The gazette. (Elberton, Ga.) 1872-1881, January 22, 1873, Image 1
C|e (gazette.
PUBLISHED WEEKLY, BY
J. T. McCARTY, Editor.
SUBSCRIPTION:
Tkar $2 00
Bit Months 1 00
In Advance-
guigussta gusincsss Cattte.
KEAN, LANDRAM & CO.,
Wholesale and retail dealers in
Foreign and Domestic Dry Goods
809 Broad st., late stand of 9. F. Bussel & Cos.
AUGUSTA, GA.
M. S. KEAN. H. W. LANDRAM. W. P. CASSELS
J. MURPHY & CO.
Wholesale and retail dealers in
English While Granite & C. C. Ware
ALSO,
Serai-China, French China, Glassware, &c.
No. 244 Broad Street,
AUGUSTA, GA.
% MARK WALTER,
MARBLE WORKS,
BROAD STREET,
P"' Near Lower Market,
AUGUSTA, GA.
THE AUGUSTA
Gilding, Looking-glass, Picture Frame
FACTORY.
Old Picture Frames Regilt to look Equal to
New. Old Paintings Carefully Cleaned,
Lined and Varnished.
J. J. BROWIE, 4gcnt.
34(5 Broad st., Augusta, Ga.
E. t r. ROGERS,
Importer and dealer in
RIFLES. GUNS PISTOLS
And Pocket Cutlery,
Ammunition of till Rinds,
245 BR AD STREET, AUGUSTA, GA.
REPAIRING EXECUTED PROMPTLY
tStkr o s lluoiu.’ss Cards.
GEO. LOEHR,
| lWj§£L
Has received a
STOCK OF FURNITURE
an 1 is constantly adding thereto, which he will
sell at the
LOWEST CASH PRICES
upholstering” and repairing
and all work in his line done in a. neat and
workmanlike manner. Satisfaction guarantied,
"rders filled for Sash, Doors and Blinds.
Mv 22-1 y
LIGHT CARRIAGES & BUGGIES.
J. "P. AULD,
Carriage ufact' r
ELBERTOa, GEORGIA.
BEST WORKMEN!
BEST WORK!
LOWEST PRICES!
Good. Buggies, warranted, - 8125 to $l6O
Common Buggies - SIOO.
REPAIRING ANDBLACKSMITHING.
Work done in this line in the very best style.
The Best Harness
Mv22-1 v
T. Nl. SWIFT. MACK ARNOLD
SWIFT & ARNOLD,
(Successors to T. M. Swift,)
dealers in
DRY GOODS,
GROCERIES, CROCKERY, BOOTS AND
SHOES, HARDWARE, &c.,
Public Square, ELBERTOX GA,
JOHN H. JONES & CO.,
GENERAL
VARIETY STORE,
Always on band a complete stock ot
DRY GOODS, FANCY GOODS, HARDWARE
CROCKERY, GROCERIES, BOOTS,
SHOES, &c., &c.
A Specialty of Silver-tipped Sboes
My22-ly
SgßTcairdinier,
ELBERTON, GA.,
DEALER IN
IST SIIS, SIBCIUB,
HARDWARE, CROCKERY,
BOOTS, SHOS2S, HATS,
Notions?.. &c*
THE GAZETTE.
fmttmtl of gndcjmukut fjwoM sxcUt£ivrD? to the sntn*e?t.s of the Comnumitp.
%
New Series.
BISHOP POTTS.
BY MAX ADELER.
Bishop Potts, of Salt Lake City, was the
husband of three wives and the happy father
of fifteen interesting children. Early
in the winter the bishop determined that
his little ones should have a good time on
Christmas, so he concluded to take a trip
down to San Francisco to see what he could
find in the shape of toys with which to
gratify and amuse them. The good bishop
packed his carpet-bag, embraced Mrs. Potts
one by one and kissed each of tier
affectionately and started upon his journey.
He was gone a little more than a week
when he came back with fifteen beautiful
mouth organs in his valise for his darlings.
