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The gazette. (Elberton, Ga.) 1872-1881, January 22, 1873, Image 1

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C|e (gazette. PUBLISHED WEEKLY, BY J. T. McCARTY, Editor. SUBSCRIPTION: Tkar $2 00 Bit Months 1 00 In Advance- guigussta gusincsss Cattte. KEAN, LANDRAM & CO., Wholesale and retail dealers in Foreign and Domestic Dry Goods 809 Broad st., late stand of 9. F. Bussel & Cos. AUGUSTA, GA. M. S. KEAN. H. W. LANDRAM. W. P. CASSELS J. MURPHY & CO. Wholesale and retail dealers in English While Granite & C. C. Ware ALSO, Serai-China, French China, Glassware, &c. No. 244 Broad Street, AUGUSTA, GA. % MARK WALTER, MARBLE WORKS, BROAD STREET, P"' Near Lower Market, AUGUSTA, GA. THE AUGUSTA Gilding, Looking-glass, Picture Frame FACTORY. Old Picture Frames Regilt to look Equal to New. Old Paintings Carefully Cleaned, Lined and Varnished. J. J. BROWIE, 4gcnt. 34(5 Broad st., Augusta, Ga. E. t r. ROGERS, Importer and dealer in RIFLES. GUNS PISTOLS And Pocket Cutlery, Ammunition of till Rinds, 245 BR AD STREET, AUGUSTA, GA. REPAIRING EXECUTED PROMPTLY tStkr o s lluoiu.’ss Cards. GEO. LOEHR, | lWj§£L Has received a STOCK OF FURNITURE an 1 is constantly adding thereto, which he will sell at the LOWEST CASH PRICES upholstering” and repairing and all work in his line done in a. neat and workmanlike manner. Satisfaction guarantied, "rders filled for Sash, Doors and Blinds. Mv 22-1 y LIGHT CARRIAGES & BUGGIES. J. "P. AULD, Carriage ufact' r ELBERTOa, GEORGIA. BEST WORKMEN! BEST WORK! LOWEST PRICES! Good. Buggies, warranted, - 8125 to $l6O Common Buggies - SIOO. REPAIRING ANDBLACKSMITHING. Work done in this line in the very best style. The Best Harness Mv22-1 v T. Nl. SWIFT. MACK ARNOLD SWIFT & ARNOLD, (Successors to T. M. Swift,) dealers in DRY GOODS, GROCERIES, CROCKERY, BOOTS AND SHOES, HARDWARE, &c., Public Square, ELBERTOX GA, JOHN H. JONES & CO., GENERAL VARIETY STORE, Always on band a complete stock ot DRY GOODS, FANCY GOODS, HARDWARE CROCKERY, GROCERIES, BOOTS, SHOES, &c., &c. A Specialty of Silver-tipped Sboes My22-ly SgßTcairdinier, ELBERTON, GA., DEALER IN IST SIIS, SIBCIUB, HARDWARE, CROCKERY, BOOTS, SHOS2S, HATS, Notions?.. &c* THE GAZETTE. fmttmtl of gndcjmukut fjwoM sxcUt£ivrD? to the sntn*e?t.s of the Comnumitp. % New Series. BISHOP POTTS. BY MAX ADELER. Bishop Potts, of Salt Lake City, was the husband of three wives and the happy father of fifteen interesting children. Early in the winter the bishop determined that his little ones should have a good time on Christmas, so he concluded to take a trip down to San Francisco to see what he could find in the shape of toys with which to gratify and amuse them. The good bishop packed his carpet-bag, embraced Mrs. Potts one by one and kissed each of tier affectionately and started upon his journey. He was gone a little more than a week when he came back with fifteen beautiful mouth organs in his valise for his darlings. He got out of the train at Salt Lake, think ing how joyous and exhilarating it would be at home on Christmas morning when the whole fifteen of those mouth organs would be in operation upon different tunes at the same time. But just as he entered the de pot he saw a group of women standing in the ladies’ room, apparently waiting for him. As soon as he approached, the whole twenty of them rushed up, threw their arms about his ucck and kissed him exclaiming: “Oh, Theodore, we are so —so glad you have come back ! Welcome home! Wel come, dear, dear Theodore ! Welcome once more to the bosom of your family!” and then the entire score of them fjpil upon his neck and cried over his shirt front and mussed him. The bishop seemed surprised and embar rassed. Struggling to disengage himself, lie blushed and said : “lteally, ladies, this kind of thing is well enough —it is interesting and ail that; but there must be some kind ot a. —that is, an awkward sort of a—excuse me, ladies, but there seems to be, as it were, a slight mis understanding about the —1 am Bishop Potts.” “We know it, we know it, dearest,” they exclaimed in elioius, “and we are so glad to see you sale at home again. We buvo all been right well while