Southern miscellany. (Madison, Ga.) 1842-1849, November 26, 1842, Image 2
from tlie hole. The head of another was
perceptible a moment afterwards, as the two
spoke together. The bead was then with
drawn, the trap door carefully let down, a
few dry leaves scattered upon it, when the
fellow struck off down the creek, and turn
ing the point of the opposite ridge was soon
out of sight.
“ Well,” said Arden, “this is good luck
indeed—much better than I expected; this
is the rendezvous, I doubt not, at which tlie
villains are to meet to-morrow night—here
are the negroes whom they have seduced
from their owners, and concealed for the
purpose of running them of}’ and selling
them ; and here, too, I expect, the money
which was stolen from me is deposited, un
til Strain should get ready to start. So,
then, I was to pay the expenses of the trip;
but I will forestall them yet, or my name is
not Edward Arden. I’ll make them pay
for their experiment, if there is law in
Georgia—the scoundrels. This is not the
first batch of runaways they have decoyed
off, but if I am not greatly mistaken it will
be the last.”
Satisfied that this was to be live place of
meeting for the next night, at which time
Strain had informed Watkins he would be
ready to stait, Arden carefully marked the
exact sport, nnd every object near it, so that
ho could not err even at night, and then re
turned home by the nearest way.
A little after dark Mr. Campficld accom
panied by a young man rode up to the store.
They alighted and went in. Arden with the
young man, whom he had requested in the
morning to come up, were already engaged
in making preparations for the capture of
old Isaac. A gun and brace of pistols had
been loaded, and they only waited the ar
rival of the present party, to set out upon
the adventure.
“ I see you are fixing up the shooting
irons, boys—you don’t expect to have any
use for them, do you ?” asked the old gen
tleman, as he entered.
Arden replied, “ that it was always a good
rule to be ready for any emergency, for vve
don’t know what sort of customers vve may
pick up.”
” That is true enough,” he responded.
“ You youngsters may take them along;
but this is my stand-by in a difficulty,”
showing a tremendous hickory stick which
he grasped in his right hand. “ But it is now
time to be off, what say you, Edward, you
know the distance.”
Arden answered liiin that it was about a
mile and a half from the store, and then pro
ceeded to inform him of the evening’s dis
covetv, and that he had no doubt but that
the den of the negroes was the rendezvous
of the burglais.
“ Did I not tell you so 1 You have been
lucky indeed.—this is much better than
catching a runaway. We’ll not trouble our
heads about old Isaac now—we’ll leserve
our ammunition for larger game, for we may
have a use tor it to-morrow night, or 1 am
greatly mistaken.”
“ What! you don’t think of giving up the
catching of old Isaac to-night?” eagerly ask
ed Arden.
“To be sure I do. Where will lie the
advantage of it ? No doubt be is to meet
s ‘me of this clan at the place of appointment,
and should we catch him there, in all prob
ability someone or other of them will he on
the watch for him, and vve shall be seen, and
his capture will be known; this will put
them upon their guard, as they will have
good reason to fear that the negro will tell
all he knows, and thus discover their plot.
No, no—let the old fellow go for to-night—
we shall only have to wait another day, when
if we manage the thing properly, vve shall
not only nab him. hut the whole ‘ posse com
itatus’ of them, while and black together.—
That’s my notion of it.”
The propriety of this course was readily
seen by all, and they resolved to act upon
the suggestions of the old gentleman, whose
judgment and experience in such matters
were well known.
They separated soon—the old gentleman
pretering to return to town that night, fear
ing lest his presence in the neighborhood
should excite suspicion. He promised, how
ever, to be punctual on the next night, and
to bring one or two persons with him.
About noon the next day, the weather
changed, and before night a drizzling rain
bad set in from the east. Arden feared
that it would interfere greatly with the ad
venture of the night. As the day began to
draw to a close his impatience began to man
ifest itself in various ways. Several persons
had been about the store during the even
ing, and among the rest, Walsh, one of the
men whom he suspected. This individual
had purchased several articles, which he
doubted not was designed for Strain’s con
templated journey, andthen remained about
the store after every other person had gone,
until Arden began to fear that his friends
might come before he left. He had finally,
to close the door, and lock the man out be
fore he could get rid of him, after which he
still lingered near the place for some time.