He got out of the train at Salt Lake, think
ing how joyous and exhilarating it would be
at home on Christmas morning when the
whole fifteen of those mouth organs would
be in operation upon different tunes at the
same time. But just as he entered the de
pot he saw a group of women standing in
the ladies’ room, apparently waiting for
him. As soon as he approached, the
whole twenty of them rushed up, threw
their arms about his ucck and kissed him
exclaiming:
“Oh, Theodore, we are so —so glad you
have come back ! Welcome home! Wel
come, dear, dear Theodore ! Welcome once
more to the bosom of your family!” and
then the entire score of them fjpil upon his
neck and cried over his shirt front and
mussed him.
The bishop seemed surprised and embar
rassed. Struggling to disengage himself,
lie blushed and said :
“lteally, ladies, this kind of thing is well
enough —it is interesting and ail that; but
there must be some kind ot a. —that is, an
awkward sort of a—excuse me, ladies, but
there seems to be, as it were, a slight mis
understanding about the —1 am Bishop
Potts.”
“We know it, we know it, dearest,” they
exclaimed in elioius, “and we are so glad
to see you sale at home again. We buvo
all been right well while you were away,
love.”
“It gratifies me,” remarked the bishop,
“to learn that none ot you have becu a prey
to disease. lam filled with blissful sereni
ty when I contemplate the fact; but really
1 do not understand why you should rush
into this railway station and hug me be
cause your lives are active and your diges
tion good. The precedent is bad; it is
dangerous.”
“Oh, but we didn’t!” they exclaimed iu
chorus. “We came here to welcome you
because you are our husband.”
“Pardon me, but there must be some lit
tle—that is to say, as it wore, I should
think not. Women, you have mistaken
your man !”
“Oh, no, dearest,” they shouted, “we
were all married to you while you were
away.”
“What !” exclaimed the bishop, “you
don’t mean to say that —”
“Yes, love. Our husband, William
Brown, died on Monday, and Thursday
Brigham had a vision in which he was di
rected to seal uS to you ; and so he perform
ed the ceremony by proxy.”
“Th th-th-thu-under,” observed the bish
op in a general sort of way.
“And, darling, we are all living with you
now—we and the dear children.”
“Children ! children !” exclaimed bishop
Potts, turning pale, “you don’t mean to say
there is a pack of children too ?”
“Yes, love, hut only one hundred and
twenty-five, not counting the eight twius
aud the triplets.”
“Wha-wha-wha-what’d you say?” gasped
the bishop in cold perspiration ; “one hun
dred and twenty-five ! One hundred and
twenty-five children and twenty more wives!
It is too much it is awful!” and the bishop
sat down and groaned, while the late Mrs.
Brown the bride, stood around in a semi
circle and fanned him with her bonnets, all
except the red-haired one, and she in her
trepidation, made a futile effort to fan him
with a coal scuttle.
But after awhile the bishop became rec
onciled to his new alliance, knowing well
that protests would be unavailing; so he
walked home, holding as many of the little
hands ot the bride as he could conveniently
bold in his, while the red-haired woman
carried his umbrella and marched iu front
of the parade to remove obstructions and to
scare away the small boys.
When the bishop reached the house he
went around among the cradles which filled
the back parlor and the two second-story
rooms, and attempted with such earnestness
to become acquainted with new sons and
ELBERTON, GA., WEDNESDAY, JANUARY 22,1873.
daughters that he set the whole one bun
dred and twenty-five and the twins to cry
ing, while his own original fifteen stood
around and joined in the chorus. Then
the bishop went out and sat on the garden
fence to whittle a stick and solemnly think,
while Mrs. Potts distributed herself around
in twenty-three places and soothed the
twenty three children. It occurred to the
bishop while he mused out there on the
fence, that he had not enough mouth or
gans to go around as the family now stood ;
and so, rather than seem partial, he determ
ined to go back to San Francisco for one
hundred and forty-tour more.
So the bishop repacked his carpet-bag
and began again to bid farewell to his fami
ly. He tenderly kissed all of Mrs. Potts,
who were at home, and started for the de
pot, while Mrs. Potts stood at the various
windows and waved her handkerchiefs at
him—all except the woman with the warm
hair, and she in a fit of absent-minded cess,
held one of the twins by the leg, and
brandished it at Potts as he fled down the
streets.