you were away, love.” “It gratifies me,” remarked the bishop, “to learn that none ot you have becu a prey to disease. lam filled with blissful sereni ty when I contemplate the fact; but really 1 do not understand why you should rush into this railway station and hug me be cause your lives are active and your diges tion good. The precedent is bad; it is dangerous.” “Oh, but we didn’t!” they exclaimed iu chorus. “We came here to welcome you because you are our husband.” “Pardon me, but there must be some lit tle—that is to say, as it wore, I should think not. Women, you have mistaken your man !” “Oh, no, dearest,” they shouted, “we were all married to you while you were away.” “What !” exclaimed the bishop, “you don’t mean to say that —” “Yes, love. Our husband, William Brown, died on Monday, and Thursday Brigham had a vision in which he was di rected to seal uS to you ; and so he perform ed the ceremony by proxy.” “Th th-th-thu-under,” observed the bish op in a general sort of way. “And, darling, we are all living with you now—we and the dear children.” “Children ! children !” exclaimed bishop Potts, turning pale, “you don’t mean to say there is a pack of children too ?” “Yes, love, hut only one hundred and twenty-five, not counting the eight twius aud the triplets.” “Wha-wha-wha-what’d you say?” gasped the bishop in cold perspiration ; “one hun dred and twenty-five ! One hundred and twenty-five children and twenty more wives! It is too much it is awful!” and the bishop sat down and groaned, while the late Mrs. Brown the bride, stood around in a semi circle and fanned him with her bonnets, all except the red-haired one, and she in her trepidation, made a futile effort to fan him with a coal scuttle. But after awhile the bishop became rec onciled to his new alliance, knowing well that protests would be unavailing; so he walked home, holding as many of the little hands ot the bride as he could conveniently bold in his, while the red-haired woman carried his umbrella and marched iu front of the parade to remove obstructions and to scare away the small boys. When the bishop reached the house he went around among the cradles which filled the back parlor and the two second-story rooms, and attempted with such earnestness to become acquainted with new sons and ELBERTON, GA., WEDNESDAY, JANUARY 22,1873. daughters that he set the whole one bun dred and twenty-five and the twins to cry ing, while his own original fifteen stood around and joined in the chorus. Then the bishop went out and sat on the garden fence to whittle a stick and solemnly think, while Mrs. Potts distributed herself around in twenty-three places and soothed the twenty three children. It occurred to the bishop while he mused out there on the fence, that he had not enough mouth or gans to go around as the family now stood ; and so, rather than seem partial, he determ ined to go back to San Francisco for one hundred and forty-tour more. So the bishop repacked his carpet-bag and began again to bid farewell to his fami ly. He tenderly kissed all of Mrs. Potts, who were at home, and started for the de pot, while Mrs. Potts stood at the various windows and waved her handkerchiefs at him—all except the woman with the warm hair, and she in a fit of absent-minded cess, held one of the twins by the leg, and brandished it at Potts as he fled down the streets. The bishop reached San Francisco, com pleted his purchases, and was just about to get on the train with his one hundred and forty four mouth organs, when a telegram was handed to him. It contained informa tion to the effect that the auburn-haired Mrs. Potts had just had a daughter. This iuduced the bishop to return to the city for the purpose of purchasing an additional organ. On the following Saturday he returned As he approached his house, a .