mann upon bis statement, aud suiil to
him:
“ Did you not color that a little, when
you said that all the 'expefi<e am* labor
would bo repaid if It only saved one boy V
“ A ot if it teas my boy,’’ was the solemn
and convincing reply.
nn,
He Didn’t Pass.
Last week was examination week in
most of the schools, and the boy who “.pass
ed” can easily be selected from -the boy
who didn’t. One of those wbo didn’t was
on Saturday iflrra.icbmg himself bn Led-
yard street behind a snow baiik/seetriing-
ly waiting for some one’s arrival; an-1 a
man who had observed? his. preparations
inquired:. k .
•• Making ready to have some fun, bub f”
“ Well, it may be fun for. me, bat it will
be tough on the other feller” \Vtis the re
ply. - 1 *
“Then you are expecting to base alight!”
“I just am thatl The ,3chqjil tegcher
marked me down to lifly-seven.-because f
Bussia bounded Lake Erifc on tho Wcst,
...At the New York post-office a few
days ago a letter from Ireland came -di
rected to “ My Mother, New York, America’'.
Ot course it was an impossibility to tell to
whom the letter belonged, and propations
were made to send i. to the dead-letter
office. The same day, however, a woman
called at tbe general delivery wiuuov/ and
asked for a letter irom her sou. The
gentleman who has charge of tbe deciph
ering bureau was immediately struck with
the coincidence, and -sent fur the letter
alluded to above. He asked tbe woman
where her sou lived, and when she gave
the name of the town it was fouud to be
thu same as tbe post-mark on tbe letter.
Other inquiries justified the official inde-
livering the letter to the woman, but he
insisted that she should open it there and
it was discovered that it was from bor
son, and that she was the person i for
wbuin it was inteuded.
said 1
and now when her brother comes along
I’m going to bound him *»u all -.four, sides
with the biggest licking a white-headed
boy ever got.”
• • Hot a Fool. * : : >>
Tbe other morning a sttaight-hsdrcd
young man entered a. saloon ou the river
road, and asked the liiau wlio was trying
to start a fire,-if lie had seen auytbiug of
a lost calf. . ;
“ Look anything like you!” snapped the
man in reply. *
The young man looked at the question
er a long time, and Went out without re
plying. 'He returned in the course of
three hours, however, and, taking off his
coat, he saida . ,/?
See here mister, I’m no fool I,, I’ve
been thin! i ig of what you said this morn
ing, and I jit -it believe yott meant suntbin !
If you did, just come out here while I make
your bead ache 1” w
Tbe bar keeper cun vinced-hipi that noth
ing was meant, and the. young m.m put on
bis’coat, and again sohgbt the trail ol the
lost calf. ' *
The Americus Republican on genealogy
says: “Two me#in Perry couuty mar
ried each other's daughters. Now bow
are they related 1 Well, as nearly as we
cap make it they are each other’s father-
, in-law; hence each other’s somin-law; and
To see a dug fly at a fzrmer’s leg* is a their wives are each other’s step-daughter;
sign a misfortune is going to befall his hence each other's step-mother. If any
calves. of our readers can discover any other ; re-
I’o see a man loafing around a bar-room latiousbip existing between them we
“* would like to bear from them.”
is a sign he’ll drink—if you ask him to.
To seeyour sweetheart kiss another fel- —
low i3 a sign yea will be disappointed la a ...The ggit ef a terse dees set swinj on
'Krre Bf&tr, ~
A Good One. L1 •-
A preacher goiug through oi dark corner
of oue of the counties .in this section
ately, stopped over night fiith a. tapily
that uever had bad a Bible. Tho ’’good
man was shucked at -this,' and gave tho
man ol the bouse a Bible that be had. with
him, and.impressed upon the enlightened
Countryman the importance of searching
the'Scriptures.'
Sometime afterwards tho minister was
passing through the J sanj*r neighborhood
when be called on his tnend to whom he
had presented the Bible, and iu conver
sation with him, pqgired :, ....
“ How djd you like tho hook I gave
y<mr f . .
“ Ob, first-rate,” - said the man, “ R’s a
good book and has lots ot good stories in
it. If that is a true tale .about Samson
and the Philistines, tbe o,'d man Samson
played h——1! with ’em, didu’t lie T
And the preacher thought to had work
for a week to convert this heathen—he
was equal to a cougregaues ,#f siufiere
within blmaelt” - - r ~“