The bishop reached San Francisco, com
pleted his purchases, and was just about to
get on the train with his one hundred and
forty four mouth organs, when a telegram
was handed to him. It contained informa
tion to the effect that the auburn-haired
Mrs. Potts had just had a daughter. This
iuduced the bishop to return to the city
for the purpose of purchasing an additional
organ.
On the following Saturday he returned
As he approached his house, a
.-warm of young children flew out of the
(rout gate and ran toward him, shouting:
“There’s pa ! Here comes pa! Oh, pa, but
we are glad to see you! Hurrah for pa !”
etc , etc.
The bishop looked at the children as they
flocked and clung to bis legs and coat, and
was astonished to perceive that they were
uei her his nor the late Brown’s- He said :
“You youngsters have made a mistake; l
am not your father;” and the bisl op smiled
good naturedly.
“Oli, yes yon are, though I” soreumed the
little ones in chorus.
“But I say I’m not,” said the bishop, se
verely and frowuing: “you ought to be
ashamed of yourselves. Don’t you kuow
where little story tellers go? It is scanda
lous for you to violate the truth iu this man
ner. My name is Potts.”
“Yes, we know it is,” exclaimed the chil
dren—“we kuow it is ; and so is ours; that
is our name too, siuce the wedding.”
“Since what wedding?” demanded the
bishop, turning pale,
“Why, ma’s wedding, of course. She
was married yesterday to you by Mr. Young,
and we are all living at your house
now with our new little brothers and sis
ters.”
The bishop then sat down on the pave
ment and wiped away a tear. Then he
asked.
“Who was your father?”
“Mr. Simpson,” said the crowd; “and he
died on Tuesday.
“Aud how many of his infernal old wid
ows—l mean how many of your mothers
are there ?”
“Only twenty-seven,” replied the chil
dren, “and there are only sixty-four of us
and we awful glad you have come
home,”
The bishop did not seem unusually glad ;
somehow he failed to enter into the enthu
siasm of the occasion. There appeared to
be, in a certain sense, too much sameness
about surprises, so he sat there with
his hat pulled over his eyes and considered
the situation. Finally seeing there was no
help for it he weDt to the house, aud forty
eight of Mrs. Potts rushed up to him, and
told him how the prophet had had another
vision in which he was commanded to seal
Simpson’s widow to Potts.
Then the bishop stumbled around among
the cradles to his writing desk, where he
felt among the gum rii.gs and rattles for his
letter-paper, and then addressed a note to
Brighcm, asking him as a personal favor to
stay awake until after Christmas. “The
man must take me for a foundling hospital/’
he said. Then the bishop saw clearly
enough that if he gave presents to the oth
er children and not to the late Simpson’s
the bride (relict of Simpson) would proba
bly souse down on him, fumble among his
hair and make things warm for him. So
repacking his carpet-bag, he started again
for San Francisco for sixty-four more inouth
organs, while Mrs. Potts gradually took
leave of him in the entry —all but the red
haired woman, who was up stairs, and who
had to be satisfied with a schreeching good
bye at the top of her voice.
On liis way home after his last visit to
San Francisco, the bishop sat in the car by
the side of a man who had left Salt Lake
the day before.
The stranger was communicative. In the
course of the conversation he remarked to
the bishop :
“That was a might pretty little affair up
there at Salt Lake City on Monday
last. ”
“What affair?” inquired Potts.
“Why, the weeding; McGrath’s widow
you know—married by proxy.
“You dou’t say,” replied the bishop. -
I-did not know that Mr. McGrath was
dead.”
“Yes; died on Sunday, and that night
Brigham had a vision in which he was or
dered to seal her to the bishop.”
'.“Bishop!” exclaimed Potts. “Bishop,
what Bishop ?”
“Weil, you see there were fifteen of Mrs.
McGrath and eighty-two children, and they
shaved the whole lot off on old Potts. Per
haps you don’t know him ?”
The Bishop gave a wild, unearthly shriek
and went into a histerical fit, and writhed
upon the floor as if he had the hydrophobia.
When he recovered he leaped from the train
and walked back to Sun Francisco. Pc af
ter waids took the first steamer to Peru,
where he entered a monastery uud became
a celibate.
