Newspaper Page Text
f WIT AND HUMOR,
t k
(fr
;v ....
IP
' Joke* oad WHfldMi Fm ths
Conic Psfsf*.
MOT EMOVOH.
|U*7 she i* • poem—
likely that may be;
( nto my Borrow
i oreme to me.
r AT Ab
blacksmith die of,
imule."
1(8 HAV)[ junob.
$’■ the' best kiud of fly-
Inbacka.
UIFFKHP.NCE,
Pho'a your friend ?
-Friend! That ian’t a friond.
ny wife.
MinnT HE rlRATIFIBD.
He—Wlmt is lie nidging ?
Hhe—“Let me like a soldier fall.”
He—If I only hnd a gun !
A FIXED HTAR.
Johnnie—What is a (ixod star,
mother ?
Mother—One that linn a five-year
antrajt with a responsible manager,
my dear.
THE MEI.TIMO MOOD.
“Do you believe in the good ofTocts
of laughter ?”
“Of course; if I can get a man to
laughing I can nearly alwnyH borrow
•B from him.”
QOrTH.
\ Mrs. Dnmjohn—I married you for
hr love, and 1 ilid not get it.
JK v Ilumjuhn -Well, wo are quits then.
’ inairh-d jXiU for uionuy, and I did
i', M get it. '
VERY PLAIN.
Ln—1 wonder whnt the meaning of
Vj.picture is ? The youth and the
[,'len are in a tender attitude.
(he—Oh, don’t you see V Ho has
. usked her to merry him, and she
kceepting him. How sweet I What
foes the art st call the picture ?
Hu (looking about)—Oh, I see 1 It’s
.fhwritten on a curd at the bottom,
K.V'Sold I”
to tie DANOEROUH INSINUATION.
cant.* Nellie—I know that I atii not per-
smlVyi'n 0 *. \ re “l' Z8 that I have my faults.
vtsv, (, oo(ge—Yob; that’s so. '
’"Vi 2 NeUie (indignantly)—I have, eh ?
i like to know what they are. Just
tnv name one.
L'- r . THR EXCEPTION.
* Ho—I,had a scheme so the fellow
1,' -could inuke $10,000 us oasily as turn
ing over his hand, but the fool
wouldn’t go into it,
Hho—Then a fool and his money aro
net always so easily psrtetl ufter all?
VjSOT WORRIED ABOUT niS ANOESTORS.
' “I can trace my ancestors hack to a
hundred years before William the
- Conqueror. ”
“Well, I can’t traoo miuo that far,
but I haven’t the slightest doubt that
some of them were living oven earlier
than that. 1 ’
DEFIANCE.
He—If I should kiss you, what
would you do ?
Hho (startled)—I—I never measura
an emergency until it arises.
He—If this emergency arose now,
bow would you meet it ?
Sho (courageously)—Face to face.
NONE IN BTOOE.
Lady (to dog funnier)—What kinds
of dogs have you for sulo ?
I). F.—Scotch terriers, Chinese
pugs, French poodles and English
setters.
Lady—Hove yon nny of those Ocean
greyhounds that l have read about ?
EASILY REMEDIED.
Mamma—I am afraid that young
Wilder will not maku you a good hus
band, Clara !
Clara—Why not, mamma?
.Mamma—It seems to me that he
ratbor neglects his personal appear
ance.
Clara—Yes, that’s trno, mamma,
and I'm glad you mentioned it. I'll
see that he makes his personal ap-
pearnneu here every evening after
this, insti ad of only twice a week.
HOME, SWEET HOME.
“My brain is on fire !” tragically
exclaimed Mrs. Hobkius as sho throw
herself down upon the sofa.
“Why don’t you blow it out ?” ab
sent-mindedly replied Bobbins, deep
ly absorbed in the evening paper.
And then he dodged a Hying hair
brush.
The First Trolley Watch Dog.
Mr. J. W. Knelpschield, of Olympus,
Fa., is a genius. All Jersey commuters
who own dogs and chickens will please
study Iris example. He, too, Is a chick
en raiser, and down around Olympus,
as, Indeed, everywhere, the chicken
thief Is the bugbear of householders.