Finally ho mounted his horse and rode off.
He had scarcely gotten out of sight before
Mr. Catnpfield and two other persons rode
up.
“ Well, Arden, you see I am here, wet
ns it is,” said Mr. Campfield, at the same
time entering the store and throwing his
cloak upon a chair. “ Have you made any
futther discoveries ?”
“ None at all, I have been here all day.
One of the gang left here not more than fif
teen minutes ago.”
“ Which one of them ?”
“ Walsh.”
“Ah, did he seem to suspect anything?”
“ Not that I could perceive—though lie
hang about the store for some time after lie
had’finished his business. He purchased
several articles which might be intended lor
a long journey.”
“ Well, he may take a journey soon, but
it will be in a different direction from the
one intended. We have an ugly night for
it, boys, but it is all the better tor our pur
pose.”
“ How so,” said Arden, “ I feared we
might have to give it up altogether.”
“ Why, it is betterfor us, because on such
a night as this, they will be less upon their
guard, and the ground and leaves are so
damp, that we shall be able to come upon
them with little danger of discovery. It is
just such a night as I would have chosen, if
I had had the picking of it.”
Arden had informed Squire Osborne that
several of his friends would be with him to
supper that night, and accordingly about
dark they repaired to the house, where a
stnokitig meal awaited their arrival. This
was discussed to the satisfaction of all. The
Squire was then made acquainted with their
object, nnd all the circumstances connected
with it, upon which he proposed to accom
pany them, and aid in the capture. The
preliminaries were quickly arranged. They
were to proceed on horseback, along an old
blind way leading within a quarter of a mile
of the place. Then the horses were to be
left, and they were to proceed on foot.—
Each one had provided himself with such
weapons as suited his taste. Arden had a
gun, the two young men had pistols, Mr.
Campfield had the hickory stick he carried
the night before; Squire Osborne had also a
cane, and a couple of stout cords.
Thus armed and equipped, about an hour
after daik they stalled, Squire Osborne and
Arden taking the lead, as they were best
acquainted with the way. A ride of a cou
ple of rnile3—their route being a circuitous
one—brought them to the place where they
proposed leaving their horses. They dis
mounted and fastened then). A consulfrt
tion was now held, and their plans adopted.
Arden was perfectly satisfied that he could
find the place, and it was agreed that he
should guide them,until theyreached a good
point of observation. This was a much more
difficult matter than lie had imagined. He
soon found himself at fault, ami was unable
to proceed with any degree of certainty.—
The ground was rough and rocky, the un
dergrowth thick and difficult to penetrate,
and the night was so dark,that objects were
perceptible at but a short distance. All
these taken into theaccount rendered itsome
what problematical whether or not they
i would find the place. They had been ma
king their way through as well as they were
able for about a quarter of an hour,and had
I gone far enough to be near the place, as Ar
den supposed, when they baited, to find out
as well as they could where they were.—
They could hear distinctly now, the mur
muring of the crock, as its waters dashed
onwards over its rocky bed. ‘ They had fall
en several hundred yards below the place.
They changed their direction up the ctcek,
and upon ascending a hill, they could per
ceive the glimmering of a light in the dis
tance. They paused—the light approached
towards them, then turned towards the creek,
and was bid behind an intervening ridge.
” We are near the place,” said Arden in
a whisper. “ The deu is in the ravine be
yond that ridge.’’
“ We shall have them now, boys,” eager
ly rejoined Mr. Campfield, “ifyou will be
guided by me. We may have a chunk of
a fight first, but that is a matter of moon
shine.”
They all now cautiously descended the
hill upon which they were standing, passed
through the hollow, and ascended half way
up the next, when they again halted. Mr.
Campfield went ahead, as lie said to recon
noitre. On gaining the top and looking
down into the vnlley the whole scene was
revealed before him. Nearly at the foot of
the hill, beside a large tree, a fire was kin
dled, which threw a few straggling rays of
light almost up to the point at which be was
standing. Aioiind tlie fire were seated and
standing a group of sevetal persons, some
of whom were white and some black. They
appeared to he in high glee, and the bottles
—for there were two —passed briskly around,
as they laughed and talked at a merry rate.