His earpet-bag was sent to his family It
contained the balance of the mouth organs.
On Christmas morning they wore distribu
ted, an 1 in less than an hour the entire two
hundred and eight children were sick from
sucking the paint off them. A doctor was
called, and he seemed so much interested in
the family that Brigham divorced the whole
concern from old Potts and annexed it tc
the doctor, who immediately lost his reason
and would have butchered the entire family
if the red haired woman and the oldest boy
had not marched him off to a lunatic asylum
where he spent his time trying to arrive at
an estimate of the number of his children
by ciphering with an impossible combina
tion ot the muUiplicution table and alge
bra.
J —♦<* -
rom the Rome Commercial.]
BILL ARB ON BUSTLES.
See hear Mark Antony—if I was you I
wouldent take on so about the fashuns.—
They don’t bother me. Its none ot your
business what the women put. on or put off
so they behave themselves and look just as
purty as they can. They are a heap better
than you or me anyhow, whether they be
have or not. I wouldent give one woman
for seven men uo time, would you? Now
see him smile and pat that off’ foot. If wo
men want to wear bustles, let em wear eni.
1 thought that panears was the best because
hey stuck out side ways and wasent in the
way of leaning back when they sat down,
but they know which is the Lest side to
stick out on, and its nobodys bisness but
theirs. They may wear anything they want
to, bussels and eonvexes and collapses and
stiekouts and topknots
come down, and anything else so there is a
woman hid away somewhere inside cf if all.
Its all a sham —that rubber bussel—there
aint no substance nor backbone in it. I’ve
seen em flat and seen em blowd up. Their
aint a bit of harm in em, but I never see
one on a woman that I don’t want to hit it
just hard euuf to make it pop. I golly
wouldent she jump high and holler? But
I’m Dot a going to do it, no sir, I’ve got too
much respect for woman. Their bussels
don’t hurt nobody, and I do despise to see
a man always picking at a woman’s close.—
If they dident wear something to disguise
’em the men would quit business when they
cum about. Purty women always did wear
something to skeer the men sway. It’s
been so forever. Durin the war I seed one
who jest dressed as nateral as life without
any paadin or stufiin and when she cum
along the boys jest laid down and roled over
and hollered. They warent fit for business
for a week. But I couldent bear to see ’em
go with their faces all tied up like they do
in Turkey. That would mighty nigh kill
me. If I can look into their blessed coun
tenances I can put up with their fore riggin
and hiud riggin and top riggin and all.
A good, sweet, purty face speaks for all the
ballance of the cratt. I wouldent marry
narry girl on the earth till l see her face,
and not then if she dideut suit me. If the
eye, nose and mouth are all right, uatur is
an endorser for all the balance. Paint aint
nothin —shape is everything. They can’t
paint a shape, nor a Gance of the eye. You
may paint a house ever so white but that
dont siguify what’s inside of it. But when
you see bright roses and posies and blossoms
in the front yard and a vine over the door,
and clean; clear wiuderglussa shining, you
may bet your hat on the balance. You
needent worry about the bussel nor the back.
Vol I—No. 39.
Women have been doing that way ever
since old Solomon wrote about era. If they
do leau a little as they go, its all right.—
They can straighten up when necessary.—
No spinal disease about that. Theuis the
very sort what can lift two bushels of meal
without crackin a bone. Its only a passing
fishun—and will last till something else
comes along. Natur made em that way,
and you can’t change it. The more you
abuse their bussels, the more they’l stick
em at you —so let em alone, I say. They
are all the same about fashions, and the last
one would put em on if they had their own
way and plenty of mouey. I wish I was
jest rich enuff to give every lady in the land
a string of diamonds and a hat full of pearls.
Good gracious! how quick that Methodist
dissiplin would be busted on the jewelry bis
ness. Well, Id© like to see em look putty,
and so far as I am concerned, if ribbons and
flowers aud flounces and furs will help do
it, its all right. Some of the birds are dress
ed up mighty flue, and I reckon their pride
aint much of a sin after ail. But under
stand me, Mark, 1 don’t hanker after bus
sels, tho they do say it makes the nicest
little shelf for the arm to rest on in the
world, when a feller is dancin around with
his gal. That’s all light, provided the fel
ler aint a danciu with my gal. If ho is, why
he may take fier and keep her that’s all.