-warm of young children flew out of the (rout gate and ran toward him, shouting: “There’s pa ! Here comes pa! Oh, pa, but we are glad to see you! Hurrah for pa !” etc , etc. The bishop looked at the children as they flocked and clung to bis legs and coat, and was astonished to perceive that they were uei her his nor the late Brown’s- He said : “You youngsters have made a mistake; l am not your father;” and the bisl op smiled good naturedly. “Oli, yes yon are, though I” soreumed the little ones in chorus. “But I say I’m not,” said the bishop, se verely and frowuing: “you ought to be ashamed of yourselves. Don’t you kuow where little story tellers go? It is scanda lous for you to violate the truth iu this man ner. My name is Potts.” “Yes, we know it is,” exclaimed the chil dren—“we kuow it is ; and so is ours; that is our name too, siuce the wedding.” “Since what wedding?” demanded the bishop, turning pale, “Why, ma’s wedding, of course. She was married yesterday to you by Mr. Young, and we are all living at your house now with our new little brothers and sis ters.” The bishop then sat down on the pave ment and wiped away a tear. Then he asked. “Who was your father?” “Mr. Simpson,” said the crowd; “and he died on Tuesday. “Aud how many of his infernal old wid ows—l mean how many of your mothers are there ?” “Only twenty-seven,” replied the chil dren, “and there are only sixty-four of us and we awful glad you have come home,” The bishop did not seem unusually glad ; somehow he failed to enter into the enthu siasm of the occasion. There appeared to be, in a certain sense, too much sameness about surprises, so he sat there with his hat pulled over his eyes and considered the situation. Finally seeing there was no help for it he weDt to the house, aud forty eight of Mrs. Potts rushed up to him, and told him how the prophet had had another vision in which he was commanded to seal Simpson’s widow to Potts. Then the bishop stumbled around among the cradles to his writing desk, where he felt among the gum rii.gs and rattles for his letter-paper, and then addressed a note to Brighcm, asking him as a personal favor to stay awake until after Christmas. “The man must take me for a foundling hospital/’ he said. Then the bishop saw clearly enough that if he gave presents to the oth er children and not to the late Simpson’s the bride (relict of Simpson) would proba bly souse down on him, fumble among his hair and make things warm for him. So repacking his carpet-bag, he started again for San Francisco for sixty-four more inouth organs, while Mrs. Potts gradually took leave of him in the entry —all but the red haired woman, who was up stairs, and who had to be satisfied with a schreeching good bye at the top of her voice. On liis way home after his last visit to San Francisco, the bishop sat in the car by the side of a man who had left Salt Lake the day before. The stranger was communicative. In the course of the conversation he remarked to the bishop : “That was a might pretty little affair up there at Salt Lake City on Monday last. ” “What affair?” inquired Potts. “Why, the weeding; McGrath’s widow you know—married by proxy. “You dou’t say,” replied the bishop. - I-did not know that Mr. McGrath was dead.” “Yes; died on Sunday, and that night Brigham had a vision in which he was or dered to seal her to the bishop.” '.“Bishop!” exclaimed Potts. “Bishop, what Bishop ?” “Weil, you see there were fifteen of Mrs. McGrath and eighty-two children, and they shaved the whole lot off on old Potts. Per haps you don’t know him ?” The Bishop gave a wild, unearthly shriek and went into a histerical fit, and writhed upon the floor as if he had the hydrophobia. When he recovered he leaped from the train and walked back to Sun Francisco. Pc af ter waids took the first steamer to Peru, where he entered a monastery uud became a celibate. His earpet-bag was sent to his family It contained the balance of the mouth organs. On Christmas morning they wore distribu ted, an 1 in less than an hour the entire two hundred and eight children were sick from sucking the paint off them. A doctor was called, and he seemed so much interested in the family that Brigham divorced the whole concern from old Potts and annexed it tc the doctor, who immediately lost his reason and would have butchered the entire family if the red haired woman and the oldest boy had not marched him off to a lunatic asylum where he spent his time trying to arrive at an estimate of the number of his children by ciphering with an impossible combina tion ot the muUiplicution table and alge bra. J —♦<* - rom the Rome Commercial.] BILL ARB ON BUSTLES. See hear Mark Antony—if I was you I wouldent take on so about the fashuns.