The old gentleman scanned the scene with
an experienced eye, and determined upon
his arrangements for their capture. He fear
ed, however, that some might escape, as lie
counted seven of them, and knew that his
force numbered only five. He returned to
the others informing them of all that he had
seen.
“And now boys,” said he, “wemust use
the utmost prudence. And you youngsters,
be careful oftyour fire-arms, don’t shoot un
less it be in self-defence. If they resist us,
and show their teeth, why, we must meet
them upon that ground —but I am in hopes
that if we manage rightly, we shall take
them without a blow. They are all around
the fire outside of the den now,hut it may
be that after we have placed ourselves
some of them may go into it—if so, that will
be the time for us to lie upon them. And
now for our arrangements. 1 will go to the
top of the hill again, and gain a large tree,
which stands more than half way down it,
where I will station myself, and where 1 can
see and hear all that they do. Do you, Ar
den, and one of the young men, take a po
sition near together —and as close to them
as you can safely get, just” at the point of
this ridge, between them and the creek.—
The Squire and the others will go ‘to
the right, and approach from the hollow a
hove, so that we shall surround them as near
ly as wc can. You can accomplish this in
half an hour—and with entire safety, if
yon use proper caution, for the rain is all in
our favor. You must he ready at a mo
ment’s call—for at the right time, I will give
a loud whoop—then let each one rush to the
spot as quickly as possible, and every fellow
secure bis man.”
They separated, each one to the place as
signed him by the old gentleman, who in
spiied them all with his own hopes as to the
result. He succeeded admirably in gaining
tlie shelter of a large oak which stood with
in twenty paces ofthe fire. There conceal
ed from view, lie could hear every word
which waaspoken, and watched every move
ment. All the others were equally success
ful, two of whom he could see, almost as
near to the fire as himself, each one snugly
hid behind liistree. There were hut throe
white men,Strain, Walsh and Watkins, the
rest were negroes.
“ Well, Walsh,” said Strain, “what news
did you hear up at Fairplay this evening ?”
“ Nothing at all, of any consequence.”
“ It’s confounded strange that we have
heard nothing übout the breaking open of
Arden’s store. He has some scheme in liis
bead, I dare say, which prevents liis making
it known. But he will have to he pretty
quick on triggerof heever liandlestliatmon
ey again.”
“ Well l shouldn’t be surprised if he had;
and now I recollect hearing Phil, Squire
8 ill U S IB IL 1L il it “ST®
Osborn’s blacksmith,say that Mr. Campfield
and another man from town were at Arden’s
store after dark last night.”
“The devil you did ! What!—old Char
ter Campfield up there last night after dark!
did you ask Phil what he was after ?”
“ Yes, I asked him if he knew his busi
ness, but he didn’t know any thing about
—but said be rode tiff down the road agum
after staying there half an hour.”
“ It is a lucky thing that I shall be off to
night, else I should not rest easy, fori would
as soon have a half dozen devils after me any
time as old Campfield.”
The conversation upon that topic ceased,
and matters of business connected with their
arrangements were discussed. Presently
Watkins and two of the negroes opened the
door of the den, and taking a light went in.
The door remained open —the rest were all
seated round the fire, when suddenly they
were startled by a tremendous whoop, and
quick as thought the old man was in their
midst, the door of the den thrown down,
and he standing upon it. At the moment of
his approach, Strain had jumped up, and
wielding a large cudgel, was about to strike.
“ Strike at me and you are a dead man,”
said the old gentleman, at the same time
robing a stick that in his hand would have
felled a giant. His voice was more power
ful than a dozen cudgels—the club fell from
the hand of the burglar, as if lie bail been
stricken with an invisible bolt, and he yield
ed without resistance —just as one of the ne
groes, who was about to take to bis heels,
exclaimed, “ I blieve in my soul its Mas
Charter Campfield.” The rest of the party
at the sound of his voice, rushed at once to
the spot, and Walsh, who hadstarted to rum,
was knocked down by Arden before he bad
gone five steps from the fire. Strain and
Walsh were lashed together with a strong
cotd, and the negroes secured in less time
than 1 have taken to write it—Mr. Camp
field standing upon the trap door of the den,
while they were being tied. This done, lie
stepped off and lifted it up, and looking in
called up Watkins and the negroes, who
came forward making not the least resist
ance. So completely does crime and vil
lainy destroy the courage of a man.