He used to save his chickens by station
ing his dog at the coop, until ono night
thieves broke into his house. How to
use the dog to guard both house and
chicken coop was the question. He
solved It ln a strictly up to date way.
He got the Idea from a trolley.
He bought a lot of wire and stretched
it from his back door to the chicken
house. From this he suspended an iron
pulley with the dog’s collar. Now,when
the dog runs, he fellows the trolley.
When a stranger approaches the house
the dog comes up on the run by his
own troilcy. Should the chickens be
ln danger of a raid, the dog trolleys
down to the coop. The dog trolley
works like a charm, and the dog seems
to enjoy the fun with as much satisfac
tion ae his master, who sleeps peace
fully all night, blissfully Indifferent to
night marauders as long as the trolley
watch dog is awake.—New York Jour
nal.
, ' A Virtue and A Vice.
VanIty and a proper regard for the feeling;
of other, should both urge you to get rid ot
tliatnlftgUBtiog Nkln illsufiao. Whether It bo
a simple ahra-lon. a chap or r burn, or wheth
er It la * chronic ease of Ectmia. Tetter or
Ringworm. Tettortno will poaltlvely. Infalli
bly our* It. Cure It an it will .tay oared, too.
•Od a boi at drug atores, or by mall for wi
ernto la caah or stamps from J. T. Shuptriue,
Savannah, (la.
g loo Tor New Value*!
T..e Silxsr Seed Co. want HU i Pi bln namcH
for their 1? Inch long corn and White Oat
prodigy. You no win this 140(1 es-ily
Catalogue tells all about It. Seed potatoes
only ft.AOa h rrel.
Send This Notice and 10 Cents in Bt»mfs
to Jobu A. B.lser 8e»d Co,.La Crease, Win .
and get their greni seed cttalogu* an 1 II
new farm Herd a-iinpli*. Includh'g abovo
corn and oata, prshivcly wortlwglO.OO, In
got a start. Bond io-d«y. to-dayWlr I a c.9
America’s
4
Greatest
Medicine
Greatest, JP-causo In cases ot Dyspepsia It
has a touch like magic, which Just lilts
the spot, brings relief to the sntieror,
and fires tone and strength to the
stomach as no other modlclne docs.
Dyspepsia and Liver Trouble
“For many years I suffered almost non-
Ituntiy with dyspepsia complicated with
liver oomplalnt. I tried first ono thing
and then another and sometimes resorted
to rogular medical treatment, bat derived
no substantial benefit. I read about flood's
Harsaparilla and Fills and concluded to
glvathem a trial, and they effected a per
manent oure." F. Choates, 111 W. Boule
vard, New York, N. Y, Bemembet
Hood’s parilla
Is Amorloa’s Greatest Medicine. $1; six Jor $6. ■
Bold by all druggists. Got only Hood's.
5100 FOR YOUR PHOTOGRAPH.
PROPOSITION 1.
SQUAW TINS WINE CERTIFICATES.
Write us lit Hot* long you have used or
•old*t>r Simmons ftquaw Vine Wine. 2nd
Stale Diseases It cured. 8d Glvo names of
tboee It cured. 4tb State the difference
letween its strength and aotlon and the
strength and action of McKlree's Wine of
Cardut. On recolpt of letter enclosing re*
cently taken Photograph we will send you a
•1.U0 Dottlo Squaw vino Wine (FRKF.).
PROPOSITION %
LITER MEDICINE CERTIFICATES.
Write us 1st How long you have known,
used or hold Dr. >1. A. Simmons Liver Medi
cine. 2nd State Diseases It cured. 8d Give
names of those cured. 4lb Bute the differ*
cnoe between it* strength and action and
the strength and action of J. H. Beilin
Sc Cc.'s “Liver Regulator" and the Chatta
nooga Medicine Co.'s "Black Draught.’' both
of which contain Woody llulbs of Roots and
Stems of Herbs, and have sold at about 0
cents nor package, and should not retail at
over 10 cents If consumers are not Imposed
upon, while Dr. M. A. hlmmons Liver Medi
cine, made from the purest and most care
fully selected Drugs, rcgtirdlensof cost, with
the IJultiB of the Roots and Stems of the
Herbs by our secret process extracted and
thrown away, cannot beaold ot less than €5
cents. The reason of the difference la this:
On June 80th, 1833. the Supremo Court
enjoined J. II. Zellln Sc Co, from manufact
uring and aelling mcdicino tinder tho name
of "I)r. Simmons' Liver Medicine."