— They don’t bother me. Its none ot your business what the women put. on or put off so they behave themselves and look just as purty as they can. They are a heap better than you or me anyhow, whether they be have or not. I wouldent give one woman for seven men uo time, would you? Now see him smile and pat that off’ foot. If wo men want to wear bustles, let em wear eni. 1 thought that panears was the best because hey stuck out side ways and wasent in the way of leaning back when they sat down, but they know which is the Lest side to stick out on, and its nobodys bisness but theirs. They may wear anything they want to, bussels and eonvexes and collapses and stiekouts and topknots come down, and anything else so there is a woman hid away somewhere inside cf if all. Its all a sham —that rubber bussel—there aint no substance nor backbone in it. I’ve seen em flat and seen em blowd up. Their aint a bit of harm in em, but I never see one on a woman that I don’t want to hit it just hard euuf to make it pop. I golly wouldent she jump high and holler? But I’m Dot a going to do it, no sir, I’ve got too much respect for woman. Their bussels don’t hurt nobody, and I do despise to see a man always picking at a woman’s close.— If they dident wear something to disguise ’em the men would quit business when they cum about. Purty women always did wear something to skeer the men sway. It’s been so forever. Durin the war I seed one who jest dressed as nateral as life without any paadin or stufiin and when she cum along the boys jest laid down and roled over and hollered. They warent fit for business for a week. But I couldent bear to see ’em go with their faces all tied up like they do in Turkey. That would mighty nigh kill me. If I can look into their blessed coun tenances I can put up with their fore riggin and hiud riggin and top riggin and all. A good, sweet, purty face speaks for all the ballance of the cratt. I wouldent marry narry girl on the earth till l see her face, and not then if she dideut suit me. If the eye, nose and mouth are all right, uatur is an endorser for all the balance. Paint aint nothin —shape is everything. They can’t paint a shape, nor a Gance of the eye. You may paint a house ever so white but that dont siguify what’s inside of it. But when you see bright roses and posies and blossoms in the front yard and a vine over the door, and clean; clear wiuderglussa shining, you may bet your hat on the balance. You needent worry about the bussel nor the back. Vol I—No. 39. Women have been doing that way ever since old Solomon wrote about era. If they do leau a little as they go, its all right.— They can straighten up when necessary.— No spinal disease about that. Theuis the very sort what can lift two bushels of meal without crackin a bone. Its only a passing fishun—and will last till something else comes along. Natur made em that way, and you can’t change it. The more you abuse their bussels, the more they’l stick em at you —so let em alone, I say. They are all the same about fashions, and the last one would put em on if they had their own way and plenty of mouey. I wish I was jest rich enuff to give every lady in the land a string of diamonds and a hat full of pearls. Good gracious! how quick that Methodist dissiplin would be busted on the jewelry bis ness. Well, Id© like to see em look putty, and so far as I am concerned, if ribbons and flowers aud flounces and furs will help do it, its all right. Some of the birds are dress ed up mighty flue, and I reckon their pride aint much of a sin after ail. But under stand me, Mark, 1 don’t hanker after bus sels, tho they do say it makes the nicest little shelf for the arm to rest on in the world, when a feller is dancin around with his gal. That’s all light, provided the fel ler aint a danciu with my gal. If ho is, why he may take fier and keep her that’s all. Bill Arp. HOW TO PIK OUT A WIFE. BY JOSH BILLINGS. Find a girl that iz 19 years old last May, about the right hight, with a blue eye, aud dark brown hair and white