All being secured, the den was thorough
ly searched. It was a strange hiding place,
arid well arranged for comfort. But wehave
not time to dwell upon its description. Ar
den’s trunk was found in one of the apart
ments —there beingtliree—containing a por
tion of the clothes, but there was no money.
The money he never got.
It tvas late before they reached the store,
and the prisoners were-guardeduntil morn
ing. The next day about eleven o’clock,
tlie white men and negroes were all march
ed into town in single file, to the great grat
ification of the citizens,of whom there were
hundreds to witness the scene. The ne
groes were returned to their owners, the
white men lodged in jail. At Court they
were tried, and all sent to the Penitentiary
there to pay the penalty of their misdeeds.
E. L. W.
Madison, Georgia.
M 0 © © r £ 1L L A M Y □
A Journalist. —No man requires a larger
range of intellect, more varied acquirements,
or greater strength of character, than the
conductor of a public journal. Os course,
we allude to one who acts with a full sense
of the dignity and worth of his calling, and
in the conscientious desire to discharge its
duties. Neither statesman, lawyer, nor di
vine,moves in a more extended sphere, or has
more occasion for the use of the noblest
faculties both of mind and heart. He stands
in immediate contact with the public mind.
He furnishes the intellectual aliment of the
people. He gives a tone to public senti
ment ; is a leader of public opinion ; and
the guardian and guide of public morals.
Thousands of men, each morning and even
ing, listen to liis voice, are moved by his
persuasions, are corrected by his rebukes,
or corrupted by liis license. The charac
ters of men are in some degree placed in
liis hands. He may elevate the had, or tra
duce the good. He can stimulate the worst
passions of inflamed times, or give an im
pulse to wise and beneficent movements. —
This influence differs from that of others
who operate upon the public mind, in that,
while theirs is confined to particular and
distinct occasions, his acts incessantly. Ihe
orator agitates only while lie is speaking;
the preacher is hemmed in by the walls of
his church and the limits of a Sabbath-day;
the statesman seldom steps out of his bureau;
the man of science is fixed among his re
torts and crucibles ; and the teacher has an
existence only in liis school-room. But the
editor is perpetually at work. As the mails
carry his speculations from one city to an
other, and from one state to another, hisac-*
lions spread like the waves of a pool, in
concentric circles, and before the last ripple
lias subsided, the waters at the centre are
again disturbed. Even while he sleeps, liis
thoughts are awake, they are diffusing good
or evil, they are entering other minds, to
mould them to a better or worse condition.
“iThey rest not—slay not—on, still on they wing
Their flight”—
and whether benign or pestiferous, are pro
ducing their inevitable imptessions.
An Illinois court scene. —Wo sometimes
get rich jokes from Illinois, and tlie latest is
the following. It is a good bit of drollery
quite original, we believe, and we must put
it on file amongthe funny things ofthe time.
A constable that had lately been induced
into office was in attendance on the court,
nod was ordered by the judge to call John
Bell and Elizabeth Bell. He immediately
began at the top of his lungs—
“ John Bell and Elizabeth Bell!”
“ One at a time,” said the judge.
“ One at a time — one at a time — one at a
time,” shouted the constable.
“ Now you’ve done it,” exclaimed the
judge, out of patience.
“ Now you've done it — now you’ve done it
—now you’ve done it !” yelled the consta
ble. There was no standingthis ; the court,
bar and bystandersbrokeinto a hearty laugh,
to the perfect surprise and dismay of the as
tonished constable.