Zeillnsanswer to our hill said, tho medi
cine was designod ua "cheap negro un«li-
cine for tho n< groesof tho Mississippi Val
ley." And Zellni’s manager testified In the
case, and Zellln’aadvertisements eald "that
all tho Liver Medicine they makuUnmdo by
tho same formula." What more conclusive
evidence could there ho that all their Liver
Medicine Is "cheep negro medicine*"
Again, the United States Gout*. In the
Zellln case nt Knoxville, Tcnn.,enjoined the
old proprietor! of the article now called
"lUeck Draught" from perpotroting fraud
by using the words constituting our trade
name, and "Black Draught" was not known
till after 187ft j vet they falsely advertise that
it was established in 1840, and filch our trade
by allowing their customers to untruthfully
represent it as thoaaroe ns our genuine arti
cle, thoy giving color of truth to the de
ception by publishing the ptoture of a Dr.
Simmons on tholr wrapper, thereby asso
ciating their article with our Dr. M. A. Sim
mons' Liver Medicine, which he established
In 1840, and every package of which nas
homo his picture since IflaO.
On receipt of letter enclosing a recently
taken Photograph we will mail you a 91.00
Package Liver Mcdiolne (FREK).
C. F. SIMMONS MED. CO.,
St. Louis, Mo.
d1 I 1m. aid digestion. 26c.
ill 9
Ek. -
•h S
m
His
^finest fin Earth
EN AND WOMEN WANTED
TO TIIAYKL for old established house. Per-
I manant position. f4u per month and all ex-
pauses. P.W.ZIIC«LRR k UP., Locust St., Phila.
Am. N, U. No. 12, H<H
M!
OF MISLEADING
ADVERTISEMENTS-
tier the laws of .Manama;
not a thousand miles
H’A'rtv. If you want nnr
thing lu tho way of Cycle
goods, wo e n ihousu you.
Mir. "Jfl aud second
“Birmingham” $q>.—(luaranteed
you vet a wheel that others soil Tor 8?‘.ui. You save
agent*' and sub agents' coiiiiuImI >.i* Mall orders
locolVi prompt Attention • tin ou >r write
The Loosley Cycle Company,
Scuund Avo., (opp. P. O.) Uiiiminoiiam. Ai.a
fSEND FOR k BICYCLE
models, bait makes, 01L?B to tin. Seal
appr-ovttl irdAowt a ctmt pawmint. Wr 6o.h
ef wheel to eur sgentN. Wrlta for our sew
,plaa "llow to Kara a BDycle" and make
\iaoasj. aPtClAL TIUS W KBK-S0 tdfU
imSa tl models rsllgntly shepwora], tio.ls
jaoh. "Was4|HB(t A wheel, M a souvenir
book of arl, I'HKC fur stamp wblls they last.
K. F. MKAD CYCM'. 4’0>II»ANY. C'blcaao.
COTUP PUITEBS,
ATTENTION!
POSITIYKLY
All GENUINE SEED
OF T1IE OELEURATED
JACKSON AFRICAN .:.
LIMBLESS COTTON
IS OWNED BY
THIS COMPANY.
nLANTERS ARE WARNED NOT to psrehos*
£ «f others offering seed claiming It to bo
of this wonderfully prolific variety, as
no eecd not In our possession, or sold without
•ur trade mark, ae registered in U. S. Patent
Office, can be authenticated as pure and genuine.
Sni fir oir Quit Offsrts Cottsn Pinters.
AGENTS WANTED.
JACKSON AFRICAN'
.:. LIMBLESS COTTON CO.,
9 1-2 Peachtree St., Atlanta, da. J
Cotton,
like every other crop, neecU
nourishment.
A fertilizer containing nitro
gen, phosphoric acid, and not
less than 3% of actual
Potash,
will increase the crop and im
prove the land.
Our books tell all about the subject. They
•re free to any farmer.