Bill Arp.
HOW TO PIK OUT A WIFE.
BY JOSH BILLINGS.
Find a girl that iz 19 years old last May,
about the right hight, with a blue eye, aud
dark brown hair and white teeth.
Let the girl be good to look at, not too
phond of musik, a firm disbeliever in ghost,
and one ov six children in the family.
Look well tew the karakter ov her father;
see that he is not a member ov enny club,
don’t bet on elckshuns, and gits shaved at
least three times a week.
Find out all about her mother, sen it she
haz got a head ov good common scnce, stu
dy well her likes and dislikes, eat sum ov
her hutn made bread end apple duaiplins,
ru.tiss whether she abuses allov her nabors,
ask her servants how long they have lived
thare, and don’t fail to observe whether her
dresses are last year’s ones fixed over.
li'you are satisfied that her mother would
make the right kind ova mother-in-law, you
kan safely conclude that the dautcr would
make the right kind ol a wife.
After these prclimenarys all are settled,
and you have done a reasonable amount ov
sparking, ask the young lady for her heart
and hand and if she refuses, ytu kan kon
sider yourself euchered.
If on the contrary, she should say yes, git
married at once without any tus* and feath
ers, and proceed to take the chances.
I say take the chances, for thare aint no
resipe for a perfect wife, no more than thare
is tor a perfect husband.
Thare iz just as meuny good wives as
there is good husbands, and i never knew
two people, married or single, who were de
termined tew make themselves agreeable to
each other, but what they suckceedcd.
Name yure oldest boy sum good stout
name- not after sum hero; but should the
first boy be a girl, i ask it as a favour to me
that you kaul her Rebekker.
I do want sum ov them good, old-fashion
ed, tuff girl names revived and extended.
—.— *
BOILED TO DEA TH.
One of those accidents so horrible in their
details as to sicken the sensibilities of the
reader, occurred at the Caledonia Paper
Mills, at the foot of Market street, late
Saturday afternoon. At about three o’clock
Joshua Cu t mins, night watchman of the
worKs, came to the building iu an intoxica
ted condition, and the employers, fearful
that he would meet with a mishap of some
kind, if allowed to remain in that state, put
him out and started him toward home, cor
ner of Blackford and North streets. Noth
ing more was seen of him until about twen
ty minutes past four, when the workmen in
the tub house —four or five negroes—were
startled by a cry that almost froze the blood
in their veins. Well they knew what it
meant —some unfortunate had fallen into
one of the vats used for steaming the straw
before reducing it to pulp. Proceeding in
the direction of the cry, they discovered
Cummins in vat four, striving to obtain a
hold upon the edge of the staves and pull
himself out. The vat is ten feet deep, and
at that time contained two feet of “mash”
and two feet of water, the whole mass being
boiling hot.
One of the workmen grasped the hand
extended by Cummins, but the cuticle peel
ed off iu his hand, and poor Cummins fell
into the seething hell again, this time flat
on his back. The poor man struggled to
his feet again, and succeeded by almost mi
raculous means in getting hold of the stave
edges with his hand. This time the work
men pulled him out by the coat sleeves. —
He was at once removed to his residence,
and Dr. Pruuk called to attend him. The
flesh was literally boiled upou his bones, lie
having been in the vat as much as four tnin
utes ; and when his clothing was removed,
a Ik
Cash Rates of Advertising.
— ' |yr. (T mos. 3 mos. 1 mo. 1 time
1 column, $l5O S9O S6O $35 $25
J “ 80 60 40 23 15
5 inches, 50 35 25 12 6
3 “ 35 25 15 V 4
2 “ 25 15 10 5 3
1 inch 1 time, $1.50
almost the entire cuticle came with it. Ev
erything was done to alleviate his suffering
that science and skill could suggest, but
nothing seemed able to quiet him. He lay
writhing in the greatest agony for ten hours,
throwing his arms about his head in the de
lirium of pain, scattering shreds of flesh and
skin over the room—a sight too horrible to
witness —when, at half-past one yesterday
mi. rning, death came to his relief and end
ed his sufferings.— lndianapolis Journal
Dec. IG.