The Falls of Niagara. —Between 5 and
6 o’clock in tlie morning we arrived at Buf
falo where we breakfasted, and being too
near the Great Falls to wait patiently any
where else, we set off by the train the same
morning at 9. Whenever the train baited
I listened for the roar ; and was constantly
straining my eyes in the direction where 1
knew the Fallsmust be, from seeing tlie riv
er rolling on towards them, every moment
expecting to behold the spray. Within a
few minutes of my stopping I saw two great
white clouds rising up slowly and majestical
ly from the depths of the earth. That was
all. At length we alighted ; and then, for
the first time, 1 heard the mighty rush of
water, and felt the ground tremble under
neath my feet. The bank was very steep,
and was slippery with rain and half melting
ice. I hardly know how ] got down, but
was soon at the bottom, and climbing with
two English officers, who were crossing, and
had joined me.over some broken rocks, deaf
ened by the noise, half blinded l>y the spray
and wet to the skin, we were at the foot of
the American fall. I could see an immense
torrent of water tearing beadlongdown from
some great height, but had no idea of shape,
or situation, or any thing but vague immen
sity. When we were seated in the little
ferrv boat and were crossing the swelling
river immediately before both cataracts, I
began to feel what it was; but I was in a
manner stunned, and unable to comprehend
the vastness of the scene. It was so until 1
came on tlie Table Rock, and looked—great
Heaven, on what a fall of bright green wa
ter! then it came upon mein its full might
and majesty. Then, when I felt liovv near
to my Creator I was standing—the first ef
fect, and the enduring (me —instant and last
ing—of the tremendous spectacle,was peace
—peace of mind—tranquility—calm recol
lection of the dead—great thoughts of eter
nal rest and happiness, nothing of gloom and
terror.
Niagara was at once stamped upon my heart
an image of beauty; to remain there change
less and indelible until its pulses cease to
beat forever. Oh, how the strife and trou
bles of our daily life receded from my view
and lessened in the distance during tlie ten
memorable days we passed on that enchant
ed ground ! What voices spoke from out
the thundering water; what faces, faded
from the earth, looked out upon me from its
gleaming depths; what heavenly promises
glistened in those angel’s tears, the drops of
many hues, that showered around and twi
ned themselves about the gorgeous arches
which the changing rainbows made. 1 nov
er stirred all that time from tlie Canadian
side, whither I had gone at first; I never
crossed the rivet again ; for I knew there
were people on tlie other shore, and in such
a place it is natural to shun strange compa
ny. To wander to and fro all day, and see
the cataract from all points of view ; to stand
upon the edge of the great Horseshoe Fall,
tnarkingthe hurried watergatlieringstrength
as it approached the verge, yet seeming too
to pause before it shot into the gulf below ;
to gaze upon the river’s level, up at the tor
rent, as it came streaming down ; to climb
theneighboringheights, and watch it through
the trees, and seethe wreathing water to the
rapids hurrying o.i to take its fearful plunge:
to linger in the shadow of the solemn rocks
three miles below, watching the river, as
stirred by no visible cause, it heaved and
eddied, and awoke the echoes, being trou
bled yet far down beneath the surface by its
giant leap; to have Niagara before me, light
ed by the sun and by tlie moon, red in tlie
day’s decline, and gray ns evenin'; slowly
fell upon it; to look upon it every day. and
awake up in the night and hear its ceaseless
voice,—this was enough ! — Buz.
Presentation of Li rings. —l have frequent
ly heard my brother clergymen declare that
they had been often greatly affected by their
being presented to a living, a vacancy in
which had occurred ftom the death of the
previous incumbent, in visiting flu the first
time the parsonage, and not unfrequently
being obliged to come in contact with the
widow or family of the deceased, for the
transaction or necessary business; that it
has for a season caused them to forget their
own success in the desire to alleviate tlie
distress depicted on every countenance.—
Such, I know, unquestionably were the feel
ings of the new incumbent of S , when
for the first time lie entered the rectory, and
was ushered into a room, plainly hut neatly
furnished (the interview was necessary) and
found the widow surrounded by seven chil
dren. He was not by any means a timid
or nervous man ; lie bad undergone many a
stiff examination; he had answered well, as
liis tongue testified. For the first time in
his life lie was speechless—liis tongue was
tied. The children shrunk from him as an
intruder into their parlor, and could not bear
to think that he was to have papa’s garden,
and preach in papa’s pulpit, and to go about
as papa did among the poor. “My feel
ing,” says he, “ was, what business have 1
here ? lam an intruder; and, when,
after a while, one little urchin summoned
courage to come to my knee, and pointed
to a portrait, saying, “ That’s dear papa;
he is gone to live in the churchyard, but
will be back to preach next Sunday.” I
fairly burst into tears.”