GERMAN KALI WORKS,
93 Nassau St., New York.
Climbing Up^Down Stairs
G ARRYINO heavy burdens, washing-, Iron
ing, scrubbing and other laborious duties
are productive of an enormous amount of
suflbrlngamong women who are already weak
and prostrated by the ravages of female die-
eases. The performance of these heavy labors
is obligfcboQr to muny women, but the suffer
ing Is not. This feature of the household bur
dens may soon be removed if women will only
take the trouble to learn how. A few bottles of
SERSTLE’S
*"»■"( Qi, J 1 , P i |uaa
will regulate all menstrual Irregularities, and
restore the entire female organism to its
proper condition. Take St. Joseph's Liver
Regulator in small doses if there is any ten
dency to constipation or indigestion.
&
BED-FAST FOR A YEAR.
, Geratle'aJFemale Pantcsi
wife of one of our ( ~
medicine tins cured
imale Panacea, has made a most wonderful cure on th#
tenants. She had been bed-fast for twelve mouths, but Tour
rd tier and she is loud in her onuses of same.
HIXON BROS., Claiborne, Ala.
Get this medicine flrom your drui
■end us $1.00 and we will send you a
L. GERSTLE & CO., Props.,
st. If he does not keep it,
ttle, all charges paid.
Chattanooga, Tenn.
....Selections from our...,
SPRING * STYLES
Wjtl Hake Yuur Appear
ance Faultless
We have a magnificent || ne of Men's
and Boys' Clothing, Hats, Shoes and
(tents' Furnishings lor you to select
from, end at prices that will surprise
you.
YOU HAVE ALL TO OAIN BV VISIT-
INQ OUR STORE FOR SPRINU WEAR.
J. BLACH & SONS.
One Price
Cash Clothiers,
19U-1914 First Ave.
Birmingham,
Ala.
311 N. College St., Nashville, Tcnn.
AGENTS;«J2ff„„.
•3 tfoii* lev "123' "oBICYCLE
Full,guarantee, snipped .nrwhete
on approval, dlrtet Iran .ur factory.
ALPINE CYCLE CO., C11
No Capital
NfftDCD.
OPIUM
'INOINNATI. O
and Liquor Habit cured'in
10 to ao dav*. No pay till
cured. Dr. .1. L.8tephen*,
Dept. A, Lebanon, Ohio.
DR. O. T. DOZIER.
SPECIALIST,
Southern Medical Diopeniary
Chronic, Nnrvouv, Blood, Skla.
Genitourinary, Private DIs
ea-ses, and all dlveoaea peculiar
to women, ipotoncy. impedi
menta to morrlave, aud all dla-
ensov and dlHoriMraof adelieute
nature of either aex aucceavnil-
ly treated at Dlapenaary or by
nsell. Hook for men only, and
question blanks for men and
women sent froe. Cure aueran-
Dr. Doeler can he relied upon to treu dlaeaoea la
the moat sueceaaful manner.
(Alabama Christian Advocate.!
HI* (Dr. Dottier’*) profeotlonal standlmr I* unim
peachable and hi* character as a gentleman aud
citizen Is above reprouoh.
Address DR. O. T. DOZIKR,
Cor. 3d Ave. and 19th St, Birmingham. Ala.
FOR 14 CENTS
We wiah to gala 1*0,000 new eas
terner*. and h*aee offer
rkf ia Day Radish, lie
[. girlv ipriBf Tara ip, &60
\**-
lfeifkeS Beit," {to
inaarok On mabsr, He
l :: 5l?o'!JyV. 0 teli« ik
1 " Jaaibo OUat Onion, lie
i " Brilliant Flower Seed*, Uo
Wertk ll.M, fer 14 eeaU.
Above 10 pkg*. worth gl.00, we will
mail yoa free, together with oar ,
greet Plant and Seed Catalogue .
upon receipt of thie notice and I4c. J
eoetage. Wa invite roar trad* and •
anew when job once try Balzvr’e 4
eeed* yoa will never get along with- ,
, eat them. PwintwenatJl.50 1
__ I w Uhl. Catalog alone to. Na A c »
JOUR a. SAUK! tilt CO., LA CBOUI, WlV. ,
RODS
for tracing or locuting Gold or Rllvei
Ore, kmt or burled tre»8iiroH. 31. II,
Fowler, Box 337, houhtlugtou, Conn
In reply
to numerous
private in
quiries from
its tremen
dous clien
tage the
“Western
Review or
Commerce”
—the scien
tific publica
tion having
the largest
circulation
in the west
—caused to
be nuvde a
most thor
ough com
parison be
tween all
the better
class of cy
cles avail,
able in open
market.