teeth. Let the girl be good to look at, not too phond of musik, a firm disbeliever in ghost, and one ov six children in the family. Look well tew the karakter ov her father; see that he is not a member ov enny club, don’t bet on elckshuns, and gits shaved at least three times a week. Find out all about her mother, sen it she haz got a head ov good common scnce, stu dy well her likes and dislikes, eat sum ov her hutn made bread end apple duaiplins, ru.tiss whether she abuses allov her nabors, ask her servants how long they have lived thare, and don’t fail to observe whether her dresses are last year’s ones fixed over. li'you are satisfied that her mother would make the right kind ova mother-in-law, you kan safely conclude that the dautcr would make the right kind ol a wife. After these prclimenarys all are settled, and you have done a reasonable amount ov sparking, ask the young lady for her heart and hand and if she refuses, ytu kan kon sider yourself euchered. If on the contrary, she should say yes, git married at once without any tus* and feath ers, and proceed to take the chances. I say take the chances, for thare aint no resipe for a perfect wife, no more than thare is tor a perfect husband. Thare iz just as meuny good wives as there is good husbands, and i never knew two people, married or single, who were de termined tew make themselves agreeable to each other, but what they suckceedcd. Name yure oldest boy sum good stout name- not after sum hero; but should the first boy be a girl, i ask it as a favour to me that you kaul her Rebekker. I do want sum ov them good, old-fashion ed, tuff girl names revived and extended. —.— * BOILED TO DEA TH. One of those accidents so horrible in their details as to sicken the sensibilities of the reader, occurred at the Caledonia Paper Mills, at the foot of Market street, late Saturday afternoon. At about three o’clock Joshua Cu t mins, night watchman of the worKs, came to the building iu an intoxica ted condition, and the employers, fearful that he would meet with a mishap of some kind, if allowed to remain in that state, put him out and started him toward home, cor ner of Blackford and North streets. Noth ing more was seen of him until about twen ty minutes past four, when the workmen in the tub house —four or five negroes—were startled by a cry that almost froze the blood in their veins. Well they knew what it meant —some unfortunate had fallen into one of the vats used for steaming the straw before reducing it to pulp. Proceeding in the direction of the cry, they discovered Cummins in vat four, striving to obtain a hold upon the edge of the staves and pull himself out. The vat is ten feet deep, and at that time contained two feet of “mash” and two feet of water, the whole mass being boiling hot. One of the workmen grasped the hand extended by Cummins, but the cuticle peel ed off iu his hand, and poor Cummins fell into the seething hell again, this time flat on his back. The poor man struggled to his feet again, and succeeded by almost mi raculous means in getting hold of the stave edges with his hand. This time the work men pulled him out by the coat sleeves. — He was at once removed to his residence, and Dr. Pruuk called to attend him. The flesh was literally boiled upou his bones, lie having been in the vat as much as four tnin utes ; and when his clothing was removed, a Ik Cash Rates of Advertising. — ' |yr. (T mos. 3 mos. 1 mo. 1 time 1 column, $l5O S9O S6O $35 $25 J “ 80 60 40 23 15 5 inches, 50 35 25 12 6 3 “ 35 25 15 V 4 2 “ 25 15 10 5 3 1 inch 1 time, $1.50 almost the entire cuticle came with it. Ev erything was done to alleviate his suffering that science and skill could suggest, but nothing seemed able to quiet him. He lay writhing in the greatest agony for ten hours, throwing his arms about his head in the de lirium of pain, scattering shreds of flesh and skin over the room—a sight too horrible to witness —when, at half-past one yesterday mi. rning, death came to his relief and end ed his sufferings.