Dickens Notes. —The following extracts
are taken from a review of Dickon’s book
on this country in the London Illustrated
News. They express very correctly the
general character ofthe work:— Boston Post.
“ There seems something ominously uu
propitious in this production. It is conceiv
ed, nomeiiclated, dedicated, written, and li
naled in a spirit of entire bad taste. The
title of “American Notes for General Circu
lation” implies a sneer, which, if just, is not
generous, upon the financial condition ofthe
country. The dedication conveys the idea
that the volumes are full of “unpleasant
truths,” if truths they really he ; and the
conclusion announces the fact that the au
thor has had warning that liis hook will not
“be tenderly or favorably received by the
American people.” All this is unfortunate.
Lord Ashburton has just arrived with a trea
ty concluded, an old gap of quarrel closed,
the American’s banishing old hostility, and
breaking out into new and generous aspira
tions for our friendship, all discordant jars
silenced, and a carpet of good feeling spread
for the feet of both nations—and in the teeth
of those new and good impulses, an English
writer, who fordiis eminence in literature
lias been crowned with, all the hospitalities
of the land he has left, comes back to bis
native soil laden with sneers, vituperations,
caustic sarcasms, arid every other element of
dissatisfaction and contempt, and pours them
in one endless stream through two volumes
of flippancy, compared to which the black
feathers in Mrs. Trollope’s wing are as the
snow upon the bosom of Alp. Moreover,
we are sorry to be obliged to regard the vol
umes in tlie light of a literary imposition.
They are the mere rough offshoots of a ram
bling diary. There is all through them an
effort to be smart, a straining after humorous
effect, which reminds us of Boz, hut does
not enligbted us upon America. A sort of
vein of ingratitude seems to pervade the
book, and it is not honest in its quantities ;
it is swelled, bladder-blown, eked out by all
sorts of adventitious and extraneous matter.
It is set in large type, in a small form, with
some twenty-two lines to a page, and a sea
of margin around it. The matter itself is of
the most flimsey gossip, except when certain
pretty episodes of writing creep gracefully
in to relieve the incessant flippancy.”
# * * #
“ Is not this sort of writing contemptible
enough ? But the volumes abound in the
most ill nat tired touches of character, which
although individual, are meant to have a
general application, and are, we have no
doubt, so many libels upon the nation im
pugned. There is not one course or dis
gusting feature in tlie societyofthe country
that is not almost gloated over by our au
thor; he laughs atevery weakness, he sneers
at every ill conditional want of civilization,
he (juizzes the slang, and quite riots in the
expectoration of the entire people. We
have not room to adduce the thousand in
stances of half venomous flippancy which
the book contains. Indeed, the imperative
claims of space now warn us—as it were in
mid-article—to conclude, and we therefore
thus suddenly suspend our criticism till a
future number.”
Hireling — Dr. Franklin. —When Dr.
Franklin wtis in England, prior to the Amer
ican revolution, he was one night in one of
the coffee houses in Loudon, in company
with a number of Literary and scientific
gentlemen, who greatly admired his conver
sational powers, both for its force and or ig
inality. A stranger, who was afflicted with
a most offensive odor, but liked the Doctor’s
conversation, came into the box in which
the party was assembled. Franklin propo
sed that bis fi iends should remove to another
box to escape the horrid smell; they did so,
but the stranger followed them—again, at
Franklin’s instance, they removed, and a
gain he followed ; when the Doctor’s pa
tience gettiug threadbare, lie said to the
stranger that he would oblige him not to fol
low them again, for his scent was so offen
sive it could not be borne. lie,of the smell
took it as a gross insult, arid challenged the
doctor the next morning, who replied by
saying to the offended party, “ If I accept
your challenge, we fight, you kill me, I
shall in a few days smell as bad as you do
now ; If 1 kill you, you will if possible smell
worse than you do at present; in neither
case can I see how any benefit can result to
ourselves or others, and therefore decline
the challenge.”
All about the Eye. —What part of the eye
is like a rainbow ? The iris.
What part is like a schoolboy ? Thepu
l,iL
What part is like the globe ? The hall.
What part is like the top of a chest ?
Tke lid
What part is like a piece of a whip? The
lash.
What part is Ike the summit of a hill ?