As a re
sult of tho
expert and
the criti
cal exami
nation of 37
different
makes, and
without any
prejudice,
this publica
tion unhesi
tatingly an
nounces in
favor of the
LOVELL
DIAMOND
over all com-
“LOVELL DIAMOND”
Takes Precedence Over All Other Wheels.
fUky Mttt f. itftU GiaPAKY-UmH PeAso./"
'Awrgei C. C*rt*r, Praa.. .Boston, February 11,1890.
The loatorn Review of Comaarcoi
Chicago, Ill.
Dear air:—Your letter of Fobruary 7 received' In roply will
•ay that we want to thank you for oamo and would also eay that thi*
1* the first tine we ever knew of a paper of your class having the
courage to cone right out and atate a fact, and wo want to eay
right hore that we d9n’t think you have mado any mietake, for
'the goods will back you up in the otatementr fo are willing to
• take our business reputation of over 57 year* that the Lovell,
Diamond is the best bicycle built, not only ln this country but
in any other.
Just as eoon ae you issue the papers with this article in, which
you oent us unsolicited and unknown to ua, and in your letter
wero kind enough to say that it would be printed and that you aakod
no advertisement, gifts or anything of tho kind,—wo should be
pleased to have you send us a fow copioe by mail.
Again thanking you for your kind lottor and always wiehing you
tho very best of succoss, we remain Yours roepoctfully,
Dictated by B. S. L.
sea*ffSTw*y Ammm
...UTAOUSnOB iMl...
Ciitwial tyspmrtmsnu
LmsI A4tIm «t»aa U ear
•aseiulterelreecf cfeene.
WESTERN REVIEW of COMMERCE
avo. c. CAtrm pnb.
P. BRADBURY, Trees*'
C. B. FOOTS. •*('/. /
*» •• Bradbury Publishing Co,
32i?229 DEARBORN STREET.
Chicsjo, r.t, Uth,.»9EI.
John P. Uvill Araa’CS.
Boston, Italic
Oentleaen:
Your wtteoiawd favor of th« 11th Inst, to hand and content#
tooted. Ve thank you for your kind words of appreciation. Ve
Bean Just what we say, that for careful and scientific conatruc-i
tlon and real practical value tho Lovell Diamond i* undoubtedly
the best whcol made. In our investigation we examined 37 leading)
Bakes, and we were satisfied after most thorough teste that we
were Justified in giving the Palm to the 1 ‘Diamond."
Considering we were not influenced in any way by financial con~
• ider&tione, not oven in the form of advertising patronage, you,.
Bay rest assured that the decision was unprejudiced.
Wishing you «uccobs in the coming season, we are
Youra very truly,
BBpIflfg^CWHttCE
John P. Lovell Arms Co., M’fr’s,
BOSTON, flASS., U. 5. A.
BOSTON STORES:
147 Washington Street.
131 Broad Street.
121 Massachusetts Avenue.
Get our Gatalope “Famous
Agents wanted in every
city and town.
If none in yours, write
to us today.
BRANCH STORES:
Worcester, Mass.
Providence, R. I. Pawtucket, R. I.
Bangor, Me. Portland, Me.
the World” of our nearest agent or sent by us on application.
Among other
complimentary
remarks the
“WesternRk-
view ok Com
merce” says in
its issueof Feb.
25th, 1898 :
“Our repre
sentatives have
therefore given
close and criti
cal attention to
the claims of
all the lending
makes of cy
cles as found
in their cata
logues, and as
presented by
agynts and in
terested wheel
men. As a re
sult of thor
ough and prac
tical tests and
examinations,
the unanimous
verdict of our
experts was
in favor of the
‘Lovell Dia
mond,’ manu
factured by the
John P. Lov
ell Arms Co.,
Boston, Massa
chusetts, and
was bused up
on general and
symmetrical
excellence in
every part of a
bicycle, cou
pled with cor
rect and scien
tific design.”