A Diversion to be Stopped. —They
propose to punish one class of practical jo
kers in Vermont—to wit: those amusing
fellows who point loaded fire arms at their
friends, aud who are never quite so’iniser
erable as when they look upon the bloody re
sults of that strange aptitude fire arms have
of going off at the wrong time and place,
aud in the wrong direction. There is no
end to the number of “funny people” ot
this persuasion, but unhappily there are
just as many wounded or dead victims of
their facetiousness. Little sisters are a
prime favorite with these hilarious youths,
but sweethearts and Lgontlemen friends
rival them in frequency. They are a grave
matter-of-fact people those Vermonters, aud
they cannot possibly see where “the laugh
comes in,” in those cases. So they had
passed a law on tho subject in which it is
provided that whoever, without malice, but
intentionally, poiuts a fire-arm at or toward
another person, shall be fined. If the gun
is discharged, the fine is increased aud im
prisonment is added. If, by the discharge
the object of this innocent mirth is injured,
there is au increased fine and imprisonment,
and damages may be recovered in civil suit.
This is wise legislation, and ought to be
adopted in other States, even if it does di
minish the number of “practical jokers”
and born fools.
A New Method op Picture Painting.
—The printing of pictures by anew meth
od, known as the Ileliotype process, is at
tracting much attention just now. The fol
lowing will give an idea of how it is done:
A sheet of gelatine treated with bichromate
of potash, which renders it sensitive to light,
is printed under an ordinary photographio
negative, When the picture appears suffi
ciently plain the gelatine is taken and
made to adhere by atmospheric pressure to
a plate. The plate, with the gelatine at
tached, is placed in an ordinary platen-prin
ting press, and inked with ordinary litho
graphic ink. As in lithography, it is neces
sary to dampen the plat.' with water after
every impression. Fifteen hundred impres
sions have been taken without injuring the
plate, and if injured, is replaced at a cost of
a few cents. The process is, in fact, what
has long been sought—photographic print
ing. It can be applied to the production of
fac similes of every variety of picture and
engraving, rare prints, portraits, trade cir
culars, and can be even used in pottery and
its kindred arts.
Literary Prospects. —We are told
that nothing succeeds like success; and we
may therefore, we think, venture, without
tear ot contradiction, to assume these new
works, whenever they are published, will be
as successful as those which they succeed :
“Fettered at First:” a story written as a
prelude to “Linked at Last.”
“To-Morrows with Artists : to be publish
ed as a compauion work to “Yesterdays with
Authors.”
“The Worth of Water-Lilies a novel
written as a sequel to “The Valley of Pop
pies.”
“Iron Locks and Brazen Handles: a do
mestic tale of thrilling interest to follow
“Golden Keys.”
“Rich Master Sparrow : anew sensation
stoiy, but not written by the author of
“Poor Miss Finch.”
“The Big Toe of Destiny a tale of Eas
tern travel, published as a companion to
“The Finger of Fate.”
“Slugs in the Salad a domestic story,
adapted for the readers of “Poppies in the
Corn.”
—
Our readers will be gratified to learn
that there is n w in the hunds of the Ap
pletons for publication, a most exhaustive
and interesting work upon the aborignes of
this State, with numerous drawings aud en
gravings delineating their relics and imple
ments of evcr_ kind, from the pen of Col.
0. C. Jones, Jr., late chief of artillery under
Gen. Mercer. This native Georgian, says
the Macon Telegraph, has devored years of
research to this’subjeot, and at great expense
collected, perhaps, the most complete aud
reuiarkubls cabinet ot Indian relics to be
fouud in the country.
In tiie Life of Promotion.—A Lon
don correspondent of the Boston Globe
states that it is not at all unlikely that Mr.
Benjamin, ex-Confederate Attorney Gener
al, will be elevated to a judgeship, sooner
or later. He is at this moment one of the
most successful advocates at the English
bar, with an enormous and growing prac
tice. The appointment ol a barrister of
foreign descent to so hi.h an office would
be very unusual, if not unprecedented, in
Great IJri'ain.