The brow.— N. Y. Sunday JMcrcury.
Calculation of Distance. —Every one lias
heard of the two Irishmen, who, coming to a
mile stone, discovered that they were ten
miles from their destination, upon which one
exclaimed with glee—Och, Paddy, sure its
only five miles a piece ! This is riot so good
as the calculation of a countryman of our
Black Birds, who lived out in Yazoo. A
stranger, mounted on a very sorry horse,
asked him how far it was to a neighboring
town whither he was going. The negro
looking at the horse under the rider, with a
broad grin of contempt upon his counte
nance, replied, ” Wid dat boss, it’s jist fo’-
teen miles, Wid a good chunk of a boss,
seven mile; but il you jist bad Massa Sam
my’s you’re dar now /”
Close Shaving, —A justice of the peace
was called on for the payment of a bill of
seventy-five cents. Upon presenting the
hill tlie squire asked tlie man if lie would
swear to the account. He replied, “ Yes.”
The squire swore him, and handed him fifty
cents. Stop squire, you are mistaken in the
amount —’tie seventy-five cents.” “ I know,”
returned the squire; “but 1 can’t swear you
for nothing.”
A dirty Witness. —A German gentleman,
in tlie course of a strict cross examination
on a trial during the Oxford circuit, was
asked tostatc the exact ago of the defendant.
“Dirty,” (thirty) was the reply.
“And pray sir, are you liis scinor, and by
how many years?”
“ Why, sir, I atn dlrty-tuo'”
Were you born in wedlock ?” asked a
quzzical lawyer of a country fellow.—No
sir, I was born in the Jarsies.”
Major Noali says;—“A young gentle
man at a temperance meeting, on being
asked to sign the pledge, excused himself
by saying, “I am not quite ready.” At the
close of tlie meeting lie proposed to one of
the young ladies present to see her home.
“ I am not quite ready,” was the laconic re
p’y- _
“ It’s the wrong tooth! it’s the wrong
tooth ! it’s the wrong tootli!” screamed an
old lady to a dentist.
“ Why, madam, there is not another tooth
in your head!” said he ;“ it must be right.”
“It must be lft,” said the old lady, “ifit’s
the last.”
© EF2 0 © D M A L a
LETTER FROM MAJORIrONEsT
NO. IX.
Pineville, November 23d!, 1542.
To Mr. Thompson :
Dear Sir, —If I didn’t havesomereal fim
rate news to tell you, I don’t blieve IJcould find
time to write now, I’m so monstrous bissv
Its bog-killin time now, you know, and thfe
way we is into the hog-meat in Pineville is
mazin. It seems to me that I haint seed
nothin but dyin hogs, arid haint heard nothin
but squealin, for more’n a week, and I know
I haint eat nothin but back-bone and turnips
and spare-ribs, and sassingers, and craek|j n .’
bread ever sense the killin commenced ; but
as for that part of it, I wouldn’t care if hn
killin time lasted all the year. Igo for hoe
meat myself, any way it can be fixed, not
withstandiu old nick was turned into ’em
once, and set a whole gang of ’em runnin
rite down a steep hill into the ocean, whar
they got drowned in the water. Old Miss
Stallions says its all a fact, and I don’t nev
er care bout gittin into a argyment with her
hut thars one thing I’m certain of—if the old
feller did git into the hogs then, he didn’t
spile the meat.
I3ut that’s not the pint. I want to tell
you bout that little matter what I rit to you
bout last time. Y~ou know I told you I
didn’t zactly know how the cat was gwine
to jump then. Well, liters been a dredful
climax among tlie galls iu Pineville sense
my last letter. Things has turned out jest
as I spected, only a grate deal more so.