— lndianapolis Journal Dec. IG. A Diversion to be Stopped. —They propose to punish one class of practical jo kers in Vermont—to wit: those amusing fellows who point loaded fire arms at their friends, aud who are never quite so’iniser erable as when they look upon the bloody re sults of that strange aptitude fire arms have of going off at the wrong time and place, aud in the wrong direction. There is no end to the number of “funny people” ot this persuasion, but unhappily there are just as many wounded or dead victims of their facetiousness. Little sisters are a prime favorite with these hilarious youths, but sweethearts and Lgontlemen friends rival them in frequency. They are a grave matter-of-fact people those Vermonters, aud they cannot possibly see where “the laugh comes in,” in those cases. So they had passed a law on tho subject in which it is provided that whoever, without malice, but intentionally, poiuts a fire-arm at or toward another person, shall be fined. If the gun is discharged, the fine is increased aud im prisonment is added. If, by the discharge the object of this innocent mirth is injured, there is au increased fine and imprisonment, and damages may be recovered in civil suit. This is wise legislation, and ought to be adopted in other States, even if it does di minish the number of “practical jokers” and born fools. A New Method op Picture Painting. —The printing of pictures by anew meth od, known as the Ileliotype process, is at tracting much attention just now. The fol lowing will give an idea of how it is done: A sheet of gelatine treated with bichromate of potash, which renders it sensitive to light, is printed under an ordinary photographio negative, When the picture appears suffi ciently plain the gelatine is taken and made to adhere by atmospheric pressure to a plate. The plate, with the gelatine at tached, is placed in an ordinary platen-prin ting press, and inked with ordinary litho graphic ink. As in lithography, it is neces sary to dampen the plat.' with water after every impression. Fifteen hundred impres sions have been taken without injuring the plate, and if injured, is replaced at a cost of a few cents. The process is, in fact, what has long been sought—photographic print ing. It can be applied to the production of fac similes of every variety of picture and engraving, rare prints, portraits, trade cir culars, and can be even used in pottery and its kindred arts. Literary Prospects. —We are told that nothing succeeds like success; and we may therefore, we think, venture, without tear ot contradiction, to assume these new works, whenever they are published, will be as successful as those which they succeed : “Fettered at First:” a story written as a prelude to “Linked at Last.” “To-Morrows with Artists : to be publish ed as a compauion work to “Yesterdays with Authors.” “The Worth of Water-Lilies a novel written as a sequel to “The Valley of Pop pies.” “Iron Locks and Brazen Handles: a do mestic tale of thrilling interest to follow “Golden Keys.” “Rich Master Sparrow : anew sensation stoiy, but not written by the author of “Poor Miss Finch.” “The Big Toe of Destiny a tale of Eas tern travel, published as a companion to “The Finger of Fate.” “Slugs in the Salad a domestic story, adapted for the readers of “Poppies in the Corn.” — Our readers will be gratified to learn that there is n w in the hunds of the Ap pletons for publication, a most exhaustive and interesting work upon the aborignes of this State, with numerous drawings aud en gravings delineating their relics and imple ments of evcr_ kind, from the pen of Col. 0. C. Jones, Jr., late chief of artillery under Gen. Mercer. This native Georgian, says the Macon Telegraph, has devored years of research to this’subjeot, and at great expense collected, perhaps, the most complete aud reuiarkubls cabinet ot Indian relics to be fouud in the country. In tiie Life of Promotion.—A Lon don correspondent of the Boston Globe states that it is not at all unlikely that Mr. Benjamin, ex-Confederate Attorney Gener al, will be elevated to a judgeship, sooner or later. He is at this moment one of the most successful advocates at the English bar, with an enormous and growing prac tice. The appointment ol a barrister of foreign descent to so hi.h an office would be very unusual, if not unprecedented, in Great IJri'ain.