They couldn’t went more to my likin if
they’d tried. That chap Crotchett, what I
told you bout, had all the galls in town cra
sv bout him, in no time, and Idoblieve thev
tried to see which could git the most tentioii
out of him. The way the feller did shine
bout here for bout a week beat any thing
that ever was seed in Pineville y ft* was
callin and takin tea here, and dinner thar,
arid ridin out with this young lady’and wal
kin out and permenadin.as he called it, with
that one, jest as if lie was cousin or uncle,
or some near kin to ’em all. Well, Miss
Mary come in for her share, and I do blieve
the cussed fool—it makes me so mad when*
I think of it—l do blieve lie hadsome notion
ofmarryin her; and what was a dratted sight
worse, she seemed to be bout as willin as lie
was. He said liis kin was monstrous rich,
and owned some mighty grate water-powers
in the Jarseys. He told old Miss Stallions
that be jest come out South to spend the
winter, for his lielth. and would like to ston
irii his people by takin n butiful wife to
New York with him in the Spring. He
showed the old woman too or three maps of
tlnmderin big towns that was all on his fa
ther’s land ; one was named Crotchettville,
and had tlie greatest water-powers in it in
the world, lie sed, cept Niagra river which
he lowed was hard to heat. But old Miss
Stallions warrit to be tuck in so easy, and
she gin her gails a rite good talkin to, rite
afore me, bout the way they was blievin ev
ery thing lie told ’em.
“ A track o’ land,” says she, “ is worth
more’n adozensicli picter papers—and min'd
what I say, all aint gold as glitters. 1 haint
lived my time for nothin galls, and I don’t
blieve in these Jarsy water-powers. “Whar
upon yeth is Jarsey, any how?” says she.
“ Why, mother, Jarsey'’a to the North,”
sed Miss Mary.
Hush, child, scs the old woman* “your
head’s full of nothin hut Crotchelts,"and wa
ter powers, and the north,and sich nonsense.
I tell you 1 don't blieve in ’em*”
“ Thar aiat no use of gittiif mad at the
gentleman, mother—l’m sure li’e’s very po
lite to us all,” sed Miss Mary.
I didn’t say a word to her, tfnd Miss Ke
siah and Miss Calline kep lookin at me and
then at onenother and smilin ; tut Miss Ma
ry looked as serious as a judge.
Old Miss Stallions was jest gwine to
speak, when rap, rap, went somebody at the
door.
“ Thais that plagy Crotchett, i’ll lay my
life,” says she. *
Miss ‘Mary run to the dooras quick as she
could.
“ Ah, ha! Good evenin, Miss Stallions—
ladies, good evenin. All, how are you,
Jones, —here agin, eh ?”
1 felt my dander risin when the imperent
cus went and tuck a seat rite long side Miss
Mary, and she begun to smile and talk with
him as pleasin H 9 could be. I knowed it
wouldn’t do for me to stay thar, so I jest
tuck niv hat and went home.
“ Good evenin, Jones,” ses he.
I was in a ace of cusin him back—
“ Oli, don’t go, Majer,” ses Miss Mary,
“don’t go yet, Majer.”
I jest sed good evenin ladies, without look
in at anyone in pertickiler, and put out.
Well, the next mornin 1 went out to the
plantation to tend to the hog-killin, and I
was jest mad enough to kill all the hogs in
Georgia. I couldn’t get the feller out of my
lied all day, and as to Mary Stallions, I didn’t
hardly know what to think—some times I
felt sort o’ mad at her, but then agin 1 could
n’t. The fact is, it aint sich a easy thing to
feel mad at a rite pretty gull, and the more
a man feels mad at ’em, the more he’s apt
to feel sorrow too. I tell you what, I was
in a stew. I didn’t know what to do. It
was after dark when I got homo, and when
I got thar, all Pineville was in a buz—eve
ry body was talkin bout Crotchett. Some
sod he was a bigamy, and some sed he was
a thief, and 1 don’t know what all. Come
to find out bout it, what do you think? His
name wasn’t Crotchett, but Jackson Alias
Brown, and he was no more n music teach
er than 1 was, hut was a dandy barber wbat.
had stole somebody’s pocket-book with m
heap of money, in New York, and then run
away and left his wife and two children* to
keep from bein sent to the Penitentiary.—
He was gone, and no body couldn’t tall
whar, and the man wliat come after him,
stuck up some notices at the tavern and the
post-office, offerin •* IS 100 remard!” for any
body to ketch him.
Cousin Pete lowed he knowed he want
no grate shakes all the time, and was makin
more noise than anybody else bout gwine
after him to ketch him, and all the fellers
that was tryin to git into Mr. Crotchett’s
good graces, was tellin how they spected
something, and how they had tber eyes on
him—they was lookin out for him, and all